Best Served Cold

by LNLisa

Chapter Four

The night before Harry had hoped to sleep in since it was Saturday and nothing interesting would be happening until the other Order members showed up in the afternoon, but once morning came he was annoyed to find himself waking up at the usual time. Giving up on sleep he pushed the pillows against the wall before grabbing his glasses and his Occlumency book off the nightstand. With a sigh he opened the book.

Why Do We Choose Anger?

Under the title Sirius had drawn an arrow pointing to a note in the Margin.

Because of greasy gits like Snivellus, didn't we establish that already?

Harry laughed. He wondered briefly what Sirius would have thought about Harry's performance in front of Snape yesterday. He would have approved, definitely! Harry thought with a laugh. He would have even sung with Luna. Harry spent a minute imagining that silliness before he turned back to his book with the smile still on his face.

Why Do We Choose Anger?

Many people have the pre-disposition to react to stress with anger. When a stressful situation presents itself, their first reaction would naturally involve the loss of temper, fury even. While this may be an automatic reaction, it does not always have to remain automatic. Anger is a habit that can be unlearned.

Conditioning can also be a reason for automatically reacting to stress with anger. If at any time, loss of anger seemed beneficial–for example if the other person gave in, negative energy was released, etc.–then the subconscious would be more inclined to react to stress in that same way. With even minor positive reinforcements, this reaction would in time become a habit, but again, habitual anger can be unlearned.

Lastly anger can also be part of social learning. A child, who is often in the company of anger prone adults, is more likely to respond with anger when faced with stressful situations. Positive reinforcement can play a large part in this as well. If the adult seemed to gain the upper hand by choosing to get angry, the child may then decide that anger is the most advisable or possibly the only solution to problems. In this case, relearning how to react to stress can be especially difficult as it also involves learning new, previously untried ways to react to stress.

As with the factors of stress, understanding is often the first step in relearning this bad habit.

Social learning, that was mine. Great, I get to blame it all on mum, "Remus, I'm just angry because my mummy is always yelling." There's some truth in that! I don't think he'll go for it though. He'll just say that it's about time I grew up already.

Maybe he's right. (Don't tell him I said that though!)

So Harry, I know you've been getting angry at your friends a lot this year. What's your excuse?

"Vernon Dursley," said Harry.

"Hmm, what?" mumbled Ron rolling over in his bed to glance, bleary eyed at Harry. "Did you say something, mate?" Harry looked up surprised to see Ron awake. Ron was normally a heavy sleeper.

"Just talking to myself," answered Harry. "Sorry I woke you."

"I've been awake for awhile. Couldn't go back to sleep after a visit to the loo. So what were you talking to yourself about?"

Harry looked down at his book and Sirius comments. He was trying to think what he wanted to say when the book was snatched out of his hands.

"Hey," said Harry with a start.

"So what's this about anyway?" Ron asked looking at the cover, then he flipped the book open. He glanced up quickly and jumped back with a smile on his face. Harry watched him quizzically.

"SEX?" Ron yelled gleefully, "You've been reading about SEX?"

Neville sat bolt upright in bed. "huh? What'd you say?" Neville asked. Neither Harry nor Ron noticed him.

"Sex? What are you going on about?" asked Harry getting out of bed and following after Ron. Ron jumped on his bed holding the book above him where Harry couldn't reach it.

"This book you've been reading," said Ron trying to read while holding the book above him. "Says here if you don't want to always be getting angry, then you need to have sex."

"What?" asked Harry too surprised to think about outmanoeuvring Ron. "Where does it say that?"

Ron pointed to the page facing the one he'd been reading. Harry held out his hand in front of him waiting silently. With a laugh and a shrug Ron gave him back the book. Harry looked at the page more closely seeing a list with a comment from Sirius next to each item.

