The next day, back at Queen Grimhilde's castle, the Queen entered the royal kitchen once again, and consulted her magic toaster.
She asked it, "Magic toaster machine, am I now still the cutest queen?"
The toast popped up, but the toaster replied, "Snow White is the fairest and cutest in all of the land."
The Queen became absolutely infuriated.
"Alright, listen wiseacre!" she shouted at the toaster. "I had my chef, Louis, take her out into the forest yesterday and kill her. He even brought me back her heart to prove it!" In her hands she clutched a heart. "So, how can she be the fairest in the land?"
The toaster replied, "Louis has failed in doing the murderous deed, and what he did may have you quite peeved. You're the biggest idiot throughout the land, it's the heart of an artichoke you hold in your hand!"
She flung the vegetable heart to the floor. "Curses! Foiled again! Where shall I find the wretched wench?"
"Over the seven jeweled hills, beyond the seventh fall--
"Spare me the formalities," she snapped.
"Okay, okay! Snow White's in the cottage of the seven elves, still the fairest and cutest of all."
"No! This cannot be!" Queen Grimhilde shrieked.
"Sorry, queenie," the toaster replied. "That's the way the cookie crumbles."
"I'll show you that's how the cookie crumbles!" the Queen screamed, as her face reddened with anger.
And with that, she ripped the magic toaster from its outlet in the wall, hurtled it to the kitchen floor, and stomped on it till it was nothing but smithereens.
She then made a mad dash down to the castle's dungeon in a fit of rage and entered her laboratory.
"I'll show them!" she shouted. "I'll go myself to the elves' cottage in a disguise so complete, no one will ever suspect who I am."
She then pulled out one of her spell books from the shelf, and began mixing strange and bubbling concoctions.
When she was done mixing the ingredients, she canted the potion's magic words, "Over the teeth, and past the gums, look out stomach, here it comes."
And with that she took one long drink of the horrid potion. She dropped the glass to the floor with a crash, and clutched her throat as the potion began to take effect. Her skin became withered, old, and wrinkly, her nose grew long and crooked, her eyes bulged hideously, and her voice became a hoarse rasp. She then collapsed to the floor. When she stood up again, she had been transformed into an old, ugly witch.
"A perfect disguise! Snow White will never suspect who I am," she cackled with glee. "And now a special sort of death for one so fair. What shall it be?"
She then began to thumb through pages of her book, Martha Stewart's Big Book Of Curses, Spells, And Other Incantations, looking for a curse or a spell to place Snow White under.
"Ah!" she exclaimed as she found the best one. "A poisoned pear! Sleeping death! One bite of the poisoned pear and the victim's eyes will close forever, in the sleeping death. Perfect!"
Queen Grimhilde then walked over to her poisoned fruit and vegetables vending machine, and inserted a crinkled dollar bill, which it refused to take. She turned it over and tried to put it in on the reverse side, but that didn't work. She tried to smooth it out of the corner of the machine, but that didn't work either. Grabbing it with both arms, she shook it. "Gimme!" A pear finally rolled out. After smoothing back her frazzled hair, she cackled with glee and left her dungeon, and headed out to the seven elves' cottage in the forest.
A very special thanks to Aquarian Wolf with helping me edit this chapter.