At first, all I could sense was his hesitation, his worry. But as he kissed me, as his tongue asked entrance inside my mouth, he forced his worry away and lowered the last shield.
His emotions flooded through me. They pierced me and made my blood run cold. My soul screamed from the darkness that Tsuzuki held within him as I screamed from the emotional onslaught I was recieving.
Hatred, Self-loathing. Regret. Worthlessness. Hopelessness.
I have only been able to sense emotion, but Chief Konoe had informed me once that I could pick up memories associated with the emotions. I had never tried to see someone's memory, even though the Chief had taught me how, but now I did.
Every horrible emotion Tsuzuki felt, I went through his memories. I can only remember fragments, but even those fragments are enough to make me angry on his behalf, to want to hold him and comfort him.
Tsuzuki ran. His classmates were close on his heals, and he knew that if he could cross the street, he'd be safe.
A rock appeared in his line of sight, but it was too late. He tripped, and his classmates caught up with him.
The other children rained kicks and punches on his small body. He hadn't had time to roll into a ball before the abuse started. With each blow, a new insult was tossed at him.
"Demon-child!"
"Monster!"
"You're not normal! You're an abomination!"
I wish I could help him, but all I can do is scream. Scream for them to stop, even though they can't hear me.
Another memory begins to take shape, and I have to choke back a scream.
Blood was everywhere, and Tsuzuki sat in the middle of it. The broken bodies of several people lay strewn about around him.
Tears streamed down Tsuzuki's face as he rocked back and forth. He was chanting, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" over and over again.
The memory begins to fade, only to be replaced by another one, each more horrible than the last. I don't know how long I sifted through his memories, but I didn't care.
Tsuzuki sat on a bed, staring blankly at the wall. The room was sterilized and smelled like a room at a hospital.
A man entered the room and began speaking. Tsuzuki couldn't make out what he was saying, just continued to stare blankly. The man left, and Tsuzuki continued staring.
That night, he attempted suicide again. This time he made the cuts longer and deeper. Dragging his wrists against the jagged edge of his bed, Tsuzuki went over each cut a total of ten times.
Blood flowed down his wrists, faster and faster. The blood dripped on the floor at his feet and soon a puddle appeared.
Tsuzuki felt his heartbeat slow, and hope rose in him. Hope that this time, he would die.
Tears stream down my face as I watch. I can't stop him. I am forced to watch as he bleeds to death.
Yet he doesn't die. This time.
I go through several memories similar to this. Several suicide attempts. I watch helplessly has he tries to kill himself to escape his pain.
I sense his relief at finally being allowed to die. I watch as the Count escorts his soul to the Ministry of Hades.
I watch as he's offered the position of Shinigami. And I watch as he kills.
I watch as the faces of every person he has killed, personally or inadvertently, flashes across his mind.
So many people, but that doesn't bother me. What bothers me is how each and every one of them affects him.
More memories wash over me, and I can't control them. I scream.
Suddenly, I'm staring at Tsuzuki's eyes. Beautiful violet eyes thatare haunted by a terrible past.
I can't speak, and I can tell that my silence is making him withdraw. I don't want that, but I don't know what to say. There is nothing to say to someone who's been through what he's been through.
My mind racing, I look for a way to show him that it's okay. Without thinking, I kiss him. I let all of the love I have for him, all of the sympathy, everything that I am fill the kiss.
He responds, and I relax. I haven't lost him.
I know that my reaction had the power to push him over the edge of sanity, that he wants, no, needs,to be accepted and loved. I have the power to help him, and that knowledge brings me hope.
I cannot fix him. He's too far gone to be fixed. The best I can do is be there for him. Help him heal.Love him.
That I can do, and I will.
AN: One more chapter to go, then it's over. Thanks to my wonderful beta, Neko Kate-chan. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed!
Asasoka: Well, I can't really say that they end up together, per se, because, frankly, the way I end it is, well... You'll see. grin Glad you're enjoying it though. They kissed again! Yay! grin
ThisbeCeyx: Thank you for saying it's beautiful... grin I think it's disturbing, but then... Well... I dunno. LOL Anyway, I was trying for different, and I guess I got it! Yay!
No.27X: What can I say? I'm into cliffhangers... But... Well... This didn't end in one. So, yay me? LOL Anyway, I'm glad you're enjoying it so far...
Eliante: Gotta say, I like that sentence, too. grin Hope you enjoy the rest of it!
Yaoi-Hunter: Thanks for the nice review... I didn't like the end, but out of the three possible endings, that one was best... (And, no, I don't have the other endings saved... pout)
Weird Aly Evil: Glad you're interested. grin And I updated, so yay me! LOL Hope you continue to enjoy...
Miyu-Chan: poof Cliffhanger banished! Yay!