Galatea
Final Movement: Verbum Domitoris Domitique Voluntas
"Word of the Tamer, Will of the Tamed"
"To gain that which is worth having,
it may be necessary to lose everything else."
Bernadette Devlin
"Hikari Krad sum! Trecentos annos in hoc mundo incessi, trecentos annos vivi…"
Satoshi stirred to life, immediately confronted with the eerie and yet all-too-familiar sensation of being trapped in an astral bubble in the back of his curse's mind. He remembered this feeling, knew what it meant—that control over his body had been wrested, once again, from his grasp. Krad had physical form now, but where…
"Ego, Hikari Krad, Astralis compositionis factus, nec mortalem caronem, nec pecattum vitiumque habens!"
As his mind cleared with his rousing from the unnatural slumber he'd been forced into by his curse—just how long had he been out? This certainly wasn't his apartment—the events of the last time he'd spoken with Krad began to flood his memory once more.
"Ego, Hikari Krad, e Koku Yoku, ex Arte natus; perfectio genus meum est!"
Their fight—Krad had betrayed him. Again. Satoshi had no idea what had possessed the blonde to even show his hand; it was just proving Niwa right!
Dammit…Niwa had been right! The redhead hadn't been fooled by Krad's false advances, had seen through his plots and ploys—seen that Satoshi was falling deeper and deeper, couldn't help but be drawn in by his own curse's hypnotic ways…
"Ego, Hikari Krad, inter numina beatus, trecentos annos harum voluntatem executus sum!"
Wait…those words…
Someone was speaking…someone…in the physical plane. He could sense them clearly now—someone, a male…a clear voice ringing, echoing a long-dead language off the walls of…wherever he was.
'…Just what the hell do you think you're doing?'
Krad grimaced, though his Tamer couldn't see it, and silently cursed himself for not remembering to keep a tighter seal on the sleep spell he'd placed on the boy. He should've known that Satoshi's latent astral powers were strong enough to dispel the incantation if Krad didn't put some force into it.
Or perhaps that hadn't been the reason—perhaps he had, unconsciously, neglected the spell, hoping deep down that his precious host would rouse early and order him to stop this foolishness…
Even if he had absolutely no intention of listening.
'Answer me! What are you doing? Another spell, is it? You never learn!'
Swallowing, Krad continued his chant—he couldn't interrupt the incantation to speak to the boy, either to allay any fears or offer even so much as a farewell.
"Verbo domitoris domitique voluntate, omnibus deis qui magicis artibus imperant—hoc incantamentum signandi invoco!"
'You—I asked you what you were doing! Tell me, dammit!'
Ask and ye shall receive, wasn't that how the saying went?
All at once, a wave of understanding washed over his mindscape, sheltering his astral presence in a soft, warm blanket of gold. Krad's voice now echoed in his own consciousness as well as off the cold—stone?—walls, yet somehow he could understand these words.
/By the word of the Tamer and the will of the Tamed, by all the fair deities who govern magic—I invoke this spell of Sealing/
The comprehension was eerily reminiscent of their synchronization not long before. Almost immediately the warm blanket dissipated, and Satoshi was left with the cold words echoing in his mind.
Sealing?
'Oh, that's rich! A Sealing spell? Is this your "taking matters into your own hands," then? You actually think you can use something like that to take down Dark? You really are an idiot—seal away one and the other half is gone as well! Ah…' Satoshi paused and considered this for a moment, and a decidedly fiendish tone crept into his mental voice. 'On second thought, no…please, continue.'
"Potestatem mihi concede, Astral, quia egeo!"
/Grant me your power, Astral, for I have need of it/
"Hospitalitatem mihi concede, Koku Yoku, quia volo!"
/Grant me your hospitality, Koku Yoku, for I desire it/
"Benedictionem mihi concedite, numena, quia sine hac efferri non potest."
/Bestow upon me your blessing, Divinities, for this cannot be carried out without it/
Had Satoshi solid form, he would no doubt have been rolling about on the ground, shaking with laughter. Krad—his Krad—was actually resorting to magic to get the thief! Surely he'd tried this before, right? Or did somewhere inside the monster's mind lurk some sort of conscience that he'd finally overcome? Using magic unrelated to Krad's pure astral makeup seemed like admitting he was too weak to best Dark otherwise—and vice versa.
'Louder, Krad! I can't quite hear you!' he laughed, and was not disappointed.
"Verbum domitoris domitique voluntas; Astral, Nigrae Alae, Divinique: invocationes antiquas audite! Quod iubeo observate!"
/Word of the Tamer, Will of the Tamed; Astral, Black Wings, and beings Divine: hear these ancient invocations! Heed what I command/
'Then hurry up with your stupid command, already! Gods,' he chortled, 'I've never heard an invocation so long-winded!'
Inside, the boy was waging a minor mental battle—half of him wanted to slip into the astral form his curse had taught him and watch what might be his last moments burdened with the creature from a front-row seat. The other, more proud half, argued that this would be taking advantage of something that same creature had taught him. It would be like being caught enjoying a gift from someone he hated.
In the end, he couldn't help himself, and caved. He shimmered into existence, and his aura spiked brightly in the darkened room, casting a ghostly pallor on the smooth skin of the curse he now watched with manic glee. Krad spared him a glance, eyebrows knitting together in confusion, and Satoshi merely waved him off. 'Oh no, don't mind me. Please, continue with that lovely spell. Were you at all near being done?' His voice took on a hopeful tone at the end, and the blonde turned away, closing his eyes in concentration.
"Perinde ac dies noctem fiat et aestas ipsa gelabat, sic omnia unde venirent redibunt. Perinde ac stellae aurorae et glacies flammae cedunt, sic omnia a fato singulari ligantur."
/As day shall become night and as summer itself shall freeze, all things shall return to whence they came. As stars yield to the dawn and ice to the flame, so are all things bound by singular fate/
Something pricked his senses though…something diluting the glee he felt at finally being able to be rid of this curse who'd made his fourteenth year a living hell… Worry.
