Lily

"Who's your date?"

"Are you going to ask anyone?"

"I hope Sirius asks me!"

I was going to slap the next person who spoke those extremely annoying words. Especially the last phrase.

Everywhere I went there were little groups of Sirius's giggling fan girls, trailing him around like some sort of celebrity. It was getting highly aggrivating, even to Sirius. He even took to hiding in the library, making it a total of three times he's ever set foot inside during his whole seven years here.

I shook my head and made my way down the steps leading to the common room, glancing over to the notice board. Ever since Professor Dumbledore's announcement yesterday, which I missed, the notice board always had a small crowd around it. Not because of the Forbidden Items list posted by Mr.Pringle or the times of Quidditch matches, but because of that bloody Graduate Ball flyer. Even groups of first years stood excitedly at the board, pointing and giggling at the parchment.

This ball was already getting on my nerves...

"Lily!"

"What?" I said, jerking my head away from the notice board. Melanie stood infront of me, books clutched in her hands and bag slung over her shoulder.

"C'mon, we're gonna be late for Charms!" she said, linking her arm in mine and leading me out the common room.

Apparently Melanie felt the exact opposite as me about the ball, considering she yakked my ear off all the way to Charms about who she wanted to ask her ("Remus is such a dreamboat, but I don't even think he knows I exist."). I was going to tell her he'd have to know she existed since he tutored her every evening, but I really did not want to hear another girlish giggle and more whining.

We entered the classroom and Mel finally stopped talking about Remus (thank Melin) as we walked up the stairs to an empty table. That's when it happened.

My insides felt like they were on a roller coaster. I froze up and felt a cold sweat on my forehead. My hands started to get warm and wet, and before I could stop it my book slipped, crashing on the ground.

"Here, I'll get that."

I gulped. It was all I could do.

"You okay Evans? You don't look right," James said oddly, setting my book down on the table.

"Er, um, yeah, fine. Just peachy! Thanks," I said quickly, slamming myself down in my seat. James raised an eyebrow at me and sat back down behind me in his seat next to Sirius.

I glanced at Mel, who took no notice at the recent events. She was too busy staring at her dreamboat.

I caught my breath and held my head in my hands. What the hell just happened? All I did was walk in, look at James, and..

I stopped and rubbed my arms.

James.

Just thinking the name gave me goosebumps.

I sat in silence the whole class, not even bothering to take notes. When Professor Flitwick had finally ended the lesson I stood up, grabbed my things, and not even waiting for Mel rushed out of there.

I didn't stop running until I reached the large oak doors, made my way outside, and was sitting safely away from everyone on the lake shore. I dumped my things on the ground beside me and took my head in my hands.

What the hell happened back there?

Stomach turning, cold sweat, wet palms..

Is it possible..?

No.

I do not love James Potter. Arrogant, bullying, self obsessed James Potter.

But...

That's not the New James.

The New James and I sat together late at night in the common room, talking about the future, the past, our hopes, our fears, anything under the sun. And he was serious. I was serious. The New James stood up for first years who were being picked on. And from what I knew, the New James didn't even bother Severus as much any more.

I looked at my reflection in the lake. Feiry red hair pulled back in a messy bun, my mother's eyes, and confused seventeen year old looked back at me. I felt something cold fall down my cheek and splash lightly on the water, rippling the surface and destroying the image.

If I really did love James, why do I keep saying no to him? Is there something wrong with my brain and my heart? My heart says yes but my brain is stubborn. Why though?

I sighed and sat back, thinking hard on the question. It wasn't that hard to figure out. I've never really had a relationship. I did really care for this one boyfriend last year, but when he broke it off with me I was deivstated. But the things I feel about James now...they were more than boyfriend feelings. Much more...

The answer was clear to me.

I was afraid. Afraid of love. Afraid of commitment. Afraid...of losing him.

Okay, I want to take a moment to recognize my reviewers, because without you guys I'd have no motivation to write more! :)

Lesolitta: The first "chapter" was just something to give you an idea about what the story was going to be about, so I guess it doesn't really count as a chapter. And thank you for the compliments :)

TeenTypist: Well, I try!

Armadrieclya: Man-eating llamas! XD

Book Lover990, rOkstA , and luv-tree: Thank you :D