"Severe anaphylactic shock," J'onn diagnosed. "According to the RAST, you have a violent allergy to ham."
"Nooooooooo!" Flash screamed.
"He's never had an allergy to ham before," Lantern said. "How could it show up now?"
"You must be introduced to something with a protein, and the next time that protein is encountered, the body launches an attack. They can form at any time."
"Sounds bogus to me," Lantern muttered.
"Like a curse or something," Flash said, very upset he could no longer eat pig.
"You sure you're not a witch doctor?" Lantern asked. J'onn glared at him.
"I am not a witch doctor," J'onn said in a low voice, "but if I were, you could expect several incantations that would not work in your favour."
Green Lantern scrutinized J'onn. "Whatchu saying? You got voodoo dolls of me or something?"
"I'm going for a walk," Flash declared.
As Flash traipsed down the corridor followed by Batman and Green Lantern who were engrossed in a conversation that Flash just knew was about him and his fate, the wall next to him exploded. Had Flash been able to describe it, he would have said that it exploded with the force of a thousand suns, not that he thought that analogy was accurate or anything. He was just thinking about this awful poem he read in high school so the gorgeous girl who had written it would think him sensitive and romantic and that he liked her poetry. That ship didn't sail because he couldn't stop laughing, but that phrase always stuck in his mind (and, trust me, it wasn't because it was one of the better parts).
What does that even mean? The countless nuclear reactions occurring inside a thousand suns? Maybe the combined heat or light from a thousand suns. It couldn't mean the explosion itself. Admittedly, I have never seen a thousand suns plow through a bulkhead, but I don't think that'd be very much like it.
Anyway, the wall 'sploded outwards with the force of a thousand suns. The being that exploded the wall, an almost cytoplasmic green thing with eyes dotting all over its surface except around the gaping hole what could be called a mouth only by Julia Roberts, grabbed Flash around the middle with its slimy tentacles and started bringing the squirming super hero to a very yucky end.
"Hey!" Flash yelled. