Penitentes

A Final Fantasy Tactics fanfic

By Tenshi no Ai

(C) Square Enix

Epilogue: Jubilee

The small fishing boat took to the waves with a deftness that could only be likened to a ninja sliding out a secreted knife from his clothing; it was as if the boat was unbothered by the churning waves and furious tumbles as the clouds overhead darkened. It was an old boat long rusted by the air and the sea, and yet its junky appearance gave it the look of a wizened old man who knew far more than the eye could see. Once, the meisters of Goug competed in a contest to see who could create the most useful technological advancement. One man, who wasn't a meister but was absorbed in mechanical research, opted to fit a contraption onto the belly of the vessel that would use the very water it churned through to improve the speed and handling of the boat through a complicated series of chutes and stopgaps. The boat propelled itself without the use of sails--though they were still there just in case--or manpower to work galley oars, lowering the prohibitive cost that prevented small fishing families from competing with the larger trade companies and fishing guilds. This invention didn't win its creator any awards, but it did give him the respect he needed to join the meisters' society and provide for his new family.

In a sense, the boat was Mustadio's elder sibling. It was just too bad he couldn't get a decent amount of sleep on its deck.

He yawned into the wooden deck as he stretched, having been jolted from his doze by a wave that wasn't content into just being sucked through the bottom of the boat. There were beds in the hold below, but not enough to accommodate everyone. Some of Ramza's party had been more affected by the soul eating demon's mental torture and needed some time by themselves to adjust. Mustadio didn't need to, he was just sore. Worker 8 had nearly depleted all of its reserves while protecting the fallen members of the group, and he had been needed to push the steel giant up several floors and onto the boat while getting into the random battles that were the staple of hanging around Ramza. He hadn't been the only one doing this, of course, but that didn't make it any easier on him after all the things he had already gone through.

Sighing loudly, he decided not to bother with sleep. He stood up and looked around, pleasantly surprised to see Ramza nearby. The younger man was leaning against the protective railing, his gaze fixed on the distance, where the lighthouse could no longer be seen. He looked like he needed cheering up, a service Mustadio was happy to provide. "Hey, Ramza," he said as he approached, one gloved hand up in a friendly little wave. A small smile touched Ramza's lips as he returned the greeting.

"Mustadio. Did you sleep well?"

Mustadio scoffed at the question, his features a tad more exaggerated than what the situation called for. "Have you tried sleeping on this deck? Being exposed in the open while fearing enemy attacks' got nothing on this boat."

"The air's nice, though," Ramza offered, before a smirk manifested itself on his face. "Unlike Goug's."

The engineer waved his hand in dismissal. "Fresh air's overrated. You gotta take your good with the bad, after all."

"I suppose. But seriously, the air is a lot better than it was down there, in the Deep Dungeon."

"Hm, yeah."

There was silence for a while as the two young men leaned against the railing, the wind tossing Ramza's hair about his face while Mustadio's tail whipped his neck. "You said there was a Lucavi there, right?" the young Beoulve finally said, to which his friend shrugged.

"That's what the demon said."

"We'll have to go back."

"Thought you'd say that." Mustadio turned around, his back leaning against the uncomfortable metal railing. "How long do you think until everyone's ready to go again?"

Sweeping one hand through his bangs, Ramza grimaced. "The effects from the demon seem to vary depending on how much someone took its manipulation to heart. I really don't know."

Mustadio grinned. "Real decisive there."

"I know." With uncertainty lining his brow, Ramza looked younger than his already youthful looks made him to be. "But I don't know what else to do. It seems that everything I do is the wrong thing. Every decision I make ends up with someone in trouble, hurt or dead." He lowered his gaze to the water, watching as the water churned out of the complex engine foamed champagne bubbly. Knowing the young man as well as he did, Mustadio knew that Ramza was determined to remain angsty and inconsolable. "How do you do it? How do you get through life without causing problems? How do you make the right decisions?"

After a moment of fidgeting, Mustadio decided on an answer. "Hey, do you think there's a right way to live?"

