Part Twelve : Don't Start These Games
Kagome pulled back, not sure what she had just heard. She looked at him with wide, disbelieving eyes and shook her head.
"Inuyasha... What?"
"Ai..." She could tell, even in this darkness, that he was blushing deeply. "Aishiteru, Kagome."
She took a deep breath, trying to calm down her heat as if started doing backflips, or at least some form of gymnastical performance. Her mind screamed two things at once. First of all, she was elated to hear those words escape his mouth, and especially hearing him repeat it and say her name, letting her know that it was for her, and not Kikyo. Then, of course, her mind couldn't give her the pleasure of the moment, and bombarded her with his echoing voice "I don't feel the same way".
Why did she have such a cruel mind?
"Inuyasha..." she was at a loss. How could she question him. She wanted this so badly... but did she want it badly enough to live what possibly was a lie?
Was she really that desperate?
"Kagome, I'm sorry for what I said earlier," he apologized, looking down and away from her. "I didn't mean it, really..."
Was he lying? Was he telling the truth? Her mind was running around in circles, yelling everything it possibly could at her. Her choice had to be made carefully. If he was lying, then what?
"And how can I believe you?" she asked, hoping that she could push that undeniable shake out of her voice. No, it was still there. "Inuyasha, I won't let you jerk me around. Do you have any idea how much it hurts to think that maybe - no, that you definitely still care for Kikyo? Do you even understand how scared I am that maybe I'll wake up one day, and she'll really have replaced me? I mean... I guess in a way I'm her replacement, but... I feel like it's different. She died and I haven't, maybe that's what I'm saying. I feel sort of like... like if I'm gone too long, that maybe you won't ever want me to return. I know you love Kikyo with all of your heart. I just feel like I'm in the way."
"I just feel like I'm in the way..."
Those words echoed in his head. He watched her. He watched her turn away, nearly in tears. He wanted to reach out to her, but her words struck a nerve. Did she really believe that he loved Kikyo more than her? Could he blame her? Yes, just a short while ago, in front of Kagome, he'd confessed and undying love to Kikyo. That he'd always loved her. He was willing to spend an eternity in Hell with her.
It was Kagome's voice that had brought him out of it. Kagome called to him, and he felt the need to protect her. It was then that he realized his true feelings. That he loved Kagome. Once, yes, he'd loved Kikyo, and she would always be in his heart, but Kagome was the one he loved.
"Kagome, Kikyo does mean a lot to me," he started, trying to think of the best ways to put it. "But I don't love her. I love you."
She seemed to hesitate a moment, then turned to face him again. Even if he hadn't seen the tears that had stained her face, her could easily catch their scent in the air. Her expression was a mix of disbelief, fear, and yet relief. And yet, she was still so beautiful, even if there was anger in her eyes.
"Inuyasha, don't start these games," she pleaded, looking at the ground. "I love you, Inuyasha. I really do, so how do you think it makes me feel when I see you're playing with me? My heart isn't a little chew-toy for you to have fun with. I meant it when I said those things..."
"Kago-"
"NO!" she screeched, her hand coming up at him to slap him hard across the face. His normally enhanced senses were temporarily blinded by his emotions, which gave her the chance. "I don't want you to think that you can do these sorts of things to me, or to anyone! Just go back to Kikyo! I'm leaving!"
"Kagome, please don't," he said softly, reaching for her.
He shouldn't have said that earlier. Or maybe saying this now was worse. She didn't deserve to have someone play with her heart. She deserved to smile. And yet, didn't she just do the same thing she was accusing him of? She confessed her love, and then denied him of it. Wasn't that the same?
He could hear her sobbing softly as she angrily brushed tears from her eyes. His heart raced angrily; at both her and himself. How could he be such a moron? Telling her one thing, then changing it at the next, that was playing a game, wasn't it? That's what she meant. He pulled her in one direction, then suddenly jerked her in another. But, shouldn't she have been happy at his words?
Damn could woman be confusing.
He rubbed his cheek gingerly. "Kagome, what do you want?"
"I want you to love me," she whispered, sniffling twice.
"I already told you, I do," he sighed, sounding rather frustrated. "What else do you want?"
"The truth." She looked up at him and his heart skipped a beat. Did she have to be crying? "I also want you to be happy... so I'm going to leave. I know you love her... I'm going to let go, because when you love someone, that's what you do."
She sounded more like she was trying to convince herself that she was him. She nodded to confirm her thoughts.
'If you love someone... you let them go?' Something about it sounded fishy. Maybe it really was the fact that he was a hanyou. No one could get over that. Someone always had to remind him of what he was. A blemish upon all that was 'right' in the world. "I love you, Kagome... so does that mean I should let you go... and... What'll happen after that?"
She blinked at him. "Inuyasha..."
Or maybe, now she was really seeing that he truly did love her. That he had made a simple mistake. Did he deserve to be punished by losing her forever because of one little mistake?
"Kagome, I love you. Don't go."