Author's Note:. My stupid hoe of a sister just squeezed my hand. My injured hand.
"You put it in my popcorn! And I told you, no popcorn until you update."
T-T -kills her- Well fuck that. I didn't want that stupid popcorn anyway. So yeah. Sorry for the torturously long wait. At least it's not as long as the last one. But I don't think this chapter is as good. -cries-
"Naruto's like 'incredi-skank'. He gets paired with everyone." How true. Just... not in this story. XD
Summary/Pairings/Disclaimer/Warnings:. See the first chapter, because I'm lazy, tired, and sick now, too. -cough, hack- Oh! and I don't own DDR. I don't even have one. Y-Y
Warnings:. (this chapter specifically) Whiny girls, homicidal Uchihas, the ever-present plot holes, and unhealthy amounts of carbohydrates.
Reviewer Responses:. Firstly, I LOVE YOU GUYS. I am still blown away by all the positive feedback I'm receiving.
Each chapter, I will randomly select five revieweres to answer to, though each review will be read and stored in a special place in my heart. Flames will be used to repectfully cremate all the victims that died of the sappiness of my last statement.
Carollipop: Lol, thank you! Mindless randomness is excellent and probably way better than this. Then again, this thing does kind of contain some mindlessly random qualities, eh? XD Thank you for your review!
Temari-chan15: Thanks! I'm always so happy when people say they like the way I write! ToT I've been trying hard to keep the not-exactly-a-plot interesting and original, and making fun of the characters is so fun! (And easy, lol.)Thank you for your review!
glbial: OMGWTF I can't believe I picked your review. XD Well, hoe, you owe me some popcorn now. -kills you if you don't get it for me- -or just doesn't let you into my room-
marshmellowluvr: X3 Thanks for your review! I'm happy that you like it, and I'll try very hard to keep my butt going with the updates. Thanks again!
AnimeSenko: Yeah, I know! XD I laughed almost the entire time I wrote the chess scene. And Itachi? Uchiha genius? Pfft, not in my story! -is attacked by the OOC police- Oh well. And who knows about the pairings, you'll probably get some random, barbecued ItaSaku somewhere in there. But then again, the fic could morph into anything at this point, the little mutant whore. Thank you for reviewing!
End.
It's a Date
2. Ramen and Homicidal Tendencies
Many long moments passed in tension between the four shinobi. This tension ranged from slight discomfort all the way up to violent enmity and tended to blur the lines between anger, confusion, and curiosity.
Naruto, of course, is annoying, which makes everyone dislike him. Except Sasuke. The reason Sasuke dislikes Naruto isn't because he's obnoxious, but because he has the potential to become more powerful than Sasuke himself, and that just isn't allowed.
Sakura wasn't necessarily hated by the boys, but one was well on his way to hating her and the other two were afraid of her.
Sasuke is just weird. Nobody really hated him, just acted like they did.
Itachi, surprisingly, caused the least amount of foul emotions. Sakura, of course, was absolutely bowled over by his sex-god aura. Naruto was confused, wondering what exactly Itachi was after. Is it the power of the Kyuubi? Is he trying to hurt Sasuke through me? Or does he just want my sexy body? The blond boy pondered this extensively, which is, for him, approximately 5 minutes. Sasuke was violent and hateful just like always. But Sasuke hates everyone.
Anyway, the fact that Itachi caused the least amount of angst should be a testament to just how tense those many moments really were.
And then, suddenly, the tension was lost.
"RAMEN!"
All eyes abruptly fixated themselves on the origin of the noise. Naruto stood casually, proud that he'd dissipated the atmosphere, if only for the moment.
"...What?" It didn't matter who said it. They were all thinking it.
"I said 'ramen'!" Naruto affirmed. "Bringing Sasuke-bastard back from the Dark Side of the Force really takes it out of you, so I think maybe we should all head to Ichiraku and... well, talk things out there."
"'Talk things out'...?" Sasuke asked, puzzled. Was he serious? Did he really think 'talking things out' was going to help anything? The only solution to this problem was to kill his older brother. That was the solution to every problem.
Meanwhile, Itachi was spawning the amusing visual of a hybrid between Sasuke and Deidara, another member of Akatsuki who happened to have a mouth in the center of each palm. Granted, Itachi had never seen these mouths speak, but he figured it would be interesting to see Sasuke perform his Chidori and try to pass it off as 'talking'.
"You, Satsuki," Itachi began, looking toward the girl of their little group.
"Her name's Sakura, you idiot," Sasuke admonished his older brother. No wonder our parents didn't like him very much. Even with all his looks, brains, and talent, he wouldn't have been able to keep the clan populated if his life depended on it.
"It's okay, Itachi-kun, I understand that it was just a slip of the tongue!"
Noting the adoring look Sakura attacked Itachi with, though, he made an amendment to his statement: What am I talking about? They just wouldn't produce very intelligent offspring.