Alternative Stress Releasers:

1. Crying We'll leave that to Snivellus.

2. Exercising Quidditch, anyone?

3. Work Activity Cleaning, anyone? So now I should be the least stressed man in Britain!

4. Humor Note to self, invite the twins over more often. Oh wait, I already did!

5. Writing See comments on page.

6. Relaxation Exercises Oo-amm, ooam, oom, or is that voom, voom, voom? Ah, I miss my bike...

7. Verbalizing Snivellus is a greasy git! Snivellus is a greasy git!

8. Recreation What? You're not having fun?

9. Sex Definitely!

10. Problem Solving Activities or Communication Order Meetings serve a useful function after all. What d'you know?

11. Pillow or Bed Beating Pillow fights, yes! Little tip to my favorite Godson...Hufflepuff girls are ferocious in a pillow fight, especially if they're angry at you for sneaking into their bedroom. James and I barely got out of that one alive! As it was, we were coughing up feathers for a week afterwards.

12. Music Probably talking about that blah-blah stuff Remus likes.

13. Rest Getting plenty of that. Too much.

Harry looked up into Ron's grinning face, "Number nine on a list of thirteen, and that was the first thing you saw?"

"It's there. I didn't make it up," said Ron his smile never wavering. Neville had joined them, and was standing beside Ron.

"What are you guys talking about?" asked Neville.

"Sex," said Ron with relish. "So Harry, who's the lucky lady going to be."

"You're going to have sex?" asked Neville his eyes bulging.

"What's this?" asked Harry. "I only get to choose one?"

"Uh-huh, let's see you get one first," said Ron with a laugh.

"Well let's see, who should I start with?" Harry asked. He folded one arm across his chest and rested his chin on his hand while he stared up towards the ceiling as though deep in thought.

"Ginny has a boyfriend," Ron told him. "Good thing too, because otherwise as her closest brother, I'd have to beat you to a bloody pulp to discourage you from touching her."

"Too bad," said Harry regretfully. "We could have played connect-the-freckle." Harry paused, "Guess it'll have to be Hermione then..."

"Hermione is off limits," Ron growled.

"Oh really? Why is that?" asked Harry cheekily. He gave Ron a questioning look, and then he walked across the room to his trunk. "Because she'd be a good choice. She's usually very helpful."

"Hermione is off limits." Ron's face had turned completely red, and he was watching Harry angrily.

Harry grabbed his towel and commented, "Funny, I don't think she knows that."

Ron didn't respond still staring angrily at Harry. Harry smirked at him in return. Ron stared angrily at him for a moment more, before both boys started laughing.

"What about Luna?" asked Neville uncertainly.

Harry and Ron stopped laughing to give Neville a look.

"We're saving her for you," Ron told him with a very serious look on his face. Neville's eyes grew wide in surprise.

"We know you've secretly liked her for awhile now, Neville," Harry added with a smile. Neville's eyes amazingly opened even wider.

"You know mate, you really should ask her out," Ron said putting his arm around Neville's shoulder. "Otherwise, some other guy might just whisk her away, right from under your nose."

"Well, uh, that's okay, really, if Harry needs a girl..." Neville began.

Ron and Harry began laughing again. Harry sputtered out, "Neville, you're so generous!"

"You should have seen your face, Neville," added Ron still laughing.

"Ha-ha, Luna's nice and everything...but, I don't know," said Neville walking back over to his bed and sat down still watching the other two boys uneasily.

"She is nice," said Harry chuckling. "But she's not for you, Neville. We get it." Harry grabbed the rest of his things and opened the door to the hallway.

"You know what this means, don't you Harry?" Ron asked. Harry stopped and turned around curiously. He looked back at Ron.

"What does what mean?"

"Tonks is the only single woman left in this house for you to have sex with."

"WHAT?" screamed Mrs. Weasley.

Harry spun around to see Mrs. Weasley, her fists on her hips and her face a deep shade of red, now standing in the doorway of the room.

In short order, Mrs. Weasley had everyone in the house awake and either standing or sitting in the kitchen including Fred, George and Bill who'd been staying over. Ron had tried to tell Mrs. Weasely that she'd misunderstood, but she had refused to hear him until everyone was assembled.

"Now," she began looking over the bleary-eyed group quickly. Her eyes only paused when her stare landed on the three teenage boys lined up beside each other against the far wall. "I want to know just exactly what is going on!"

