CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Suicide

He closed the door softly as he entered his apartment. It seemed so quiet, like nobody even lived there. He knew that it had always been like this, still and quiet. But now, it was different. It was lonely.

He went to his room. Everything was back to its original place where he left it almost three months ago before he ever lived in his apartment. The bed was fixed, there were no clothes in the closet, there were no things in the bedside drawers, and the keyboard was neatly covered. Yes, everything was just as he left it a few months ago.

He went to his own room and sat at the side of his bed. He looked at the top drawer of his bedside table and put his hand on the handle. Slowly, he pulled it out and retrieved a blue box from the far corner. He looked at it intently and opened it quietly, like it was a very delicate bomb about to explode.

He touched the piece of jewelry surrounded by the cushions. He lifted it up and studied it more carefully. He smiled as the thought of how important that earring was to him.

He read the inscriptions: "You'll never be alone when you get home -- Shuichi"

He put it back and closed the box. He placed it inside the drawer and slowly closed it. He closed his eyes to prevent himself from crying.

'Why am I feeling like this? This was what I wanted, wasn't it? For him to leave and not let me see his face again.'

He was thinking of Jed again. How much the night he spent with Jed meant to him and how much he meant to him. He wanted to get out of the apartment and find him. He wanted to tell him that everything would be alright and they would be happy.

But that's just the thing. Everything will never be alright.

The man he grew to love killed the person that he once loved. How could he ever forgive a ruthless person like that? How could he ever forgive himself for loving a person like that?

His train of thoughts was suddenly disturbed by the constant knocking on his apartment door.

"Damn it. Who could that be now!" He hissed as he prepared himself to kill anybody who comes by his door. But as soon as he opened it, a smiling face greeted him.

"Ren..."

"Good evening, Yuki-san." Ren said softly as Yuki guided her inside the apartment.

Ren sipped her tea as she sat on the other side of the sofa, opposite to Yuki. She looked at him, studied his every movement. He was in his usual pair of slacks and a light blue polo shirt. His hair was in total disarray and dark circles were formed underneath his eyes.

She sighed as she put down her cup of tea on the center table. She faced Yuki and looked directly into his eyes. "I won't waste any of your time anymore. I'll go straight to the point. Why did you kick him out?"

Yuki glared at her and she had to admit, that sent goosebumps all over her body. "It's none of your business."

"It is my business. You don't know him like I do, Yuki-san. It's a simple question. Why not just answer it?" She fired back.

"He killed him." Yuki said softly as he faced away from her.

"I don't know if you are aware of Jedrick's line of work but he had killed a lot of people. Maybe you could just--"

"He killed him. My fiancé. He killed Shindou Shuichi."

Ren knew Jed killed a lot of people but she was certain he never got to kill someone with such name. She knew every single death that was caused by the brotherhood and she is perfectly sure that the name Shindou Shuichi was not on the list.

"And you know this, how?" She asked.

"His earring. It's exactly the same as his. The color, the shape and even the inscriptions. My name was even there." He said as he looked directly at her.

'Jed's earring...' But that's impossible. That earring was there before she met him. That earring was already there even before Kat met him. 'I'm pretty sure that that jewelry was all his. Besides, he never did stole anything from anybody. Unless...'

"This Shindou Shuichi, when did he die?" She asked again at the author.

"Seven years ago." The blonde replied in a monotonous voice.

'Oh my god... That was exactly the time that Kat met Jed.' Ren thought but still continued her rain of questions. "And where did he die?"

"In Europe, London to be exact." He answered. "They were having their first international tour and Europe was the first one on the list. The last time I talked to him was on the phone."

'London... Yes, that was exactly where Kat and Uncle Niel were when someone attempted to kill them but were luckily saved by Jed.' Ren stilled as the realization suddenly hit her. 'Could it be that Jed is Shindou Shuichi, Yuki's ex lover? Was that why the attraction that Jed felt for this man was so strong?'

"Do... uhm... do you have a picture of Shindou-san?" Ren asked quietly.

Ren saw him put his hand inside his pocket and retrieved a metallic lighter. He put it on the table and Ren slowly bent down to get it. Gradually, she turned the lighter around to see the picture. She covered her mouth with her other hand as soon as she saw the picture.

It was a very simple sticker picture. The sides were already worn out and the color was starting to fade, but nevertheless, the picture was still clear. A pink-haired teenager smiled brightly at the camera while Yuki smirked. Ren focused her eyes at the teenager. She remembered how Jed looked like before.

