Here I am again! I kind of forgot about this and then fanfiction admin. removed two of my musicals and locked me out of uploading for seven days . . . so enjoy!

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Episode 1.3 – No Comment

SGC MEETING ROOM . . .

(the table is still missing because God (your author), since she was away for so long, forgot where she put it. Everyone sits on chairs around an empty space where the table should have been.)

GEN. H – we got a signal from an unknown planet. We've got people trying to track the source of that message and as soon as we get it's address, you are to go there. (gets up to leave)

DANIEL – ah, General?

GEN. H – yes, Daniel Jackson? I'm very busy, I'm running out of time to go bid for something on E-Bay.

DANIEL – what was the message? You know, so we know what they need so we go prepared?

GEN. H – oh, yeah. That. The message said – and I'm just paraphrasing here – 'help us we are being attacked and oh, god! Here they are now, I should hide and oh, lord they saw me and oh GOD MY LEG! THEY SHOT MY FRICKING LEG! . . .' and then we lost transmission. ( repeats message to them with no emotion what so ever. Basically, he dead – pans the whole thing. Then he leaves.)

(everyone's mouth is hanging open.)

JONAS – I don't think I want to go now. Sounds too dangerous.

JACK – yeah. I agree. Someone could get hurt.

(Gen. H pops head back in the room and tells them they found the address and they have to go.)

STARGATE AREA THING. . .

(everyone is waiting to go through. Daniel is dumb enough to not notice that the rest of the teams' weapons are different from his. The gate opens and they step through.)

OTHER PLANET . . .

(everyone steps out into a large plain of grass surrounded by a densely wooded area.)

SAM – where is everyone? Why aren't they here?

DANIEL – may cause they're all DEAD! (slaps hand over mouth realizing he just used all capitals. God didn't seem to notice.)

(just then five armoured men walked out of the wooded area and approached the team.)

DANIEL – guns out! (Daniel pulls out real big gun. The rest pull out water pistols.) what are those!

GOD – (looks at her pistol and then at everyone else's) /THEY'RE OUR GUNS. WHAT? DID YOU THINK WE'D USE REAL ONES? THOSE COULD HURT SOMEBODY/

(the five armoured men approached. They will be referred to as A1 – A5. They pulled out real guns and pointed them at the team)

A2 – what are you doing here! We killed everyone!

DANIEL – we came from the round thing. Round over there. You know, you push the buttons . . .

A2 – you mean the Stargate?

JACK – yeah, that thing. Neat isn't it?

A1 – I am the leader of this group, who is your leader?

(everyone points at each other. Then they all point at Daniel.)

A1 – then your leader must die! And the rest of you will become our slaves!

(A1 lifts gun and fires it at Daniel. Jonas jumps in front and gets shot instead.)

GOD - /NO! JONAS/ (runs over to his side. Don't worry. He's not dead. God looks up angrily at the five men and stands up. She pumps her water pistol.) /YOU HURT HIM! YOU MUST DIE NOW/

(she fires her water pistol at the five and they all drop down dead.)

DANIEL – how did you . . .? but that was water! How . . .?

JONAS – (gets up. He's fine.) did it work? Did we trick them?

DANIEL – you tricked them!

TEAL'C – well, yeah! We wanted to try our new water pistols but we knew you would not let us use them unless they did something bad. So we faked Jonas getting shot.

DANIEL – (to Jonas) so you're wearing a bullet proof vest, huh?

JONAS – no. why would I wear one of those? They're big and uncomfortable.

(they start to walk back to the gate.)

DANIEL – then how did you . . .?

JONAS – no comment.

DANIEL – and how did the water . . .?

GOD - /NO COMMENT./

(Daniel smiles as if he just figured something out.)

DANIEL – That wasn't really water, was it?

SAM – nope.

DANIEL – then what was it?

JACK – no comment.

DANIEL – ugh! Teal'c . . .?

(Teal'c smiles and shakes his head, his hands behind his back. They continue through the gate, Daniel still asking them questions and them replying with 'no comment'.)

how was that? Sorry it was so short, but I wasn't sure what else to do. If you want more, let me know. Otherwise, this was the last one.