Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
A/N: Thank you for all of the reviews. For those of you who want them back togeather and want
Pansy dead and think it's impossible... Don't worry! Just sit back and read the story because
I already have it planned out in my head so just.. don't worry! There are jokes in this story,
some might offend you. I would like to say that I mean not to offend you, but I think the
jokes are funny! I have nothing against men, it's just these were to good to pass up. And no..
They aren't all about men!
=/\_/\=
They entered the common room to find it deserted. It was still early, about seven o'clock
so they decided to talk a while. Hermione would have stayed up if it were 3 o'clock in the
morning, she missed Seth so much and she was sooooo glad to see him.
Amy, Kandi, and Hannah sat on the couch while Seth, Les, and Hermione sat on the floor.
"Thank you guys so much!" Hermione said.
"Hey, we knew how much you missed him, and back at home, he missed you too, so we decided
to bring you two togeather. What better time then the concert?" said Amy.
"But, really.... I am so happy!" stated Hermione.
"Are we staying here tonight?" asked Les, totally off the subject.
"Yeah, my bed's big enough to fit two of Africa's biggest elephant's in so I think
it'll squeez in the six of us." said Hermione.
"Who's this Draco, I've been hearing so much about?" asked Seth.
"Oh, he's... well... he's my... um.. he's my ex-boyfriend, but I'm still in love with
him. He lives here too. That's his room." she pointed to the door.
"It must be retched, living with a scumball like that." said Hannah, not quite thinking
about what Hermoine's reaction would be.
"He's not a scumball!" she snapped.
"Sorry...." said Hannah.
"Any way..." said Amy changing the subject yet once again.
"How have you been?" Seth asked.
"I've been ok.. what about you?"
"Well, I've been great, I mean, ok so not that great!"
"Oh guys listen to this joke..." Les started, "In school one day, the teacher decided
that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of
the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element
in the world what would it be?"
Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold,
because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."
The teacher nodded and called on little Susie.
Little Susie said, "I would want platinum, because platinum is
worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette"
The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little
Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon."
The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"
He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and
you should see all the sports cars outside our house!" "
Everyone laughed at this.
"Listen to this one," Hermione piped, "I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam.
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections.
I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions.
I don't get wasted at parties, and act like a clown.
And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down!
I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt.
My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut.
And I don't go around "re-adjusting" my crotch,
or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch.
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman you see-I'm just not that kind!
I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting.
It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back.
When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack.
And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb.
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome.
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side.
I'm a woman, you know-I've got far too much pride!
And I honestly think its a privilege for me,
to have these two boobs and squat when I pee.
I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball.
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.
I won't tell you my wife just does not understand,
or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band.
Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep,
then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!
Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see.
Forget all about that old penis envy.
I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks.
Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick.
I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you! "
When she said like you she turned to Seth, who laughed and punched her playfully.
Les thought this was so funny she pissed herself. Yes, she pissed herself....
on her way to the bathroom of corse.
"I got one!" said Hannah, "A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to
a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then
casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and
I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so
special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"Oh really? What's it telling you now?" she inquires.
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then,
because I am wearing panties!"
And the man starts tapping on the watch face and says, "Damn
thing must be an hour fast." "
"Oh hey Seth take this quiz for me please..." said Hermione, "I'll read it outloud
and you answer the questions..
1. In the company of feminists, coitus should be referred to as:
a) Lovemaking
b) Screwing
c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town"
Seth gave her a look "You gotta answer."
"A" he said rather unsurely.
"2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after
you've both shared:
a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
b) Your blood-test results
c) Five tequila slammers"
"Uh... A?"
"3. You time your orgasm so that:
a) Your partner climaxes first
b) You both climax simultaneously
c) You don't miss Sports Center (Sky)"
"B."
"4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
a) Healthy, creative love-play
b) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
c) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out
about"
"A"
"5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex
with is:
a) The best part of the experience
b) The second best part of the experience
c) $100 extra"
"A"
"6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in weight in the
last month. You tell her that it is:
a) Not a concern of yours
b) Not a problem - she can join your gym
c) A conservative estimate"
"A"
"7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
a) A myth
b) An oxymoron
c) A moron"
"Ummm... B?"
"8. Foreplay is to sex as:
a) Appetizer is to entree
b) Priming is to painting
c) A queue is to an amusement park ride"
"A"
"9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself
saying at the end of a relationship?
a) "I hope we can still be friends."
b) "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message after the
tone...."
c) "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You." "
"A"
"HEY!... 10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with
that sort of intimacy
b) Is uptight and a waste of time
c) Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place"
"A"
"OK.... Lest see, you answered A to most, so it says...
