Chapter Nineteen

Erik and Christine

Erik awoke the next afternoon to a sea of yellow roses and the last hours of sunlight streaming merrily through the window. He sat up and observed his new surroundings. He was in a spotless and very comfortable bedroom with a cheery fire going in the fireplace. He was wearing a much-too-large, white nightgown and dressing-robe and he lay in a soft, comfortable little bed, with a warm spread bedecked with yellow roses. Someone small had thoughtfully laid a rather fine stuffed bear in the bed with him to keep him company. Someone bigger had washed and mended his clothes and had laid them on a chair for him, neatly folded.

Having thoroughly investigated the room, he emerged slowly and stiffly from the bed and began dressing. His whole body ached as if someone had tossed him down several flights of stairs. Suddenly, he realized that the mask was missing. He spun around in horror and began searching the room. It wasn't there! He was trapped in an unknown room where anyone in the world might come right in and he had no way to hide himself. Erik wrung his hands desperately. It was as if his worst nightmare had come to life. He sat down on the bed, hugging his knees to himself and tried to come up with a plan.

He was on the verge of tears when he heard a small sound coming from the door and saw two small eyes peering at him through the crack. Erik cried out and dove beneath the covers. He heard the sound of hurried footsteps outside the door and the little boy saying, "He was up, Maman, but he saw me and he hid under the covers!" The footsteps entered the room and Erik felt two hands pressed firmly against his back.

"Erik? Won't you come out?" Christine asked gently.

"Where is my mask?" Erik moaned, trying hard not to cry.

"Don't worry about that, dear. We know you. . ."

"Please, where is it?" he interrupted.

"You lost it last night, during the fight. Remember?" It was the Viscount's voice that said this and Erik recalled the awful episode of the previous night and cried out, "Suzette, where is Suzette?"

"Who?" the couple asked.

"My little girl, the one who was with me? Did she get away?"

"Yes," Christine informed him, "She ran away safely." Erik began to sob wildly.

"Erik, what is it?" she asked softly.

"I have to get to her! I have to, but I can't! How can I go out like this?"

"Oh, don't worry, Erik." Christine said compassionately, "Raoul will go and bring her here for you. You're still hurt and you need your rest anyway. Where is she? Where would she go?" Erik liked the sound of this. He hoped that the Viscount would agree quickly and would take the little master with him but Erik could easily tell, even from beneath the yellow roses that Raoul loathed this idea.

"I don't think that is a good idea, my love." he told his wife, "Who knows where this girl might have gone to?"

"She must have gone to Madame Colette." Erik said and he told them the town and the address.

"I don't want to leave you and Nicholas with him." Raoul complained under his breath.

"We can't leave a young girl out there alone, either. And Erik is fretting for her so-

"But Christine, don't you think-" Christine held her hands to his lips to hush him.

"It will be all right." she promised him and begged him with her sweet, blue eyes.

"Very well then," he said, "I will return very soon." He gave the lump in the bed a stern glare and left. Erik hoped that he would take the child as well, but he didn't and the three of them were left alone in the room.

"There, you see Erik? I told you that it would be all right. Won't you come out now?"

"No." he responded plainly.

"Don't hide," Nicholas begged, "Come out and talk with us."

"You mustn't ask me to. You would cry and run away."

"I'm not afraid," piped the little man and he jumped up onto the bed and began swatting and pulling at Erik's feet. Erik squirmed and kicked but Nicholas held tight until Erik lost a shoe. The child bounced up and down with laughter and immediately went for the other shoe. Erik was familiar with this game as he had played a more difficult version with Suzette in which she kicked and screamed and he tried to put her shoes on. Nicholas got a hold of the other foot and squealed triumphantly as he got the other shoe and sat trying to put the pair on over his own. Christine laughed as she tried to get the blanket away from him. Erik pulled it tighter around himself and begged for them to stop.

"Are you coming out from there?" Christine demanded, "or do we have to go for the stockings as well?" Erik didn't find it so humorous.

"Let me alone!" he wailed at them, "Would you make my life unbearable?" He wondered why this woman and her boy were so interested in humiliating him. Christine lifted up a corner of the blanket and Nicholas shouted, "A cave!" and charged in to explore. Erik screamed in consternation and attempted to cover his face with his hands.

"Don't!" Nicholas coaxed him. He sat beside him, under the blanket, and pulled at his hands. Erik was crying now and he reluctantly let the boy pull them away so that he could see.

"I told you that I wasn't afraid, Monsieur." He said and Erik felt a little better. Nicholas took Erik's bony arm in his small, pink hands and pulled him gently back into the daylight.

"We've come out from the cave, Maman!" he said proudly and Christine smiled.

"I am so glad. I was missing you." She sat on the bed beside them and took Erik's other hand.

The three of them sat there for quite some time, watching the evening fall. Nicholas instigated most of the conversation. He seemed to have an endless supply of questions for his new friend.

"What's your name?"

