Author's Note:. Well, I did warn you about slow updating.
...Though even I must say, that was... really long. I blame it on my term paper and math tests, as well as the roller skating meet I've been preparing for. Which, incidentally, I won. Go me! Now let's watch as my head inflates even more!
(edited 1x)
Summary/Pairings/Disclaimer/Warnings:. See the first chapter, because I'm lazy and tired and it's past my bed time.
Warnings:. (this chapter specifically) Idiocy, bad tactics, more plot holes, and subtle everyone-bashing.
Reviewer Responses:. Firstly, thank you all for your encouraging reviews! I was absolutely blown away by all the positive feedback I received.
Each chapter, I will randomly select five reviewers to answer to, though each review will be read and stored in a special place in my heart. Flames will be used to respectfully cremate all the victims that died of the sappiness of my last statement.
lostfreakfound: I'm glad you're looking forward to updates, and I'm sure they'll be more frequent from now on. Thanks for your review!
Rythmic: Reading what you wrote made my mouth water. X+ Thank you for your review! I'm gonna go get a glass of juice now.
PRoyalAngel: I'm glad you enjoyed it! Yes, Itachi is adorably dense, isn't he? I haven't really considered an ItaSaku pairing much yet. Sounds amusing, though. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what me and my sister's oxygen-deprived minds come up with. Thank you for reviewing!
koori no tenshi: Oh yes, the craziness is crucial. What would we do without a little craziness? Thank you for your review! I'm glad that you like the story so far.
Kumori: Haha, I'm sorry, I updated as soon as I could. Each review reminds me to get my butt working, thank you for the support!
End.
It's a Date
2. Knights and Shopping bags
Near the Valley of the End, two boys were arguing heatedly.
"You bastard!" Naruto yelled. "Don't you get it? This strategy isn't going to get you anywhere!"
"How would you know? The most effective strategies take time," Sasuke replied calmly, which only infuriated the blonde more.
"Time my ass! You're just making the first move that comes to mind, not even thinking about what you'll do next!"
Dark, colorless eyes closed as their owner rubbed his temples irritatedly. "Shouting is useless, dead-last. You're not going to convince me to change my mind."
"Fine," Naruto huffed, "I'll beat you and your stupid, cheating ways!"
"For the last time, jumping my knight over your bishop is not cheating."
"Sure, it's not, bastard," Naruto snorted sarcastically.
Sasuke sighed for about the millionth time; they'd been arguing over this for the past 20 minutes, easily. "Look, Naruto, I'm sure I own a chess rule book somewhere in my house. When you go back to Konoha, alone, I give you full permission to turn the place upside down in search of it. I'm telling you, I'm right."
"And I'm telling you you're wrong!"
"You can't just make up your own rules, idiot."
"Whatever. But if you can do that, then I can do this!" Naruto proceeded to grab his rook and his king off the board, moving them for the first time that game, and place them on the two empty spots between their original positions and behind the three pawns in the next row to form a "castle" around Naruto's king. "Ha! Check that out!"
His opponent just gaped in disbelief. Damn, there's no way my knight can get to his king, now... that idiot just blew my entire plan! And then, after realizing this, Sasuke gaped some more.
"What? Cat got your tongue?" Naruto asked through his trademark grin. "Or are you admitting defeat already?"
At this, the jaw that had been openly dropped snapped back up to join the rest of the mouth. "You wish, dumbass. I was just wondering how an idiot like you who doesn't even know the right way to move a knight knows how to castle."
"Don't call me an idiot! And for your information, I'm-so-much-better-at-chess-than-everyone-else-sama, I know lots of cool moves from watching Shikamaru play with his dad. This one time he-"
"ACHOO!" Sasuke sneezed all of a sudden, his entire body buckling over with the force of the explosion.
This, of course, caused Naruto's body to buckle over in laughter. Somehow, though, he managed a whole sentence in between chuckles: "What the hell was that?"
Sasuke didn't like being laughed at, especially by Naruto. After all, if Naruto of all people was entitled to laugh at him, he must've looked really stupid. "Shut up, dead-last. Let's just finish this dumb game so I can get going. I have a Dead Clan Club meeting back at the lair in an hour."
Surprisingly, Naruto's peals did subside rather quickly. "Oh no, you won't be going back this time!" he proclaimed. "'Cause I'm gonna kick your ass! You just watch!"
The game continued, only pausing once when Sasuke took Naruto's bishop by moving a pawn diagonally. Naruto had just begun ranting about how Sasuke "pulled that rule out of his ass" was when he, too, sneezed violently. The blonde was thoroughly silenced and play resumed.
Ten minutes, four pawns, and a queen later, Naruto was crowing in...
...victory.
"Woo-yeah! Who's the greatest ninja in the world? Who beat the great Sasuke-chan at his own twisted game?" The blonde danced around in true Naruto fashion while Sasuke sulkily put the portable chess board back in his bag.
