James

What was it? I couldn't quite figure it out.

That afternoon in the Great Hall, something made my whole body feel numb. It sent something cold shooting through my spine, creating goosebumps and making the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. I got butterflies, but not the good kind. The kind that feel like rabid, zombie butterflies eating away at your insides. That something was Lily. That look she gave me...I couldn't get it out of my mind. It was forever there, as if carved in the back of my head. Burned in the inside of my eyelids. The look in her eyes...it made me want to cry. I can't quite describe it. It was sadness, terror, and something else combined into one. Why had she looked at me like that though? One thing I know for sure...the minute we made eye contact, I wanted to be with her. Next to her. Protecting her, comforting her, chasing away whatever made her look that way. I had never seen such an emotion in her eyes.

It scared me.

I know I should go find her, see if she's okay, but I can't. I know if I do, I'll break my promise to myself. I have to stay away from her. I have to get over her.

"James?"

Her voice brought my back to reality. I looked to my right and saw her sitting there next to me on the lake shore, looking up at me with concerned eyes. Sadly, they weren't the eyes I wanted to be looking into.

"Yes Brooke?" I asked, putting an arm around her.

"Are you okay hun?" she asked, leaning her head on my shoulder.

"Yeah. Long Quidditch practice. Took a lot out of me," I replied, faking a yawn.

That seemed to satisfy her because she went back to her essay, leaving me to return to my thoughts. In order to help me get over Lily, I decided to try and find someone else. Namely, Brooke Mayfield. Brooke was a nice girl, beautiful, caring, but she could never be Lily. I felt kind of bad; it was almost if I was using her. In a way, I was. Using her to get over Lily. I didn't really care for her...she was more of a distraction than anything. But hopefully it'll work; I don't want to experience the pain I'm feeling much longer. It's begining to kill me...literally. I'm like a blob. Not my normal self, as anyone could tell you.

I sighed and absentmindedly twirled a strand of Brooke's hair. The ball was tomorrow night. I wonder if Lily has a date? Secretly, I hope she doesn't, but if she does, I can only hope he treats her with all the respect and love that I would have, that I still do, even though it's impossible. No one can love Lily like I do. Like I did...

I heaved yet another sigh and stood up, startling Brooke. She began to stand too, but I stopped her.

"Listen, I need to go take a nap. I'll meet up with you later, k?"

"I could come with you. Rub your back if you like, that's sure to help after a long Quidditch practice," Brooke smiled.

"No, thanks, I need to be alone right now," I replied. She looked a bit offended, so I gave her a quick kiss. She smiled, so I took it that I mended the damage and made my way inside.

I planned on just walking around, clearing my head, but a nap started to sound pretty appetizing. So, instead of wandering empty corridors, I entered the portrait to the common room and climbed the stairs to my dorm. I walked over to my bed and plopped down, thankful that the Marauders were out doing their own thing and I had the room to myself. I yawned and slowly lay my head down on my pillow. It was a second before a felt it. Something odd. I picked my head up and looked down.

There was an envelope. On the front, in shining emerald cursive, was my name. What the hell? This better not be another joke from Padfoot. I really wasn't in the mood for a stink pellet surprise.

I opened the envelope and out fell a neatly folded letter. Curious, I opened it and began reading. Tears filled my eyes as I read, dropping onto the parchment but somehow not smearing the ink. I couldn't believe what I read, so I read it again. And again. And again.

Was this true? Could it be true?

Suddenly I jumped to my feet.

Screw my promise. I had to find Lily.