Check your pants to make sure you really are a man."
Everyone laughed and laughed, as Seth stood and pulled down his pants. He didn't pull
down his boxers, but he looked down them.
"Nope, still there." he said.
"Eww!" squealed Hermione.
"Listen, I got one!" said Kandi, " Women's clever remarks to men's pick up lines.
Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a
rock?"
Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants."
Woman: "No thanks. There's already one asshole in there."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
Man: "Voulez-vous vous coucher avec moi ce soir?"
(Would you like to go to bed with me tonight?)
Woman: "Je voudrais bien, mais je n'ai rien a porter."
(I would love to, but I have nothing to wear.)
Man: "What sign were you born under?"
Woman: "No Parking."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter" (or) "Stop."
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized!"
Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same
reason."
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"
Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"
Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave."
Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy."
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die
laughing."
Man: "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
Man: "May I see you pretty soon?"
Woman: "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"
Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?" "
"I did not kill my lovely wife.
I did not slash her with a knife.
I did not bonk her on the head.
I did not know that she was dead.
I stayed at home that fateful night.
I took a cab, then took a flight.
The bag I had was just for me.
My bag! My bag! Hey, leave it be!
When I came home I had a gash.
My hand was cut from broken glass.
I cut my hand on broken glass.
A broken glass did cause that gash.
My friend, he took me for a ride.
All through LA, from side to side.
From north to south, we took a ride.
But from the cops we could not hide.
My trial lasted for a year.
A year! A year! just sitting here!
The DNA, the HEM-the HAW!
The circus-hype the viewers saw!
A year! A year! Just sitting here!
And lawyers charge by the hour I fear!
If I'm found guilty I will appeal!
Appeal! Appeal! I will appeal!
I'll wheedle and whine- I'll cut a deal!
If it's "not guilty" so glad I'll feel
Did you do this awful crime?
Did you do this anytime?
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not anytime.
Did you take this person's life?
Did you do it with a knife?
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not anytime.
Did you hit her from above.
Did you drop this bloody glove?
I did not hit her from above.
I cannot even wear that glove.
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not, anytime.
And now I'm free, I can return
To my house for which I yearn.
And to my family whom I love.
Hey, now I'm free- Give back my glove"
Seth started to tell one, "We have all grown up knowing and loving the characters produced
by Walt Disney and his successors at the Disney company. From
Mickey Mouse to Aladdin, Disney has always given us something to
laugh at, somone to cry for, something to hope for, and a star to
wish upon. Now, however, it has been revealed by the Disney
corporation that the stars of these memorable cartoons may not
have been the paragons of hope and happiness we always thought
they were. Here, for the first time ever, are the TRUE fates of
your favorite Disney characters, taken from the secret files of
Michael Eisner himself...
Mickey Mouse
Died of venereal disease after visiting multiple prostitutes.
Donald Duck
Accidentally served as a main course at Epcot's China Pavillion.
Goofy
Assassinated during first term as President of the United States.
Pluto
Caught by dogcatchers, put to sleep after he was never claimed.
Scrooge McDuck
Died in extreme poverty after being audited by the IRS.
Huey, Dewey, & Louie
Involved in an underground child pornography ring.
Chip & Dale
Extracted from Richard Gere's colon.
Snow White
Fell for the old "apple trick" again.
Dopey
'Nuff said.
Sneezy
Died of pneumonia with Jim Henson.
Grumpy
Executed after gunning down 15 people in a local McDonalds.
Happy
Killed by insane gunman at a local McDonalds.
Doc
Was sued for malpractice, lived the rest of his life living under
bridges and eating out of cat food cans.
Sleepy
Never woke up.
Bashful
Now a stripper with the Chippendales.
Mary Poppins
Shot down over Iraqi airspace.
Christopher Robin
Male prostitute, died of a heroin overdose.
Winnie The Pooh
Had a heart attack caused by a cholesterol level of 570.
Piglet
Gunned down in a mafia hit.
Eeyore
Committed suicide.
Tigger
Accidentally bounced off the edge of a cliff.
Rabbit
Died of an aneurysm while watching over his garden.
Roo
Smothered to death by Kanga.
Kanga
Put to death by the state.
Alice (Of Wonderland)
Institutionalized for life.