Why was Krad doing this? Satoshi tried to brush off the annoying little voice that asked him this, but it was to no avail. Why would he resort to such means to be rid of Dark? Wasn't the point of trying to kill the thief to allow Krad himself to live on, unburdened by his other half? If the blonde sealed himself to get to Dark…didn't that defeat the purpose?
Well—what did it matter, then? For all Satoshi knew, perhaps Krad hadn't even considered this! So who was he to remind him?
"In perpetuum, sic fuit! In perpetuum, sic erit!"
/For all eternity, so it has been! For all eternity, so it shall be/
Satoshi wrung his hands silently, unconsciously licking his lips—mustn't appear to eager, no… He'd somehow successfully silenced that little voice in his head that asked, "Why?" and was once more able to enjoy the sight of his curse wiping both his enemy and himself from existence.
"Verbum Domitoris imperabit; Domiti Voluntas parebit!"
/Word of the Tamer shall command; Will of the Tamed shall obey/
The boy had just begun contemplating how wonderful his life would be without Krad in it when the force of his words began to sink in.
Word of the Tamer…Will of the Tamed…
Was Krad talking about…permission? Permission to perform this spell—Satoshi had given it? But…when had he ever given his once again hated curse permission to seal away Da—
Their fight. 'You would love it if I were somehow sealed, would you not?' Krad had asked, in that frustratingly patronizing tone, and he'd shot back his vicious affirmative retort before even pondering why the blonde would pose a question with such an obvious answer at that moment.
…He hadn't granted Krad permission to seal Dark…
…He'd granted him permission to seal himself…
"Astral extrahit, Astral accipit: ad locum unde veni redibo!"
/The Astral draws forth, the Astral receiveth: I shall return to the place from which I came/
What did that fact change, though? Nothing! It was simply—simply a further demonstration of Krad's conniving ways! Of course he knew that Satoshi would never grant him permission to Seal Dark, even if doing so would Seal Krad himself as well. It was an underhanded deed, and the Hikari boy refused to sink to such a level. Giving his curse permission to carry out such a thing on himself, though…was another issue altogether.
How convenient, then, that the blonde had revealed his true colors just in time to have this consent granted…
Damn, that little voice was back, making him question this whole affair again.
"Numena lacrimam fundunt; mortales sanguinem fundunt: et ego ad mortem perveniam!"
/The Divinites shed a tear; the mortals shed their blood: I, too, shall come to death/
'Not soon enough!' Satoshi laughed, doing his very best to drown out the niggling worries flitting about his mind. 'Must you be so dramatic in everything—even your own Sealing!'
Golden eyes flicked open, turning a frightened gaze towards the smirking boy—he'd been found out! Satoshi-sama had read his intentions! But…
Krad's heart slowed its furious pace—no, no…the boy hadn't read him completely. He still suspected that this entire affair was some complex plot on his curse's part. Good…let him keep thinking as such…
"Omnes divini! Dimidia pars vos invocat! Astralis potestate, Nigrae Alae auxilio, numenum benedictione…"
/All beings divine! The Half invokes thee! With the power of the Astral, with the help of Black Wings, with the Blessing of the Divinities.../
There was no turning back…
"Hikari Krad, tuum signandum invoco!"
Spare me but one more glance, won't you, Satoshi-sama?
"Hikari Krad, tuum signandum invoco!"
Will you grant me a final farewell, at the very least?
'Do it…' was the reply, a cold and yet still impassioned hiss, 'Seal yourself! DO IT!'
…As you wish, Satoshi-sama. I could never refuse you that which you desire so fervently.
"Hikari Krad, tuum signandum invoco!"
/Hikari Krad, I invoke your sealing/
And their world erupted into dark flame.
I love you, Satoshi"Ne, Satoshi-sama, do you still hate me?"
Who…whose voice…?
"No words…express the depth of this emotion, human…"Krad's voice…? But—why was he here! And…where was here?
"You love him, Krad."
Niwa Kosuke's voice, now! But…Satoshi was sure he'd never heard such words as those from the man's lips. He'd never had such a conversation with Kosuke—he'd remember that!
"If you will let me, I will give…give my power to heal your astral wounds, to replenish your threads—please, Satoshi-sama! I…I want to…"
Krad again—dammit, even in death he couldn't escape his curse! Wait…was he dead? Was this Heaven, or Hell? This dark void of nothing that stretched for eternity, haunting him with voices and words that were familiar but not his…surely this was Hell…
"Krad…loves Hiwatari-kun?"
Niwa Daisuke! It seemed only fitting that the redhead would show up in Satoshi's private Hell to further torment him. What pity Niwa couldn't drench him in while alive, he obviously resolved to do in death. And what nonsense was he babbling about now? Krad, loving him? True, he might have believed such a notion before their falling out, but now—
"I love you, Satoshi."
No…no, stop it! He didn't want to hear such falsely gentle words from the lips of one he'd resolved to hate forever now.
"I know…I know you don't want to hear that, but I do, and so I cannot help but tell you. Though that I should do so now…when it matters least… I suppose such is my curse."
You deserved it! If any living being deserved to be Sealed away forever in a cold, dark tomb, never to know love, then dammit, it was you!
"You're absolutely right. And you've every reason to be angry. Go on. Let it out. Rage at me, as I no doubt deserve such antipathy."
I hate you! No—hate is too benign a term! Loathe, despise, revile your very existence! The day I was born was the worst day of my just-begun life, and it's only gone downhill from there. It's all your fault! No family, no friends, no one to love! Because of you!
"And it killed me to discover that, you know. When I began to consider your feelings…have you any idea the pain it caused, knowing how I'd hurt you? Did you even realize that I resolved to never do such a thing again?"
Then why! Why did you betray me! Why did you lead me on—were Niwa and Dark that important! You coddled me and refused me nothing and made me think that—
"There was no trickery, love—"
Don't you dare call me that! Don't even presume that I want to hear that from someone like you.
"Yes…of course. Forgive me for my presumptuous remark. But there was no trickery, you know. Except for…our last quarrel…"
Oh that's right—your betraying me was simply telling me the truth and getting us back on solid ground with one another!
"Again…you've completely misunderstood… I must apologize now, for…for everything I confessed about—about leading you on to make you kill the Niwa boy yourself…was all a lie. I held no such intentions then—nor have I held them for quite some time. It was…a distraction. A means to make you angry with me. And it seems to have worked beautifully."