"Of course."

"Do you live your life according to it?"

"Yes."

"Then, what's the problem?" Before Ramza could protest, his expression as dark as the clouds above, Mustadio held up a hand. "Look, we live different lives 'cause we're different people. What works for me might not for you. Besides, who says I don't cause problems for people?"

A thoughtful expression cleared up Ramza's stormy look. "You have a point there."

"Hey!" The engineer pouted for a second before a smile broke through. "Every time I try to help someone I'm always kicked down. Oh, hey, d'ya mind if I head to Goug right after we reach Warjilis?"

Ramza shook his head. "No. Actually, I'd like to come too. Also, Worker 8 should be looked at. I'll just tell everyone they can either come with us or stay in town until we're ready to go back."

"Great," Mustadio answered, noticing that Meliadoul and Reis were coming up to the deck. "But, uh, can you answer one question for me?" With a blank expression the younger man nodded. "Why aren't we heading to Orbonne? The old guy...that priest said that Orbonne's the place to go, so...why?"

"Is it really?" Thin lines of stress curled around Ramza's mouth as he thinned his lips. "I was going to go there right away, but we did need better equipment. And now, to hear about a Lucavi in the Deep Dungeon..." He rested his chin against his hand as he glanced over at Mustadio. "What if that Lucavi is Vormav? My sister could be down there. And even if it isn't, we can't allow any other Lucavi to roam free, not with so many lives at stake."

"So why're you worrying?" Playfully, Mustadio slapped Ramza on the shoulder, thankful that the squire wasn't wearing the spiky armor of a few months ago. "You've got everyone in mind. As long as you keep that up, you've got the rest of us to help." Waving, the mechanic decided to leave his friend to think about what he had said. Whistling a nameless melody, he strode over to the other side of the deck. Reis half-turned to greet him, but she was the only one there. "Oh, sorry, I thought I saw Melly up here too," he said, frowning. The Divine Knight wasn't exactly the easiest person to misplace.

"She said that the spray of the water was going to ruin her armor, so she returned downstairs." Reis shrugged. "It's very cramped down there."

"Oh, yeah, I guess. I was trying to catch a nap up here, but it's not any better than being squished up against Worker 8 or something." He yawned and stretched his arms up before asking, "So, where's Beo?"

Smiling now, the woman returned her gaze forward, where streaks of sunlight could be seen breaking free of the clouds. "He's sleeping. He taught me a sleep spell so that I could cast it on him." Mustadio beamed at this.

"Oh, cast that on me!"

She giggled behind one small hand, taken in as she was by the young man's cheerful nature. "It took me three tries, and the second time I hit Miss Rafa because the space was too cramped. I don't think you'll want me to try that on you."

"I don't know. I saw your handiwork back there. That was impressive."

She sighed, pensiveness worming its way into her expression. "No, it really wasn't."

Leaning his hip against the railing, he tried to reassure her with a smile. "C'mon, no one else could've done that. If it weren't for you, we wouldn't be on this boat right now."

"I'd think that you had a lot to do with that as well," Reis argued, a peculiar glimmer in her light brown eyes surprising him. It was almost challenging. "All I did was destroy the souls it used."

"Isn't that what it was?" he asked, before realizing that she was focused on another point entirely. "Oh. I'm, uh, I'm sorry."

"So am I," she whispered. Then she shook her head, threading her fingers through her hair as a nervous gesture. "I don't regret it, and yet at the same time I do. Will there ever be a time when people can live free of regret?"

Why is everyone asking me all these complicated questions? he couldn't help but wonder. "I, I don't know. I mean, regret's pretty complicated and all. I bet it creeps up on people no matter what."

"It's only a human emotion." Inexplicably, she smiled, confusing him in the process. "You're probably right, I think. Anyone who calls themselves 'human' will have to face adversity amid their own decisions and actions. It's not really living if you don't know how to suffer correctly."