Ron started to say something, but Mrs. Weasley cut him off.

"None of this nonsense about my hearing being off. I know exactly what I heard and I want an explanation, NOW!" Everyone waited with a growing curiosity for the boys' answer.

Harry and Ron exchanged uneasy looks. After taking a deep breath Harry held his Occlumency book in front of him where everyone could see it.

"Uh, see I've been reading this book for the last few days...about Occlumency," Harry began hesitantly.

"I've seen him reading it, so I was sort of curious about it," added Ron. Harry nodded.

"Sirius wrote a bunch of comments in the book. And this morning when I was reading a question he'd written, I guess I answered it out loud," said Harry.

"So I came over for a look-see," said Ron. "The first thing I noticed was...well...uh..."

Harry and Ron exchanged a look neither willing to continue.

"We'll be here all day at this rate," said Fred rolling his eyes. He snatched the book out of Harry's hand then sat back down in the chair next to George. Fred opened the book to the still marked page. His eyes scanned quickly over the page, but then stopped as he began to grin.

"Oh-ho, look at this, George!" Fred said gleefully.

"No," said George looking over Fred's shoulder and starting to smile too. "No, they couldn't possibly...they wouldn't have... they weren't talking about...THAT?"

"What are you two idiots talking about?" asked Bill grumpily.

"SEX," Fred and George chorused with laughter. Everyone else looked at the three boys still lined up along the wall waiting for them to deny the twins' accusation. Harry, Ron and Neville remained silent.

"Little Harry, Ronniekins and Nevilly-poo were talking about SEX!" explained George still reading. "Hey Fred, did you read this part?"

Fred quickly looked down where George was pointing. If anything his smile got even bigger, "Reckon we should take this book with us next time we go pub crawling?"

George nodded, "Just what I was thinking."

"Get this Bill," said Fred gesturing to George.

George cleared his throat and in an uncanny imitation of Percy told them, "According to this noteworthy text, SEX can help a person deal with their anger."

"So all we have to do," Fred eagerly said, "Is pretend to be grumpy and angry..."

"Put on a bit of Harry," George added. Fred nodded.

"And when the girls swoon," said Fred.

"Which they are always doing anyway," said George.

"We just tell them we need to have sex so we were not angry anymore!"

"Yeah, because that will really work," said Bill laughing.

"Is this how I raised you?" Mrs. Weasley screamed angrily at them before grabbing the book out of George's hands. She scanned the page. "This still doesn't explain Ron's comment!"

"What did Ron say?" asked Mr. Weasley curiously. Harry, Ron and Neville kept their eyes trained on the floor making no move to answer.

"Fine! What I heard Ron say was that Tonks is the only unmarried woman LEFT in this house that Harry hadn't had sex with."

"What?" yelled almost everyone in the room. Fred and George began laughing hysterically. Luna was peeling an orange. Tonks gave Harry a considering look that had him blushing redder than Neville, before started laughing too. The twins both fell off their chairs from laughing. Remus and Mr. Weasley were mostly succeeding at holding back their mirth, but Bill joined the twins and Tonks. Hermione and Ginny were strangely quiet.

"I knew you were friends," said Fred still laughing. "I had no idea you'd become so close!"

"You realize that your sister has been included in this," Mrs. Weasley screeched at the twins.

George wiping the tears from his eyes told her, "Ginny can take care of herself. It's Harry I'm worried about."

Mrs. Weasley was getting more and more upset. Mr. Weasley finally calmed the group down enough so that they could finish talking. Fred and George sat back up in their chairs, while Tonks wiped tears of laughter away with the hem of her T-shirt.

"I think we need to hear the rest of the discussion," said Mr. Weasley. "Now I'm sure that there is more to this story than we've heard. Boys?"

Harry, Ron and Neville had stood silently while the others had been laughing, blushing more and more with each comment made. They shook their heads mutely in response to Mr. Weasley's prompting. Mr. Weasley sighed and was about to probe further when Tonks stood and walked over to where the boys were standing.

