Lina Inverse and the Holy Grail (Etcetera, etcetera)
The Tale...of The Black Knight
(Or more accurately, Dilgear's Return)
Irritating voice of a British Narrator: For all that Lina and Gourry realized it not, the brave Zelgadis and the princess Amelia would soon have more troubles all their own; troubles that would cause the two groups (and more) to dovetail. However, their own trials kept them distracted, no more than a swallow's flight away.
Um, an UNladen swallow's flight. I mean, they were more then two LADEN swallows flights away; four, really. I mean, if the swallows were walking, and dragging the coconuts after them...
(We hear the sound of a gigantic comedy mallet impacting something, just as the narrator's voice mysteriously cuts out, followed by a heartfelt "thank you" from the audience.)
--------
"Lina, we've been walking for almost two days now," Gourry complained. "When are going to stop at a village and get some rest?"
The sorceress slowly pivoted to glare at her companion. "Well MAYBE if a certain nameless yogurt-brained idiotic swordsman would lose the coconuts, villages would stop asking how we got them. And not having asked, they wouldn't spend the next hour agonizing over how you'd found them in the first place, refusing to let us in until they'd gotten a reasonable explanation."
Gourry hugged the shells to his chest. After getting hit with a Burst Flare (Blast Bomb is the strongest spell of fire magic, but Burst Flare comes pretty darn close), he'd refrained from making the galloping noises, but he flat out refused to just pitch them. "Nuh UH! You get to keep all those treasures and weird spell books and all that stuff the monster race wants to kill you for, why can't I keep these? They're MINE!"
Lina rolled her eyes, muttering darkly under her breath. "You sound like a child who found a puppy he won't give up."
Gourry cocked his head to the side as they continued into the forest. "A puppy? I never figured you for the type to like furry little baby wolves and dogs, Lina."
"Aw, you like puppy dogs? Such a shame, that you'll have to deal with ME instead!"
The two spun as a figure burst from the underbrush, both staring at the green-furred werewolf. "You!"
He chuckled darkly to himself as he raised his sword. "I warned you that you wouldn't be rid of me; no one is rid of me. It's always just a question of how long it takes me to regenerate."
Gourry stared. "You...Uh, who are you again?"
He face-faulted. "YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER ME?!" He paused. "Oh wait, you were the idiotic one, that's right." He spun to point his blade at Lina. "But YOU will remember this opponent, that is clear."
Lina scratched the back of her head, shrugging. "Sorry, but I'm with Gourry on this one. I seem to recall green fur from somewhere, but the name eludes me."
He face-faulted again.
Gourry shrugged. "Well, if neither of us remember him he can't be THAT important." He pointed deeper into the forest. "Should we just go ahead? See what else is out there?"
The werewolf sprang to his feet. "None shall pass!"
Lina sighed. "Just get out of the way, will you?"
He growled, scratching at his face in frustration. "DILGEAR, YOU RAVING EXCUSES FOR MEAT! AND NEITHER ONE OF YOU IS GOING ANYWHERE!"
Gourry slapped a fist in his palm. "That's right, the weird guy who kept healing after we beat the crud out of him and coming back for more."
Dilgear winced. "Well...that's YOU'RE interpretation. Now stand and die, or else you're not going anywhere!"
Lina tiredly raised a hand to charge a fireball, when Gourry stopped her. "Actually, do you mind if I fight him? I've been missing out on my normal practice lately, so it would help if I dealt with him."
Lina shrugged. He wasn't worth the effort. "Knock yourself out."
Dilgear chuckled, his eyes closed, before his head snapped up in Maniacal Cackle # 42 (arrogant villain about to get his comeuppance but doesn't realize it yet). "So Gabriev, forgotten the prowess of my sword so quickly? You won't LIVE to regret that." With all the grace of a wild boar on amphetamines, he charged.
For his part, Gourry calmly waited as Dilgear approached. In the last instant before he would have been struck, he whipped his sword out, and cut once. As they ended up on opposite sides of the field, Gourry turned, idly sheathing his sword. "Alright, I think you should stop before you get any worse off."
Dilgear snorted. "Are you crazed? I barely felt that scratch."
Gourry and Lina both face-faulted. The sorceress recovered first, springing to her feet. "A SCRATCH?! Your arm's off!"
The werewolf laughed. "Oh, like you could ever..." his voice trailed off as Gourry pointed at the ground. He sweat-dropped as he noticed the lump of green flesh on the ground; his left arm. It really hadn't hurt that much. "...I've had worse."
Gourry's blank stare turned thoughtful. "Really? How could someone do that and leave you alive?"
"Shut up and fight, you pansy!"
Gourry blocked the handful of strikes with some slight amount of confusion as Dilgear clumsily struck at him. Finally deciding that the ogre wolf was serious, he swiped at him again, taking off both arm and sword. "Well, that's that." He turned back to Lina, sheathing his sword. "Okay, now whe- oomph."
Dilgear grinned cockily. "Come on then."
