CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
The Nostalgic Ending

He sat comfortably on the sofa, relaxed and calm. He had both feet set on top of the center table in front of him. He inhaled deeply, absorbing the scent of his surroundings. He looked intently at each appliance, each furniture, remembering every detail inside the room he was in. He smiled. He smiled because he felt complete contentment in this simple setting. Everything was fine, alright... perfect.

Now, he was ready.

His attention was suddenly attracted by the stirring of the figure on his lap. He touched the figure's forehead, down to his nose, then to his lips. Tracing every feature of his companion's face.

Ever so slowly, the man laying on his lap fluttered his eyes open, adjusting to the lighting of the room. Amber eyes meeting violet ones.

Shuichi brushed off some hair covering Yuki's face and combed his blonde locks with his right hand. "Hey, good sleep?"

Yuki smiled back at him and said in a low voice, "How long had I been out?"

"Just a few hours. You could still sleep if you want."

"Nah." Yuki shifted to his back and looked directly at the ceiling of their living room. "I'll just lay here for a minute or two."

He put his right arm on his forehead as Shuichi continued to comb his hair. He reached for Shuichi's hand beside him and laced their fingers together, which Shuichi welcomed freely. He brought both of their hands to his view and noticed the silver bands on each of their left ring finger. He sighed deeply as he put their entwined hands on his chest, rising and dropping it in time with his breathing.

He looked at Shuichi and smiled secretly to himself. 'He's here, with me... Alive.'

It had been a year after Shuichi's heart transplant, and only three months after they got married.

It was a miracle that they found a suitable heart a few hours after that memorable gig. The doctors were already losing hope, even "he" almost lost hope, but somehow Shuichi cheated with death "again". They couldn't even believe that Shuichi lasted that long after he fainted. What was more incredible was how fast Shuichi recovered from the surgery. In only six months, he was as good as new.

'He really is some lucky brat.' Yuki thought to himself as he listened to his lover hum a very familiar song. "Sweetest goodbye?"

"Hn." Shuichi replied cheerfully. "You know it's my favorite, next to Sleepless Beauty, of course."

"Why do you like that song so much, anyway?"

"Because you wrote it, and you wrote it "for" me. That made all the difference." Shuichi said happily.

He looked at his pink-haired lover intently. 'I'm married to him now. There's no need to be afraid anymore.'

He slowly sat up straight and eyed Shuichi's violet orbs, seeping right through him.

"Yuki? You ok?" Shuichi was now very serious as he put his palm on Yuki's cheek.

'More than ever.' Yuki touched his palm and kissed it lightly. "Come here."

Shuichi smiled and leaned forward to kiss Yuki. Yuki put his hand on the back of Shuichi's head to support the deepened kiss. Shuichi put his arms around Yuki's neck and pulled him down on the sofa so that he could be on top of him.

Yuki broke the kiss and waited for Shuichi to open his eyes. As soon as he did, he gazed into them and, with their faces only centimeters away, he said in a soft tone, "Take me tonight."

Shuichi could not believe what he just heard. Did Yuki just say what he thought he said?

Shuichi merely looked at Yuki confusedly and said, "But Yuki--"

"Shh." Yuki smiled at him as he kissed his lips lightly. "I want you to take me, Shu... Please."

Shuichi looked at those captivating amber orbs for a long moment and smiled at his lover. He knew that this was going to be the first time that he'll do this to him and how significant this action would be. Of course, there were a lot of times that he did Yuki, but all of it were never like what Yuki wanted him to do now. But he knew how important this was to Yuki, and he knew what this meant. He was giving Shuichi "all" of himself.

"Are you sure?" Shuichi asked as he touched Yuki's cheek, removing the blonde hair covering his face in the process.

"Yes." Yuki said with a finality in his voice but hesitated, "I mean if it's ok with--" He touched his lover's chest.

Shuichi slowly shook his head and smiled at his lover. "It's alright. I can take it." And with that, he captured Yuki's lips with his. He broke the kiss shortly after that and said, "Thank you." Yuki simply smiled and leaned down to kiss him again, slowly unbuttoning his lover's shirt.