"Erik."

"Is that all?"

"That's all."

"But what's you family's name?"

"I don't have a family."

"How come? Did they die?"

"No, they didn't want me."

"Why not? Did you get in trouble a lot?" Erik turned away. He couldn't answer and silent tears streamed down his cheeks.

"I get in trouble sometimes," Nicholas admitted, "But not too much." Nicholas grew thoughtful, most likely counting over all of his little transgressions. Erik wondered if the questions had ended, but Nicholas soon started in again.

"How old are you?"

"I don't know."

"When is your birthday?"

"I've never had one before." Nicholas stared with wide eyes. To him, not having a birthday was the saddest fate imaginable.

"Do you have a job?"

"Not really."

"What does 'not really' mean? Don't you know how to do anything?"

"I can do lots of things. Probably anything you can name." Nicholas grinned at the challenge.

"Can you walk on stilts for four and a half minutes?"

"Yes."

"Can you build a fort in a tree?"

"Yes."

"Can you do two backward flips in a row?"

"Yes." Nicholas furrowed his little brow and tried to think of something that no one could do.

"Can you make things disappear?"

"Yes."

"No you can't!" he cried.

"Yes, I can. I can make anything disappear. I'm very good at that trick. I used to make tools and costumes disappear at the opera. Once I disappeared an entire dinner for twenty people. I can make myself disappear and once I even made your mother disappear." Nicholas turned to his mother, astonished.

"Is that true, Maman? Did Monsieur Erik really make you disappear?"

"Yes he did, Nicki." His eyes grew wide.

"Were you scared?"

"Yes. But he brought me back. Now, it's time for you to go to bed, my little man."

"But, where did you go, Maman?"

"Shhhh. I'll tell you about it another time. Off to bed, now." Nicholas sighed and kissed her goodnight. He then smiled up at Erik and said, "Good night, Monsieur. I'm glad that you woke up."

"I'll glad too, and glad to have met you." Nicholas gathered up his stuffed bear and went to the door. He started to leave but then turned around with one more question.

"Do you have any children?" He pondered this for a moment and said, "Yes, I have a daughter."

"What's her name?"

"Suzette."

"Is she nice?"

"She's very nice."

"Is she pretty?"

"Very."

"Goodnight, Monsieur."

"Goodnight, Nicholas." Nicholas left for his own little bed and the room was silent. Erik took a deep breath and said, "I'd never though of Suzette as my daughter before." He looked up at Christine, "But she is isn't she? Not really of course, but I've looked after her so long, and loved her so much, that there must be something of me inside her."

"How did you come by her?" Christine asked him gently.

"We were sharing a hiding place."

"What?" she asked, confused.

"She was all alone, with no family or friends, and there was a price on her head. She was so small, Christine. And there was no one to protect her. So, I carried her off to the house on the lake, and hid her there with me. And, after a night, I began to love her. And, we've been together ever since."

"You left the opera cellar." she stated.

"We were found out. It was no longer safe for us there. Besides, it was time we had a real home."

"I returned to find you as you asked, but you weren't there. I thought you had died."

"Oh, Christine, I would have died if it weren't for Suzette. I was dying, you see, I was dying of love. That night, when you kissed me and cried for me, was my first as a man. Before that I was a monster without a heart. But that night, my heart came alive and beat only for you. When you left it had nothing to go on beating for. But I wasn't unhappy, Christine, for the pain in my heart was so sweet and I was finally human enough that I could feel it. Just think of it, my Christine. Who could have ever imagined that I, who had lived a life devoid of kindness and compassion, would be capable of dying for love? But I was. And I would have, but I was sent an angel of mercy, and her name is Suzette. But if it weren't for you, my sweet, gentle angel of music, I would have never been able to love her." Christine was stunned. She didn't know what to say.

"Are you happy now, Erik?" she asked him.

"Yes, Christine. I'm happier than I ever dreamed I could be." She smiled and embraced him.

"I'm so glad," she told him, "I've had such horrible nightmares! I would wake up weeping and praying that God would not allow you to suffer. Oh! How I grieved for my poor angel of music!" Erik's heart was soaring.

"Christine?" he whispered, "Are you still afraid of me?" She didn't answer, only held him tighter.

"Christine, last night, when you saw me outside the opera, you were afraid. You screamed at me and drew back as if you thought I would hurt you. It all but cleaved my heart in two. I would give anything if you would not be afraid of me anymore." It was remarkable to Christine that his requests were so simple and ought to be easily granted and yet it was so often that she couldn't.

"It isn't you that I fear. It's not the part that is my loving friend and teacher.

It's the other thing that comes out. The dark, hateful thing, that frightens me. It frightens me because when it comes, you disappear. When I'm speaking to it, you don't hear me. That thing doesn't love me as you do. I'm afraid that it will swallow you up and you will never be yourself again. And it comes so suddenly, and without warning, sometimes I can't tell if it is you or not." Christine saw that he understood. He put out his hand and she took it trembling.