Gourry stared as he jogged forward to kick him in the stomach (pretty lightly too). "What?"
"Have at you!"
Gourry sat there, stunned by the idiocy before him. He knew he wasn't exactly the shiniest coin in the fountain, but this struck even him as moronic. "Look, I guess I can recognize your guts and devotion and all that, but the fights over."
"Oh, had enough then?"
Gourry muttered words that shall not be repeated in this PG-13 fic as he climbed to his feet, glaring at the ineffectual attacks. Finally, his temper frayed enough for him to start using naughty words. "Look you stupid bastard, you've got no arms!"
"Yes I have."
Staring into the heavens for a second, he looked back. "LOOK!"
Dilgear glanced around uncomfortably. "Just a flesh wound."
"Liar."
"Come on, ya pansy."
Gourry shook his head at the continuing ineffectual kicks. "Look stop that, alright?"
"Chicken! Chicken!"
"I'll have your leg," Gourry warned. As Dilgear didn't seem to particularly care, Gourry swiped the extremity off, with an almost bored air.
Dilgear stared at where his third limb had once been. "RIGHT! I'LL DO YOU FOR THAT!"
Gourry gaped as Dilgear tried to stump forward and shoulder tackle him...at one mile an hour. "You'll WHAT?!"
"COME HERE!" Dilgear snarled, slightly desperate.
Gourry rolled his eyes. "What are you going to do, bleed on me?"
Dilgear didn't let it phase him (it should have). "I AM INVINCIBLE"
"You're insane," was Gourry's reply. He was actually quite good at recognizing it, considering the company he kept.
"DILGEAR THE PERSISTENT ALWAYS TRIUMPHS!"
Tiredly, Gourry whacked off his last leg. Looking down at the still-living torso that had been an opponent, he conceded SOMEthing. Maybe it would keep him out of their hair for awhile. "Alright, we'll call it a draw." Sheathing his sword, he turned to Lina. "So where are we going?"
Lina shrugged. "Just keep trying to find a village, I guess."
Gourry nodded, his coconuts coming out. "clip, clip-a-clop, clip, clip-a- clop..."
Dilgear turned to watch them. "Oh, I get it. Running away?! YOU YELLOW BASTARDS, GET BACK HERE AND TAKE WHAT'S COMING TO YOU! I'LL BITE YOUR BLOODY LEGS OFF!"
To be continued...
Author's Notes: It just keeps on getting better and better; chapter four involves not a witch, but a mazoku (both real and assumed). Guess who will be in each role?
The Tale...of The Black Knight
(Or more accurately, Dilgear's Return)
Irritating voice of a British Narrator: For all that Lina and Gourry realized it not, the brave Zelgadis and the princess Amelia would soon have more troubles all their own; troubles that would cause the two groups (and more) to dovetail. However, their own trials kept them distracted, no more than a swallow's flight away.
Um, an UNladen swallow's flight. I mean, they were more then two LADEN swallows flights away; four, really. I mean, if the swallows were walking, and dragging the coconuts after them...
(We hear the sound of a gigantic comedy mallet impacting something, just as the narrator's voice mysteriously cuts out, followed by a heartfelt "thank you" from the audience.)
--------
"Lina, we've been walking for almost two days now," Gourry complained. "When are going to stop at a village and get some rest?"
The sorceress slowly pivoted to glare at her companion. "Well MAYBE if a certain nameless yogurt-brained idiotic swordsman would lose the coconuts, villages would stop asking how we got them. And not having asked, they wouldn't spend the next hour agonizing over how you'd found them in the first place, refusing to let us in until they'd gotten a reasonable explanation."
Gourry hugged the shells to his chest. After getting hit with a Burst Flare (Blast Bomb is the strongest spell of fire magic, but Burst Flare comes pretty darn close), he'd refrained from making the galloping noises, but he flat out refused to just pitch them. "Nuh UH! You get to keep all those treasures and weird spell books and all that stuff the monster race wants to kill you for, why can't I keep these? They're MINE!"
Lina rolled her eyes, muttering darkly under her breath. "You sound like a child who found a puppy he won't give up."
Gourry cocked his head to the side as they continued into the forest. "A puppy? I never figured you for the type to like furry little baby wolves and dogs, Lina."
"Aw, you like puppy dogs? Such a shame, that you'll have to deal with ME instead!"
The two spun as a figure burst from the underbrush, both staring at the green-furred werewolf. "You!"
He chuckled darkly to himself as he raised his sword. "I warned you that you wouldn't be rid of me; no one is rid of me. It's always just a question of how long it takes me to regenerate."
Gourry stared. "You...Uh, who are you again?"
He face-faulted. "YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER ME?!" He paused. "Oh wait, you were the idiotic one, that's right." He spun to point his blade at Lina. "But YOU will remember this opponent, that is clear."
Lina scratched the back of her head, shrugging. "Sorry, but I'm with Gourry on this one. I seem to recall green fur from somewhere, but the name eludes me."