'He had pink dye on his hair before we met. The bone structures are exactly the same as Jed's. Only, this one was much younger and his eyes twinkled. His eyes...' He stopped herself from crying as soon as she got a clear view of the teenager's eyes. 'Violet...'

She suddenly stood up and gave the lighter back to Yuki. She grabbed her purse from the sofa, then grabbed Yuki from the sofa.

"What? Asking me so many questions about my love life wasn't enough that you still have to drag me somewhere?" Yuki almost shouted at the woman's sudden actions.

"We have to find him."

"Find who?"

"Jed."

They were nearing the door when suddenly, Yuki stopped. Ren turned around and glared at him. "We have to find him, now!"

"I don't have any intentions of doing so." He said as he looked away from Ren.

'Great. Just fuckin' great.' Ren thought. 'I can't tell him that Jed is Shindou-san. He has to find that out for himself. What am I going to do now?'

Both suddenly looked up to the door when they heard the loud knocking on it. Ren opened the door and was soon met up with a panting Kat.

"We have to find him." She said in between breaths.

"Who?" Ren asked.

"Jed. He called me five minutes ago, saying that he loved me and how much he failed to do his responsibilities as my brother. He thanked me for understanding him and wished for me to have a good life."

"What so bad about that?" Yuki asked, a bit annoyed by the fact that more and more people were finding themselves on his doorstep.

"He said 'goodbye'." Kat said then talked rather rapidly. "He never says goodbye. He says 'whatever' or 'hmph' or 'yeah' or even just hung up, but he never said goodbye."

"Oh my god..."

Yuki looked at both women, wishing that at least one of them fill him up with the needed information.

Ren turned around and faced him as she looked sadly at his eyes. Yuki could feel that something was terribly wrong by the looks of it. Then she said slowly, "He's going to kill himself."

"What had gotten into that head of his?" Yuki said to himself as he drove through the quiet streets of Tokyo in search of Jed. "Stupid brat. Did he really think that what he'll do would make any difference?"

When he heard Ren said that Jed was going to kill himself, he was shocked -- petrified, even. Of course, the anger was still there, but he never intended for him to do something as stupid as that.

'Where the hell are you?'

It had been an hour since Kat appeared in Yuki's apartment and told them what Jed would do. It had also been then that Kat had been trying to reach Jed. Ren volunteered to hack into the traffic control of the city to have an idea as to where Jed could head to. Ren insisted that Yuki should look for him on the streets, personally. So that was what he did. Yuki had been driving nonstop, but there were still no signs of Jed anywhere. He had been in different parks, coffee shops, and even rave bars, but still, no Jed.

He was about to give up out of frustration when he remembered something...

flashback

Jed looked at him, confusion clearly seen on his features. "Whenever it rains, I can always find you before the window. When you're in the bathroom, it takes you hours to finish." Yuki quickly added, "Not that I'm complaining or anything. You wake up really early and I never ran out of hot water, so it's ok." Then he continued, "And now this. The beach. Why do you like it so much?"

Jed cocked his head back and faced the sky. "The rain are the angel's crying. Whenever I take a bath, I soak myself with water because it somehow let me fell that I am cleansed inside, or something. The beach... I don't know. I just loved looking at it."

"Not really the answers I was looking for." Yuki said.

end of flashback

Yuki suddenly turned the stirring wheel to the right, effecting a loud screeching of tires and floored the accelerator. 'The Goddamned beach... Why didn't I think of that earlier?'

He closed his eyes as he put both his hands into his pockets.

He was on a rocky cliff just on the far side of the beach. It was so peaceful. He could hear the ocean waves crash onto the rocks below him. He could feel the wind blow his hair in all places. He could feel the scent of water travel into his nostrils to his lungs.

"Don't come any nearer." Jed said quietly as he turned around to see Yuki. He looked at him straight-faced and merely waited for him to talk.

"How did you know it was me?" Yuki asked.

Jed shrugged his shoulders and turned around to face the water. He closed his eyes again and inhaled the ocean breeze deeply.

"Look, if you're doing this because of what happened between us, it's--"

Jed laughed before Yuki even finished his sentence. He turned his head and looked straight into those amber eyes and with a malicious smirk, he said, "Don't flatter yourself. I'm not doing this because of us." He resumed to his earlier position. "There was never an 'us'."

It was true. There was never anything between the two of them. Yes, they did sleep together, but that was only the usual one-night stand. Jed had tried to convince himself that it couldn't be just like that. He tried to convince himself that it was special and what they felt for each other was not just his imagination.