A…distraction…?
"Was it not a most melodious spell, Satoshi-sama? I've never carried it out…but I have heard it attempted before. I say attempted, because, suffice to say, it's not a spell that can be carried out more than once. Permission from one half for the other to Seal himself…is not often granted. I had…reasons. Reasons for which I knew you'd not have willingly let me carry this out—"
You…reasons? You told me all that about Niwa…
"Yes…to goad you into rekindling your feelings of hatred towards me. I…I am sorry, Satoshi-sama…but there was no other way."
No—but, everything you said…you told me that you'd just…been playing me the whole time…
"You had to hate me! Under what other circumstances would you have let me Seal myself!"
I—that's not the point! Why! Why would you think you had to—
"I'm afraid…I cannot tell you that, Satoshi-sama… You would be…very angry with me, and you would ask things of me which I can no longer oblige you. So, it's for the better if—"
I'm angry with you now, dammit! I still hate you—now it's just for a different reason!
"And yet I still love you."
Don't say that! Don't! If you keep saying that…I might start believing you…
"…Satoshi-sama…"
What?
"…I have to go now…"
What? Wh—but, why? Where?
"Ah, so many questions, have you, love? Would that I had time and will to answer them…but you must go back now, and I must stay."
Go? Go where? No! Wait!
"The Niwa boy will be missing his Dark, no doubt. Offer him an ear, won't you? I know the thief was…more than a bit fond of him, and their broken bond will pain the child."
No! I'm not going—back to—without—
"I do love you, Satoshi-sama… Always, forever, know that I will…"
I know! I—please… Don't do…what I think you're about to do…
"You're free now. I absolve you of any guilt you may burden yourself with, so…please, go."
Don't ask me…to leave here…to leave you… Krad! Just—wait!
"Goodbye, love."
Wait…let me…let me say it! If not now, then never!
One more moment, you Gods. Give me but one more moment!
Please
Krad didn't know how much time passed after his entire world went black, sending his consciousness spiraling down into darkness, and it seemed all too soon that he stirred back to life, eyelids fluttering open softly like butterfly wings. His vision was blurred for but a moment before he registered that he was lying on his stomach on a cold hard surface—a floor, perhaps?
His mind flickered frantically from thought to thought unable to focus on any one thing alone—who was he, where was he, when was he, why was he…
Wait—Krad…He was Krad, golden demon curse of the Hikari clan, and he had sealed himself only what felt like moments ago. His head ached something fierce, a dull throbbing that pounded like a bass drum from somewhere deep inside his skull, incessant and quite painful, but now was not the time to think of that—now was the time to figure out where he was.
With considerable effort he raised his head pathetically from the floor, golden locks tangling in his fingers as he struggled for purchase on the cold stone floor. After a moment, his muscles held firm, and he pushed himself up into a sitting position, legs folded underneath him off to the side. Massaging his temples, he permitted his eyes to cast about the room for any clue where he was—it seemed so familiar…
A high domed ceiling, an Astral pictogram still glowing on the floor, and the unmistakable towering black monolith still clanking its chains in the center beyond the circle…
"K—Koku…Yoku…!" His breath very nearly caught in his voice box, refusing to come out for the shock—why, why was Koku Yoku here! Or rather, why was he here with Koku Yoku? The black wings…they should be no more—he and Dark should have been returned to their rightful place, sealed away forever! He should be—he should be—
But any further conjecturing on where he should have been was halted as he sensed something stirring to his right out of the corner of his eye. His head snapped to the side like a hawk, gaze focusing on a form huddled into a tiny ball on the floor. Had the sight of Koku Yoku taken his breath away, then this sight returned it.
"Satoshi…sama…?" No…no, no this was wrong. Satoshi-sama couldn't be over there, he was here with Krad! Here in his—
Wait…he wasn't. No matter how frantically Krad called out in his head to the Tamer who had to be in there, he received no answer—and not just a lack of an answer, but he couldn't feel anything. No faint pressure that reminded him he was not alone, no twin brainwaves that reverberated along with his own, no phantom thoughts that weren't his floating over into his consciousness…No Satoshi-sama!
He was corporeal; he knew it—so that meant his host should have been locked away in his head now! He should feel the boy in there—but he wasn't. Satoshi-sama was—Satoshi-sama was…
Was…here? Did he dare approach this phantom figure and pray it was real? Could he handle his hopes being lifted so high only to have them sent smashing back to the cold harsh earth by reality? Or contrarily, could he handle brushing it off as a dream? Could he not reach out, call out, somehow acknowledge this occurrence?
Too long, though, it seemed to take him to decide, for while he was still waging a mental battle with himself, the figure stirred to consciousness, almost perfectly mirroring the same regimen the blonde had just gone through. Slowly, thin arms posted on either side to push the wiry frame upright as he rubbed his head uncertainly, running trembling fingers through thin blue locks. And just as Krad had not missed the boy's form, so was the curse's presence not lost on Satoshi, who quickly noticed that he was not alone and turned confused blue eyes across the way.
The pupils dilated in shock, eyes nearly doubling in size, and he could almost hear the confused words spilling off of the lips now, But…But how!
Neither moved for another full minute, bodies refusing to answer to the mind's will that they step forward. Two hearts desperately wanted to believe this was real, but their logical thinking brains refused to be so conceding and fought giving into the hope with everything they could.
Krad was the first to get his body to obey him, slowly rising onto trembling legs that felt as if they were made of glass and would shatter into tiny pieces at any second, depriving him of the chance to take this wonderful step towards what he desperately wanted to believe was his precious host.
Satoshi, though, would not be outdone, and scrambled to his own feet—as far as he could scramble, that is; scrambling implied too much speed, and the Hikari boy could barely gather enough strength to hold himself upright, let alone stand up and walk straight ahead. He staggered forward a few steps, toddler-like, before his forward momentum got the better of his noodle-strength legs and he toppled onto his face a few yards from his curse.
