Elsewhere-
"It always comes down to this, doesn't it?" He asked while looking at the cross in the center of the church, the image of Jesus being nailed there. "This is the last place that I ever want to be, but the first place that I end up going whenever I think of you…" he should have hated being in the church. It represented everything that he hated. Hypocrisy, lies, false hope. "The only time I've ever even been in a church since… since you died is on this day, and I'd still rather not be here. But it's important to you, and I always was a mama's boy…" he smiled at the last comment. Maybe she was able to hear him. Maybe she wasn't. He chose to believe that she could, even if it meant going against the logic that he tried to cling on so desperately. Sometimes logic could only do so much, even for him. "I miss you, mom… I miss you so much."
He leaned his head against the back of the pew that he was sitting on, closing his eyes, remembering the woman who had been everything to him for long, who was still everything to him.
Los Angeles, 1990-
"What are you doing in here?"
He moved some of the hair out of his eyes. It was too long, but he hated getting haircuts and would do whatever it took to make sure that he didn't need them. "Nana said that I could…"
"Corazon," Elias walked up behind his daughter and kissed her on the cheek, "let mihito play the piano. What's the worst that could happen? It's already gotten old because your mother refuses to use it. When I think of all the times that she begged me for a piano…"
Ana-Maria grabbed her father's chin with her soft hands and finely manicured nails, "All right, Papi… for you."
"That's my girl. You never know what could happen because of him starting. They say that people who play musical instruments have a better chance at getting good grades in school."
The boy could hear their conversation, and chose that moment to speak up. "I get good grades already…"
"Just wait until you get to long division," Elias snickered. "Then we'll see how good you are." The old man had long since concluded that long division, along with fractions and decimals, were the work of the devil. That was the only way to explain them. Satan must have created them to drive people insane.
Ana-Maria waited for her father to leave before she walked towards her son, sitting on the bench in front of the piano with him. "You know, when I was a little girl I wanted to play the piano, too. But your Nana didn't let me. She said that I was going to do better things with my life and I needed to concentrate on that."
"What were you going to do?"
She sighed, looking at the child that had hanged her world and also changed her fate. Who knew where she would have been if she hadn't have gotten pregnant. If her father's past wouldn't have cost her something that was so precious. She didn't hold it against any of them. It was her choice, and she loved her child dearly. She brought out an index finger and gently brushed his nose, "It doesn't matter anymore, because the best thing that I've ever done is be a mother to you."
Corinthos Household-
"Sonny?" Carly saw her husband grabbing his jacket. She found it odd that he would choose such a time to leave. "Where are you going?"
"Maxie just called…"
"Is she with Damian?"
"No," Sonny reached for the door. "But she thinks that she knows where he is."
"How would she know that if you don't?"
"Because Maxie was smart enough to call his family in Los Angeles, something that I wouldn't have done." He was glad that she was the one who did it, too. It saved him the grief that came with each call of visit that he made to the Zuniga's. Sonny did not deal with grief very gracefully. "Today's the anniversary of his mother's death…"
Carly closed her eyes, giving the woman that she never met, a woman that she might have hated on some level deep down, a moment of respect, more for her son than anything else. "Do you want me to come with you? Jason can watch Michael again…"
"One of us should be here for Morgan." Sonny finally opened the door. "Besides, I'm his father, I have to do this."
"Sonny," Carly yelled, waiting for him to turn around, "tell him that I'm sorry…"
"I'll do that." Sonny walked to the elevator and hit the button, waiting for the doors to open before he stepped in.
Carly gave a long sigh of pent up frustration. "Why did you think that you had to do this alone?" She knew that he couldn't hear her, but that didn't stop her from asking. "Don't you know that your father would have been there for you…"
Elsewhere-
His eyes were open again as he looked at the phone that was right beside him. He'd lied to himself. Said that he would never miss another call on purpose. But the phone clearly showed him that he had missed almost a dozen, most from his father. He wasn't risking Morgan's health. He made sure that the baby was all right before he made the choice to start skipping calls again. He just needed to be alone. The only time that he couldn't depend on anyone was at that moment. They couldn't understand. None of them knew his mother, and everyone who did was thousands of miles away. He didn't even want to call them, knowing that they were going through just as much as he was and that adding himself to their grief was going to do nobody any good.
"It's funny the way that I used to think that you loved being a mother so much. A lot of the people who I went to school with… they had both of their parents working all the time, but you were always home unless you were out doing something. But you never worked. When I needed you… you were there. That doesn't mean that you loved being a mom, though, does it? I'm sure you didn't mind doing everything that you did for me… for my future, but I know that you wanted more. I was too young and too stupid to realize just how much you wanted to do something else, anything else. If I could… I would have gladly told you to do that. I'm sorry, mom. Sorry that I was too selfish to give you the chance to be happy."
