Note: Here! The obligatory Journey chapter! Back, back, Journey craving hellhounds! Just kidding, but it is Journey…

Story-

Morgan Household-

Courtney Morgan faced many difficult decisions in her life, most of them involving her husband, Jason. Such was the case with her current problem, but she knew that she could shelve it, if only for a few minutes. Jason wasn't home from whatever it was he was doing, which meant that she could hold hope on the notion that he would be too tired to argue with her. Many times that was how she ended up getting her way.

She would be the first person to admit that she thought Carly's idea was a magnificent one. It was just after Morgan's recovery, nobody wanted to go out and do anything festive, but they could be together as a family and just enjoy the company of one another. It had been too long since the four of them had actually managed to have some time when they wouldn't be worrying about one of the children, or a problem that was going on in their lives. The last time Courtney could remember them not having to worry about anything, just being captured in the moment, was at her wedding to Jason. That was a beautiful day, one that she could never forget.

"I'd give anything for that day to return," Courtney said to herself in the mirror. She could still remember how she felt when she was putting on the dress that she would wear when she married the man that would always own her heart. She remembered the night that they spent together. Everything.

Sadly for Courtney, remembering that high point of her life made her realize that there was never going to be another occurrence like that. She would never be as happy as she was the day that she married Jason, and while a part of that meant that she could never be happier than when she was bonded to him it also meant that there was going to be something keeping her from having such a moment of sheer bliss.

But it wasn't all bad. She would never say that her life was all bad. She had three wonderful nephews that she could always look forward to seeing. She had a best friend and a big brother who helped her whenever she needed it, she had her husband, and she even had a teenager that she could care for. Dillon may not have been hers, and she didn't want to take the role of mother, but it felt good to know that there was someone in the house that she could help out. Jason was always so stubborn to even take any sort of help that it was almost impossible for her to even make an offer.

What was she going to do if he said no? She couldn't just go without him. Even if it was ten feet away across the hallway, they were married. If Jason didn't want to do it… then she was stuck not going. Sometimes she hated that part about their marriage. There were plenty of times when she wanted to do something but she knew that Jason wouldn't want to do it… so she didn't say anything. Did it make her selfish? Perhaps, but Courtney had always been something of a social butterfly. If Jason claimed to love her despite all her 'flaws' as she had for him, would it not have gone into the marriage contract that he agreed to making a few public appearances a year?

She sat on her bed, her mirror image still clearly displayed. People were always telling her how beautiful she was, and she sometimes believed them. But the outer beauty that she radiated did little to help with the inner turmoil that her heart almost always felt. Luckily for Courtney, her heart was still strong enough to keep on going, despite the crippling blow that her life had to her morals, but when would that finally stop?

What would happen if it did? She couldn't stop being Carly's friend. She couldn't ever stop being Sonny's little sister. But she would have to stop being Jason's wife… but she wouldn't stop loving him. Was she strong enough to keep up a lie just because she didn't want to hurt his feelings? If she did and she was caught, which eventually she would, Jason could possibly find a way to hate her.

"Why am I thinking of things like that?" She groaned, throwing her head on the bed. "I love Jason… I love living with him, I love feeling him. I love just being there with him, alone, and not doing anything but look at him and watch him smile." The verbal statements were enough to convince her of her love for her husband. She could only hope that it was enough.

"Who are you talking to?"

Courtney was shocked by his sudden opening of the door, "Jason…"

"Is Dillon hiding the closet? You know better than to be in this room!"

"Relax… he's not in here…"

"Then who were you talking to? I don't see the phone anywhere."

"I was talking to myself, Jason," Courtney did not appreciate the questions. She was allowed to talk with people, but she knew where Jason was coming from. In his line of work talking to anyone was potentially a risk. "Sometimes I do that… I like to talk to myself because it helps me put my thoughts in order."

"I'm sorry," Jason apologized as he stood there, looking at his wife. "It's just…"

"What?"

"Nothing…"

"Jason," Courtney got off the bed and walked over to him. "You can hide a lot of things from me, but right now you can't hide the fact that there's something on your mind. I want to help you. You have to tell me what's going on in order for me to help you."

"Its work related…"

"That excuse isn't going to cut it this time, Jason. I know that you need to tell someone… and I've taken the vow of not talking to anyone who isn't in the circle. I don't know what else I need to do in order to prove my loyalty to you and to my brother…"

"You don't need to do anything else to prove yourself to me or to Sonny, Courtney."

"Then why won't you tell me what's bothering you?"

"All right," Jason showed a rare moment of weakness, conceding to his wife's constant pressure where before he would find a way to either quell it, or just leave. But since it indirectly involved Courtney… she had a right to know. "We went to a warehouse today… we thought that there might have been some things there that would be used against us."