But you see, he tried,but he never got himself to believe such things.

He couldn't understand why such a person could have an impact on him. He didn't even know why he let himself do the things he swore he would never do.

He simply took the risk, and now he's facing the consequences.

He wouldn't do this because Yuki left him. He didn't give a damn if Yuki dumped him, he would get hurt, but he's sure that he would definitely move on. It was because why Yuki left him that day.

'The earring.'

Again, his past is destroying his every being. First, the flashbacks that would always result to severe migraines and nose bleedings. Then, when he remembered something, it just had to be the accident which made him forget all about himself. Now, this, the earring. He finally got to the point that he felt something for someone but his past had to meddle with it too. He hated all of these. He was so tired of it. He just wanted to end all of it.

'Besides, it'll happen sooner or later anyway...'

"Had you ever been in an accident?" He asked softly as he turned around to face Yuki. He was on the edge of the cliff and Yuki was about four meters away from him.

"What? I mean, yes, but--"

Jed cut him off. "I had been in one, you know. And you know what? I was supposed to die that night..."

Now he was really frightened. He walked towards Jed but, all of a sudden, he stopped.

"Yuki..."

'That voice...' He looked straight to Jed, still maintaining his distance from him. "Yes?"

"Can I ask you something?" He said softly, avoiding gazes with Yuki.

"Yes."

Jed rotated so that his back would face Yuki. He breathed deeply and said in a soft tone, "You slept with me because I looked like him, didn't you?"

He was stunned to hear that question. The thought had crossed his mind, but he never thought that Jed would ask him that.

Well, actually, he didn't know the answer. Maybe yes, maybe not. Maybe he slept with him because he looked so much like Shuichi, but maybe he didn't. He was sure of one thing, though. The way he felt for Jed, was for him alone, and not because of his resemblance to Shuichi.

He was about to answer when suddenly Jed hung his head low and whispered, "It's alright, I understand."

All it took was one step which made Yuki scream so much. It was the only time that he shouted so loud in his entire life.

He frantically ran to the edge of the cliff and looked down. He screamed again, "Jed!"

And again, "Jed!"

And again, "JED!"

He quickly stood up and carefully ran to the bottom of the cliff. The rocks scratched and scraped his body as he went. Blood was starting to pour out of the fresh wounds before he even got to the bottom. He took off his shirt and dove through the water.

He looked at his sides to see if Jed was there. He swam against the waves to see a clearer view of the water underneath.

Then, something caught his eye.

A figure was motionless despite the harsh rapids of the water. Quickly, Yuki swam to the figure and cocked its head back. As soon as he saw Jed's face, he rapidly swam to the surface.

He pulled the body to the shore. He sat on the sand while resting Jed's head on his arms. He slapped his cheek a few times to wake him up but Jed didn't even flinch. He was as cold as ice.

"Jed! Jed! Damn it, wake the fuck up!" He shouted at the immobile form in his arms. Tears were already starting to well up in his eyes. "I didn't even have the chance to answer your question!"

He supported Jed's head with his hand when he felt something. Tears streamed down his face as soon as he saw the liquid which scattered all over his palm. Blood.

He hugged him tightly as he hid his face in the crook of his neck, tears still flowing from his eyes. "Baka..."

While Yuki held him so close, something happened.

Jed's nose started to bled.

Author's notes:

Bwahahaha! He's dead!

First off, thanks a million to all the reviewers! Especially to the ones who shared my dislike to Physics. hehehe...

And oh yeah, I just want to clear some things first. About Jed's contacts (a reviewer questioned about it), he wears them every time. I know it's impossible to do such a thing, but just imagine him putting new ones as days passed. I didn't put it there because, well, I really couldn't figure out where to insert such a scene. I'm really sorry for the confusion. The contacts have a really big importance in the story, especially in the end.

I almost forgot! A reviewer once asked me if I liked Good Charlotte. So, yes, a bit I guess... I just really like emo and screamo songs... ska, even.

Please continue to read the story because it is nearing its end.

Is it worth it can you even hear me
Standing with your spotlight on me
Not enough to feed the hungry
I'm tired and I felt it for awhile now
In this sea of lonely
The taste of ink is getting old
It's four o' clock in the fking morning
Each day gets more and more like the last day
Still I can see it coming
While I'm standing in the river drowning
This could be my chance to break out
This could be my chance to say goodbye
At last it's finally over
Couldn't take this town much longer
Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be
Now I'm ready to be free

So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this