Shuichi immediately held Yuki's busy fingers on his shirt and hissed on his ear, "This time, I'm the boss."

Yuki smirked at his partner and pulled back, kneeling in front of him. He raised an eyebrow and said, "Brat."

Shuichi laughed as he pulled Yuki up and guided him to their bedroom.

He stood there while looking at pure nothingness. A beautiful scenery was before him but his eyes was never fixed onto them. His eyes weren't even fixed at anything. His grip on his katana just got tighter as his eyes started to show some emotion in it.

He was standing by the balcony inside the house. The sliding doors were open and the curtains were swaying in flow to the cold wind. He was already getting cold because his body was beginning to shake even though he tried his best to stop it happening. You couldn't really blame the wind because he was only wearing a pair of jeans and a polo shirt that was unbuttoned, making it dance with the wind just like the curtains. His face was already as white as dead. Maybe because of the coldness, maybe because of something else. But, still, he would not move. He doesn't even know why, but the wind on his face just soothes him. Maybe he just wanted some way to clear up his head.

He stirred on bed as his arm instinctively looked for the body warmth beside him. Feeling nothing but silk sheets and a pillow, his eyes shot open.

"Shuichi."

He quickly sat up straight and looked at his surroundings. He was still in their room but, 'Where the fuck is he?' He swung his legs to the side of the bed. He quickly strolled to his drawer and grabbed a pair of jeans and a navy blue sweatshirt. He put on the jeans and held the sweatshirt in his hand. He walked out of the bedroom and into the bathroom. He opened the door and said in a low voice, "Shuichi?" No answer. He went to his office, "Shuichi?" Still no answer. Shuichi's old bedroom. "Shuichi?" Again, none.

He was already starting to panic. 'Was all of what happened just a dream? But that can't be. He survived. He's alive. Then, where is he?' He walked to the living room and found a very unpleasant sight.

"Shu... ichi." He said in a whisper.

There he was, by the balcony. Standing there, wearing his shirt. Shuichi turned his head and looked at Yuki. Yuki focused his eyes on the thing held before Shuichi. His katana was right in front of him, halfway out of its sheath. Shuichi followed Yuki's gaze to his katana and with downcast eyes, he closed it slowly.

Yuki marched to where Shuichi was and put his sweatshirt on the younger boy. "Put this on and button up the shirt. You might get a cold."

He was about to walk away when Shuichi hugged him tight from behind. "I'm sorry."

"Baka. Why do you always say you're sorry? You didn't do anything..." Yuki said as he made no movement except hid his eyes with his bangs.

Yuki felt Shuichi's head shook lightly on his back and his hug tighten. "You were worried. You thought I was gone, didn't you? And when you saw me with this sword," Shuichi held the katana by Yuki's stomach, "you thought that I would kill myself... Didn't you?"

Yuki's heart started to pound faster as he processed what Shuichi had just said. He was right. He was scared as hell that Shuichi was not in bed with him, and he was terrified to find him by the window with his sword almost fully out.

He heard something fall to the ground and looked in front of him. The katana. His eyes widened in surprise and instantly turned around to face Shuichi fully. Shuichi brought his hand to his cheek and said in a very comforting voice, "You shouldn't worry too much. I would never do such a stupid thing. I know I was suicidal before, but, now that I'm with you, I'm good."

Yuki held the hand on his cheek and closed his eyes as he turned his head to kiss his palm. He opened his eyes and gripped Shuichi's wrist. He turned him around to face the window and hugged him from behind, which was much easier for him because he was a few inches taller than his brown-haired lover.

Shuichi smiled at the little show of affection from his lover and moved Yuki's arms from his chest to his waist so that he could put his own arms on top of Yuki's. Yuki settled his head on Shuichi's shoulder and Shuichi tilted his head a little to the left to offer a bigger space for Yuki.

"Shuichi... Do you, uhm, miss it?"

"Ne?"

"Do you miss it? Being an assassin, I mean."

