Chapter 32: Regrets
Mara's knees buckled under her and she soon found herself huddled on the ground next to Luke. She pulled him toward her and cradled his head against her as tears started to come from her eyes. Damn her anger for blinding her. She should have known that it was Luke behind her before she turned around. Mara cursed the Emperor for turning her into what she had become. A merciless being that shot without thinking. A tear ran down her cheek and onto Luke's unnaturally pale face. All Mara could do was murmur to herself. "No. No. No…"
Her denials finally turned into a scream and both Han and Leia snapped their head around to see Mara holding a fallen Luke. Leia scrambled for her brother as Han pounded a blaster bolt into the chest of the final sniper shooting down at them. As Leia reached Luke's side, Han whipped his head around to see the Millennium Falcon about to touch down for a landing. He signaled for Chewie to just lower the ramp and keep all the systems going and ran toward the spot where Luke lay.
Leia sprint quickly slowed when she saw the blaster burn in her brother's stomach. She didn't know how it had happened, but that didn't matter now. In his weakened state, Luke wouldn't be able to last long. Leia didn't know if the shot had damaged anything vital, but she wasn't going to let go of her brother without a fight. Kneeling down at Luke's side, Leia made eye contact with Mara and could see the same fear in the woman's eyes. They were at risk of losing him. "We have to get him out of here."
Mara was barely able to manage a nod as she moved to pick up Luke. Leia got on the other side of her brother and the two women started to pull his limp form toward the Falcon. Han stopped short as he saw Leia and Mara hoist Luke between them. Instead, he made his way over to the lowering ramp of the Millennium Falcon and kept his blaster in hand to provide assistance in getting Luke to safety or covering fire, whichever was needed. They soon made it onto the ship and Han hit the door to the ramp as he bolted down the corridor. "Chewie, get us out of here!"
After feeling the slight jarring of the ship blasting off, Mara and Leia pulled Luke to the Falcon's crash bed. They laid him down and Mara strapped him in for the inevitable rough ride while Leia grabbed bacta patches and an intravenous nutrient feed. Luke was too numb to feel the pain anyway, so a sedative could wait. It would be better to keep from slowing down his vital signs until he could be stabilized anyway. The two women did what they could to aid Luke, but there wasn't much for them to do other than wait and hope.
After tending to Luke's wound as well as they could with the Falcon's medical supplies, Leia was about to ask Mara what happened when the Falcon jarred slightly accompanied by the sound of blaster fire. Seconds later, boots could be heard running along the deck of the ship and Han shouted as he ran past the crash bed in the direction of the turbolaser turrets. "I could use a little help!"
Leia glanced at Mara, who didn't even seem to notice the activity around her as she kept her eyes focused on Luke. Placing a supportive hand Mara's shoulder for a moment, Leia made her way to the out of the room. "I'll be back soon."
Mara barely nodded in response as Leia exited the small cabin and set off on a run for the turbolaser turret. Finally alone with Luke, tears started to stream down Mara's face. She never wanted to hurt him. Mara had run away from Luke to keep him safe only to harm him when while trying to save his life. None of this would have happened if it wasn't for her. If she hadn't allowed herself to get wrapped up in her anger, she wouldn't have acted out of impulse. If Mara hadn't left Luke without an explanation, he never would have gotten himself into this mess. Had they never met, Luke would have been able to live out his days. It would have been better if they had never crossed each other's path.
Luke had shown Mara nothing but kindness and she had given him nothing in return but pain and now death. He deserved more, better than she had given him. Mara found herself wishing that her memories as the Emperor's Hand had stayed gone and buried. They were worthless if this is what they caused. Mara wanted to throw away her old life, but it wouldn't get her what she wanted.
Tentatively, Mara reached in Luke's direction in the Force. She was afraid of what she would find, but she had to know. Her fears were confirmed when she felt Luke's presence fading. Mara tried to reach for him with all the will she could muster, but it was no use. She wasn't strong enough, trained well enough to pull him back from the brink. All she could do now was tell Luke everything she never had a chance to before. Mara just hoped he could forgive her if he even heard her words.
Mara wiped the tears from her face with one hand as she took Luke's in her other. "I'm sorry. I should have trusted you. I never should have left. All I did was hurt both of us and now you have to pay for my stupidity. I should have known it was you. I never should have fired that blast. This is all my fault. Please don't leave me. I love you."
At any other time, Mara would have stopped herself before letting those last three words slipping past her lips, but the time for holding back was long past. Keeping things bottled up inside had created this mess. Mara wasn't about to let the same thing hold her back now. Even if the worst happened, at least she would know she had told Luke in some way just how much he had come to mean to her.
Feeling Luke slip further away, Mara gripped his hand harder, hoping that somehow that simple action would keep him there with her. The wound wouldn't be fatal if they got him the right medical care, but he had already been too weak when they arrived. If she had only recognized the warnings that Luke was in danger sooner, he wouldn't be on the brink of death. Mara looked at Luke's pale face through teary eyes and watched his almost imperceptible breathing as she added another item to her list of regrets.