The Best Sacrifice
PART TWO
Morning came quickly for Severus and he found himself buzzing with energy. He had returned the evening before with a lighter heart. Hermione was alive, no longer filled with the magic of a witch, but still magical in her own way. He had managed to keep his surely expression and grumpy attitude all the rest of the evening so no one was the wiser in the fact that he had found her.
He knew of a nice little restaurant in London that would be perfect for his dinner with Hermione. He didn't want to call it a date since she probably didn't see it as such. He had made reservations for two at seven thirty. Now all he needed to do was keep anyone from finding out that he was going to be having dinner with Hermione Granger. So that meant, he would have to purchase the flowers in London after he left Hogwarts. He was just thankful that it was the Christmas holidays and he was thus left alone for the most part. Very few of the students had stayed this year, though Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy and the two Weasleys had but they tended to keep to themselves now and Dumbledore had been pleasantly distant. The Headmaster seemed to realize that Severus wished to be alone for a while and so he had left Severus alone. Though, Severus did wonder if the Headmaster was just finding a different way to look after Severus. Perhaps Dumbledore was actually spying on Severus and only seemed to be keeping his distance. Severus sincerely hoped Dumbledore was paying more attention to the students and Hogwarts business than to the lives of his professors.
Severus spent the day preparing medical potions for Madam Pomfry. It was a known fact that once the second term began the students began to fall ill or hurt them selves with reckless behavior. Spring fever was not something that was taken lightly at Hogwarts. By the time it was four in the afternoon, Severus decided it was time to get ready. Putting all the vials of potions in a box he made sure it was tightly sealed before calling for a house elf to take it to the Infirmary. Then he headed for his chambers to shower and change.
He spent a fair amount of time making sure his hair was clean. He had finally found a conditioner that kept his hair from looking so greasy, even after washing it in cold water. The piping down in the dungeons was not the best and thus they sporadically went from hot to cold to lukewarm at best. Severus had taken several cold showers in his time as a student and a professor at Hogwarts. He had complained several times about it to Dumbledore but the Headmaster just shook his head and said that it was not possible for him to do. The pipes were too far below the ground that heating them took too much energy and magic. More than once Severus had had to heat up several buckets of water and take a bath. He did not appreciate that since he always had to fold his long gangly body into a small tub and Transfiguration was not his specialty and he refused to ask Minerva or Dumbledore to transfigure a better tub for him. So, Severus suffered in silence now since it was obvious he wasn't going to be getting a hot shower every day for the rest of his life at Hogwarts. He felt a touch of pity for his Slytherins since they had to deal with the bad plumbing as well, though if he recalled correctly, Draco had been able to transfigure large tubs.
However, that was not the point anymore. Luck, happened to be on his side that day and his shower was nice and hot and lasted the entire time he was in it. Once he was clean, he stepped out and wrapped a large fluffy black towel around his slender waist. He stepped up to the mirror and examined his jaw. Yes, shaving would be a good thing. He lathered up and picked up the razor. He preferred to shave the Muggle way since he could never get the skin to feel as smooth using magic. Soon he had a cleanly shaven jaw and after patting some after shave on he gave a small smile to his reflection. Quickly putting on some deodorant, he then stepped back and padded barefoot into the bedroom. He opened his wardrobe and pulled out the second set of muggle clothing he had. It was a pair of black slacks, a charcoal grey button down dress shirt and a black suit jacket. He pulled on a cotton T-shirt before putting the dress shirt on and buttoned it up to the top. He pulled out a green and dark grey neck tie and put it on making sure it was tacked down with a Slytherin emblem tie pin. Once he had a black belt looped around his waist and his black dress shoe on he went back into the bathroom.
He used a drying charm on his damp hair and then ran his hands through it several times pulling it back from his face. He frowned as the slightly long bangs fell repeatedly into his eyes but he didn't feel like tying his hair back. Well, he decided, he might as well bring an elastic band just in case. He sometimes wondered why he kept his hair long but then decided it was because it was easier to watch people from behind the curtain it made. It also seemed to help accentuate his sharp cheekbones, though it did tend to bring attention to his rather hawkish nose. Putting on some cologne he stepped back and looked at the finished product.