Shuichi thought for a while and relaxed. "Yes." Yuki opened his eyes at his answer. "I miss using my katana. I miss the adrenaline rush when I'm following my victims, preparing to kill them. I miss the way I moved when I run away from my pursuers. I miss everything about being an assassin but there is one thing I don't miss."

Yuki only stayed there, still hugging him, and Shuichi was grateful for that because it meant that he was welcomed to continue or stop. But in this case, he continued, "Killing people. I don't miss the way their blood spatter to my face, my hair, my clothes... to me."

Yuki only replied with his arms enveloping him even tighter. "Yuki, can I ask you a question?" Yuki nodded. "How come you still accepted me? Especially after knowing that everything I did when I was Jed was completely different from the way I used to be."

Yuki hesitated a bit but finally said, "How should I know?... You know I was never good with putting my feelings into words."

Shuichi laughed a little and settled back into the embrace.

"Because I love you."

Shuichi's eyes opened, shock clearly seen into them. But Yuki simply continued, "It doesn't really matter who you were in those seven years, what matters is that you're here now... with me."

Shuichi smiled at his lover's answer and hugged his lovers arms tighter. "But of course, the thought always linger on."

Shuichi looked at Yuki but the other just looked in front of them. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, come on. It's pretty impressive how a pink-haired brat who was considered a rockstar for three years suddenly became this stoic assassin. You even learned how to cook! This is coming from the man who saw you whine, cry and complain about every single thing; and also saw you almost kill a person with that blade of yours rather skillfully."

Shuichi smiled and rested his head beside Yuki's. "Yuki?"

"Hn..." Yuki was already feeling sleepy.

"How was I?"

"Hn?" Yuki raised an eyebrow and looked at Shuichi who quickly avoided his line of sight.

"Uhm... you know..." Shuichi just went from being really white into being scarlet red. That was when Yuki realized what he meant. He smirked at the thought but continued torturing the youth.

"I know what? I have no idea what you mean." Yuki let go of the embrace and stood in front of Shuichi.

"Well... uhm..." He was getting even redder every second. "How was I... uhm... last... night...?"

"Huh..." Yuki looked up. He knew it. "It was alright."

Shuichi looked straight into his eyes and said, "'Alright'? That was it? Just that?"

Yuki avoided the question and walked away. "Put the sweater on. We're leaving."

"Don't you walk out on me, Eiri." Shuichi walked behind Yuki while demanding a proper answer.

"Does it really bother you that much?" Yuki asked after turning around.

"Yes..." Shuichi bowed his head down. "I want to know if what you did for me was... worth it." He looked up and stared into amber eyes. "If I was worth it."

Yuki heaved a sigh. 'Of course you were.' He turned around and said in a soft voice, "Last night was... It was incredible. It was the best night of my life. There, happy?"

Shuichi looked up at Yuki, seeing only his blonde hair. Shuichi smiled gratefully and jumped on Yuki, resulting to a very loud thud. "Thank you, Yuki!"

"Baka! Get off me! You're hurting my back."

Shuichi giggled as he swiftly put the sweater on and jumped in front of Yuki. "I'll get the keys." And with that he went off to their bedroom.

Yuki smiled secretly and helped himself up, when he heard another thud. He looked in front of him and felt his heart about to burst out of his ribs.

"Shuichi!"

He ran to his lover's side and held him tight. "Shuichi?" But Shuichi didn't answer him, instead he just coughed and coughed. He held his chest as his face showed that he was in massive pain right at that moment.

Yuki promptly stood up and ran to their bedroom. He rummaged through the top drawer and, after finding Shuichi's medicine, ran to the hallway. He went to the bathroom to get a glass of water because it was nearest to them. He went back to his lover and his eyes widened in fear as he looked at the sight before him. Shuichi was now panting, very short of breath, and was very very pale. His coughing had stopped but his hands were full of... 'Blood.'

Yuki mentally shook himself and kneeled down before Shuichi. "Here, take this." He placed the pills on the blood-stained hands and Shuichi took them without any hesitation. He then took the glass of water offered to him. Yuki moved beside him and rubbed his back to relieve him a little from the pain he just went through. "Shuichi?"