"That thing is dead, Christine. You sent it far away long ago, it hasn't been here since, and it is never coming back. Please, don't be afraid of me anymore." He was pleading with her and she took him in her embrace.

"Please, forgive me Christine," he whispered over and over, "I don't want you to hate me anymore." She leaned down and kissed him tenderly, promising her forgiveness. Erik believed her and was delighted. He asked her eagerly about her career, the places she'd performed, and the cities she'd seen. She answered them excitedly and blushed as he admired her.

"My little songbird has flown to nearly every corner of the earth, and grown into an great diva along the way."

"You've changed as well, Erik." He seemed surprised.

"How have I changed?" She was embarrassed for having mentioned it, but it was too late to turn back now.

"Well, it seems to me that you have grown larger in some way since I last saw you. And your hands no longer chill me when I touch you nor your eyes burn me when I look into them. Although your manner is very much the same, you seem to be much . . .

She stopped as if she couldn't find the word.

"Older?" Erik suggested, and she nodded.

"Well, I suppose even monsters have to grow up someday, my love." he said and laughed to himself.

"I suppose so," she agreed, "At any rate, she has done you a great deal of good, your Suzette."

"She is the joy of my life."

"Tell me Erik, have you been teaching her to sing?" He laughed at this and said, "You silly thing! Are you worried about a rival? Don't be. You see, Suzette's voice is not at all operatic, though she is not without her gifts. I teach her the organ and the violin. She is quite accomplished at both, but she excels with her violin. She will a masterful player one day, you see if she doesn't!" He stopped stared into space and Christine could tell that he was listening to Suzette's music from far away.

"Does she perform often?" she asked, hoping to keep him in her world.

"Only for me." he said darkly. Christine's head jerked up suddenly and the room became quite cold.

"She plays only for you?" Erik turned away as if he had been injured. She pulled him back and looked him straight in the eyes.

"Erik, does she go to school?"

"I teach her," he whispered. There was a pain in his chest and he was having trouble breathing.

"Doesn't she have any friends or playmates?"

"Yes, I send her over to Madame Colette, and there are always other children there. That bought me some more time with her. It will kill me to part with her, you know."

"But the rest of her days and nights, you keep her locked in with you?" She was accusing him openly now.

"Yes. I am a cruel and selfish father."

"How much longer do you mean to keep her?" she demanded of him. The pain in his chest grew greater and his head began spinning. This was the question that had been haunting him since the day when Suzette had opened the treasure chest and asked him to help her find her cousin. But he was in too much pain to even think of it now…

"Not so much longer," he moaned between gasps of breath, "It won't be much longer at all. Oh, my precious child! I can I live without you?"

"Erik, you must release her! Now!"

"I can't," he wept, "Not now, not yet!"

"You must! You had no right to take her in the first place!"

"But…Christine, she is all the happiness I've ever had…I just want to keep her with me forever!"

"And she will grow to hate you for it, if she doesn't already!" Erik was doubled over in pain. It was Christine speaking, but he heard the Persian's words again, "She doesn't love you, monster! You carried her off against her will!"

"You simply can't keep a young girl trapped like an animal for your own comfort and amusement!"

"What do you want with a girl like her? You can't possibly love her!"

Erik's mind was spinning wildly. He couldn't breath and he couldn't think. "No right to take her?" he repeated, "No right to peace, no right to joy, no right to any shred of humanity! Oh God! Why was I ever born?" He had collapsed into a weeping, suffering mass on the floor and Christine tried to get him to lay flat so he could breath easier. When she touched him, he leapt from the bed and whirled around the room like a madman.

"But my Suzette is not an animal! No! And I DO love her! I will release her now! I have to… even if…even if I am to suffer death from it!"

"You won't suffer, Erik," she said as she attempted to guide him back to the bed, "You meant her no harm. I promise you that it is God's love that awaits you. I promise you it will all be all right. " Erik lay down in the bed. Christine stroked him and kissed him until he shut his eyes. Just when she thought he had gone to sleep he spoke again.

"Christine, will you take her?"

"Don't you think she would be happier in a school?"

"She needs you, Christine. You are her family."

"What on earth do you mean?"

"You are cousins, my love. Your father and her father were brothers. Suzette showed me a letter from her father, which described how his brother had run away to play the violin and taken a Swedish name. She also had a letter from your father, which he signed 'Richard Daae'. It's true, Christine. Please, take your cousin and love her. I don't want her to have to go to strangers at some school that don't love her as I do."

"I promise, she'll be welcome to stay with us." He lay back finally with relief and closed his eyes. Suzette would be all right now. She had good family who would protect her and love her and a small fortune that would easily sustain her. The hardest thing would come next. He rested on the bed for at least an hour, with the night sounds coming in through the window and Christine rubbing his back and humming to him soothingly. His heart nearly stopped when he heard the carriage outside. He rose reluctantly and he and Christine went out to meet them.