"Not bad," he muttered smoothing his shirt down. Satisfied with how he looked, Severus exited the bathroom and picked up his wand and slipped it up his sleeve. He then put a liberal amount of Muggle money into his wallet and put the wallet in his back pocket. Casting a quick glance around his rooms he nodded in satisfaction, grabbed his over coat, scarf and gloves and left making sure to ward the rooms as he did.
He managed to slip out of Hogwarts without being seen, which he was grateful for. He did not want to have to explain why was dressed to go out as if on a date. Especially since it wasn't really a date or so he kept telling himself in order to keep from thinking it was. Once he was out of the bounds of Hogwarts he Apparated to an Apparation point in London. Then he made his way out of the alley and started in the direction of Hermione's flat. He stopped briefly to purchase a dozen roses, six white and six red accented with baby's breath. Now armed with flowers Severus hurried to Hermione's flat.
At precisely seven, Severus took a deep breath and knocked on the door. A few moments later the door opened and Severus felt his breath still in his throat. He vaguely noted that Hermione's breath seemed to hitch too but he was too distracted by how beautiful she looked.
She was wearing a pair of black dress pants that emphasized her long legs. She wasn't a very tall woman, barely 5'3'' but she did have legs that went to her neck. She also wore a tight black sweater that came off the shoulders but folded over to form a sweet heart neckline that emphasized the curve of her breasts. She had her hair up in a tight French twist with a couple of curls left free to hang by her face. A sprig of holly was placed in her hair as well and around her neck was a beautiful snowflake shaped diamond necklace with a white gold setting. She had a little bit of makeup on to accent her eyes and lips and a pair of black high heeled closed toe shoes that fastened with a strap around her ankle finished the ensemble.
"You look very nice, Miss Granger," he said softly. She blushed and looked away with a shy smile.
"Thank you Professor, so it's not too dressy? You look quite nice yourself. Um, won't you come in?" she stepped back and motioned for him to enter.
"Thank you and no, it's just right. Uh, these are for you," he handed her the roses which she took with a bright smile. "I hope you are not allergic to them."
"If I was then that's nothing a little Sudafed allergy medicine won't cure. So, be thankful I'm not allergic," she grinned, smelling them deeply. "Let me just put these in a vase. Do you want something to drink?"
"No, thank you but we have reservations for seven-thirty and we'll be walking there," Severus answered.
"Well, then just let me get my coat and purse and then we can go," Hermione said smiling at him returning with the roses now in a vase. She placed them on the coffee table and then grabbed her purse out of her room. Severus took her coat off of the coat rack and when she returned into the living room he held it out for her. She smiled at him and let him slip in on her.
They left the flat and took the lift down to the ground floor. Then Severus offered her his arm and escorted her out of the building. They walked in comfortable silence for a few blocks before Hermione broke it.
"Where are we going?"
It took Severus a moment to comprehend what she said. He had been too busy sneaking glances at her as they walked. "It's just a little restaurant called the 'Petite Reynard.' It's not really fancy but it's not a casual place."
"Oh, I've heard of that place. I was going to go with one of my friends for her 21st birthday but her boyfriend showed up unexpectedly and they went out together."
"I've only been there a couple of times and that was with Professor Dumbledore when we had to visit the Ministry."
They arrived at the restaurant a couple minutes before seven thirty. The Maitre d' greeted them at the podium.
"Bon soir Monsieur et Madame. How may I help you?"
"I have a reservation for two at seven thirty under Snape," Severus said.
"Ah, but of course, Monsieur, if you will follow me?" the Maitre d' bowed after checking his list to confirm Severus' reservation.
Severus and Hermione followed him to the back of the restaurant where several little curtained alcoves were placed all along the back wall. Severus helped Hermione sit down before sitting down in the seat across from her.
"Would you like to something to drink? Some wine, perhaps?" a nearby waiter asked as soon as the Maitre d' motioned for him to come.
Severus looked at Hermione to see if she wanted anything. Hermione looked back at him and shrugged.
"I'm not much of a drinker, but if you'd like some I'd be willing to try it," she said.
"We'll have a bottle of your best Chardonnay," Severus said.
"And some water, please," Hermione spoke up, then blushed quite becomingly as the two men looked at her.
