Alright…. I read the list of 301 ways to annoy Snape, and I couldn't resist. I just had to write my own story..

I don't own anything Harry Potter related duh!!

For right now, all ideas in this story *all of the ways to annoy Snape) are my own. If/When I start using others ideas, you will know.

I am going to forewarn you that this stuff'll prolly be outta character, cuz I plan on using Hermione as my main person, and I am not going to try and make it like her, cuz I doubt that she would ever do these things. Oh, one more thing…my story writing style is fashioned off of Lamentations of a starry-eyed twit.

So here we go, chapter two: tasks one and two

January 16th

9:30 AM

Nervous…Nervous…Nervous… I really am not sure anymore whether I want to do this. I could get in big trouble for it couldn't I? And I can't even ask Harry or Ron what they think because I decided that it would be twice as fun if they didn't know, and I just started doing these things in his class.

They'd probably think I was crazy…I think I'm crazy…so then we could all join one big club to celebrate my insanity. No…I don't think I am going to do it. I can't. Better get ready for class.

9:33 AM

I am still not going to do it. In fact, I am going to put the list into the fire now, just so there is no way I can do it.

9:34 AM

DEAR GOD!! AM I INSANE??!! Whew…that was close. I was barely able to save the paper in time. Almost got my effing fingers fried. But that's okay…at least the list is safe…that's all that matters now. Poor little list, almost turned to ash. Its okay now, I wont do it again, I promise.

…

I wont even go into that.

9:37 AM

In case you couldn't tell I have decided to do one of the items on my list. I'm thinking I'll go for the weight tactic. So, today's task…

Ask him "you look a little heavier, have you gained weight?"

Okay, so whoever finds this journal, I ask you to give me a nice funeral. I'm off to the dungeons. Wish me a swift death.

1:00 PM

Hold on a moment I am afraid that all I can do at the moment is shake my head. That was really horrible. I'll come back when I'm done with this fun activity of hanging my head.

1:01 PM

OKAY FINE!!! You saw right through that. It was great. That was so much fun I cant wait until I come up with a bunch more things to do. Now I am having trouble sitting still. I think I'll go work off some excess energy by running a few laps around the school. I'll be back when I'm calm.

7:10 PM

Okay that was fun. Now I am really tired. And I smell so bad. I have got to take a shower.

7:47 PM

Now, my guess is that you want to know how it went? Okay, I'll tell you.

I got into the room, and took my normal seat near Harry and Ron. They kept looking at me funny so it is my guess that I was looking suspicious. But they had to stop and start working on their potion when professor Snape came in. As always I finished my potion earliest, which of course allowed me even more time to be nervous. I had to wait for just the right moment to come along, or else, it wouldn't work. And then suddenly, there it was…the perfect moment. The room was totally silent. I took a deep breath for courage and then asked a question. Shooting my hand into the air, I asked,

"What should we do when we are done Professor?" He informed me that I should sit quietly and keep myself occupied. I interrupted by yelling, "Wait! Hold Still!" He sort of froze while I stared at him like I was terribly confused, and then I said it. "Professor Snape, you look a little heavier. Have you gained weight?"

Silence.

Then everyone burst into laughter. I tried not to blush too much, and I forced myself to stare right back at him defiantly, attempting not to smile. He replied sternly, "And you look a little chubby too Ms. Granger. Five points from Gryffindor for Ms. Granger's imprudence. Tonight you shall serve detention with me at eight. Don't be late!"

Here I burst right out laughing. Honestly, that man was funny. I was possibly the skinniest person in the school. When I got control of myself and Snape had control of the class, we fell back into silence, and I went back to reading. For the rest of the period, I could feel Ron's and Harry's glances on my back.

After class I rushed out as fast as I could, and am now hiding from the two of them. I still think it is too early to tell them what is going on.

I must go to detention now…and I just thought of a good one to do. Chances are he is going to make me do something really despicable, like cleaning out vials, so this is my second task.

Hurl everything he gives you at a wall, then inform him that it was an accident, and it slipped out of your hands.

He is going to be sooooooo mad!!! I'll probably have to pay for everything that I break. It'll be worth it though!

Wish me courage!

12:05 PM

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT BASTARD KEPT ME TILL TWELVE?? I am so mad…that I can hardly write right. I just want to murder that man. Shtupid Shtupid Shtupid!!! Okay, deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breath…calm yourself. I can do it. JERK! Okay…I'm calm.

ASSHOLE!

Sort of.

12:10 PM (or is it AM now?)

Can….Hardly….Keep…..Eyes…..Open…..

…….

……..

So anyway…as much as I hate Snape, it was quite fun to throw things about. Good anger management. Oh my, I must wipe this evil smile off my face…there that's better.

So before I tell you what happened I must tell you something else first. As I was on my way down to the room, everyone was talking about what I had said.

"Has he gained weight?"

"I don't know…it is possible"

"I think she was just lying"

"You know…I do think that he looks a little heavier."

I laughed all the way down there. And people had such different reactions to seeing me walk by. Some looked at me like I was the most disgusting thing in the world. Others appraised me for my "good deed". Some people even came up and asked me for my autograph. I mean really! I suppose most of all, everyone was just really surprised. Me, Hermione, the goody two shoes, smartest girl in the school. Me, annoy Snape? But it just went to show how little people really knew me. Or maybe it is because no one has ever pissed me off as much as he did. That's probably the reason. Heck, I didn't even know I could be so vengeful. Oh well, I think I'm getting drunk on it. I had by then, only done one thing, and already I couldn't wait to do the next. Though my second way to annoy him was really vicious…but sooo fun. Oh my, I must clean up my drool. Oh right, so back to the story.

