Kooshball Note: Woo-hoo! I updated!

Yes, a "script" form! Usually these are done in other areas, like cartoons, to make a silly, fun and unbelievable fic where the writer can make characters turn into rocks and things! Anyway, this isn't one of them, this is more like an interview, with a newspaper article to go with it.

Interviewer: Ok, we're good to go.

Izzy: (nervously) I've only been interviewed by cops before… oops, that came out wrong. Can you not include that in your article?

Interviewer: Sure. Just pretend the recorder isn't there. It usually makes people nervous.

Izzy: Ok. (slightly calmer)

Interviewer: Who is the most person you look up to most in this camp?

Izzy: I guess that would be Hawkeye, uh, Captain Pierce. He is a great doctor and tries to make people forget the war. I mean, we still know it's on, but he makes it more… bearable.

Interviewer: Alright. (scribbling noises, then a pause) What do you want to do after the war?

Izzy: I don't know. I don't really have a home back in Australia, I'm homeless, you see, but there are probably a few people here that would offer me a home. BJ, I mean, Captain Hunnicutt-

Interviewer: You can use their nicknames if you want.

Izzy: Thanks. I think BJ would like me to join his family, and Klinger probably wants me to go home with him to Toledo. He has a huge family, I don't know if I'd fit (laughs nervously).

Interviewer: But what about a job when you're older? The war won't last forever.

Izzy: I know, but I mightn't see the end of the war. (Pause) I've never thought of getting a proper job. I tried a few times in Australia, but it never worked out.

Interviewer: What is the worst thing about being in Korea?

Izzy: The blood. It seems strange being in a MASH unit and not being able to handle blood, but, here I am.

Interviewer: The best?

Izzy: Being with the surgeons. Hawkeye is like an older brother to me, BJ is more like my older brother's best friend. Oh, and everyone says Colonel Potter is like a grandfather to the whole camp.

Interviewer: So the people here are really that great?

Izzy: Yeah, I don't know what I'd do if they weren't here.

Interviewer: I'll ask you some more questions later, if that's alright with you, Private.

Izzy: Ok.

(Sounds of someone getting up from a chair and leaving before a loud click. A second click is heard as a new interview begins.)

Interviewer: Sit down, Captain…?

BJ: Hunnicutt, but just call me BJ.

Interviewer: Alright, BJ, I've already talked to Private Parker, and I'd like to interview you.

BJ: Alright, go ahead.

Interviewer: How long have you been in Korea?

BJ: Must be nearly two years now. I had to leave my wife and baby girl, Erin. Want to see a photo? (Sounds of a picture being taken out of a pocket)

Interviewer: She's very sweet.

BJ: You think? I love her with all my heart, but it tears me up being over here.

Interviewer: It would. So you have a favourite person in camp?

BJ: Hawkeye, probably. Oh, and Izzy. She's a plucky kid, you know? She and Hawkeye idolise each other, though Izzy gets annoyed when Hawkeye starts treating her like a little kid. (Laughs)

Interviewer: What will you do after the war?

BJ: I'd like to start my own practise. Just a small one, but with enough business to support my family. I'd like to take Izzy with me, too, if she doesn't head back to Australia.

Interviewer: Yes, Izzy mentioned you wanted her to go back with you.

BJ: She did?

Interviewer: She seems to think a lot of people would gladly take her home.

BJ: She's not boasting or anything, I think a lot of people would like to take her home to be part of their families. Colonel Potter in surgery a few weeks ago was talking about what was to happen to Izzy after the war. He said his wife would love another child to take care of, since their own kids have moved away.

Interviewer: What is Izzy's story? How did someone so young end up in Korea?

BJ: Izzy would be a better person to ask. She might not want to tell you everything.

Interviewer: Right, I'll do that. (Pause with scribbling noises) Who would you say is closest to Private Parker?

BJ: Well, me, Hawkeye, Charles… oh, and Klinger. Actually, pretty much everyone.

Interviewer: Ok, thank you for that, Captain. If I need anything else, I'll question you some more.

(Click of tape being stopped, then another click of tape being started again. Sounds of a door being opened and heels clicking across a floor.)

Interviewer: Holy-

Klinger: You like it? Mail order catalogue for just ten dollars.

Interviewer: Um, it's nice. Why the skirt?

Klinger: I'm a section eight case.

Interviewer: Right… Corporal Klinger, right?

Klinger: Yeah. You're that newspaper guy from Australia that everyone's been talking about.

Interviewer: Yes. Now, I'd like to ask you a few questions-

Klinger: Izzy came from Australia. What part are you from? Maybe you lived nearby to her.

Interviewer: Actually, I haven't met the Private before yesterday. But I do want to write my article on her. A young Australian, faced with difficulties she shouldn't be, yet being able to face them with courage.

