Chapter 20: Dangerous Mind

Luke stood in the corridor, hesitant to make his presence known to the woman behind the door before him. Ever since returning from his last mission, Mara had become detached and cold toward him. At first, Luke thought she may be angry about leaving her alone while he went out to fight, but the impersonal and almost hostile responses he was continuing to receive from Mara gave him the impression that something more was bothering her.

Luke wished that she would just tell him what was wrong. He wanted to help her and she knew that, but she could be more stubborn than a gundark about doing things herself. Luke began to wonder if Mara had possibly regained her full memory and was now reconsidering her association with him, but he had no way to be sure. If he really wanted to, Luke knew he could pull Mara's surface thoughts from her mind with the Force, but that was dangerously close to the Dark Side and he refused to violate her in such a way. All Luke could really do was to continue to be supportive and hope things were better when he returned from his upcoming mission.

Finally regaining his confidence and tapped on the door to Mara's cabin before hitting the activation pad. He knew perfectly well that she would try to ignore him as she had been every day since he got back and wasn't about to waste time convincing her to let him in. Mara glanced at Luke from the corner of her eye with a hard expression on her face, but didn't say anything. Instead, she went back to reviewing whatever was on the datapad in her hand. "I have to head out on another mission."

Mara turned a single eye to Luke in response, but once again went back to her datapad without a word. Not willing to concede so easily, Luke stepped further into the room and tried to place himself in Mara's line of sight. Mara simply looked up at Luke with a glare as she put down her datapad. She folded her arms across her chest and continued to silently watch Luke stand in front of her. Realizing Mara was going to listen but not talk, Luke continued to speak. "I'll probably be gone for a week. I'm sorry to do this to you again, but they need me out there. They need a Jedi on this one if they're going to stand any chance."

Luke thought he may have seen a flash of worry from Mara before her face turned to stone once more. He chastised himself for hallucinating. Mara was probably more irritated that he was leaving again than worried about whether he would return safely. "I'll probably be gone for a week. Will you be fine on your own?"

Mara narrowed her eyes further at Luke's comment, unsure whether to be insulted or relieved that Luke was concerned about her ability to handle things without him. "I can take care of myself."

Realizing that this conversation was getting him nowhere, Luke made his way to the room's exit, but stopped just as he opened the door and turned around. He stood silently for a moment before Mara finally turned her head slightly to let him know she was listening. "If you do need anything while I'm gone, go to Leia. She'll take care of it. And Mara, may the Force be with you." Luke stood in the doorway for a moment, considering saying more, but, ultimately, decided against it.

As soon as the door shut behind Luke, Mara tossed the empty datapad at her side across the room, shattering it against the opposite wall. With her conflicted emotions, it took all the willpower Mara had to put on a front for Luke. Mara knew now that she had to leave him. She had done her best to distance herself from the Jedi, but he ignored her icy demeanor. The only way Mara would have peace was to remove herself from the source of her conflict. She had to leave Luke.

Mara held her head as the Emperor's last command rang through her head once more, violently renewing the battle between the conflicting urges to kill the Jedi and love the man. She lay down on her side and curled into a ball, wanting to escape. What she had known during her time as the Emperor's Hand and what she had seen following her amnesia didn't make sense. Her master had told her of the Jedi killer. Luke had even taken up arms with Vader to destroy the man. How could this be the same innocent soul who had nursed her back to health on Naboo?

Mara knew that she was being deceived, but by who? The Emperor wasn't beyond manipulation, but, without him, she was nothing. Luke, on the other hand, she had only known for a short time. For all she knew, he was simply playing her for a fool as a part of his bid for power. He already had the New Republic military worshipping him. It wouldn't take much to mobilize the troops under his banner and take the galaxy for himself. Mara didn't know what to believe anymore. She had been naïve and vulnerable on Naboo, but, for some reason, those few memories held as much weight in her mind as her entire life with the Emperor.

Rolling to face the ceiling, Mara simply stared at the polished, white surface above her in am attempt to clear her mind. She considered calling on the Force for answers, but she was hesitant. The Force had gotten her into this mess. Why would she expect the solution to lie in the very thing that caused her troubles?

Feeling restless, Mara shifted to sit on the edge of the bed and then got up and began pacing the room. She was on her own as it was meant to be. Mara Jade didn't need anyone else. She would live her own life away from the influence of those who could use her abilities in the Force to their own ends. With that thought, Mara went to the room's small closet and pulled out a bag. It was time to start over. Alone. It was better this way, for both of them. Mara Jade would just have to forget the day she ever heard the name Luke Skywalker.