Kooshball Note: Sorry about the huge delays in updating. Usually, I have chapters up within days of each other. But at the moment, I have mid term exams I haven't studied for, homework and assignments I haven't done and two short story competitions I'm working on. But, just having got season three of MASH on DVD, I should have heaps more inspiration for up coming fics. Anyway.

Reading one of those "How to become a writer" books, I found an interesting writing exercise. The idea was to write just the speech of the characters without the "he said", "she did" and so on. I've just called it a "Non description" fic. It's just Izzy speaking to Sidney, but hopefully it's half decent.

'Afternoon, Izzy. Where's Hawkeye?'

'G'day, Sidney. He had work. Big flu epidemic at Crab Apple Cove. I'd be helping, but y'know, I had this.'

'We could have rescheduled.'

'Nah, it's ok. BJ is there for the weekend, he and Hawkeye will be able to handle everything.'

'Where were we last week?'

'Uh, I think I was talking about the early episodes.'

'Early episodes, Izzy?'

'Yeah, except they're not episodes, not now, anyway. I loved it when Trapper was at the 4077th. And Henry was a great Colonel, though he should have let Margaret and Frank get so big headed.'

'You've met Trapper, right?'

'A year after the war. He came up for Hawkeye's birthday, you see. It was a big surprise to Hawkeye, he never knew I told Trapper he could come to Crab Apple Cove whenever. The last time I saw Trapper must have been last year sometime. Yeah, it was definitely last year. He is such a funny guy. He glued a spoon to the kitchen table, and it took Hawkeye two days and three hardware shops to find a glue solvent to unglue the spoon.'

'Trapper is quite the joker.'

'He and Hawkeye got into all sorts of mischief in Korea. That propaganda film they made was funny. I don't know if anyone still has a full copy, though Margaret might. Have you seen it? I'll ask her next time I see her. She and Frank were such prying Majors. There was the time Hawkeye and Trapper pretended Radar's nose was broken so a plastic surgeon could fix someone else's nose, and they tried to butt into that. Radar is great too, helping me when I needed something. He helped me get rid of Flagg the first time, you know? Flagg was really annoying, always trying to nab someone or other for being a communist. You have to wonder what he was on. My ex- boyfriend, he had some serious stuff at one time. Actually, he always had serious stuff. I regret watching it for him, it's what got me kicked out of home in the first place, and what killed my mother. But then again, my mother was a real –'

'Sorry to stop your rambling, Izzy, but you seem a little flustered. What's happened to make you like this since I saw you last?'

'Frank Burns turned up at Crab Apple Cove, musta been two weeks ago. Insisted on seeing me, for some strange reason. Well, you know how well he and Hawkeye get on. Hawkeye refused to let him into the house, I suppose some of the stuff Frank did in Korea still stings.'

'And?'

'And Frank just camped out on the porch. I couldn't go outside for a week. Hawkeye wouldn't let me and I didn't want to see Frank particularly either. I felt so confined. I wouldn't let Hawkeye ring the police, either. Old habits die hard. Still don't trust them since Sydney. Anyway, I tried nipping out the back while Hawkeye was out, just to remember what it was like to be outside. Frank heard me and came around the back. He was a mess by then, dirty, smelly, hungry. The only times he left the porch was to use the toilet in the park just down the street, and the only food he got was dug out of garbage cans. It was like how I used to live.'

'What did Frank want?'

'He... he said he had to talk to me. Cornered me beside the veggie garden. He asked me, "Why are you so popular? How did you do it?", just before Hawkeye got back and belted him in the mouth. Hawkeye dragged me back inside, and yelled a little. After he calmed down, he explained that he didn't want me to get killed by Frank, not after we'd survived Korea without too much injury. I told him Frank didn't have a weapon or anything, and didn't want to hurt me.'

'What did Frank mean when he asked why you were so popular, do you know?'

'Turns out Margaret told old Ferret Face about everyone wanting to take me home, like the dog at the end of filming a movie. The actors and crew get attached to the animal, and everyone wants to take it home, but the producer usually gets it. I explained it that way to Frank, just a few days ago. Frank then told me what he'd been doing since Korea. His wife had left him, one of his kids died, no-one liked him as a doctor and went to the new bloke who'd also come from Korea, the 8063rd if I heard right.'

'You compared yourself to a dog?'

'Yeah, I know, pretty stupid. It was the only way I could explain it, and it comforted Frank to know that I was only like a stray dog.'

'A very popular stray dog.'

'You're not going to start, are you? Hawkeye and BJ have already given me a hard time about the whole dog thing.'

'Sorry, Izzy. Did Frank go home?'

'Well, he stayed a few more days until BJ arrived. Beej talked him into going home three days ago. I've never been so happy to be outside in my life. Considering I've spent a big part of it wishing I were inside.'

'The streets of Sydney?'

'Pretty much.'

'Tell me about your family.'

'What, in Sydney? I don't have any family in Sydney. I was an only child, and both my parents died while I was still living at home.'

'What about Hawkeye? Wasn't he planing on adopting you?'

'Yeah, Hawk, Beej and Daniel were discussing that last night.'

'What were you doing?'

'Pretending not to listen from the next room.'

'Ah.'

'Daniel jokingly said that Hawkeye could marry me, that way I'd be family. Hawkeye said if Daniel adopted me, I'd be Hawkeye's sister, or if he adopted me, his daughter. BJ turned around and said that I didn't need to be adopted to be a part of their family. He said I had already been adopted into everyone's families at the 4077th. I agree with him.'

'Izzy 4077.'

'Huh?'

'I was seeing how it sounded if your last name was "4077".'

'Very funny, Sidney.'

'Thank you.'

'I was being sarcastic.'

'I know.'

'Oh.'

'What happened next?'

'BJ came through the lounge room to get something from his room and caught me listening in. He just winked, and kept walking. I followed him to his room, and I talked to him.'

'What about?'

'I asked him about how his family was going. Erin just passed her sixth birthday, and Peg is pregnant again. He said Erin was still yet to meet her auntie Izzy, and that Hawkeye and I had to get to his place sometime. I suggested he bring the family to Maine, but nothing has been decided yet. Peg hasn't met me either, but she keeps on sending me parcels of biscuits and cakes. I haven't the heart to tell her I despise fruit cake, though.'

'Fruit cake?'

'BJ said it was a habit Peg picked up during the war. Because it took so long to get to Korea, fruit cake was one of the only things she could send that wouldn't go rotten.'

'I hear she's quite the cook.'

'She is. I just can't stomach fruit cake. It's ok, though, Hawkeye and Daniel love it.'

'How is Daniel? You've grown attached to him, right?'

'Heck, yeah. He's great, funny like Hawkeye, though is sensible when you want him to be. He was really supportive with the whole Frank thing, gave him food on my request when I found Ferret Face was living out of rubbish bins, even though Hawkeye had forbidden anyone to talk to him. He's excepted me like I was his daughter, or granddaughter. I think he's given up on Hawkeye giving him grandkids, so I'd be his last hope to have grandchildren, as weird as that sounds.'

BEEP

'I guess my time is up, hey, Sidney?'

'I guess so. Same time next month?'

'That'll be great. I'll let the secretary know.'

'Say hello to everyone for me.'

'Ok, will do, Sidney. Bye.'

'Goodbye, Izzy.'

Kooshball note: I have the idea for the next chapter, but it may be a while. Please wait patiently for it, but in the meantime, read and review my other fics if you haven't already done so!