Klinger: (Cough) Yeah, sounds good. (Pause) You know, she doesn't have to face this war alone. Izzy's got me, Captains Pierce and Hunnicutt, Major Winchester, Major Houlihan, Colonel Potter, Radar-

Interviewer: Ok, I get the idea. How wold you say Izzy has dealt with all of this? Has she found it tough? Easy?

Klinger: I dunno. Isn't that the sort of question you should ask her?

Interviewer: I mean from an outside perspective. To you, how has she handled herself?

Klinger: Well, she's always wanting to do things herself. She's independent, y'know? Back in Australia, she lived off the streets, didn't have a family. I guess that's where it came from, her independence.

Interviewer: Thank you, Corporal. I'll be sure to, um, mention you in my article.

Klinger: (Excited) Really? Gee, thanks! Don't forget to tell everyone I'm nuts!

(Two clicks of tape stopping then being started again.)

Izzy: You wanted to ask me a few more questions?

Interviewer: Yes, if you didn't mind.

Izzy: No, I don't mind. It's just Klinger told me what you were going to write your article on. I'm not sure if I want or need that kind of thing.

Interviewer: You must understand, Izzy, that back home everyone is worried about their own that are in the war. This article on a young Aussie battler can give them more hope than a story about an American soldier who's seen his mates die on the front line.

Izzy: Would anyone really see me like that?

Interviewer: Of course they would. Now, how did you end up in Korea?

Izzy: (Long pause) Do I have to answer that?

Interviewer: I'd like it if you would.

Izzy: (Longer pause) ...

Interviewer: Alright, ignore that question. Has it been hard for you over here?

Izzy: Heck, yeah. I can't walk outside my tent without being affected by the war, whether it's seeing someone who's been hurt, or seeing someone who's lost a friend. Even when I'm with the guys from here, they sometimes talk about their old CO, who died on his way home.

Interviewer: Anything you'd like to say to the Australians at home?

Izzy: Count yourselves lucky you're not in my position.

Interviewer: I meant something I could write in my article.

Izzy: Oh. (Pause) Um, look after yourself Australia?

(Final click as tape runs out.)

Six weeks later

'Hey, did you see this!' Izzy ran into the Swamp with a newspaperin one hand.

'What is it?' BJ asked.

'Remember that guy who interviewed a few of us a few weeks back?' Izzy asked. 'He sent us a copy and it arrived today!'

'Give me a look,' Hawkeye said, snatching the paper from her.

The police action in Korea worsens for the men and women fighting for freedom and Capitalism. To them, it is not a "police action", but a war, with death, disease and horrors that make up nightmares.

Among the Americans, Canadians, Englishmen and other brave, fighting countries, is a smattering of Australians, intent on making a difference in this world.

One is a Private Izzy Parker, an Australian at an American MASH unit, just three miles from the front. Plucky and independent, she tackles the war headlong with the others at the MASH unit.

She is loved by the whole camp, a great help to the war effort. But if you believe there are specific qualifications to joining the army, you're wrong. Izzy is just as human as the rest of us.

"It seems strange being in a MASH unit and not being able to handle blood, but, here I am," she says. "I can't walk outside my tent without being affected by the war." Izzy is an orphan, with no family here in Australia. It seems impossible that in such a war torn world, she'd be able to find a second chance.

"A lot of people would like to take her home to be part of their families (after the war)," says Captain BJ Hunnicutt however.

"She doesn't have to face this war alone," agrees Corporal Max Q. Klinger.

Even at war, Izzy is always remembering her home country. "Look after yourself, Australia," she says.

'How come I never got interviewed?' Hawkeye asked.

'Because Potter told the interviewer you'd be disruptive,' Izzy said, grinning and dodging out of hitting distance from Hawkeye. 'Did you really say a lot of people want to adopt me?' she asked BJ shyly.

'I can't remember, it was so long ago,' BJ replied.

'I showed this to Klinger, by the way,' Izzy said, grinning suddenly. 'He's annoyed because he never got mentioned as being crazy.' Hawkeye and BJ laughed.

'He can never catch a break,' BJ said.

'I asked him if he thought the Australian Prime Minister would insist on getting him discharged if her heard he was crazy. He said he didn't realise there wouldn't be many Americans reading it,' Izzy said. 'Anyway, I'm going to cut it out and pin it up in my tent, to go with my pictures.'

'Can we have the rest of the newspaper?' BJ asked. Izzy looked horrified.

'No way!' she said. 'I haven't read it all yet, or done the quiz at the bottom!' She snatched the paper back from Hawkeye and walked out of the Swamp. 'Well, that looks like my five minutes of fame,' she said to them before heading towards her own tent.