She paused in front of Ron for a moment looking him up and down before shaking her head no. Then she stopped in front of Harry giving him the same up and down evaluation before laughing again.

She finally stopped in front of Neville. She put a finger under his chin and lifted his face until he was looking into her eyes. She gave him her most menacing smile, and since she had now grown fangs, her smile was extremely menacing. Neville leaned back fearfully. She nodded once.

"You seem like a clever boy," she told him. "Be clever now. Talk. I want to know every word these two said before Molly walked in." Neville his eyes widened looking at her in frightened bewilderment. "Now!" She yelled.

Neville jumped and began talking so fast that his lips didn't quite keep up with his voice. His answer became one long sound.

Tonks put up a hand, "Again, but slower please."

"Ron said Harry had to have sex and asked who's the lucky lady going to be? Harry asked, I only get to choose one? See if you can get one first, Ron told him. Then Harry said, who should I start with? Ron told him, Ginny has a boyfriend and it's a good thing too because otherwise as her closest brother I'd have to beat you up. Harry said that was too bad because they could have played connect-the-freckle. Then Harry said, guess it'll have to be Hermione then. But Ron said, Hermione is off limits, and Harry said, Why is that? Because she'd be a good choice. She's usually so helpful when I ask her for anything. Then Ron told him, Hermione is off limits, and Ron looked angry. Harry said, funny, I don't think she knows that. They stared at each other and then started laughing, and that was when I asked...and Ron said, that means Tonks is the only single woman left in this house for you to have sex with, and Mrs. Weasley came in and screamed, WHAT?

"And that's what happened," finished Neville faintly.

"Connect the freckle?" asked Ginny incredulously.

"One of my favorite games," said George with a sigh.

"You know Neville, I think you might have left out..." Fred started to say, but Mrs. Weasley had grabbed both twins by an ear and jerked them to their feet.

"I raised my boys better than this...treating women like slabs of meat, now the six of you are going to spend the day scrubbing these floors until I can see my reflection so well that I can count my own freckles in it!" Mrs. Weasley yelled at them.

"Six?" asked Bill uneasily doing a quick survey of the room. He looked back to see his mother glaring at him. "You're not including me in this? Bu-but, but…I haven't done anything!"

"I saw you laughing. You encourage them, Bill, and as the oldest I expect you to set a better example!" Mrs. Weasley answered crossly. Bill started to argue but Mrs. Weasley cut him off. "Get to work! Now, all of you!"

With sighs of defeat Bill, Fred and George gave up on trying to argue with Mrs. Weasley. The other men of the household quickly retreated to higher ground while Mrs. Weasley worked out her temper by clearing the table. Hermione and Ginny turned away with a sniff and dragged Luna along with them. Luna hadn't seemed to notice being left out of the story. Only Tonx stayed long enough to say anything.

Tonks walked back to where the three boys still stood against the wall stopping just in front of Harry. Then in a voice that only the three could hear, she told Harry, "You're still too young for me, Harry, but maybe in a few years..."

She paused while all three boys jerked their heads up in shock, "in your dreams, Potter!" She laughed all the way to the silencing charms on the other side of the door leaving a blushing Harry behind her.

Mrs. Weasley let Bill and the twins go after an hour, but warned them that she'd better not hear them talk like that again.

Harry, Ron and Neville continued cleaning floor, cupboards, walls and even ceiling beams until lunch. The Mrs. Weasley banished them to their rooms with a pitcher of pumpkin juice and a few sandwiches for each of them while the Order meeting took place in the kitchen.

"You three can stay here and study for the afternoon," she told them before locking them in. "I won't have to worry about you during the meeting." They each grabbed a plate and some sandwiches then sat on their beds.

They ate silently until Neville interrupted the quiet, "Are you mad at me?" Harry and Ron looked up from their plates.

"Nah, we were about to cave too," Ron told him finally. "Course I probably wouldn't have put in so much detail..."

