A/N soz this one took a little longer than usual, ive bin away, anyway this chapter is mainly about Lily's feeling after the attack, I hope I showed it ok, fortunately Ive never experienced this kind of this so I dont exactly know how she would be feeling so im only guessing really, hope it worked well, Enjoy

Empathy, Trust and Love

Lily was allowed to leave the hospital wing during lunchtime the next day. At around half past 12 both James and Sydney came to collect her, Sydney fussing over her constantly. According the Dumbledore she had appeared outside the hospital wing around midnight the previous nigk;ht, having just heard about what had happened from Sirius but the headmaster had told her that Lily had been asleep and so she must come back the following morning.

And so she was there now, chattering away angrily about how she was going to castrate Lucious Malfoy when he came back to school and helping her friend gather her belongings.

James just stood quietly, watching the scene and allowing Sydney to play nurse. To Lily it didn't matter that he wasn't helping, she just liked him there.

She couldn't explain it really and part of her tried to fight it but since he had saved her she desperately wanted James around. She didn't even like him before it all happened, hated her even, but now she didn't feel safe unless he was near. And she had to admit that while they were talking last night he had been alot less irritating than usual.

They left the hospital wing, to Lily's immense relief, at about 1. As they headed towards the Gryfindor common room it became apparent that everybody knew, or thought they knew, what had happened. People stopped to stare of whisper as the trio walked past them, Sydney shot an evil glare at several people causing them to turn away, at least until she wasn't looking at them anymore.

All three of them let out a breath they hadn't realised they were holding when they finally got to the privacy of the girl's dormitory. The talked generally for a little while before Sydney said that Lily looked exhausted and she should get some sleep. Lily was reluctant but agreed to the request, slightly pleased when the pair left the room.

She walked over to her bed and drew the curtains, spotting a note on her pillow. She picked it up, knowing who it was off.

Lily, meet me tonight at the same time, same place.

She closed her eyes and sat heavily on her bed before tearing up the note and throwing it in the bin. She wouldn't go to meet him, not tonight. She suddenly wasn't in the mood for male company.

Over the next few days Lily was finding it harder and harder to get through her old, everyday routine, as much she tried to.

She wanted more than anything for things to just go back to normal and be how they were before Lucious Malfoy had tried to...she couldn't even bare to think about it. As much as she tried her very best to return to normality she felt herself slowly drifting into nothingness. She felt as though she were merely going through the motions and couldn't seem to care about anything any more.

Sure, she put on a good show. She woke up on the morning, dressed and ate breakfast just as she always had, trying to act her usual cheerful self and this fooled most people. Except two.

Sydney had been her rock through the whole ordeal. She seemed to have developed the ability to read Lily's mind and she always knew when she needed to sit and talk or when she simply just wanted to be alone in her room. To Syd, Lily's act was perfectly transparent and though she thought that it was emmensly brave, she also knew that it would eventually drive her mad. She was the only one that Lily felt she could talk to. She just couldn't trust anyone else anymore with her thoughts and her feelings. So it was to Sydney that she poured out her heart and soul. They would sit for hours in an empty classroom or at one of Lily's favourite spots down by the lake and just talk. About anything, it wasn't necessarily about what had happened, it was just about everything. Sydney realised that her friend just needed to chat about anything that was going on in the world to stop her from drifting out of it and in later years Lily would realise that it was through this that her best friend had saved her life.

The only other person Lily could rely on was (much to her own surprise) James. Ever since he had saved her he had been the only person, other than Syd, that Lily would allow to touch her in anyway. Walking down the corridor she would flinch if someone merely brushed past her arm. She associated any physical contact with the pain and horror that Malfoy would have inflicted upon her and so it was only with her best friend and her protector that she felt comfortable. Because thats what James had become to her. A protector. A bodyguard. He was her knight in shining armor and she found herself to only be able to physically relax when he was around. She found it strange to think that that annoying, obnoxious boy who she couldn't stand when they started school that year was now one of the only people she felt she could rely on.

So it was with the help of her two friends that Lily managed to survive those terrible few weeks. She had developed a horrible case of claustraphobia and now suffered from panic attacks when in large groups of people. She supposed it was because when there were many others around it was difficult to avoid contact with them. As soon as they realised this Sydney and James had gone to Professer Dumbledore and gotton permission for Lily to arrive at her classes slightly late so as to avoid the crowds in the corridors.