"It wasn't twisted, it was just chess. You didn't beat me out of skill, just luck, and even if you had, it wouldn't make you the best ninja in the world."
"Ah, maybe not, but it makes me good enough to drag you back to Konoha!"
Sasuke groaned. He'd hoped Naruto would have forgotten that part of their little deal. "Naruto."
Naruto paused in his victory dance. "Yeah?"
"I hate you."
Speaking of Konoha, two certain ninjas were currently exiting a quaint, little cafe.
The streets of the village were still littered with the bodies of passed out women, but a certain Sakura was gearing all her attention toward glancing discreetly at a certain Itachi, who was too accustomed to it all to care.
"So, where should we go next, Itachi-kun?"
"Hn." To be honest, the Uchiha hadn't really considered going anywhere. His usual schedule while he was in Konoha went something like this:
1. Walk around in the street making women pass out.
2. Get coffee.
3. Walk around some more.
4. Watch Sasuke-chan and/or Naruto-chan.
5. Walk around some more.
6. Get onigiri.
And then he'd leave. Every once in a while, even though he'd avoid it at all costs - he'd even jumped into a fish pond once - he'd run into his little brother. All sorts of annoying hells would break loose after that.
But no, now he couldn't even go visit Sasuke and Naruto, because they were off god-knew-where doing god-knew-what but they most certainly were not in the streets of Konoha walking around, just waiting to crash into himself and Sakura.
"I don't know," Itachi finally replied. "What do you normally do around here?"
Sakura took a moment to ponder this. "Well, I usually just find Ino-pig and fight with her for a while... Oh! I like to go shopping!"
Shop? Oh god, one of those four-letter words... Itachi supressed a shudder. He should've known better than to ask an adolescent girl what she liked to do in the city. Of course, she was looking up at him with her hands clasped beneath her chin, her aura intruding uncomfortably into his personal space, and these big, watery eyes that just screamed 'If you don't take me shopping right this second I will personally go door to door and tell every girl in Konohagakure that you're single.'
Itachi steeled himself and said between grit teeth, "Is that so?"
"Yeah!" Sakura bounced around merrily. "Say, do you want to come with me to Ninjas 'R' Us? I've been meaning to stop by there to replenish my supply of Naruto-B-Gone, but I haven't gotten around to it until now."
Weighing his options, the Uchiha eventually decided that shopping couldn't be that bad if all the girl wanted was a stupid spray can. "Hn... fine."
And thus, Itachi made what was perhaps the worst mistake of his life, even including the massacre of clan Uchiha.
Sakura took him everywhere. What originally started out as an innocent search for a can of Naruto-B-Gone eventually turned into an all-out shopping spree, with the teenage girl in the front seat and Itachi hanging on for his dear life.
After about half an hour of non-stop spending, he concluded that her family was comfortably well-off. Not nearly as well-off as the late Uchiha, of course, but obviously well-off enough to cater to the financially demanding Sakura. He also found himself, for the first time in a Very Long While, glad that he was a ninja, because otherwise it would be quite difficult to lug the shopaholic's bags around as she rushed from store to store.
He'd protested only once.
"You're a big boy," she'd chided him with a motherly wag of the index finger, "and I'm sure you know by now that it's polite to carry a lady's bags for her."
Well, he couldn't argue with that. He could always kill her, but then who would assist him in his plan to capture Naruto? Kisame'd had his chance. They'd ended up inside some monstrous frog's belly with Itachi's rage-blinded little brother, one of the three legendary sennin, and, in the end, not even a scrap of the Kyuubi vessel's clothing.
It would be prudent, he decided, to try playing the game with allies already behind his enemies' defenses for once.
He'd tried to teach that to Sasuke in chess, but the fool had lost every time Itachi castled.
Chuckling fondly at the memory and allowing his bag-carrying ninja skills to falter for a split second, the Uchiha slammed into a pole and lost his footing. But only slightly, because Uchihas just don't stumble.
But wait... since when did poles profess their undying hatred for me and have hands with which to power up a chidori?
"You bastard!"
"Little brother?"
"Sasuke-ku- I mean, Sasuke, you jerk!"
"Sakura-chan?"
"Naruto?"
"Naruto-chan."
"Itachi...?"
"Sakura?"
"Yes?"
"What's he doing in Konoha?"
"Well, little brother, I could ask the same of you."
At this, Sasuke fumed, then brooded, and then finally all-out sulked upon remembrance of how Naruto had brought him back. Sakura stared. Itachi cocked an eyebrow. Several more women fainted. Naruto... gloated.
"I kicked his ass at...! Um..."
"Chess, Naruto."
"Shut up, Sasuke-bastard! I was just... testing you guys! Yeah! To see if Itachi could read minds!"
"Sasuke lost... to you...?"
Silence.
"Tsk tsk, little brother. He castled, didn't he?"
tbc!
Wow. Two down, who-knows-how-many more to go.
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