The Mad Hatter
Died of mercury poisoning.
Dormouse
Drowned in a teapot.
The Queen Of Hearts
Guillotine.
Tweedledee & Tweedledum
Died of excessive weight loss at a fat farm.
Sleeping Beauty
Slept until 1986, contracted AIDS from "Prince Charming."
Cinderella
Killed by stepsisters and stepmother in a jealous rage.
Pinnocchio
Is now a very comfortable Ottoman.
Jiminy Cricket
Died after impacting a windshield at high speeds.
Figaro
Strung tightly on a Les Paul guitar.
Dumbo
Sucked into the engine of a 747.
Peter Pan
Christopher Robin's lover, committed suicide in despair.
Tinkerbell
Caught by some kid who forgot to punch holes in the lid.
Bambi
Shot by NRA member with an AK-47. His body was never found.
Baloo
Is now decorating the floor in front of a fireplace.
Mowgli
(see Huey, Dewey & Louie)
Lady & The Tramp
Sold to a Cantonese restaurant.
101 Dalmations
Sold to the Ringling Bros. Circus, were eaten by lions.
The Rescuers
Involved in cancer research.
Jessica Rabbit
Backup singer for Guns 'N Roses.
Aladdin
Was caught stealing one too many times, is now being traded
nightly at Leavenworth for a pack of menthols.
Abu
Shot into space by NASA."
"Hey! I love disney!" said Amy
"Yeah but Amis.. That was funny!" said Les.
They basically spent the rest of the night telling jokes, until Draco came in.
"Draco, what's wrong?" asked Hermione seeing his face. He only looked like that when
he was crying.
"Nothing Mudblood." Draco said codly.
"Hey! Watch it buddy!" said Seth standing up.
"Seth, don't start." said Hermione.
"Well, this person needs to be started with."
"SETH!"
"What? Mudblood to big and bad for a little help?" came Draco.
"That's one of my best friends you're talking to there!" yelled Seth, by this time
Amy, Hannah, Kandi, and Les were standing with him.
"STOP!" Hermione screamed, "Draco what is your problem?"
"Since when are you worthy to call me Draco?" with that he swept into his room.
Hermione sunk to the floor crying, bring her friends to put comforting arms around her.
A/N: Thank you for all of the reviews. For those of you who want them back togeather and want
Pansy dead and think it's impossible... Don't worry! Just sit back and read the story because
I already have it planned out in my head so just.. don't worry! There are jokes in this story,
some might offend you. I would like to say that I mean not to offend you, but I think the
jokes are funny! I have nothing against men, it's just these were to good to pass up. And no..
They aren't all about men!
=/\_/\=
They entered the common room to find it deserted. It was still early, about seven o'clock
so they decided to talk a while. Hermione would have stayed up if it were 3 o'clock in the
morning, she missed Seth so much and she was sooooo glad to see him.
Amy, Kandi, and Hannah sat on the couch while Seth, Les, and Hermione sat on the floor.
"Thank you guys so much!" Hermione said.
"Hey, we knew how much you missed him, and back at home, he missed you too, so we decided
to bring you two togeather. What better time then the concert?" said Amy.
"But, really.... I am so happy!" stated Hermione.
"Are we staying here tonight?" asked Les, totally off the subject.
"Yeah, my bed's big enough to fit two of Africa's biggest elephant's in so I think
it'll squeez in the six of us." said Hermione.
"Who's this Draco, I've been hearing so much about?" asked Seth.
"Oh, he's... well... he's my... um.. he's my ex-boyfriend, but I'm still in love with
him. He lives here too. That's his room." she pointed to the door.
"It must be retched, living with a scumball like that." said Hannah, not quite thinking
about what Hermoine's reaction would be.
"He's not a scumball!" she snapped.
"Sorry...." said Hannah.
"Any way..." said Amy changing the subject yet once again.
"How have you been?" Seth asked.
"I've been ok.. what about you?"
"Well, I've been great, I mean, ok so not that great!"
"Oh guys listen to this joke..." Les started, "In school one day, the teacher decided
that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of
the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element
in the world what would it be?"
Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold,
because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."
The teacher nodded and called on little Susie.
Little Susie said, "I would want platinum, because platinum is
worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette"
The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little
Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon."
The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"
He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and
you should see all the sports cars outside our house!" "
Everyone laughed at this.
"Listen to this one," Hermione piped, "I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam.
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections.
I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions.
