"Those glasses make you look like a nerd," said Bart, who then reached out and plucked off Arthur's glasses. "There, now you look cool."

"I can't see a thing," said Arthur.

"Trust me, you look cool," said Bart.

Lisa happened upon the two boys on her way to the cafeteria. "Yeesh, Bart!" she protested. "Give the kid his glasses back."

"Fine," said Bart, reluctantly returning the spectacles to Arthur. "But if it were me, I'd rather be blind."

An unwelcome voice sounded in his ear. "Hey, Bart! Can I tell your future with my cootie catcher?"

"Let me tell your future," said Bart to the eager-looking Prunella. "You'll burst into tears and run away after I tell you that your face looks like a can opener."

Prunella burst into tears and ran away.

"You're hurting everybody's feelings today," Lisa chided her brother. "You're like an electronic feeling-hurting machine."

Bart shrugged. "It's the third time I've used that line on her. You'd think she'd get used to it."

Feeling hungry, he wandered away. "Don't listen to him," said Lisa to Arthur. "Your glasses make you look distinguished."

"He's right, you know," said Arthur glumly.

"Bart is many things," said Lisa, "but right is not one of them. Come on, I'll walk you to the lunchroom."

As Bart walked into the cafeteria, a powerful force drew him in the direction of a certain table, at which sat an assortment of mean-looking animal kids.

"Whadda you want?" snarled the boy at the head of the table, who looked vaguely like a weasel with a backwards-turned cap.

"Uh, I dunno," said Bart nervously. "I just gravitated over here."

"This is the Tough Customers table," said Rattles, "also known as the Fortress of Pain."

Bart's lips curled into a grin. "Cool! The bullies of the animal world."

"I'd sit somewhere else if I were you," said Rattles, but Bart had already jumped into an available space. The slovenly dressed rabbit girl across the table caught his attention.

"What're you staring at, kid?" said Molly peevishly. "Haven't you ever seen a girl bully before?"

"Yeah, I have," Bart responded. "But never one with ears like yours."

Molly smiled at him. "You got moxie, kid. Join us or die."

"I'll join you," said Bart without hesitation.

Molly sighed. "No one ever chooses death."

"To prove yourself worthy of our society," Rattles told Bart, "you must perform a deed of utter ruthlessness."

"Like hanging a kid's underpants from a flagpole?" said Bart. "While the kid's still in them?"

Molly and Rattles gaped at him.

"Or slashing the principal's tires? Or painting over the mural with a picture of a naked girl? Or…"

"Whoa, whoa!" said Molly. "We may be bullies, but we're not monsters."

"Simply pulling down a kid's pants will do," said Rattles.

"Consider it done," said Bart confidently.

A moment later Binky approached the Tough Customer table, carrying a tray loaded with food. "Hey, guys," he greeted the bullies.

"Hey, Binky," said Molly and Rattles.

Suddenly Binky felt an odd draft passing between his legs.

The jaws of everyone at the table dropped in unison.

"Haw haw!" said Bart mockingly.

Binky looked down, and his fears were confirmed. His pants lay in a heap around his ankles, and his Love Ducks underwear was exposed for all the world to see.

At a nearby table, Arthur and Lisa were chatting over lunch. "Sure, I'd love to visit your house," said Arthur. "But I'll have to ask my mom and dad if it's okay."

"You'll see that the rest of my family isn't like Bart," Lisa assured him. Then, glancing to one side, she exclaimed, "Oh, my Buddha!"

Not far away, a large bulldog boy with bare legs was scowling and waving his fist in Bart's face. "You just bought a one-way ticket to Clobberville, USA, pal," he said menacingly.

"Kick his butt!" said Rattles.

"Rip off his butt, then kick it!" added Molly.

Lisa hurried to the side of her frightened brother. "Don't hurt him!" she pleaded.

"Oh, I won't," said Binky, lowering his fists. "Not now." He shot Bart a fiery glare. "Meet me in front of the trailer behind the school during afternoon recess. Unless you're yellow, that is."

"Hey, nobody calls me yellow!" said Bart with newfound courage. "You're on, buster."

"I'm on what?" asked Buster, who happened to be walking past.

While Binky pulled his pants up around his waist, Lisa quickly dragged her brother away by the arm. "You can't be serious about fighting him," she said earnestly. "He's as big as Nelson Muntz."

"Yeah, the parallels are kinda creepy," said Bart.

"Don't go through with this!" Lisa pleaded.

"I have to," said Bart. "Otherwise, Dead Composer's legions of fans will have no reason to eagerly await the next chapter."

to be continued