Forgetting entirely that no matter how real they felt separately, one of them was simply an astral image, Krad rushed forward with a burst of newfound strength and clasped his arms around the chest of the falling boy, wrapping him in a comforting embrace, fully prepared to soften the blow of his hitting the ground—until the last thing he would have expected to happen…did.
He caught Satoshi.
Sliding to his knees he crashed into the thin form of his host and clutched him around the chest, holding the boy close to keep him from falling again, and at the same time he struggled to find his voice, only offering a pathetic squeak every now and then as he processed the sensation.
Satoshi too was dumbfounded, except instead of trying to discern how this was happening he instinctively clutched the blonde closer, adopting a death grip around Krad's neck and burying his face in the crook between his neck and shoulder, collapsing into sobs for which he could not voice the reason.
"Te—tell me you're real…please, lie to me, I don't care, but tell me…tell me I'm not dreaming, tell me it's not an illusion…just say it… Please…" His voice was muffled by Krad's hair and robes as he pushed his face even further into the fabric, breathing in any scent he could catch as if committing it as proof of the validity of this encounter—catching that smell he would associate forever more with the blonde, something completely unworldly, ethereal, sidereal, completely Krad…
Krad felt the solid body clutched in his embrace begin to shake with soft sobs as his collar was saturated with tears that simply would not stop, and all he could think to do at that point was run his long fingers slowly across the back of the Hikari child's head, offering comforting ministrations as best he could and whispering to him to calm down.
Why, some distant part of Satoshi's mind wondered, was he reacting so emotionally to this? Forgetting for a moment that he shouldn't be able to touch Krad in the first place, what had changed his mind so quickly, when only a moment ago he'd have been first in line to spit in his curse's face as he breathed his last…and yet he was clinging so violently now…
Because at that instant, when Krad had said it to him, he knew…
"I do love you, Satoshi-sama… Always, forever, know that I will…"
And he knew then, would have known, even if their thoughts had not merged as one consciousness, would have known even if Krad's entire mind hadn't been lain before him like an open canvas to survey, like they were synchronized again, would have known…that none of that argument they'd had had been real. He'd have known, simply from those words, that he was loved, was needed, was wanted, and that he loved, needed, wanted—that he could not live without Krad and that he did not want to live without Krad.
So thinking that this being he'd just realized he cared so deeply for would be gone, only to have his hopes reaffirmed and have Krad sent back to him—it was understandable that he should find himself here, clinging fiercely to the neck of his curse—no, to Krad. For the true curse would have been Krad disappearing, leaving Satoshi alone once more. This man had a name, was a living being with thoughts and feelings, here for him, to have, to hold, to love.
The hands on the back of his head fell away, and Satoshi sensed the chest beneath him pulling away to look him full in the face, but the Hikari boy was having none of that. "No! No—don't let go of me!" He tightened his grip on the body in his grasp to enforce the plea, "Please—don't let go of me! Not ever again!" His voice broke towards the end as his sobs penetrated his voice, leaving him to fight them back futilely now.
"Shh…shh…" a comforting tenor urged in a soft whisper, blowing over his ear as he disentangled himself from the boy's arms, bringing their faces together and resting their foreheads against each other to offer reassurance that he wasn't going anywhere. "I only wish to see this beautiful face I've been deprived of seeing for so long… Mirrors and astral visions do not do my Satoshi-sama justice…"
Face blushing an even deeper red, the boy frowned and turned his eyes away, "I don't—I'm not beautiful…I'm crying…like a little child…" He rubbed the back of his hand over one eye in an effort to straighten his face somewhat, but a gentle hand guided his gaze back upwards.
The boy was a mess: tear-streaked face, completely flushed a tomato red hue, eyes red-rimmed, sniffling, coughing, frown breaking into smiles and returning to a frown, and yet, "You are beautiful…The most beautiful thing, now, that I have ever seen…Never have I been so happy to be somewhere, seeing something, loving someone…as I am now…" He pressed his lips softly across the forehead now beading with sweat, and pulled the boy close again, who now relaxed into his embrace rather than trying to cling to the blonde like a life-raft.
"…Is it real?" was the whispered question which Satoshi hesitated to ask, fearful of the answer, and Krad didn't feel he could offer anything solid in return either.
"I…I don't know…" A deep sigh, "What if it is…?"
The boy tightened his grip again, as if pressing in the statement, and shook his head. "I never…never want to not feel this again…ever…" the soft raspy voice hissed, offering a tiny hiccup as Satoshi repressed another sob.
"Then perhaps…" Krad intoned, sensing the impending and altogether unavoidable lecture he was soon to undergo, "…We should take a walk now…I do believe we have some things to talk about."
They wandered along with seemingly no purpose or ultimate goal for some time—though it seemed none passed. Indeed, though the sun was high in the sky and any welcome breeze absent, it appeared to have no effect on the temperature, a constant balmy "room temperature" that never changed. They were completely alone as they ambled along the sidewalk, with a park bordering them on the left and a downtown street—devoid of cars—on their right. Satoshi was the one who took the initiative to slow down near a bench and suggest that they sit.
"I think…we need to talk…"
Krad nodded down at him, and complied easily, sliding down beside the boy into a stone bench, careful to keep his immaculate white robe from dragging the ground.
Satoshi scooted back onto the bench beside the blonde, leaning forward slightly as he rested his palms on the edge of the seat between his legs, adopting a posture that likened him to a child waiting impatiently for a friend on a park date.
To his side, Krad—well accustomed to adopting an elegant stance—now abandoned it to relax into a more casual pose, leaning forward to distribute his weight down his arms which rested on his knees, hunched forward and staring at the ground in his immediate line of vision.
"…Why…did you…try to Seal yourself?" Krad didn't immediately respond, and the boy turned confused blue eyes onto him and pursued his questioning with a more desperate tone than he'd meant to use, "You said you'd do anything I asked—and I asked you to stay with me!"
He had known this would be the first thing Satoshi would ask him, yet this didn't make it a question that was any easier to answer. There was so much that had to be gathered from their time together that couldn't be easily shaped into human words—feelings, emotions that were more easily expressed with thought and will than with the tongue.
"I didn't want…to hurt you anymore…" Though Satoshi said nothing in reply to this, Krad knew this would not be accepted as a good enough answer, and reluctantly elaborated.