Shuichi smiled at Yuki and said in a weak but warm voice, "Guess I was too happy and my heart couldn't take it. Hehe..."

Yuki knew that it was meant as a joke but he couldn't stop himself from hugging Shuichi. "Shu..."

"I'm alright, really. I think I should really start getting used to you calling me by my name. You've been calling me 'Shuichi' a lot lately. Not that I mind, of course, I don't! I love it when you call me that! It's really--" Shuichi coughed a bit, "nice."

Yuki let go and took the glass away from Shuichi. He put it back in the bathroom and went to their bedroom. He strolled to their bedroom but before he got in there, he saw that Shuichi was already rummaging through their belongings to find his car keys, like nothing had happened.

He went to their bedside drawer and put the bottle of pills on top of it. He still couldn't shake himself out of it. This had occurred so many times but every time it happens, his heart stops, literally. He could really feel it stop beating for a second everytime he saw Shuichi like that. His face scrunched up in pain, his hand holding his chest while the other covered his mouth as he coughed, the panting, the sweating. It was like he could feel the pain that he was going through. He wanted to take all of it, or if not, at least half of it, just to lessen the pain that was causing his love.

He was shocked to feel the cold hand holding his. "Really, Yuki. I'm fine."

'Even his hands are already cold.' Yuki looked into his eyes and looked away. "I don't know. It's just that it's like it has gotten worse recently."

Yuki was right. It has gotten worse and he knew it. For the past month, blood was starting to come out of his mouth everytime he coughed, and that was not a good sign. He could feel his entire being struggle to live right then and there. But everything was going to be alright, or so he thought.

He hugged Yuki while resting his chin on his shoulder. 'If something happens Yuki, I want you to be happy.' He thought as he tightened his embrace. "I love you."

Yuki closed his eyes and returned the hug. "Don't you dare..." Yuki whispered silently.

Shuichi backed away from Yuki and smiled at him. He knew what he meant. Yuki knew that it was his way of saying goodbye, and Yuki never liked goodbyes. He smiled cheerfully to lighten up the mood and brought his cold hands to Yuki's line of sight. "I've got the keys!"

Yuki smiled back and snatched their blanket from the bed. "Let's go then."

"Wow Yuki! This is nice!" Shuichi exclaimed as he cocked his head back and spread his arms wide.

They were at the beach where Shuichi liked so much. Of course, the memory of Shuichi being suicidal right here was still haunting Yuki, but the cliff was far from view and it was a really nice place.

It was five o'clock in the morning so they still had time to watch the sun rise, just like Yuki had planned. He laid the blanket on the brown sand and sat there as he faced the beach. He looked at Shuichi in front of him and smiled but quickly swept it away and said in a monotone voice, "Baka, you'll catch a cold if you do that. Sit down."

Shuichi turned around and pouted. "OK!" But quickly smiled and sat on the left side his lover.

Shuichi put his head on Yuki's shoulder as Yuki put his left arm around Shuichi while holding his left hand. Shuichi held his hand tightly in front of him while looking at both rings. Yuki looked at what caught Shuichi's attention and smiled with his lover.

"Yup, we're married. Sucks not to be single anymore, huh?" Yuki said as he focused back on the beach as a few sunrays were starting to creep out of the horizon.

Shuichi slowly shook his head and said, "It would suck if I didn't have you right here with me. I love you, Eiri."

Yuki smiled at his reply and tightened his hold on him to make it known that the feeling was mutual. "I love you too, Shuichi."

He glanced at his lover who was already starting to fall asleep. He was paler than usual and his lips were already starting to crack. Even the hand that he was holding was also starting to getcold -- very cold. 'Is he...'

"Shuichi?"

"Hn..."

'Thank God.' His heart was already starting to beat faster as he entertained the thought. "Open your eyes. The sun is almost out."

As he was told, Shuichi opened his eyes tiredly, like there was a ton holding it down. He smiled as he looked at what Yuki was referring to. It was magnificent. The sky's color greatly accentuated the color of the sun. It really was amazing.

