Chapter 15: Shadows of the Past
Mara slowly made her way through the main corridor of the Emerald Dawn, on her way back to her quarters. Her hand hesitated slightly above the activation panel. For the third day now, Luke had been teaching her to use the Force and on each of the previous two days she had entered her quarters only to be assaulted by unlocked memories. Memories that Mara wished would go back to being forgotten. On the first day, she had seen herself hunting down Luke on Naboo with eerie clarity. And on the following day, Mara had gotten another glimpse at her impetus for killing Luke. Once again she received the datapad describing Luke as a murderer and traitor, but this time she felt a single minded determination to destroy him rush through her. Mara wasn't just seeing her past. She was feeling it as well.
Finally, Mara snapped out of her thoughts and smacked her hand against the activation panel of the door. She would not let fear rule her life, nor would she let the visions. Mara was better than that, stronger than that. Her past would not beat her. She would learn to face her demons head on. No one controlled Mara Jade's destiny but herself and Mara was certain that killing Luke wasn't a part of her destiny regardless of what her memories told her. Mara took a quick step into her quarters, only to tumble to the floor as she was assaulted by a vision of the past once more.
Mara's vision clouded and her senses were taken over by her latest nightmare. A raspy voice overpowered her senses. "Mara Jade… Behold child, what unfolds above Endor." Her vision slowly cleared and Mara could see three familiar figures, but only one she knew by name. She saw Luke dueling the dark, armored man with his lightsaber as the dark man with the yellow eyes looked on. Nothing could be heard but the crackle of lightsabers and the voice of the hooded man which pressed against her mind. "Use your aggressive feelings boy. Let the hate flow through you. Now fulfill your destiny and take your father's place at my side!"
This statement caused the two combatants to cease their attacks suddenly and they simultaneously turned to face their pale observer. Without a word, the armored man and Luke began to march toward the hooded figure, their lightsaber still ablaze before them. They pinned the dark man against the railing and Mara found herself feeling sick at the merciless attack she was seeing. "No! Stop! I command you! I command you both! Stop! Death to you both! DEATH TO YOU BOTH!" The raspy screams of the hooded man ceased as a pair of lightsabers impaled him and Mara found her vision filled by the face of the hooded man. She could feel the agony of the man's death as his yellow eyes seemed to pierce through her. "You will kill Luke Skywalker!"
Mara snapped out of her vision with a feeling of dread running through her. Over and over she had seen herself killing and, now, she was seeing Luke in her visions. There was only one logical course and she didn't like it at all. Luke did not deserve to die and she would not be the one to take his life from him. A little voice in the back of Mara's head asked her if that was true. Her visions weren't just dreams. They were memories. How could she be sure Luke was as innocent as he portrayed himself to be?
Mara shook her head as she shakily rose to her feet. She could not and would not believe that Luke was anything but the honest and kind man she knew him to be. This did not stop her from wondering just where such memories would come from. During her dreams, the evidence against Luke felt irrefutable and that feeling refused to die. Either Luke was playing an elaborate game with her or her memories were wrong. Mara had no way of knowing which to believe, however.
Sitting down on the bed in her quarters, Mara brushed a hand through her hair and took a deep breath to calm herself, but it was of no use. Her turbulent emotions refused to die down after the latest vision. The only thing that had settled her in the past was Luke, but he had not come. But if she killed Luke, the visions were bound to stop.
Mara clenched her fists and retched as the rogue thought crossed her mind. She couldn't kill Luke any more than she could take her own life. Luke had done nothing to her to deserve such treatment. In fact, Luke had shown her nothing but a kindness for which Mara would be eternally grateful. Luke had shown her compassion when she had needed it most. In spite of having every reason to believe Mara was dangerous, he had refused to leave her side. Mara didn't even want to imagine what her life would be like if Luke died. She loved him too much.
A hand came to Mara's mouth at the shock she felt at her own thoughts. Mara was surprised that she even considered feelings of love toward Luke and was even more stunned when she realized her feelings were real. She was falling in love with a man she had been meant to kill. But how could anything work between them if Mara was constantly being assaulted by nightmares where she felt driven to kill Luke?
Mara closed her eyes tightly, refusing to let a tear fall. She was stronger than this and had to do what was best. For Luke's own good, she would have to leave him. His life was worth more than her broken heart. Luke would be able to move on with his life without Mara's past dragging him down. Mara finally opened her eyes as a single tear escaped in spite of her best efforts. She was a danger to the man she was falling in love with.
Mara sat in still silence trying to figure out how she would leave Luke. She didn't know if she could face him knowing that it would be their final goodbye. It would be better to just vanish once they reached the fleet. Surely, Luke would be distracted upon being reunited with his friends. It wasn't like he shared her feelings. A man like Luke probably had some perfect woman waiting for his return. He wouldn't want the love of someone as flawed as Mara. Mara rose from her seat with her decision made. Once they reached their destination and Luke inevitably started to drift away, she would leave him. Mara only hoped she could keep the dreams…and her feelings at bay until then.
The sound of the door to her cabin opening caused Mara to spin on her heel and face the entrance. She quickly swiped her hand across her face to wipe away any evidence of the rogue tears which had streamed down her cheek. The last thing she needed was Luke's worry bringing out her feelings again. She had to be strong for both of them. Mara knew she had failed in keeping her worry hidden when Luke's concerned blue eyes moved around to meet her bloodshot green ones.
"You will kill Luke Skywalker!" Mara was forced to turn away and grab her head when Luke's eyes finally locked with hers and the dark man's raspy voice echoed through her mind. The voice kept repeating over and over until Mara felt Luke's hand rest on her shoulder.
"Mara, what's wrong?" Mara bit her lip, but refused to turn and face Luke. She did not want to bring the voice back. However, Mara found herself unable to resist the gentle hand on her chin which turned her to face Luke. When the voice did not return as she met Luke's eyes, Mara was unable to resist pulling Luke to her. Her days with Luke may have been numbered, but Mara wanted to be able to remember the comfort she associated with this man long after they parted ways.
Luke found Mara's behavior odd, but was not about to turn down the strong embrace of the woman he was coming to love. If her actions now were any indication, perhaps he had a chance with her after all. Luke almost regretted putting a small distance between them so he could look Mara in the eyes. When he saw something hiding behind the emerald gems that he had never seen before, Luke knew that it was now or never. He brushed the back of his hand across her cheek and moved down, capturing her lips with his own.
After a flash of shock, Mara gave herself into the moment and opened her mouth to deepen their kiss as she pulled Luke closer to her. She almost wondered if this was a product of her imagination, but she found it hard to believe that a daydream could feel so right. As Luke lowered her to the bed without breaking their kiss, any thoughts of leaving him left Mara. It had already been too late. She was too in love to let go.