"Every moment I spent with you…was spent with the goal of earning some form of requited sentiment from you—tolerance, friendship, and a far-off faint hope of…of love…There was never a second that I looked at you that I did not pursue this objective…And yet I tried so hard without truly understanding why. Was it because you were my Tamer, my host? Because you were the last Hikari? Or because…you were my Satoshi-sama…?
"I don't even know when I stopped trying to gain your affection…when I stopped even caring about myself, how you felt about me, and I simply settled for…for loving you on my own, without hope for recompense. But whenever that happened, I realized…that if I ever succeeded in my forgotten goal…should you ever feel anything for me…how selfish it would have been!
"For me, to ask you to deign to notice me, to care for me in any way—how selfish! We could not even touch let alone hold one another… I could have borne it, but I would die before I subjected you to that. So I made a decision on my own to cut off my consciousness from yours before I delved any deeper—intentionally or not. Sealing is a host/curse pact—not something that can be attempted without consent of both parties…so I threw together the excuse about the Wing Master to make you hate me again…like before—to grant me permission to carry out the task, so that…I couldn't hurt the one I loved so much anymore…" He raised his palms up and cradled his head in them, massaging his temples in weary thought.
There was utter silence between them when Krad's voice fell away—no birds singing or cars cruising by, not even a faint whistling of the wind through the trees, and Satoshi shifted a bit uncomfortably beside him, before whispering, "…You failed…because you didn't do it in time…"
He pushed himself up off the bench and turned to face Krad fully, who had stopped rubbing his temples to stare curiously at the Hikari child. The blonde let his hands drop back down to his lap and searched the pale face for a clue to his intentions, but none came, until he saw him raise a single palm and lay it on his cheek, cool flesh against cool flesh.
It might have been interpreted as some romantic gesture had the boy been wearing a more content expression on his face, rather than one of mixed curiosity and worry. Krad didn't dare move, instead opting to let the fingers roam down his high cheekbones, tracing over his jaw, before being joined by another set of fingers which explored his forehead, as if memorizing every square inch of his skin, committing it to memory.
Golden eyes closed slowly, surrendering to the darkness and letting the fingers continue over his flesh undeterred. They skittered like spiders down his temples, drawing goosebumps and banishing the tension that had accumulated, then after running parallel down his cheeks again, they met on his mouth, running lightly over his lips, and then fell away.
Only to be replaced by Satoshi's own lips.
As if he'd been jolted by an electric current at the contact, Krad's eyes automatically snapped open, almost desperate to prove the validity (or invalidity) of the brash action that would have been unthinkable of his Satoshi-sama before this. Instead he found that they were, in fact, joined at the lips, with that pale face barely an inch from his own, blue eyes fluttering closed—which prompted the blonde to slide his shut again as well.
It was obvious, a moment into the kiss, that the boy hadn't probably planned it—because he didn't seem to know what to do next, so Krad had to resort to yielding ground and leading him through the "basics", deepening the contact only slightly before pulling back, implying that Satoshi should try the same—which he did without fail. It was a give-and-take experience between them for another few moments before Krad took the initiative to release his host, sensing that the boy who was still a child in so many aspects couldn't help himself.
Their foreheads came to rest against each other, and they took a moment to calm their now racing hearts, before Satoshi spoke, "I think…I've wanted…to do that for a while…" Somewhere in the exchange, his arms had loosely draped themselves over the blonde's shoulders, entangling them in his still-let-down hair, and he idly ran his fingers through the locks as he contemplated his next statement.
"…Really now?" Krad stopped his train of thought, sending it on a new course, "And why is that?"
Satoshi untwined his fingers and pulled back, "I…wondered…what it would be like…if—if it would be cold, sharp, burning…like being a Hikari, like kissing ice…or…or warm, soft, enjoyable, like kissing…Niwa…"
Krad's eyes noticeably widened, and the expected objection came out in a flood of words, "But—you never—you never kissed the Wing Master! You—"
"I know, I know…" He waved a hand weakly at his stammering counterpart, smiling feebly as he stared at the ground. "But it…I always imagined it would feel…like that. Just being around him was warm and enjoyable, so being with him could…only feel that much better…"
Relaxing with the assurance, Krad backed down, voicing his next comment in a more reasonable tone, genuinely curious, "So…which was it?" Satoshi looked up, confused, and Krad couldn't help his usual teasingly seductive tone that crept back into his questioning, "Was it like ice…or like your Niwa?"
Deferring an immediate response, the boy slid back down into his seat beside Krad, leaning to the side so that some of his weight was pressed against the blonde, head resting wearily on his shoulder.
"It was…neither…" He raised a tentative hand to touch his own lips, as if testing them for some trace element left behind which might help him describe it, "Not Hikari…not Niwa…but…not bad…I think I felt…right…kissing you…" He paused again, and the hand fell away. "It wasn't a need, like with Niwa… I needed his warmth, needed him… It was more…I just wanted to…no pressure, just felt right…just…"
His words died away, and he suddenly felt very tired—falling asleep here on this bench leaning into Krad didn't seem like that bad an idea at the moment. As if still connected to him mentally, the blonde turned an eye down to the body leaning against him and lifted an arm to make him more comfortable—hesitating only a moment before asking, "If I…put my arm around you…would you push me away?"
He couldn't see the boy's face, but felt him shake his head and reply softly, "No…" And so he did, reaching around to draw the slender frame closer, with Satoshi unconsciously (or perhaps not unconsciously) burrowing in further, one hand clutching the front fabric of Krad's robes, the other the back.
After a few moments passed, Krad was almost certain that the form huddled against him was asleep, until it spoke up, voice slightly firmer, not so sleep-laden as he would have expected it to be.
"Ne…If I…told you that…I loved you…would you forgive me?"
Krad stiffened and turned his upper body slightly to look down at Satoshi, but the boy clung on even more fiercely and refused to look up, as if frightened that the blonde was pulling away in repulsion. He immediately relaxed and soothed the tension, bringing one hand over to run the long fingers through the thin pale-blue hair, smiling wryly. "Forgive you for what, Satoshi-sama?"