He face-faulted again.
Gourry shrugged. "Well, if neither of us remember him he can't be THAT important." He pointed deeper into the forest. "Should we just go ahead? See what else is out there?"
The werewolf sprang to his feet. "None shall pass!"
Lina sighed. "Just get out of the way, will you?"
He growled, scratching at his face in frustration. "DILGEAR, YOU RAVING EXCUSES FOR MEAT! AND NEITHER ONE OF YOU IS GOING ANYWHERE!"
Gourry slapped a fist in his palm. "That's right, the weird guy who kept healing after we beat the crud out of him and coming back for more."
Dilgear winced. "Well...that's YOU'RE interpretation. Now stand and die, or else you're not going anywhere!"
Lina tiredly raised a hand to charge a fireball, when Gourry stopped her. "Actually, do you mind if I fight him? I've been missing out on my normal practice lately, so it would help if I dealt with him."
Lina shrugged. He wasn't worth the effort. "Knock yourself out."
Dilgear chuckled, his eyes closed, before his head snapped up in Maniacal Cackle # 42 (arrogant villain about to get his comeuppance but doesn't realize it yet). "So Gabriev, forgotten the prowess of my sword so quickly? You won't LIVE to regret that." With all the grace of a wild boar on amphetamines, he charged.
For his part, Gourry calmly waited as Dilgear approached. In the last instant before he would have been struck, he whipped his sword out, and cut once. As they ended up on opposite sides of the field, Gourry turned, idly sheathing his sword. "Alright, I think you should stop before you get any worse off."
Dilgear snorted. "Are you crazed? I barely felt that scratch."
Gourry and Lina both face-faulted. The sorceress recovered first, springing to her feet. "A SCRATCH?! Your arm's off!"
The werewolf laughed. "Oh, like you could ever..." his voice trailed off as Gourry pointed at the ground. He sweat-dropped as he noticed the lump of green flesh on the ground; his left arm. It really hadn't hurt that much. "...I've had worse."
Gourry's blank stare turned thoughtful. "Really? How could someone do that and leave you alive?"
"Shut up and fight, you pansy!"
Gourry blocked the handful of strikes with some slight amount of confusion as Dilgear clumsily struck at him. Finally deciding that the ogre wolf was serious, he swiped at him again, taking off both arm and sword. "Well, that's that." He turned back to Lina, sheathing his sword. "Okay, now whe- oomph."
Dilgear grinned cockily. "Come on then."
Gourry stared as he jogged forward to kick him in the stomach (pretty lightly too). "What?"
"Have at you!"
Gourry sat there, stunned by the idiocy before him. He knew he wasn't exactly the shiniest coin in the fountain, but this struck even him as moronic. "Look, I guess I can recognize your guts and devotion and all that, but the fights over."
"Oh, had enough then?"
Gourry muttered words that shall not be repeated in this PG-13 fic as he climbed to his feet, glaring at the ineffectual attacks. Finally, his temper frayed enough for him to start using naughty words. "Look you stupid bastard, you've got no arms!"
"Yes I have."
Staring into the heavens for a second, he looked back. "LOOK!"
Dilgear glanced around uncomfortably. "Just a flesh wound."
"Liar."
"Come on, ya pansy."
Gourry shook his head at the continuing ineffectual kicks. "Look stop that, alright?"
"Chicken! Chicken!"
"I'll have your leg," Gourry warned. As Dilgear didn't seem to particularly care, Gourry swiped the extremity off, with an almost bored air.
Dilgear stared at where his third limb had once been. "RIGHT! I'LL DO YOU FOR THAT!"
Gourry gaped as Dilgear tried to stump forward and shoulder tackle him...at one mile an hour. "You'll WHAT?!"
"COME HERE!" Dilgear snarled, slightly desperate.
Gourry rolled his eyes. "What are you going to do, bleed on me?"
Dilgear didn't let it phase him (it should have). "I AM INVINCIBLE"
"You're insane," was Gourry's reply. He was actually quite good at recognizing it, considering the company he kept.
"DILGEAR THE PERSISTENT ALWAYS TRIUMPHS!"
Tiredly, Gourry whacked off his last leg. Looking down at the still-living torso that had been an opponent, he conceded SOMEthing. Maybe it would keep him out of their hair for awhile. "Alright, we'll call it a draw." Sheathing his sword, he turned to Lina. "So where are we going?"
Lina shrugged. "Just keep trying to find a village, I guess."
Gourry nodded, his coconuts coming out. "clip, clip-a-clop, clip, clip-a- clop..."
Dilgear turned to watch them. "Oh, I get it. Running away?! YOU YELLOW BASTARDS, GET BACK HERE AND TAKE WHAT'S COMING TO YOU! I'LL BITE YOUR BLOODY LEGS OFF!"
To be continued...
Author's Notes: It just keeps on getting better and better; chapter four involves not a witch, but a mazoku (both real and assumed). Guess who will be in each role?