"Right away, Monsieur et Madame," the waiter bowed and hurried off.
They sat looking over the menu for a few moments before the waiter returned with the Chardonnay and water. He quickly filled their glasses with the Chardonnay and left the bottle.
"What did you have the last time you were here?" Hermione asked.
"I've had the Roast Duck and the Venison stew," Severus answered glancing at the soups.
"Was the duck any good?"
"I enjoyed it," he glanced up just in time to see her eyes dart to the side of the page. She was obviously looking at the prices and judging by the look on her face she was determined to pay for her own meal. "Since I asked you to join me Miss Granger I expect to pay for the meal. Do not trouble yourself with any part of the bill."
"Oh, but…"
"No buts, Miss Granger." His tone was final. "And if you want to try the duck then try it."
"I thought you said you didn't want to spend a fortune on me," her grin was teasing and Severus liked the sparkle in her eyes.
"I did and as you can see, this is not one of the more expensive restaurants. In a classier one, that duck would probably cost twice as much and be half the portion."
Hermione's laughter draped over him like a warm cloak. He found himself giving a small grin in return. The waiter returned a few minutes later and they gave their orders. Hermione went with the Roasted Duck with potatoes while Severus ordered Lamb with roasted garlic.
"Now, tell me, why exactly do you wish for me to return to Hogwarts? I know I said the discussion was final but I want to hear your argument." Hermione grinned, sipping her Chardonnay carefully.
"You are a very intelligent young woman, Miss Granger. It just seems a waste to not return to put your talents to good use. You are the most intelligent witch of your time. The Wizarding world needs more people like you."
"Professor Snape, I have probably been told that I was the most intelligent witch of my time as many times as Harry has been told he's the splitting image of his father except for his eyes which are his mother's. However, I just can not return. I know you said you could probably find a way to retrieve my magic but if that was something that could be done then surly Squibs could be given magic too. No, I will be staying here, living a Muggle life."
"But you can not just waste your talent like this!"
"Waste my talent? I read books and practiced the spells over and over again! I had as much talent as any of the other students! I just memorized the spells better than the others. Harry rarely put any effort into his work and yet he defeated Lord Voldemort! He had talent! I had book learning, a mind full of obscure facts!"
"And it was those 'obscure facts,' as you call them that allowed Potter to even come close to defeating the Dark Lord! Without you, he would never have gotten past the first puzzle that guarded the Philosopher's Stone in his first year. Potter may have had power but he didn't know how to control it very well without you helping him along. You had book smarts, yes, but you also had more magical talent at age twelve than I ever had at age fifteen. I never would have been able to brew a successful Polyjuice potion at age twelve! Hell, I barely made a passing attempt when I did learn it. Yes, you heard me correctly, however, that was only because I was too busy trying to keep Potter and Black from destroying it to begin with. I let my hatred for them get the best of me but you, you can control yourself in a way I never could. That takes strength, Miss Granger, and power. I refuse to let you throw all of that away."
"You don't get it do you? I'm not throwing my powers away. I used them the best way I could. I gave them to Harry so that he could defeat Lord Voldemort. I gave up my magic so that others wouldn't have to in death. I'm still alive, Professor and all I lost was my magic. You can't tell me you wouldn't have given Professor Dumbledore your magic if he had needed it?"
"I would have died for…" Severus started but she interrupted him.
"Yes, you would have died for Dumbledore. You would have given up both your life and your magic because once you die there's no magic left. Maybe I was selfish in the fact that I only sacrificed my magic instead of giving my life as well but we had had so many deaths already on our side, I couldn't stand the thought of giving up another one. We were fighting to save the Wizarding world from destruction. There will be others to take my place, a lot of others."
Severus shook his head in denial. "You can not truly believe that? The Wizarding world needs you Miss Granger!"
"No Professor, they don't. Lord Voldemort is dead and this time for good. I'm Muggle-born, who's to say I wouldn't have returned here to the Muggle world after graduating from Hogwarts?"
"Damn it, did the time we spent together mean nothing to you!" Severus finally couldn't hold the thought back. She looked at him for a long silent moment.