"Don't call me that anymore…" the voice returned, slightly annoyed, "I don't…I don't like it when you elevate me like that…"
Blinking a few times and hesitating while he weighed whether or not he could permit himself to do such a thing, Krad eventually conceded, "As you wish…Satoshi…"
The Hikari boy's body relaxed slightly, and he could have sworn he felt a tremor echo into his very bones, but Satoshi finally continued his confession, "I said…horrible things to you…so many times…"
"I deserved them—" Krad interrupted, only to have himself interrupted.
"That's what I told myself," Satoshi continued firmly, tightening his grip on the fabric, "That I hated you, that your pain was nothing, that you'd earned everything…and for a while it worked, because I needed something to hate…and you were always there with me, always endured me…put up with me…And you never fought back—so it frustrated me! I could—I could fight Dark, throw a punch, and he'd punch back. Yell at Niwa and he'd get mad at me for taking my own problems out on him. But I could never get rid of you—even when I wanted to…even when I didn't…or at least I thought so…
"You lied to me again…told me you'd just been pretending to get close to me all this time, trying to make me kill Niwa…and I was so mad…you don't even understand how hurt I was!" He looked up now, a sheen of tears making his eyes appear even more like bottomless pools of water, "Because—because the last person I had who hadn't used me or betrayed me in some way…the last one who'd always been with me, comforting me, helping me even when I didn't want help…And all I wanted was for you to leave me alone…forever…
"But…how much it hurt to be betrayed…by you…couldn't compare to what it felt like…when I thought I was going to be alone again…knowing that the first cut was fake. That none of the time we spent together was a ploy to use me to carry out family duty, that you were just as I'd hoped you were…that…we would always be together…And I realized how much worse it would have been if you'd really disappeared…
"So I'm…sorry…for hurting you…and for asking you this…but—please don't leave! I—I want…it to stay like it was…I want you to be with me always! It hurts me too much to let you go…even though it will hurt you just as much to stay…but…" He pulled himself closer, curling into a ball, "Please…"
Krad regarded the boy silently for a moment, then slowly untwined their bodies and pulled away, earning a panicky look from his Tamer. Standing before Satoshi, he stared down, a pitiable expression painted on his features.
"I'm sorry…Satoshi…but…I cannot stay in your mind any longer…"
Head shaking back and forth in disbelief, Satoshi reached his hands out feebly, voice cracking, "N—no! No! I don't—why! Why can't you—!"
"Because—because, Satoshi…" He leaned forward and closed his golden eyes, a content smile rising to his lips as he pressed them against the boy's forehead, "Because…I do believe that I have been granted a body of my own."
"You…what?" His eyes could not widen enough at the revelation. "Wh—but—how!"
Krad smiled down at the boy, pulling back and sinking down until the two were at eye level, taking one of the now-shaking hands in his own to act as a source of reassurance. He diverted his gaze for only a moment, admitting, "I don't…really know…truthfully I should be in whatever limbo accompanies my sealing, as I am whenever my host dies or when my use has faded—the ritual was perfect…"
He flicked his eyes back to Satoshi's attentive face, catching a bit of sun in the golden glint, "But not that any of that matters…When I awoke in the chamber, I was perfectly aware of my physical self—which meant you should have been in my mind then, but you weren't." He raised one hand and cupped a cheek in it, "The only conclusion I can draw is that by some grand stroke of luck I miscarried out the ritual—whatever energy should have been used to seal me inside Koku Yoku was instead diverted into fashioning a physical body of my own." He sighed low and cracked a grateful smile, "But, however it happened…who am I to question it?"
Satoshi drank in every detail Krad revealed with a kind of awe that was rarely seen on his features, bright eyed and excited, ecstatic beyond measure. When the blonde finished and pushed himself back up to stand erect, the boy burst forth, "Then—you're…you're really staying?" A curt nod. "You'll stay with me—really?"
Krad had to suppress a light laugh—the boy seemed to almost be regressing from his normally cool, calm state into one of childish excitement, and it suited him quite well. On second thought, when he gave it further attention, Satoshi's normal emotional state was actually abnormal for a fourteen-year-old boy—not that he'd ever cared in the slightest, mind you. It seemed for the first time in his life the Hikari child was finally enjoying himself, glad to be alive, glad to be…with Krad.
Reverting back to his own usual teasing, the blonde adopted a posture reflecting deep thought, "Actually I'd thought I'd go and see if the Wing Master would have me…I haven't had a simple proper chat with Dark in so long, you kn—"
WHAPHe blinked once, twice, three times before he properly registered what had happened—and by this time Satoshi, who had risen from his seat, had pulled back, looking abashed at the playful smack. Krad looked down at his shoulder—which didn't hurt at all really, it was a light punch meant to bring the blonde back to his senses after his joke—but, well, he'd never been touched by anyone but Dark before, and those times were anything but enjoyable.
"Ah—I…sorry, I just…" Satoshi was under the impression that he'd gone too far, mentally chiding himself for the action, "I didn't mean—"
"No—no!" Krad rushed to alleviate any fears that he'd been offended that might have risen inside his precious former-host's mind, "I only…was surprised…" An embarrassed smile managed to break across his features, "I suppose I shall have to get accustomed to being able to touch you."
Relief spreading over his face, Satoshi relaxed into a smile again as well, lunging forward, "As long as you want…take as long as you want…and…" The relieved smile twisted into an almost devious grin, "I'm glad to finally be able to exact some form of payback for whenever you bother me!"
"A bother am I?" Krad repeated, face twisting into one of mock horror, and he elicited the desired laugh he'd been aiming to draw from the boy as the two turned and began walking up the sidewalk again, bound for the empty apartment—which was about to welcome a new occupant.
The two continued to chat animatedly (well, mostly animated on Krad's part, where Satoshi was content to listen attentively and drink in every moment they were together) as the city skyline rose into view once they topped a hill.
"N—Niwa!" the Hikari boy breathed, shocked, drawing Krad's attentions to follow his gaze to the foot of the hill they'd just crested. And indeed, standing there in a coat that looked too large on him, was Niwa Daisuke, staring up at the pair. When he didn't move to approach the two, Satoshi took the initiative and stepped up his pace as he jogged down the hill—in a considerably better mood now than when he'd last spoken to the Niwa boy. Waving a hand in greeting, he called out as he approached, "Niwa!"