I reached the room without too much trouble. I was just on time as always, and I went in. He wanted me to hold a tray with ingredients on it for him. I could do nothing else but say yes, so I held it…for a while. Then, I remembered what my plan had been. I shut my eyes in a silent prayer that he wouldn't kill me, and then, just as he was reaching for another ingredient, I…DROPPED IT!!! I simply tilting my hand, and let ht tray fall to the ground with a clatter. All the ingredients were in glass containers, so as soon as they touched the ground, they shattered into pieces. The tray itself fell to the ground with a dull thud. All the contents ingredients from the containers spilled across the ground, which I might add was very gross. Half dead worms, tongues, claws… I tried not to shudder.

He looked surprised at first, then his eyebrows snapped together angrily. He towered over me as blood rushed to his face.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT??!!" He screamed at me.

I tried to sound innocent as I informed him, "But sir! I didn't mean to do it on purpose."

I don't think he believed me, because he continued to tower over me, blood still rushing to his face. He didn't look any happier, or sympathetic. He continued yelling at me…I'm not sure what he said I wasn't exactly listening. Finally, I forced my eyes to fill with tears, and then he stopped. Looking down at me in a strange way, he forced himself to take a deep breath and calm down.

"It's fine this time. Lets try something else." I nodded my head in what I hoped was a sad way.

"Yes Sir," I whispered softly. So we moved on. This time he was washing out vials, and I was drying them. I wondered gleefully, whether any detention could be more perfect for my plans. He handed me one to dry. I screwed my eyes shut gathering up some stray courage, and I chucked the glass tube at the opposite wall. "Oh no sir, it was an accident," I said quietly. He looked at me in a way I could not possibly describe, and could never imitate. He looked back to the dishes a moment, then started washing another one. He handed it to me, and I chucked it at the next wall. "Oh sir, I am so sorry, it just slipped." He started washing the tubes a little bit more forcefully, nearly attacking them with the scrubber, most likely in a similar way that he wished he could attack me. Each time he handed me one, I made it nice and obvious that I threw it at the wall opposite, then made up some pathetic excuse.

"It was just so slippery" or "I'm just so trembly, it slipped" or "You didn't hand it to me right" and so on. Each time he looked at me in that strange way, and then scrubbed the tubes even harder. Finally it would appear he had enough, for instead of handing the next vile to me, he chucked it at the wall himself.

"Ms. exclaimed!" He exclaimed. He took a breath and forced his voice down. "Why don't we try something else then."

Taking my arm roughly, he led the way to the storage room. As he pulled me inside he explained that I would be reorganizing ALL of the potion ingredients in the cupboard alphabetically.

…..

…..

…..

…WAS HE TRYING TO TEMPT ME!!!! One look into his mischievous eyes told me that was exactly the case. Eeevvvvviiiiiillllll. Well, fine, if he was testing me, I might as well not let him down, eh? Oh no! That evil grin is on my face again.

Getting on with it. So he started on the opposite side as me, and we started working. At first I didn't want to touch anything, but after he yelled at me to get my lazy arse moving, I didn't have much of a choice. I reach up picked up a bottle and threw it against the wall opposite. Snape's eyebrow's shot up, but he continued working. I should have realized how very strange this was. But for some reason, I think its because I was revenge-hungry, I was getting mad because he wasn't reacting. So I did something HORRIBLE!!

HHOOOOOOOOORRRRRRIIIIIIIBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Alright time for bed…

12:30 AM

Okay fine! Just never threaten to throw yourself in the toilet again.

….

….

Moving on. So it was horrible. I trashed the whole room. I just reached up and swiped all of the jars off of the shelves. Shelf after shelf, jar after jar. I can't stop shaking my head. I can't remember what happened next very well. There was something about me being several unrepeatable bad names, and then I got kicked out. There was a lot of yelling and screaming in between.

……………………………….were you buying any of that? OH MY GOD!!! YOU WERE!!! Hold on a moment while I burst into laughter. Goodness I am not quite THAT crazy. Like I would ever knock all of the ingredients off. I am not that cruel hearted either.

Well, actually, I am. See, I was ABOUT to knock them all off, but I think I only got through the first five before he had grabbed my hand and thrown me out of there. Then he sat me at a desk and continued to talk in that cool voice of his…wasn't really listening of course, though I did pick up that I would be serving detention with him for a month. At first I was horrified at the prospects, but then I realized how perfect it was. I would have a month of every night to bother him. Well, that was basically it. He threatened me with this and that, and blah blah blah blah blah blah. But then he did something I couldn't believe

He walked me to the dorm room. He said it was so I couldn't cause any more trouble…jerk…well it was totally disturbing. Walking all that distance with him beside me. Not saying anything. Must…suppress…shudder. He said goodnight to me at the dorm, then left, and I went in and am now writing to you.

It is now one o'clock in the morning, so I must get to bed. I will dream about what sinister thing to do to him next.

P.S. I really am not that mean. As soon as I can go to Gringotts, I plan to withdraw enough money to pay him back for everything I broke. And, on the last day of school I am going to tell him sorry. So, see? I am NOT really that mean….I just thought I should convince you…because you didn't seem very convinced…

…

…

goodnight!

Okay that's chapter two. If you have suggestions for ways to annoy him, leave them In a review or email me, and ill put the best ones in (and give you credit of course!) hope ya enjoyed!