"Enough"

by darthelwig

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Light SLASH warning.

Rated T.

I do not own Saiyuki in any way.

Goku muses about his relationship with Sanzo.

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For as long as I can remember, Sanzo has been my everything.

I feel as if my life actually started when he held out his hand and led me from the prison I was trapped in. I have no memory of what I did to deserve being locked up like that, but it brought me to Sanzo, so I guess I can't really regret it. I would do anything… survive anything… to be by his side.

The truth is, I can't imagine being without his light to guide my steps. I will never forget what it was like before he came, and that's more than enough for me. I don't want to be alone anymore.

But I have Sanzo now!

As long as he's around, I won't ever be lonely. He may be a violent, foul-mouthed, mean son of a bitch, but he's also my savior. I owe him so much. He gave me a life to live.

Sanzo may hit me with that stupid paper fan of his every time he gets a chance, but I know he does it because he cares so much. My feelings are all close to the surface, where anyone can reach out and touch them, but Sanzo's are hidden much deeper. It's like he's afraid of being hurt or something. I do have trouble remembering that sometimes, then doubt fills me and I become afraid of losing him. But hey, I'm just a stupid monkey, right? Sometimes I let my own needs get in the way of understanding Sanzo.

And I do need him. He's my sun, my light. He's the star that I navigate by. I may be headed west right now, but that's just… incidental. It may sound selfish and wrong, but I'm not here for any mission. I'm following Sanzo. He's my guiding star and I'm held to him by a force far stronger than gravity. It's my love.

You can call me a simple, loud, obnoxious monkey, but I do know how to love and I love Sanzo with all my heart.

I know he'd hit me if he ever heard me talking like this. Displays of affection make him uncomfortable. He'd never admit that he needs me too. But I've been around him long enough to pick up a few things. It's his most poorly guarded secret, but Sanzo actually does have a heart.

He doesn't say the words. I don't even know if he can. But I know he feels them, and that's probably even more important, isn't it? If he didn't care, he wouldn't put up with me at all. Sanzo doesn't suffer the company of just anybody.

So yeah, I know he cares. I wish he could show a little more affection or at least a little kindness once in a while, but I can be content with the things I have. After all, all that I really need is to be near him. It's enough to make me happy.

And I spent five hundred years being unhappy, so I think I deserve a little break, don't you?