"Anyway," Itachi continued, looking back to Sakura once again, "I was just going to ask the girl if she objected to Naruto-chan's proposition. I haven't heard any other suggestions, and besides, the poor boy is already halfway there."
Sasuke, for a moment, was highly confused. Figuring that 'poor boy' referred to Naruto, he looked to the blond to see if he knew what Itachi was talking about. Unfortunately, however, the only thing his eyes found was air and kicked-up dust. Naruto really was literally halfway to Ichiraku already.
"Hey, dead-last! Wait!" he called, taking off after the apparently very hungry boy. "Where do you think you're going!"
Itachi turned to Sakura, wondering something. "Why in heaven's name is Sasuke-chan calling that boy 'dead-last'? It seems obvious that Naruto-chan is in front of him."
Shrugging, the girl replied, "Eh, it's Sasuke's nickname for him. Along with 'idiot', 'dunce', 'stupid', 'dumb hammer' (I don't even want to know where that one came from), and pretty much any other name he can think of that insults Naruto's intelligence -- or lack thereof."
"Sounds... affectionate." Although Itachi was being sarcastic, Sakura's mouth sank into a pout and her eyes moved to gaze at the ground.
"I wonder why Sasuke never gave me a nickname?"
Itachi kept silent, unsure of what to say. He knew that women could be volatile creatures, but really had no idea how to deal with them when they became so. He usually killed them. Even now, his fingers just itched to grab a kunai and slit her throat. Nice Itachi... must not kill emotional pink-haired girl...
Meanwhile, Inner Sakura raged at him, How can he just stand there while I'm clearly feeling depressed! Time to up the ante...
Itachi grimaced as tears began to form in Sakura's vivid, emerald eyes. The kunai was now practically screaming to be used, and the girl didn't seem to have any intention of curbing her emotions. This meant that Itachi would have to somehow find a way to curb them himself without killing her.
"Eh... don't cry, please," he ventured in a voice slightly more caring-sounding than his usual stoicism. Still, however, his efforts had very little effect.
"Is it too much to ask, Itachi-kun?" Sakura whined softly. "For someone to like me? Is that too much?"
"Naruto-chan seems to like you."
This only made Sakura's tears flow more freely. Itachi's fingers brushed tantalizingly against the leather of his weapons holster.
"Uh..." Cursing his homicidal tendencies, the Uchiha wrought his brain for anything he could say that might do the trick. "Um... and I sort of like you, too, I guess."
That shut Sakura up immediately. Inner Sakura heaved a fist in the air, Yes! "Do you really mean it?" she asked, raising her wobbly, wet eyes to her companion's cold Sharingan.
For a moment, Itachi contemplated executing a short Tsukiyomi that would keep her satisfied but at the same time, subject himself to nothing embarrassing. Unfortunately, Tsukiyomi would require an unpleasant amount of chakra that he didn't really feel like spending right then, especially when he could surely spend it later making Sasuke re-re-relive his family's massacre. After all, that did seem to be a sort of tradition they held every time they met.
Speaking of Sasuke...
"Uh... don't you think we should follow those two?"
Sakura suddenly jolted, as if startled, her tears forgotten. "Oh, yes! Silly me, I haven't been paying attention to our objective!"
Objective indeed, Itachi mentally snorted. And with practiced shinobi skills, he blocked out the pink-haired girl -- who'd begun to babble -- and began walking in the direction of Ichiraku.
Though the Uchiha had never admitted it freely to anyone, he was a die-hard closet ramen fan. His parents had disapproved greatly of the dish, saying that it was disgusting and that no true Uchiha would ever eat anything so cheaply processed and artificially satisfying.
Nevertheless, back before he left Konoha, he had visited Ichiraku often. He would always use the henge no jutsu to disguise himself as a pretty young woman (he'd had a thing for long hair and eyelashes, even then) so that no one would recognize him, and then eat to his heart's content.
One day, though, due to the most unfortunate of scheduling errors on his part, his best friend came around to Ichiraku while Itachi was in disguise. Shisui, being the infamous womanizer that he was, immediately began hitting on Itachi until eventually he was forced to reveal his identity.
'Ita-chan,' Shisui had chided, 'you know your parents would be disappointed if they knew you were here.'
A few weeks later, the boy had tried to blackmail Itachi into buying him the newest version of Dance Dance Revolution.
'You misuse my secrets, Shi-chan,' he'd replied and then killed him, gaining the Mangekyou Sharingan.
Ah, those were the days, Itachi smiled secretively as he and Sachiko or whatever her name was continued on down the female body-littered road. He tried tuning himself in to what the girl beside him was rambling about.
"...And he just said, 'I was helping an old woman with her grocery bags.' I mean, how lame is that? Even if he were the type to do random good deeds on the street, that lady would've had to have like, tons of groceries for it to have taken three and a half freakin' hours..."
And he tuned himself out. He wondered vaguely when she would have to take a break to breathe.