Los Angeles, 1994-
He knocked on the door of her room. He was doing his homework. Fractions, which he constantly bragged about to his Papi about how he thought they were easy, even though he didn't think they were. But he was doing well regardless. The difficult things were often the things that he needed to know the most.
"Come in…"
He opened the door, seeing her sitting on the couch right in front of the window. When he was younger she would take him there and sing to him when he had trouble sleeping. She didn't have the best voice in the world, but to him it was more than enough. "Nana said that you wanted to talk to me about something."
"Yes, I need to tell you something, honey." She patted the seat next to her, "Come here, please." Out of the corner of her eye she could see her mother fighting back the tears. Ana-Maria had requested that Victoria not tell Damian the truth, that her son deserved to hear it from his mother's mouth. She also asked that her mother not make the truth look obvious. Ana-Maria could see that Victoria had held back the tears for a few minutes, but they were falling from her face freely now. Ana-Maria didn't mind. She wanted to cry, too, but she was still too numb to really understand. Understand that she was going to die before she got a chance to see her son make it through high school.
"Does this have to do with the doctor visit that you made while I was at school?"
"How… how'd you know about that?"
"You were talking to him while I was walking out. I thought you just went for your checkup a few days ago… did he not see you or something?"
"Damian," she struggled with the news. How could she tell him that she was going to die? No little boy deserved to be hit with such news. But she couldn't lie to him. It wasn't just because of the fact that she was a religious person, it was because he had a right to know, and hear it from her. "I did see the doctor when I said I was going to see him for my checkup…"
"Were you making an appointment for me?"
"No… he called me back because he wanted to talk about something that he saw when he examined me. He wasn't sure about it at the time, but earlier today he got the results that he was looking for."
He may have been young, but he was hardly stupid or unaware. He knew why people went to the doctor. "Are you sick?"
She sat there, partially grateful that he had managed to figure it out on his own, yet still completely destroyed by the fact that it was happening to her. How could they have never known? How many times did she go in for a checkup and they never caught it? She put her own child at risk… it was there when she was pregnant with him. "Damian… I have cancer."
"No, you don't…"
"Damian…" she reached out to touch him.
He jerked his hand back the moment he felt hers, "No! You don't have cancer! People die when they have cancer and the doctors can't do anything about it! I don't want you to die…"
"There's nothing we can do… nothing but pray."
"Mom… mommy…" he collapsed at her lap, succumbing to the truth that he had tried so desperately to deny. But he knew then that there was nothing he could do. He just let her hold him.
Queen of Angels Church-
Sonny always had reservations about going back to the Queen of Angels. But he had tried most of the other churches in Port Charles. It would be his luck to have his son go to the one church where he had almost died.
The whole time that Sonny was looking for Damian he couldn't help but ask himself why the boy hadn't told anyone about what the day meant for him. Why did he have to be so private about it? Sonny didn't think that his son was so stubborn, but now he knew better. Did Damian think that Sonny didn't love him enough to try and help? Maybe he and Ana were never married, were never really in love, but that didn't mean that he wanted her dead.
Opening the door as quietly as possible, Sonny saw that the place was empty, with the exception of the boy at the front. With his son's head turned, Sonny couldn't see what Damian was going through, but it was easy to imagine.
Sonny tried not to alarm the boy as he walked to the other side of the church, lighting a candle for the mother of his firstborn child and saying a prayer for her spirit to rest in peace. Another quick glance at the boy showed that he either hadn't noticed Sonny, or was ignoring him. At that moment in time Sonny wasn't sure which was which, but it didn't matter. Damian may have thought that he didn't need any help, but that was anything but the truth.
Unaware of his father's presence in the church, Damian continued to sit there, staring at everything, remembering the memories that he had of the first woman who had ever claimed his heart. Thinking of her so much made him desperate for her touch just one last time. For a moment he thought his wish had been granted when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Hopeful, he turned around, but his hopes were dashed. "Dad…"
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"Because… because this is my life…"
"I'm a part of your life now, Damian. I thought you realized that. I'm your father and I want to help you with any problems that you might have."
"This isn't something that you can help with… you can't bring back the dead."
"Nobody can."
"I hate this," he admitted. "I hate that I have to be here… without her. Dad… I miss her."
"I know you do."
Instinctively, the boy leaned against his father as he had done many times in the past with his mother. He refused to be reduced to the crying mess that he had been before, but that didn't stop a few tears from falling down his face. They said that it would get easier each year… why was it only getting harder for him?