It seemed to Walter that the rain had not ceased to fall since he returned to the United States. It was just as well though. It seemed to correspond directly with his mood. A curtain of melancholy had descended upon him since his discovery of Una's engagement to Samson Bell. Actually, it had been a definite part of his life for over a year. He knew that, and could no longer deny it.
He was feeling incredibly guilty. He had said and done things the previous days that should never have been said or done. He had imposed himself where he shouldn't have, on a woman that was already spoken for. He thought to himself how she must be in love with that man. She must see things that obviously aren't visible to a chance encounter. Upon better acquaintance, he had to be a remarkable man.
In his eyes, he also cheated on his wife. He had cheated on her, though he still loved her more than his own life. Even worse, he had confessed to her that he was having feelings for the other woman, only to find out that she too belonged to someone else. There had been no need for any of that; his confession and all the other. It was pointless.
He remembered the evening he confessed his growing feelings for Una, not to Rilla, but to Katie. Everything had started normally. He had gone to a secret place where he had loved to hide away and read as a child, and from there he began talking to Katie, as if she was there, just as he had done for months. This particular visit, he felt compelled to share with her something that had been growing in his heart.
"Hello Katie, my darling. It's me again, here to tell you everything. The children are coming along splendidly. Oh how I wish you could see them. They've grown so much since you left," he spoke out staring off into the twilight sky. "Tenny still looks too much like me, but he walks with the pride and confidence of a Darcy. He's a little rambunctious; especially when he's in the company of Walt and Gil. However, there are often times when I can see the sturdy good sense of both our fathers. He still is crazy about baseball, but he also seems interested in all sports. I know that I was interested in them with you, but I didn't really care too much for them as a child, so he didn't get that from me.
As for Hope, our little Prairie Princess, she is very much her mother's child. She has your common sense and quick wit, but she also has your stubborn streak. Just like I told you before you went away, I finally know where she got her red hair. Thus far, she is the only red headed granddaughter of Anne Shirley Blythe. That automatically makes her a favorite of my father. Of course, that birthright also comes with an active imagination and temper to match. You already knew of those qualities though.
They may take after so many people, but there are times when either Hope or Tenny will look at me, and I can almost swear that I am looking at you," he sighed and then cried out to the sky, "Oh Katie, how I miss you, and wish you could be here. I don't deserve the children by myself. I made them with you, and you should get to raise them and watch them grow.
I cannot stop missing you Katie. I cannot stop loving you Katie. Just saying your name still makes me feel things I never imagined I could feel. I cannot stop thinking about you.
Yet, I believe that I am falling in love again. Please don't be angry with me, though I know you cannot be. She can never take your place in my life or the children's'. Yet, the more I fight it, the more I can't stop thinking about her either. The children love her as well. She will do right by them. She lost her mother when she was young just as they did.
I don't know, Katie. Maybe I'm assuming things, but I think that she cares for me as well. She's different from the girl I knew before, but I love her all the more.
I only hope that someday I'll have the courage to act on these feelings. I know the time is not right just yet, maybe it will be tomorrow, maybe in a month or two, and maybe it will never come. I just didn't want anything to happen without letting you know first. I love you Katie."
He had said those words aloud, and now he regretted them with every fiber of his being. He wasn't meant to love more than once in his lifetime, and he had reconciled to that.