"There's a proper way to suffer?" A slow grin of puzzlement spread across his face. "You'd better tell some of these people--" he waved behind and below him, "-- 'cause they could use some serious help in finding the right way."

Her expression became somber again as her hands fiddled with one of the locks of hair that hung beside her face. "I meant to say that even you will have deep regrets of your own. But, it might be better than continual happiness."

Confusion burned away to anger, which faded away once he realized that she probably didn't know what she was talking about. After all, she hadn't traveled with them in either of her forms until recently. "Hey, I've had my problems. Just because I'm not lashing myself because of them doesn't mean that I've haven't suffered."

"Yes, but have you caused yourself pain?"

Dumbfounded, he stared at her as he thought back on his life. Everything he did, he did without regrets. That was the proper way to live life, after all. Why would he want to hurt himself when everything was going his way? Even when his father had been kidnapped, he had found friends to depend on, people who would help him. In the end, everything turned out all right. He followed his friends while believing in this simple philosophy, and when they reacted as if everything was their fault instead of simple circumstance he had always thought well, it's because they live different lives from me. I can't understand them. They're nothing I've ever seen back home. That his friends were looking at him in the same way was unsettling to him.

"I think it's almost necessary to lash yourself at least once," she continued. "It's masochistic, but so is life."

"But I don't want to live that kind of life where all you're doing is berating yourself for the action of living," Mustadio retorted. The only response he received was a slow shake of the head, the kind his father would use to convey the fact that there had been a misunderstanding, and it was his fault that he couldn't work his mind around it. "Look, I'll see you around," he muttered, walking away from the dragoner. Between Ramza and her it was becoming oppressively weird up on the deck, so he decided to go downstairs to the hold, where it would just be oppressive.

He nearly ran into someone as he jogged to the stairs, and it took him a step back and a glance down to realize it was Agrias. The Holy Knight glanced up at him with mild surprise in her dark eyes before lowering her head. "Excuse me," she murmured as she moved past him. Reaching out, he grabbed her forearm, an action that earned him a harsh look.

"Woah, sorry Aggie. I just want to talk to you for a sec."

"There are ways to let someone know of this intention without resorting to physically handling them," she replied in a bland tone.

He let go, unsure why he had went to such lengths just to get her attention. Sure, he felt bad, but... "Right, sorry. Hey, uh, I just kinda wanted to apologize for back there, um, when I thought that the demon was you."

She only crossed her arms, her face as bland and dry as her normal tone of voice. "Why?"

" 'Why' what? Why am I saying sorry?" Mustadio could only shrug in befuddlement. " 'Cause I feel bad, maybe? I mean, I assumed that you were just, y'know..."

"A cold, unfeeling woman whose only concern was to the princess to such an extent that I would use my own comrades in order to get back to her?" she stated, arching one eyebrow with dignified poise.

"Er..." Ashamed, he hung his head. "Yeah. Kinda. Sorta. Maybe."

"I see. Admittedly, I can see how you could be influenced by such a viewpoint, but I have long since accepted that returning to the princess can only be a dream. In fact, it may no longer be my dream." The engineer's head shot up at this announcement, but her face showed no emotion. In a quieter tone, she continued, "I have been conversing a great deal on this subject with Sir Orlandu, and now I believe that there are other ways to serve one's liege other than the most direct."

Exhaling through his teeth, Mustadio was the picture of embarrassment. "Oh. I, I see."

There was something like pity in her eyes as she nodded. "Do not feel bad. I might not have told you this before." Agrias smiled, and in that moment she looked as if she were an angel descending from on high to bestow grace. "You did well down there. Isn't that what matters?"

"No." He frowned as shame turned into bitterness. "It isn't a matter of the ends justifying the means or whatever. I--"

"I don't care." Holding up a hand in the same way that a nanny would to quiet disobedient children, she silenced him. "I prefer you when you're tenaciously happy. Try to maintain who you are in the face of adversity, if only for your sake."

"Reis said something like that. But I'm just apologizing."