One of them also escorted her everywhere at all times because as much as she hated to be around lots of people, when she was alone it only made her relive the attack.

Lily knew that everything they were doing for her was nothing short of amazing and she appreciated them both greatly for it but she wouldn't realise how much she was actually pleased about their company until the Wednesday two weeks after the attack.

Lily was walking through the hallway with James on their way to Charms, slightly late as always.

'No James, you can go on as much as you want, I hate flying and you're not going to get me on a broom.' She tried to sound as adament as she could but found herself struggling to keep a straight face. James had been trying to convince her to go flying with him since he discovered that she didn't like it the week before.

'Oh come on, Lils. Just because you had one little accident doesn't mean you should never do it again.' Her stomach did a little flop when he used the nickname. He was the only one who ever called her that, and he was the only one she would allow to call her that as well.

'LITTLE ACCIDENT!' she said, incredously, 'I fell from forty feet in the air, I was in the hospital wing for a week.'

He shrugged his shoulders, 'Minor details.'

She couldn't help but laugh then and he had jus joined her when they heard footsteps. Both of the pair had stopped walking and was looking for the source of the noise.

It was to Lily's horror a moment later when she realised that they weren't merely the footsteps of one person but alot. One of the potions classrooms had flooded and the Potions Master, Professor Granite, was moving his entire class to another empty room.

Within seconds she was surrounded by a mass of fourth years. She felt her throat contract and suddenly she couldn't breathe. She tried to call out to James but before the words even came out of her mouth she felt strong arms around her waist, pulling her through a nearby doorway.

'Are you ok?' she opened her eyes and looked directly into James' concerned hazel ones.

'Am I ok?' she asked herself. 'Am I ok?' James eyed her suspiously, 'No I am not bloody ok!' She walked further into the room which was empty, the sound of her heels clipping on the stone floor, echoing.

She room was large and had no furniture so the echo of her footsteps rang around loudly. She took her bag off her shoulder and threw it with all her strength across the floor. As she did so she opened her mouth and screamed as loudly as she could.

James just stood by the closed door, watching her, considering saying something but knowing she wasn't finished yet. And she wasn't.

'Why me?' she said, spinning around to face her friend, anger glistening in her eyes. 'Of all the girls in this school, in the world, why did he have to choose me?' she paused but James didn't speak. She needed to get this out. She needed to vent some anger. 'I mean, look what he's done to me,' she continued, 'he's ruined me. I can't even walk down a corridor without have a fucking panic attack. He has done this to me, made me a nervous wreck,' she was now pacing backwards and forwards, 'He's soiled me, I'm dirty because of what he did, no other boy will ever want to touch me again, that is, of course if I could ever let anyone touch me.' She screamed again, tugging her fingers through her hair. 'I'm so pathetic, this shouldn't be happening. I hate him so much, if I could I would kill him, I really would.' She stood still then and looked back at the boy who was watching her, waiting. She saw the concern and worry in his eyes and her voice softened. 'James, what am I going to do?' She let out a sob and buried her face in her hands, crying all the tears she hadn't cried since the attack. James crossed the room in two large steps and drew her towards him, into his embrace. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her face into his shoulder.

'Lily,' he whispered softly. 'You are not pathetic, it is completely understandable you being like this after what happened. Things will get better, trust me, you will be ok again and you'll be able to smile and be happy for real rather than pretending all the time.' She nodded into his shoulder. 'and you're not soiled. You are beautiful and boys will want you. Trust me, I know.' At his words she pulled her head back and looked into his eyes. 'I want you, Lils,' she drew a sharp breath, 'I think I love you.'

Review Response

b2okworm1 - lol thanks for that spelling correction, I can never remember how to spell that word, I always get it confused with the French which is Professeur, thnks

Asia - hi hun, I know the rape is sad, n if you mum has bin there I feel really bad for her, but I promise the story will get happier,

About German, Its funny you had loadsa teachers cos I did as well when I was learning, isnt that funny?

Hope u liked that chapter and u sed L/J plz so as u cn tell my the end bit that may be a possibilty v soon.

Yeah I do have MSN, my address is ps dont laugh at the name my friend made it n I cnt change it, lol

IemmelineI - Im very plzd u like my story, but I dont know who to accept anonymous reviews, cn u tell me how?

Anyway Guys, as always RnR