Note: I own nothing related to Constantine or Hellblazer, etc. Chas drags John shopping for food at a local supermarket. What could happen? Oh, you'll see! Part Five of Five.

Soupernatural

Part Five: The Checkout Counter and a Sudden Invitation...

John pushed his way down the aisle towards the cash register. Lucky them, it was late and there was only one left open. And Balthazar was standing right at the end of the line.

"We meet again." the half-breed crowed, waving cheerfully and poking through the cart which John was unloading onto the conveyer belt.

"Let go of my stuff, you stupid idiot." Chas grabbed the box of cookies out of Balthazar's hands and put it back on the counter. Balthazar pouted, but put his items through the scanner without any further ado.

"That'll be fifty-nine oh-four." droned the cashier. Balthazar handed over, what looked to John, like an American Express Platinum card. The woman scanned it, Balthazar punched in some numbers, and glided away eagerly with his groceries.

John and Chas, however, came up short.

About five dollars too short.

The line-up was getting rowdy as Chas tried to decide what to put back.

Balthazar, rolling his eyes and trying hard not to explode with laughter, scooped up their groceries and handed the woman back his credit card.

"I'll pay for their things. They're...friends...of mine, a little down on their luck."

John was about to whack him over the head when he realized the demon was paying for next month's food.

So he folded his hands and stayed as calm as possible, though his eye twitched mightily.

The woman behind the cash didn't seem to mind, just added their total together and handed Balthazar back his credit card.

Chas hurriedly stuffed everything back into the cart, almost tripping over his own feet in his urge to get out.

"You were right, John." he said as they wheeled it back to the taxi. "The grocery store is a dangerous place!"

"I told you so."

Balthazar took this opportunity to come back towards them.

"Say, you two look particularly pathetic for cooks. Can either of you make anything that doesn't come in a box with instructions?"

John growled. Chas shrugged.

Balthazar laughed. "Come have dinner with us tonight. You'll just adore the guests…and my cook is simply the best…"

John looked at Chas, shaking his head vehemently.

"No."

Chas grinned, and nudged John in the side.

"No. Way."

"Oh, come on John!"

"Yes, come with us, Johnny-boy!" Balthazar cooed. "You'll have such fun!"

"No. Effing. Way."

"Oh, come on, John, this is actually kind of fun!" Chas chirruped, coming up to John, who was standing glumly in the corner. "And most of the people here are human, so it's not like they're all evil demons that need to be sent to Hell…"

"They're businessmen." growled John. "I don't see the difference."

"You're mean." sniffed Chas. "But this stuff is so rich! I love it!" he walked away, munching on some French loaf.

Balthazar sidled up to John, holding a plate of his own. "So…" he looked around. "Enjoying yourself?"
"You're going to die, Balthazar. And you're going to die slowly, and painfully."

"Etch." said the demon. "At least I'm going to die on a full stomach. You haven't eaten anything all evening."

John sneered. "I don't trust you or your stupid food."

Balthazar rolled his eyes. "Look around you, you fool. No one else is getting sick. Why would I poison my co-workers, even if they are humans. No, you go ahead and eat. You may just enjoy it."

Balthazar walked away, chuckling to himself as John stood fuming in the corner.

Suddenly the lemon meringue pie, which until now had been sitting quite calmly on the table, was plucked from where it sat, and hit John in the face with a wet "splat".

John wiped away the cream slowly, rage in every barely-controlled movement. Balthazar was laughing, and John could see him through his red and yellow-cream haze…

"That will teach him to be such a party-pooper."

He's going to die, and I'm going to kill him. thought John. But not just yet. He's going to suffer first…

"Earth to John…why are you smiling like that?"

"Oh, no reason, Chas. No reason at all."

"Oh, good, 'cause I thought you'd forgotten that you're wearing that new, $500 shirt you bought last month…"

"Balthazar! I'm gonna kill you!"

The End!