I don't get wasted at parties, and act like a clown.
And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down!
I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt.
My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut.
And I don't go around "re-adjusting" my crotch,
or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch.
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman you see-I'm just not that kind!
I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting.
It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back.
When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack.
And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb.
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome.
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side.
I'm a woman, you know-I've got far too much pride!
And I honestly think its a privilege for me,
to have these two boobs and squat when I pee.
I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball.
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.
I won't tell you my wife just does not understand,
or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band.
Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep,
then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!
Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see.
Forget all about that old penis envy.
I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks.
Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick.
I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you! "
When she said like you she turned to Seth, who laughed and punched her playfully.
Les thought this was so funny she pissed herself. Yes, she pissed herself....
on her way to the bathroom of corse.
"I got one!" said Hannah, "A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to
a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then
casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and
I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so
special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"Oh really? What's it telling you now?" she inquires.
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then,
because I am wearing panties!"
And the man starts tapping on the watch face and says, "Damn
thing must be an hour fast." "
"Oh hey Seth take this quiz for me please..." said Hermione, "I'll read it outloud
and you answer the questions..
1. In the company of feminists, coitus should be referred to as:
a) Lovemaking
b) Screwing
c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town"
Seth gave her a look "You gotta answer."
"A" he said rather unsurely.
"2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after
you've both shared:
a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
b) Your blood-test results
c) Five tequila slammers"
"Uh... A?"
"3. You time your orgasm so that:
a) Your partner climaxes first
b) You both climax simultaneously
c) You don't miss Sports Center (Sky)"
"B."
"4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
a) Healthy, creative love-play
b) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
c) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out
about"
"A"
"5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex
with is:
a) The best part of the experience
b) The second best part of the experience
c) $100 extra"
"A"
"6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in weight in the
last month. You tell her that it is:
a) Not a concern of yours
b) Not a problem - she can join your gym
c) A conservative estimate"
"A"
"7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
a) A myth
b) An oxymoron
c) A moron"
"Ummm... B?"
"8. Foreplay is to sex as:
a) Appetizer is to entree
b) Priming is to painting
c) A queue is to an amusement park ride"
"A"
"9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself
saying at the end of a relationship?
a) "I hope we can still be friends."
b) "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message after the
tone...."
c) "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You." "
"A"
"HEY!... 10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with
that sort of intimacy
b) Is uptight and a waste of time
c) Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place"
"A"
"OK.... Lest see, you answered A to most, so it says...
Check your pants to make sure you really are a man."
Everyone laughed and laughed, as Seth stood and pulled down his pants. He didn't pull
down his boxers, but he looked down them.
"Nope, still there." he said.
"Eww!" squealed Hermione.
"Listen, I got one!" said Kandi, " Women's clever remarks to men's pick up lines.
Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a
rock?"
Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants."
Woman: "No thanks. There's already one asshole in there."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
Man: "Voulez-vous vous coucher avec moi ce soir?"
(Would you like to go to bed with me tonight?)
Woman: "Je voudrais bien, mais je n'ai rien a porter."
(I would love to, but I have nothing to wear.)
Man: "What sign were you born under?"
Woman: "No Parking."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter" (or) "Stop."
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized!"
Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same
reason."
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"
Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"
Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave."
Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy."
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die
laughing."
Man: "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
Man: "May I see you pretty soon?"
Woman: "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"
Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?" "
"I did not kill my lovely wife.
I did not slash her with a knife.
I did not bonk her on the head.
I did not know that she was dead.
I stayed at home that fateful night.
I took a cab, then took a flight.
The bag I had was just for me.
My bag! My bag! Hey, leave it be!
When I came home I had a gash.
My hand was cut from broken glass.
I cut my hand on broken glass.
A broken glass did cause that gash.
My friend, he took me for a ride.
All through LA, from side to side.
From north to south, we took a ride.
But from the cops we could not hide.
My trial lasted for a year.
A year! A year! just sitting here!
The DNA, the HEM-the HAW!
The circus-hype the viewers saw!
A year! A year! Just sitting here!
And lawyers charge by the hour I fear!
If I'm found guilty I will appeal!
Appeal! Appeal! I will appeal!
I'll wheedle and whine- I'll cut a deal!
If it's "not guilty" so glad I'll feel
Did you do this awful crime?
Did you do this anytime?
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not anytime.
Did you take this person's life?
Did you do it with a knife?
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not anytime.
Did you hit her from above.
Did you drop this bloody glove?