"We were forced to work together Professor. Tempers ran high; no one's higher than yours, especially around me and Harry. I don't know how many times you shouted at me about being a 'silly little girl' who was a 'poor excuse for a witch.' If I had listened to you on all of those occasions and taken what you kept saying to heart then what we were fighting for in the long run was not for the equality of Muggle-borns and half-bloods with pure-bloods. But do you want to know why I never let your comments get to me, why I never retaliated? Because I knew you didn't really mean them.
"I saw something in my sixth year that told me you really were on our side and if I had any doubts then that event disproved them. I found you standing in the trophy room just staring at one of the awards. It was Tom Riddle's. You just kept staring at it and then you jerked and shoved your left sleeve up and gripped your Dark Mark as if in pain but it wasn't physical pain, it was emotional. I could see part of your face to determine that. You began talking to yourself, 'You will not win! I will not let you win!' I don't know if you were actually talking to the Dark Lord or to yourself because the next moment I saw you pull out your wand and hold it to your throat and you had gotten the first part of the killing curse out of your mouth before you suddenly flung your wand away and sank to your knees and covered your face with your hands. I don't think you were crying but you were definitely shaking.
"Then, as though someone had placed a warm comforting blanket over you, you stopped shaking, lowered your hands, straightened your back and rose to your feet. You retrieved your wand and started to turn to leave, your head held high, but something stopped you. You were looking at two small awards. One belonged to you, Severus Remington Snape. The other belonged to me, Hermione Jane Granger. They were the Awards of Academic Excellence given to those who passed all of their O.W.L.s with perfect scores. You just stared at them for a long time before speaking again. 'I will not allow him to win, Hermione, so that you and others like you can achieve the recognition you deserve.' Then, you left. I barely made it out of the way before you left the room but I'll never forget what I saw that night. That night I saw a side of you that I knew very few people had ever seen and yet it told me so much; you were on our side and anything you said about my being a poor excuse for a witch was all a lie because I knew you didn't truly believe it." She had spoken as if in a trance for most of her story but at the end she had focused her eyes on his and had reached across the table to grip his hand.
He turned his hand over and gripped hers tightly, as though afraid she would disappear if he let go. "Why didn't you even try to stop me when you saw what I was attempting to do?" he breathed.
"I knew it wasn't my place to intervene. If you had truly felt you had to die then that was your choice but in the end you obviously realized you were needed and that you couldn't just throw your life away. You cared too much for your students; you couldn't just abandon them to the Dark Lord's clutches. You would fight along side them and die in battle. I'm glad you made the right decision, Professor." She smiled warmly at him and gripped his hand tighter.
Severus swallowed hard and looked down at their clasped hands. He wanted to tell her that it was the thought of her that had pushed him to rethink committing suicide that night. They had been working so hard at trying to keep the Death Eaters from gaining too much ground and Severus and Hermione had found themselves working side by side on numerous potions projects. Of course, there were other students working with them since two people could not make so many different potions all at once alone. But Severus had always been keenly aware of Hermione's presence that he had found himself working more often than not at a work bench next to hers. By the time of the incident in the Trophy Room, he had already developed feelings for her; not love per se but definitely some affection.
"Can you see, now, why I can not return to the magical world? Just as you couldn't go through killing yourself without giving something better back, I can not let my sacrifice have been in vain. I gave what I could and now, I must live with that loss. I can never reclaim it. And so, I will live the rest of my life as a Muggle and I will be happy. I know I will."
"But won't you be lonely?" Severus asked softly
"Yes, I'm sure I will be but there's nothing stopping you and the others from visiting," she smiled softly at him, letting him know she had gotten his meaning. "I would love to have an intelligent conversation at some point in my life."
Severus felt his hope raise and he returned her smile. He gave her hand one more squeeze before reluctantly releasing it. The food had arrived.
"I had a wonderful time, Professor. Would you, um, like to come in for some coffee?"
"Severus."
"Pardon?"
"My name is Severus. I think after what we talked about earlier at dinner we are past the stage of such politeness," Severus said with a small awkward smile.
"Yes, I think you're right, Severus. It just seems so awkward to be calling you that. I've always known you as Professor Snape. I feel like I'm going to be admonished for being disrespectful." Hermione blushed and fiddled with her purse.
"You are no longer my student, Miss Granger and thus…"
"Hermione."