Harry nodded. He wouldn't have said anything, but then he'd grown up with the Dursley's. He'd learned long ago that with the Dursley's, saying nothing at all was always the best choice. Since there was never a question of if he'd be punished, but rather how big the punishment would be. After remembering some of the Dursley's punishments, Harry decided that cleaning the floors for a few hours seemed quite nice in comparison.

"I can't believe Mum overreacted so much," moaned Ron. "All that cleaning, we were at it for hours!" Harry looked over to see a slight smile on Neville's face. Apparently Neville thought they'd got off lightly too.

Harry sighed putting his empty plate and glass on the floor. He laid down in his bed staring at the ceiling. After a minute of two of silence he felt a smile start to creep on his face.

"What are you smiling about," asked Ron disbelievingly.

"Did you see the look on the girls' faces?" asked Harry.

Ron smiled back, "Yeah. As a matter of fact, I did." Harry and Ron started laughing.

"What?" asked Neville bewildered.

After the meeting Mrs. Weasley let them out of their room, but Harry wished she hadn't when he came downstairs and noticed how the remaining Order members started smirking at the sight of him.

"Think you're man enough for a Lady Auror, do you?" asked Kingsley Shacklebolt. Everyone in the room laughed when Harry blushed. Mrs. Weasley, who was just walking in the room behind the boys, gave everyone such a fierce and angry look that the laughter quickly died.

"He's got a bunch of money, Tonks. Better grab him while you can," observed Moody, making several people laugh again.

"Zis ees true," said Fleur who was standing beside Bill. Everyone gave her a surprised look. "My grandmozer, she always tells me, 'Get zee younger man for zee huzband. 'E is easier to train.'" Fleur nodded emphatically at Tonks. "You should take him now if 'e's weelling. Eez better to not wait." Everyone looked at her in shock, and Tonks began blushing herself.

"Ha, ha," said Bill grabbing Fleur by the arm and pulling her towards the door. "What a funny joke, Fleur! You really had us going."

"But, Beell..." she began before the silencing charms covered the rest of her objection.

"That might actually be good advice, Hermione," said Ginny from behind them. The three boys turned around to see that Ginny, Hermione and Luna were sitting along the wall and playing with Crookshanks.

"Hmmm…younger men, you know Dennis Creevy isn't that bad looking," suggested Hermione. Ginny looked surprised, but pressed on gamely.

"Loads of energy," suggested Ginny.

"Stamina too," said Hermione.

"Energy? Stamina?" yelled Ron. "He's like a ping pong ball. That's not energy, that's him ricocheting off one wall and then another!"

"Still a ricocheting boyfriend might not be so bad…" said Hermione looking to Ginny for help.

"Lots of action?" suggested Ginny trying to hide her grimace unsuccessfully.

"More action than I'm getting now, that's for sure," said Hermione with a sniff. Ginny nodded gleefully in agreement. The three girls stood up and left the room. Luna turned back at the last second to wave at the three staring boys.

The weekend passed quickly. At Remus suggestion, they set up an indoor obstacle course on Sunday. "Physical exercise is one item on "The List" you can do," he told them.

On the ground floor, the girls pulled the table out of the dining room and carried it into the hallway. It was wide enough to block off the entire hallway, so that anyone trying to go by would either have to climb over it or crawl under it. Mad-Eye charmed two bludgers to magically fly up down the stairs trying to hit anyone who ran past them to the first floor. Then, Neville glued several of the dinning room chairs to the floor in the first floor hallway scattering them out so that you had to run around the chairs to get through the hallway.

The girls still weren't speaking to them, but the boys managed to have fun anyway racing each other through the house, from top to bottom for most of the afternoon. Early on Remus put a silencing charm over Mrs. Black so that they didn't have to listen to her taunting.

They settled down after supper. Ron and Harry played chess. Harry even got close to winning once, but then the weekend at an end.

As Harry walked up the stairs to his bedroom he began to feel the weighing down by thoughts of the hearing. His feet grew heavier and heavier on each stair. He made a real effort that night to empty his mind and calm his emotions, but he couldn't seem to forget that the hearing started again tomorrow. After twice the normal number of Occlumency exercises, he finally was able to go to sleep.