Still the redhead gave no response—barely even acknowledged that he was being hailed save to turn and face the approaching Hikari boy, offering a wan smile. "Good afternoon, Hiwatari-kun."
Satoshi slowed to a halt, leaning forward to rest his hands on his knees while he caught his breath, with Krad following up from behind and eyeing Daisuke warily. "Niwa, you—what're you doing here?" He glanced at his wrist to check the time, then realized that he was still in the clothes he'd fallen asleep in (his school uniform, now quite wrinkled) and definitely without a watch, "Isn't it…still school-time? I'm sorry I couldn't come in today—"
"Hiwatari-kun," the flat voice interrupted, and Daisuke turned away from him to look off into the skyline, "You shouldn't be here…Go home."
Satoshi's face fell into confusion, "Niwa…what're you…?" But he was stopped from pressing further when a hand was laid onto his shoulder from behind, and he looked up into Krad's stern face, which was now focused on the redhead.
"Let's…go somewhere else, Satoshi…" he suggested in a tone that made it quite evident it was anything but a suggestion, and he tugged on the shoulder he had his hand on. The Hikari boy, though, was not quite ready to leave yet.
"Krad—what're you—Niwa!" He turned from Krad to Daisuke and called out as the boy began to leave them behind, and reached out. "Wait—don't you…notice anything different?"
Daisuke paused and turned only his head to peer from the corner of an eye at him, "Different…nothing…"
Satoshi pulled back and let himself be dragged a few feet backwards by Krad, soaking in the strange statement, before quickly regaining his senses and firing back incredulously, "But you—what about him? He's here—real! Krad is!" He flung a hand backwards to gesture at the being behind him, who was still trying to pull him away from the situation, growing increasingly uncomfortable at the strange atmosphere.
Daisuke narrowed his eyes, which were completely devoid of the normal life and fire he exuded, as if he were merely an empty shell without a soul.
"No, Hiwatari-kun. Krad is not here, he's dead to the world."
Brow knitting in frustration, Satoshi's words grew louder and more frantic, and the blonde actually had to put forth some effort to draw him away. "What're you talking about Niwa! He's right in front of your eyes! Right here! With me! Can't you—can't you see!"
The other boy simply shook his head in a pitiable gesture. "No, Hiwatari-kun. Krad is gone. Krad is not with you—will never be with you. Ever again. Ever. Again. Krad is gone. Krad is—"
"Shut up! Shut up, Niwa! He's here! He's here! HE'S HERE!"
"Satoshi…" Krad tried to calm the boy down, but failed miserably when he turned on him.
"Make him see! Can't you? Can't you? What's going on—why won't he see you?" His voice cracked, "Why?" He clawed at the robe but was met with only an averted gaze as Krad avoided responding—so the boy turned back to Daisuke, "What's…with all this? Something's not right…not right…" But he was ignored, and the Niwa boy continued walking away from the pair. "Krad…what…?"
"I'm sorry, Satoshi…" He raised his golden head to the sky and closed his eyes, earning a worried stare from his Tamer, "But I think, this world…"
"…What about 'this world'?" His voice was quavering even more now, "What are you talking about! This world?" He gave a sharp tug on one of the sleeves, and gasped when Krad actually did meet his eyes.
He was crying.
"I'm sorry…Satoshi…"
The boy didn't even know if he dared ask, "S-sorry…about what?"
"No time, no time…" The blonde head dipped down until it was even with the Hikari boy's, and he wrapped his arms snuggly around the thin frame, embracing him tightly as if holding on for dear life, burying his face in Satoshi's shoulder, "Just…until the end…until the end, stay like this with me…"
Until…the end…? Satoshi desperately wanted to pull back and refute him, to chide him for worrying him once again. "No…no…no, what're you saying! Don't say things like that! The end—the end—what end! There is no end! No end, no…no end…"
"The end…" a golden voice whispered through tears, "Of our dream…"
Satoshi didn't remember closing his eyes, but when he next surveyed his surroundings, he couldn't help but notice he was no longer standing outside on a sidewalk under the afternoon sun with Krad's arms wrapped around him. Instead, he was back where he'd woken up not fifteen minutes ago, and was fighting off a severe case of déjà vu.
He slowly pushed himself up off the floor and shook his head to clear it, then raised his eyes as he remembered doing, hoping and praying that he'd see what he hoped to see.
And he did…yet he didn't.
There, in the center of the room, kneeling in place with his golden head hanging down, was Krad…or rather, some strange image of him. The man's body seemed to glow, flickering in and out of focus like an old television image, as if it were simply…
…Simply his astral form…
Scrambling to his feet as best he could, Satoshi ordered his weary legs to carry him properly—he had to get over there, over to Krad, he had to. Because this couldn't be happening, this cold fear clenching his heart had to be unfounded! He teetered unsteadily for but a moment before dragging his feet forward, feeling as if he had lead blocks strapped to them.
The golden head lifted slowly to take in the sight of his host trying so desperately to reach him, and though Krad wanted just as greatly to be near the boy, he could only manage to slowly shake his head and say, 'No, Satoshi-sama…don't waste your time, don't come…'
"I never listened to you before, and I damn well don't plan on starting now!" the boy ground out through clenched teeth as he urged his legs forward, not even noticing that Krad was no longer speaking to him aloud, but was instead once more talking in his mind. And if he'd focused on this fact rather than making his feet move, he also might have sensed that the pressure had returned in his mind, though it was wavering back and forth like a dull headache.
A pained look crossed the blonde's smooth features, and he bit his lip to keep from choking out a sob as he watched his beloved host working so hard, using all his might just to traverse a distance of some mere fifteen feet…just to be by him. 'Satoshi-sama, it's futile, you shouldn't—'
"Shut up!" he snapped, brows knitting in frustration, and there was a slight quaver in his voice that he quickly clamped down on, "I said I'm coming over there, so you just—just shut up!" He frowned and stared down at his feet before remarking in a tone that oozed forced-lightness, "You could make this easier if you'd just come over to me, you know." He gave a soft laugh that hung dead in the air.