A little while later, they came upon Ichiraku. Just the thought of Ojii-san's ramen was enough to make Itachi's adrenaline rush as quickly as if he were on a high-ranked mission, and it was all he could do to keep his legs from sprinting inside. After all, Uchihas just don't get excited--about anything, not even ramen. It went right after the whole 'no stumbling' thing in the rulebook of Uchiha 'Do's and 'Don't's.
Naruto and Sasuke were both still there, the former practically wolfing down what looked like his 4th or 5th bowl, and the latter watching in bewilderment. Suddenly, however, the waitress that had been serving them swooned and passed out. Sasuke sat up stock straight, and even Naruto paused in his quest of stuffing himself silly.
Sasuke shuddered in anticipation. "It's the Uchiha Effect... he's here!"
His blonde companion swallowed his last mouthful of ramen loudly. "Who? Itachi?"
Itachi chose that dramatic moment to enter the little ramen bar, his pink-haired sidekick trailing behind him. "How very intelligent, Naruto-chan. And Sasami over here says that you're stupid..."
Sasuke let his head fall down on the counter with a thump, giving up on getting his brother to remember the correct name.
"Hey, I'm not stupid! I'm gonna be the greatest Hokage ever! Then we'll see who's stupid!" Naruto yelled, pointing an index finger in Itachi and Sakura's general direction. The two pointees, however, paid negligible attention to the blond's short rant, opting instead to take the couple of seats to the left of him.
At the raise of Itachi's hand, Ojii-san shuffled over, nearly tripping over his daughter's fainted form. "Can I get something for you, sir?"
"Yes, I'd like a large order of your super deluxe ramen special, with tomatoes on the side, please," Itachi replied, adding as almost an afterthought, "if you still offer it, that is."
Everyone, including Ojii-san and Naruto, looked at the elder Uchiha amazedly.
"Only two people have ever been able to stomach that dish," Ojii-san mumbled, "Naruto there, and a young girl who used to glare a lot. I haven't seen her in six or seven years, though!"
"Six or seven years...?" Sasuke's eyes widened.
Something abruptly clicked in the young Uchiha's brain as he watched his brother's eyes shift from place to place nervously. All those times Itachi used to sneak away around lunch, the inexplicable smell of rice noodles on his breath when he returned... It's all coming together now!
"Itachi," he seethed, "you know mom and dad would never have approved of such a thing!"
"Ah, but they aren't here, now are they, foolish little brother?"
"And it's your fault! Agh, I'll kill you!" Sasuke began collecting chakra in his hand, intending to Chidori that ramen right up Itachi's nose. Before he could reach over to strike the man, however, a sharp jab in his side nearly pushed him off his stool.
Naruto held his chopsticks up self-incriminatingly, telling Sasuke in a surprisingly authoritative voice that reminded him of the demon-Naruto he'd fought near the waterfall, "You will not destroy or disrespect Ichiraku by attacking your brother in here. Is that understood, Sasuke-bastard?"
Turning even paler than he was naturally, Sasuke could do nothing but nod, almost frightened by the change in Naruto's demeanor, 'almost' being the key word. Itachi just smirked smugly at the scene, until the blond turned to him.
"And you! I don't care if your ramen-eating skills rival mine; you will eat peacefully, without provoking Sasuke. Got it?"
Itachi had to suppress a slight shiver at the promised death in the boy's eyes. Shrugging almost nervously, he affixed his wits and said, "Sasuke-chan is just embarrassed because he never had the backbone to defy our parents and come here to try the ramen."
"That's not true!" Sasuke quickly became tense once again. "I was proud of our family's low-carb ways!"
"Which is probably why you're so scrawny. You can't live off sushi and onigiri alone, you know."
"Yeah? Well, how would you know what I eat, anyway?"
The man blushed discreetly for a moment. "That is unimportant. All I'm saying is that your eating habits are unhealthy. If you wish to become strong enough to kill me, you must forsake family tradition."
Sakura, who had been silently watching in amusement, suddenly spoke up from Itachi's other side. "But Itachi-kun, what about earlier, when I saw that copy of The Rulebook of Uchiha 'Do's and 'Don't's in your cloak?"
This time, Itachi couldn't hide his blush so well. Thankfully, however, Ojii-san arrived on the scene at just that moment with Itachi's order, and the conversation was lost.
"I want a bowl of whatever he's having, too, old man. Just this once," Sasuke seemed to concede and challenge simultaneously, as he eyed his impassive brother from the other side of his blonde-haired rival.
"Me, too!" Sakura piped up, ignoring the raised eyebrows of all four males, the eldest of which then bowed politely and went to fetch their meals.
tbc!
Meep! This chapter is actually pretty long, yet it seems so short! So much Naruto and Sasuke in it. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing. x-x
If -- no, when! -- When you review, make it really long so that it has a better chance of being picked for responses. And bribe me. That always helps.