"Yes, Hermoine. I suppose it should work both ways, shouldn't it?"
"Yes."
"Well, um, are you still offering that coffee?" Severus felt like kicking him self. That sounded so ridiculous and almost rude.
"Oh, of course. Come on in and I'll get it started. Maybe, you could, um, start a fire?"
"I'm beginning to think that's all you really care about. You just invite me in so that I'll get a fire going for you," Severus laughed as he entered the flat.
"Oh, no, that's not it at all! I…" Hermione flushed and tried to defend herself but Severus held up his hand and told her he was only joking.
A few minutes later they were sitting comfortably on the couch in front of a roaring fire with two mugs of hot chocolate in their hands. Hermione had been out of coffee but had had plenty of hot chocolate. Severus had said that was fine.
"Severus?"
"Hmm?" He felt so relaxed.
"What are you doing for the holidays?"
"Most likely stay at Hogwarts. The Heads of Houses usually do as I'm sure you noticed. Or were you too busy roaming around with Potter and Weasley under that Invisibility Cloak causing trouble to notice?" Severus couldn't resist teasing her.
"Hey, if I could notice that Remus was a werewolf then I could most definitely notice that only the Heads of Houses and the Headmaster stayed at Hogwarts over the Christmas holidays. Though, after third year I noticed that Professor Trelawney stayed too. But that's only because she claims she had no where else to go." Hermione huffed.
"Indeed. So tell me, why do you ask?" Severus eyed her out of the corner of his eye while he sipped his hot chocolate.
"Oh, um, well I thought, that is if you weren't, you know, doing anything, that, um, maybe you'd, uh, like to stay, or visit if you prefer, with me."
Severus had watched as she had gotten more and more red and more and more flustered as she spoke but at the same time he had become more and more hopeful.
"Well, I won't say no to visiting you but staying here would not be appropriate. You are a single, unchaperoned young woman and I am a single man who is not related to you."
"Oh, cork it Severus, you sound like some nineteenth century gentleman! We're a century later; unmarried people of the opposite sex do live together. I'm inviting you as a guest, not as some lover! I do have a spare bedroom and it would only be for a couple of days. We got along really well during the war, Severus. We even had to sleep in close quarters on several occasions."
"Why do you want me, of all people, to stay? Surely you would rather have Potter or Weasley stay?" Severus knew what he was doing was wrong. He was pushing her away! He was being offered the perfect opportunity to get to know her better and let her get to know him better too and he was blowing it.
"I…um, you're right, Severus. I'm making it sound like I'm desperate for company or something. I guess I must be lonelier than I thought. I saw you, saw you as a link to my magical past and just latched on. I don't know if I would have done the same if it was someone else I'd known from the magical world or not. I'm sorry. But I would really like for you to visit." Hermione put a hand on his arm, her eyes pleading with him.
"Hermione, I think visiting you would be best for now. It's been nearly half a year since you disappeared. I've believed you to be dead all that time, as has everyone else. If I stayed as a guest then that might be too much to take in at one time. Always do things slowly unless you absolutely have to do them quickly. And so, on that note, I had best return to Hogwarts before Professor Dumbledore sends out a search party looking for me. He doesn't know I'm gone and he has been leaving me to my own devices these past few months but I think he's starting to get restless and I'm sure I'll be seeing much more of him again. Far more that I wish to be seeing. But I will visit. Perhaps on Saturday? I could bring some articles and text books and we might discuss them?"
Hermione smiled happily at him and nodded. "Yes, I'd like that very much. But you have to promise to spend Christmas with me."
"I will inform the Headmaster that I will be busy on Christmas."
Severus rose and Hermione walked him to the door. He put his coat and scarf on and held his gloves in his hand. They stood staring at each other for a moment before Hermione rose on her tiptoes and kissed him softly on the cheek. Both went red, though Hermione more than him.
"I will see you in a couple of days," Severus said softly.
"I'll be here all day on Saturday, so stop by anytime," Hermione answered.
"Until then, good night Hermione."
"Good night Severus."
Severus stepped out of the flat and headed for the lift. As soon as he was at an Apparation site he Apparated to the Forbidden Forest and returned to Hogwarts. Yes, he decided, he would start things slow and work upwards with his relationship with Hermione.