"Apologizing is one's way to absolve oneself of their guilt and regrets. You shouldn't need to feel that way, so don't bother. If you'll excuse me, I had wanted some time alone." With a proper nod, she left, his eyes following her as she made her way to a section of railing overlooking neither where they had left or where they were going.

...What the hell? It's like this deck's making everyone all scary-introspective. I'd better get down below before the same thing happens to me. However, he couldn't help but steal a glance at the formal lady knight before he descended into the depths of the boat. Regret? Me? Nah, that can't be it. I just feel bad 'cause of my assumption, but that's...that's not regret. Nope, not at all!

He just felt bad because he had made a bad judgment call on a friend. No, that wasn't regret at all.

-End to Penitentes-

So, that's that. A quick little story, one I truly enjoyed writing, and it's finished. The day that I'm putting this epilogue up is my twenty-first birthday, so I'm not feeling nearly as sad about ending this story. To all the people eagerly awaiting the next chapter of UFC (are there really that many?), it comes out on 5/17. Anyway, thank you for reading this story, and I hope you all enjoyed it!

To all those interested in the contest, some of the rules have been clarified just in case you weren't sure what was acceptable.

Reviewers!

Hey, Viktor Mayrin. Yeah, I originally thought of Seal Evil as a special type of bullet, but then I thought about Mustadio loading it into one of the spell guns, only to have one of the spells activate with that foreign metal object still in the barrel, causing a backfire that makes the gun explode and severely injuring him in the process. So, that was out. Logic doesn't mesh well with fanfiction.

TruebornChaos, if I wasn't giggling over your 'review', I would chide you over the fact that a review at the end of a bunch of miscellaneous stuff would be better than an apology...and no review at all! Heh, just...just leave one of those thoughtful reviews you're so good at, alright?

Hi, TobyKikami. Thanks for telling me where that spot is, I suspected it was on that big island. And I'm so glad that the chapter was well worth its one day delay, because I was really close to delaying it for a week.

Maybe so, gleenthefrog, but I've always prided myself on having clear, easily understood stories, so if something doesn't come across right I have to accept that it's a problem on my end of things. I'm glad you liked the chapter as well as the summary!

Yo, Evil Mina. Believe me, you're not the only one dealing with a case of brain shrivellage...and I don't care if that's not a real word. I'm really happy you liked Mustadio's complicated feelings over his mother; it's one of those things that many people can take badly to because it sounds so cold to not care. And, as for the demon, if this were a different type of fic, I would've totally made it NOFA. After all, no one can survive too long if they're naked.
As for your questions, the demon used Drift 33 because it underestimated Mustadio's observation skills. It's just nailing down that whole theme of how underestimating the wrong person can lead to a world of hurt. With the second question, the difference lies in everyone in the group knowing about Balbanes' reputation as a Really Good Person, as well as the fact that he was Ramza's father as well as a good friend of Orlandu's. Everyone can understand friendship, and would have sympathy considering that recently they had to deal with Dycedarg. However, duty to one's liege is something that Mustadio would not understand easily, and Meliadoul would be ambivalent about it because she served God's will first and foremost. The demon did not want suspicion and always went the easier route, which is also true in how it characterized Agrias.
Yep, kern is awesome. It's because of a mini-review he gave Atlus' Stella Deus that I'm saving my money for Atelier Iris instead.

Don't we all wish we could be carefree, Luna? Thanks for pointing out that error.
You've got one intelligent class there. My year wasn't so bad, but there was a real disparity between the IB/AP people and the regular people. Public schooling in my state is practically a joke, even if the universities are highly regarded. Hope you survive your tests and the lazy people in your projects!
I certainly hope you reviewed the story I recommended. :)

Hello, Cake Dance! Hope you completely get over your cold soon!
I'm very happy to hear that you were affected by Reis at the end of the interlude (not that I'm happy that you were that sad!). Wow, fanart of Reis would be much appreciated. It's so rare, believe me.
The funniest thing about zodiac signs are that, although everyone only looks at the sun signs, in astrology it's actually the moon signs and rising signs that truly matter in someone's personality.