Golden eyes slid shut in shame—he hadn't meant for his host to see him like this… The boy was supposed to be unconscious for this part of the ritual; why oh why did Satoshi-sama always have to exceed his expectations? 'I'm…sorry…I cannot move, Satoshi-sama…'
"That's all right," Satoshi replied smoothly, as if it were the most trivial of matters, purposely skirting around asking why his curse couldn't move, and simply smiled to himself, "I'm almost there anyways." Indeed, a moment later he stopped his attempts when he'd finally gotten within a foot of the blonde, and sank down to his knees so that he was just below eye level, breathing heavily from the exertion.
Krad couldn't look away forever, and when he sensed the boy staring up at him, he felt compelled to give some response, but couldn't keep the pain from flowing forth in the form of very new, yet very real tears. 'Forgive me, please…please, you weren't meant to see this…' Words choked in his throat, and try as he might he could not convey his apology across their mental link.
Satoshi gave no reply, merely treating it as if the blonde hadn't said a word, and silently reached up to touch the cheek and wipe away one of the tears that had crested its bank and was snaking its way downward. He frowned when his fingers passed through the image, muttering, "I liked it better when I could touch you…it was much easier to do things like wiping away tears…" Not looking into the man's eyes, he asked lightly, "Ne, Krad, why can't I touch you?" No response, and he turned his attentions to the other cheek, as if checking to see if perhaps that one was solid. "I could touch you before Krad. Tell me why I can't touch you now." His tone was breaking now, desperation leaking in, and it was growing more and more difficult to keep up his façade.
He let his arm drop back to his side, and his breath hitched in his chest before coming out in fast pants. "ANSWER ME!"
'It's…the Sealing, Satoshi-sama…' Krad responded at last, his mental voice ragged, and he covered his mouth to keep in a sob.
"No…no, it's not that, I don't think…" The Satoshi who refused to accept what Krad said was back in control, apparently.
'Satoshi-sama, I—forgive me…but in only another moment, I'll be—'
"IT'S NOT TRUE!" Satoshi screamed, and fell forward on his hands, blue eyes quivering in fear and anger, "I told you to tell me why, so stop your damn lying! Stop—stop saying things that aren't true! Tell me why I can't touch you anymore!" He hung his head and clenched his hands in fists, pounding the floor as if he might be able to force it to answer in Krad's stead. "Answer me! It's not the stupid Sealing! Because—because we were just outside! And you were there, and I was there, and you had a body, and you weren't in my head, and—"
'That was just—'"STOP TALKING IN MY HEAD!" he shouted in fury, clapping his hands to his ears, and it made his stomach lurch how he only heard his own voice echoing off the stone walls surrounding him. He took a deep breath here and continued, "You were there, and you had a body, because the Sealing didn't work, and we were walking together and touching together and talking together and—and—why! Why can't I touch you?"
That was it—if the boy kept speaking like this, all desperation and abject refusal to accept, it was going to completely destroy Krad's carefully constructing defenses. If he asked just one more time…
"Ne—Krad…" His voice was soft and understanding again, and he reached up once more to slowly trace the line of the blonde's high cheekbones, "Why can't I—"
'Just—STOP IT!' he exploded at last, tears flowing forth unhindered now, without even a semblance of trying to hold them back. 'Stop asking me questions you already damn well know the answers to! You just—KNOW! You know why, so stop asking! I can't give you any answer that's different from what you already know is true—I'm leaving! It's the Seal, understand? Stop running from it, there's nothing I can do!' He closed his eyes and sobbed pathetically, 'I can't…I can't stop it, so please…please don't ask me to do something you know I can't…'
There was a scuffing sound, and he felt the boy move nearer, head resting in the air where Krad's shoulder would have been if it were solid, "…Will you hold me?"
'I told you…please don't ask me to do things I cannot…'
The blue head shook, and an unexpected smile crept across the flushed features as tears began to make their way down Satoshi's cheeks as well, "No…not now…but when I see you again…will you hold me then?"
Krad balked, and had not the heart to tell him that they would not be meeting again, that the Astral void he was about to be banished to was not one the living were permitted to visit. Instead, he replied softly in a rasping mental voice that cracked, 'Yes…I swear with my whole being that I will hold you when next we meet…'
The smile widened, and Satoshi whispered, "Liar…" He closed his eyes, forcing more tears out. "Ne, Krad…"
The blonde didn't answer, and thin brows knit as he called out again. When Krad still refused to respond, he whipped his head up to reprimand him, when he realized the reason he'd not been answered:
Krad was gone.
"K-Krad…?" he called out, frightened, eyes darting from one side of the room to the other, his only company the towering black monolith that was Koku Yoku. He scrambled to his feet and turned to and fro, continuing his frantic cry, "Krad! Krad!" No reply…not that he'd really expected one.
"You just…leave just like that?" he choked out, fiercely wiping his eyes of the tears that simply wouldn't stop, "Don't even—don't even say anything, just leave, not even a goodbye or—or—"
His eye fell on the artwork, and he slowly stepped towards it—the piece radiated a dark heat that was rapidly fading as the Astral that had been fed into it left the physical plane for good. Laying a hand on its vertical face, he frowned more deeply.
He hated his family more than anything in the world right then. He'd gained nothing but pain and torture and heartache from them, in more forms than he'd thought such feelings could come in. And not just his life had been destroyed by them, no—countless lives, from countless generations forced to bear the weight of the Hikari name…had all been lain to ruin by the selfishness of his forefathers…
"Kuso…" he cursed softly, and leaned into the artwork, sliding down to rest his head against its still-warm face. Krad was in there, somewhere, now… Dark, too, probably…Niwa would be feeling it soon. Another life destroyed by his family.
"…Why can't I touch you…?" he asked of no one, and stroked a single finger down the black stone face. "Ne, Krad… Why can't I…"
Hikari Satoshi cried, and did not stop for a very long time.
He'd never even told him he loved him.
fin
Author's Notes: The 'fin' is kinda misleading...as of course there's an epilogue. So, let's start the slaughter, shall we? Next week: said epilogue.