"And were there?"

"Not really… but I know who the warehouse belonged to."

"Who would that be?"

"Alcazar…"

"Oh," Courtney lowered her eyes. "Jason… you don't have to worry about Alcazar, he's dead. You know that. You saw him die. I saw him die. You're the one who is always trying to convince everyone that he's never coming back."

"I know he's dead, Courtney, but that doesn't mean that he never existed. It doesn't mean that he didn't do those horrible things to you… to us. He cost us our baby, and then he almost cost me the one thing that was more precious than anything else… you."

"So you were worried about me…"

"I always worry about you," he replied. How could he not worry about Courtney? Being married to him made her a target. She could protect herself. In an actual fight she could probably take Jason, even with his height advantage. But no matter how good of a fighter she was, Courtney couldn't take a bullet and survive, not if it hit something vital.

"And that's why you were wondering who I was talking to…"

"Yeah, that's why I was wondering who you were talking to."

"Come here," Courtney hugged him when he took the few steps that were needed to bring him next to her. "I love you, and I'm glad that you want to protect me… but I'm as safe as I can be here."

"You're not completely safe…"

"Nobody is, Jason. Nobody is ever going to be completely safe from everything. I could walk outside and there could be a freak lightning storm that comes and a bolt could hit me… it doesn't matter that I'm Courtney Morgan, it doesn't matter that Sonny's my big brother, it just happened."

"I didn't need to hear that…"

"But you did," she corrected him. "Because you need to understand that there are things that are beyond your control. I see where Michael gets it now, from you. That need to find a way to make sure everyone that you care about is always safe."

"Is that so bad?"

"No… of course not. But when you think that you can actually make it so everyone is going to be safe, when you fool yourself into thinking that such an impossible thing can happen, then all you're doing is setting yourself up for defeat. You don't deal with defeat very well, Jason. In fact, you don't deal with it at all. I don't want to see you shut yourself down."

"I just want…"

"I know what you want. And I'm telling you right now that what you have in your life at this very moment is more than enough. We don't deserve to be a part of the family that we're a part of, Jason. We don't deserve to have wonderful people in our lives, but we do. We're lucky for what we have, blessed, but if you keep on hoping for something more then all you're doing is putting less appreciation on what you have. You can't do that. I won't let you do that."

Jason knew she was right. Courtney was almost always right. But while his heart knew it, his mind often refused to accept it. He turned his head and walked toward the other side of the room, looking out the window, looking down at Port Charles.

"Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you, Jason?"

"Yes, I do."

"And do you agree with me?"

"I wish it were that simple… I know you're right, though."

"You know what you need?"

"What?"

It was as good a time as any to lure Jason into her 'trap.' She only had one shot, too, so she had to make it count, "You need to get your mind off of everything, even if it's only for a little while."

"You have an idea, don't you?"

"I don't…"

"Courtney…"

"Really, Jason, it's not my idea. It's Carly's idea."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?"

"Would you at least hear her idea before you go and say that it's something that you're not going to like. I did the same thing, and I ended up liking it."

"Did you really? Or did you just give in to her… we both do that more than we should."

"I really liked the idea, on my own with no pressure from anyone."

"Am I going to need to be sitting down for this?"

"No, but you might want to stop brooding."

"I'm going to sit down." Jason was cautious, as he always was whenever Carly came to him with an idea, or he was told by someone else of Carly's idea. He moved over to the edge of the bed and sat down. "All right, Courtney… what is it."

"Carly wants us to get together tonight, for New Years Eve…"

"You know how much I hate being around people."

"Relax, Jason, it's only going to be the four of us, at the penthouse, celebrating. You don't have to worry about anyone staring at you and saying how you've squandered all your potential that you once had." She knew that was what he hated about being in public, and she didn't blame him. People were close minded. They didn't realize just how much Jason actually suffered trying to be Jason Quartermaine. They didn't realize how being Jason Morgan gave him so much freedom.

"I don't know…"

"What is there to worry about, Jason?" Courtney sat next to him, kicking up the pleading factor. "It's just Sonny and Carly. We spend a lot of time together with them. You don't have to worry about anything. I know that you don't like the whole dress up thing…"

"We have to dress up?"

"It's the last time that you'll be dressed up for the year."

"Yeah, but it's the first time I'll be dressed up for next year. Not exactly the best way to start a new year."

"Jason…"

"I'm kidding," he put his hand on her cheek. "I can see how much you want to do this… and, for you, I'll go along with it. But you don't get to make me do anything that requires me wearing a suit until at least Valentines Day."

"You drive a hard bargain, Jason Morgan," Courtney wrapped her arms around his neck, "but it's one that I have no trouble accepting."