I did not hit her from above.
I cannot even wear that glove.
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not, anytime.
And now I'm free, I can return
To my house for which I yearn.
And to my family whom I love.
Hey, now I'm free- Give back my glove"
Seth started to tell one, "We have all grown up knowing and loving the characters produced
by Walt Disney and his successors at the Disney company. From
Mickey Mouse to Aladdin, Disney has always given us something to
laugh at, somone to cry for, something to hope for, and a star to
wish upon. Now, however, it has been revealed by the Disney
corporation that the stars of these memorable cartoons may not
have been the paragons of hope and happiness we always thought
they were. Here, for the first time ever, are the TRUE fates of
your favorite Disney characters, taken from the secret files of
Michael Eisner himself...
Mickey Mouse
Died of venereal disease after visiting multiple prostitutes.
Donald Duck
Accidentally served as a main course at Epcot's China Pavillion.
Goofy
Assassinated during first term as President of the United States.
Pluto
Caught by dogcatchers, put to sleep after he was never claimed.
Scrooge McDuck
Died in extreme poverty after being audited by the IRS.
Huey, Dewey, & Louie
Involved in an underground child pornography ring.
Chip & Dale
Extracted from Richard Gere's colon.
Snow White
Fell for the old "apple trick" again.
Dopey
'Nuff said.
Sneezy
Died of pneumonia with Jim Henson.
Grumpy
Executed after gunning down 15 people in a local McDonalds.
Happy
Killed by insane gunman at a local McDonalds.
Doc
Was sued for malpractice, lived the rest of his life living under
bridges and eating out of cat food cans.
Sleepy
Never woke up.
Bashful
Now a stripper with the Chippendales.
Mary Poppins
Shot down over Iraqi airspace.
Christopher Robin
Male prostitute, died of a heroin overdose.
Winnie The Pooh
Had a heart attack caused by a cholesterol level of 570.
Piglet
Gunned down in a mafia hit.
Eeyore
Committed suicide.
Tigger
Accidentally bounced off the edge of a cliff.
Rabbit
Died of an aneurysm while watching over his garden.
Roo
Smothered to death by Kanga.
Kanga
Put to death by the state.
Alice (Of Wonderland)
Institutionalized for life.
The Mad Hatter
Died of mercury poisoning.
Dormouse
Drowned in a teapot.
The Queen Of Hearts
Guillotine.
Tweedledee & Tweedledum
Died of excessive weight loss at a fat farm.
Sleeping Beauty
Slept until 1986, contracted AIDS from "Prince Charming."
Cinderella
Killed by stepsisters and stepmother in a jealous rage.
Pinnocchio
Is now a very comfortable Ottoman.
Jiminy Cricket
Died after impacting a windshield at high speeds.
Figaro
Strung tightly on a Les Paul guitar.
Dumbo
Sucked into the engine of a 747.
Peter Pan
Christopher Robin's lover, committed suicide in despair.
Tinkerbell
Caught by some kid who forgot to punch holes in the lid.
Bambi
Shot by NRA member with an AK-47. His body was never found.
Baloo
Is now decorating the floor in front of a fireplace.
Mowgli
(see Huey, Dewey & Louie)
Lady & The Tramp
Sold to a Cantonese restaurant.
101 Dalmations
Sold to the Ringling Bros. Circus, were eaten by lions.
The Rescuers
Involved in cancer research.
Jessica Rabbit
Backup singer for Guns 'N Roses.
Aladdin
Was caught stealing one too many times, is now being traded
nightly at Leavenworth for a pack of menthols.
Abu
Shot into space by NASA."
"Hey! I love disney!" said Amy
"Yeah but Amis.. That was funny!" said Les.
They basically spent the rest of the night telling jokes, until Draco came in.
"Draco, what's wrong?" asked Hermione seeing his face. He only looked like that when
he was crying.
"Nothing Mudblood." Draco said codly.
"Hey! Watch it buddy!" said Seth standing up.
"Seth, don't start." said Hermione.
"Well, this person needs to be started with."
"SETH!"
"What? Mudblood to big and bad for a little help?" came Draco.
"That's one of my best friends you're talking to there!" yelled Seth, by this time
Amy, Hannah, Kandi, and Les were standing with him.
"STOP!" Hermione screamed, "Draco what is your problem?"
"Since when are you worthy to call me Draco?" with that he swept into his room.
Hermione sunk to the floor crying, bring her friends to put comforting arms around her.