"You like it?" Yuki asked.

"I love it." Shuichi replied as he closed his eyes slowly. "Eiri, thank you."

"Huh?" Yuki looked at him as he asked and faced back to the sun. "For what?"

"For everything. For not giving up hope, and instead giving it to me. For being there when I needed you. For showing me things that I never thought existed. For caring for me. For loving me. Thank you."

He was saying goodbye and they both knew it. Tears were already starting to well up in Yuki's eyes as he refused to look at his lover who was comfortably sitting right beside him. "Don't you dare leave me, you--"

"Tell me about the sunrise, love." Shuichi quietly said.

Yuki sighed deeply and smiled as he looked at the sunrise. "It's really nice. The sun is like you, bright and powerful. The sky around it is also like the environment around you. Red and orange. Somber but cheery, all at the same time. It's also breathtaking, just like--"

Yuki felt all of Shuichi's weight lean down on him. And slowly, he felt Shuichi loosen his grip on his hand. Now, the tears fell but he made no move to both wipe it off and look at Shuichi. Instead, he tightened his hold on Shuichi's freezing hand and continued his sentence. "You."

Yuki sobbed silently as he bowed his head. He inhaled mildly and faced front.

He talked and talked as he remembered the doctor's words. Talking like nothing happened...

"But there are more sunrises which are more beautiful than this one."

"There is still time for the operation but there is a great risk involved."

"A lot can be found in South America or even in Southeast Asia."

"Jed, I mean Shindou-san's body had almost shut down when he was up on stage so the chances of him getting through this would be not that great."

"The beaches are nicer in those places because there are pleasant resorts situated at the side of it."

"But if he does make it,"

"Maybe that's not such a good idea, considering the fact that a lot of people might be there and disrupt the tranquility of the place. But it could be nice to go there."

"He might only last for a year."

"Right, Shuichi?"

"Are you ready to accept that,"

"Baka! Answer when I'm asking you a question!" Yuki shook his lover as he cried even harder.

"Eiri-san?"

"Why... won't you... answer... damn it..." Yuki said quietly in between sobs as he hugged Shuichi.

"Yes. I'll do anything to spend some more time with him. Even if it'll hurt even worse."

Everyone was there. Kat, Ren, Red, Hiro, Fujisaki, Ryuichi, Tatsuha, Ayaka, K, Sakano, all of Shuichi's family, and even Yuki's father. They were all wearing their best black suits and dresses. Some were crying their hearts out while others stood quietly in a corner. In all, it was a very solemn funeral.

"Where's Eiri?" Mika whispered to her husband, her eyes puffy from hours of crying.

"He said he wanted to be in the place where it all started." Tohma whispered back as he cried silently.

People were looking at him as they passed by but he didn't give a damn. He sat on the bench where he always does whenever he was here, looking at absolutely nothing. He was in the park where they first met. He didn't want to go to that damned funeral. He hated seeing his love's very peaceful face inside that big box. He might just cry his heart out and people might dwell on into his business again. This was the best place to go if he wanted to say goodbye to Shuichi. Where they first met.

His cellphone rang and he reluctantly got it from his pocket. "What?"

"The mass is about to begin. You should get here." Tohma's calm voice answered back.

"I'll be there." Yuki hung up and stood up.

This was it. It was really goodbye. He won't see him again because now, he could see Shuichi right in front of him as he laid in that wretched box -- dead.

He walked slowly out of the park and into the road. His car was on the other side of the road so he still had to cross the road to get to it. He strolled into the street after seeing that there were no signs of cars speeding his way. Wrong.

He slowly turned his head as he watched the car making his way to him. Then he heard it. The honking and the screeching of tires. First, it hit his knees. Then, he leaned forward and smashed his head on the windshield. Finally, he flew through the air and felt his whole body fall to the ground.

He could see the crimson blood seeping through his eyes. His breathing was already starting to fade, so was the beating of his heart.

He smiled wholeheartedly, for the first time since he was sixteen, because before he closed his eyes, the last thing he saw was Shuichi reaching out for him -- alive.

The End