19. Mistakes

She walked out off the hidden doorway and out in the thick forest as she started looking around after him, while she hoped he still was there. She came down to the little lake next to the big oak and a deer anxiously jumped away. She stopped as she instantly felt the wolf's instincts rose inside her and it made her sight deeply. It was those instincts, which kept bringing her into troubles, but at least now she knew how to fight them. Or did she?

She started walking again and soon she found him sitting on a tree trunk on the top of a cliff, where he was looking out over the forest. She immediately hated herself as she realized that she really liked him, but she also knew it could never happen. Not after what she had become and she couldn't blame Sinister for it all. She sighted deeply and walked over to the tree trunk, where she sat down on next to him.

"Hey, is this seat taken?"

He shook his head without looking at her.

"How is Gambit?"

She looked down on her hands.

"He is still unconscious, because he has lost a lot of blood, but we got the bullet out of his shoulder so…"

She took a deep breath.

"… We need to talk about what happened yesterday."

She looked over at him, but there were no changes to see on his face so she continued.

"I'm sorry that I kissed you. As you know I have this mutation, which enable me to change into a wolf, but that isn't the only thing it does. I also have certain wolf traits and one of those is that I…"

It was so hard to say, but she needed to tell him and it was his right to know so she hastily told him the rest.

"…That I come into heat once every year. In that period I therefore emit pheromones, which… Jean told me that you have enhanced senses… and I also do some things that I later regret in that period like the kiss."

She quickly stood up and began to walk back.

"Are you involved with Gambit?"

She stopped and looked back.

"Romantic?"

He nodded and she shook her head as answer.

"No never, he hates me."

She could read the surprised in his eyes as their eyes met, but still his face was like stone.

"Why?"

She turned around.

"That's something, which only concern him and me."

She was just about to walk away, when she felt his hand on her shoulder and she froze.

"I need to know."

She felt how the feelings came over her and she knew that she need to do something really fast, because otherwise she wouldn't be able to fight it.

"Because I blackmailed him!"

She quickly pushed his hand away and ran into safety.

o-

As he opened his eyes he hoped it all had been a dream, but then he saw her and he knew it really had happened. Her whole face lighted up as she saw that he had opened his eyes and she sent him a smile, which he wanted to return, but then he remembered why he had left her. He tried to sit up, but then he felt like he had a big stone on his chest, which held him down, so he felt back in the bed. Quickly she stood up and helped him as he looked away in shame.

"Take it easy. You need to rest, so the wound can heal."

He looked surprised over at her.

"The wound?"

She sat down on the bed next to him.

"You have been shoot. Can't you remember that?"

The pictures flashed before his eyes as the sounds from the gunshots echoed in his ears, which made him jerk back in the bed. Rogue, who was surprised over his reaction, quickly took his hand.

"Remy, what is wrong?"

He couldn't tell her, when he didn't even understand it himself, so he looked away. He then felt her caring hand on his cheek and looked back at her. For the first time since he had awakened he really saw her. She hair was a mess and she had dark rings under her eyes, which where wet with tears, but in that instant he felt in love with her all over again.

"I'm sorry."

He was just about to wipe her tears away with his free hand, but then he remembered her powers and hesitated. Quickly she took his hand as their eyes met.

"No, you don't have to excuse yourself. I'm the one, who has to do that. I was so hung in my own problems that I didn't saw how much you were hurting. I know that you never have been with Neria, but I love you so much that…"

She looked away.

"… I was afraid that you didn't want to know about me after you discovered my past."

"What do you mean?"

She looked surprised back at him.

"Back when we switched bodies and you accidentally used my powers against me."

It felt like a million years had past since then. It felt like it was in another life, but then he realized that it only had been a couple of days since it had happened.

"It was just scattered memories, which didn't make any sense, but still knowing that you go through that each time help me understand you better…"

Should he tell her that even how bad she thought her past was, then his past was much worse? He had heard rumours about her past, but she couldn't be blamed for that. She had just been a kid back then and besides she kept the past behind her. It was nothing like him. He was still living his past and therefore he couldn't tell her. He couldn't stand to lose her. Not now after he had lost so many. Therefore he had to keep the mask up and hoping that she wouldn't see past that. In the meantime he could just dread the day, where she found out that the man that she loved wasn't real, but just built up like a house of cards, which only needed a breath of air to fall apart.

He looked over at her and met her eyes again. Her eyes now shined in delight and confirmed to him that he shouldn't tell her. It was his burden to carry alone, because he couldn't force her into his hell. Still he couldn't live without her, so therefore he had to keep the mask.

"… but let the past be in the past. Besides nothing can ever change my feelings for you, chere."

She smiled and blew him a kiss, but then she quickly became worried again as he began to cough.

"Do you want some water?"

Between the coughs he was able to nod, so she quickly stood up and walked over to the door, which in the same moment was opened by Talia, who felt over the doorstep and in over Rogue. In the fall Talia's hand touched Rogue's face and Rogue's powers was immediately trigged.

A second later Rogue stood up and met his eyes as a scar manifested itself on the left side of her face. The same scar had he had giving Talia all those years ago. He then realized that now she knew and the day he had dreaded for so long had finally come. Inside his head he heard Neria's words again and again.

"If you don't tell her, then you never really have her to lose."

(Sorry, Tammy, I know that you where hoping for them to get back together, but remember there is always a joker in each set of cards ;) – JoBO)

(By the way it is probably going to be a while before the next chapter comes. I need to study for some exams, so I don't have so much time in the next couple of months – JoBO)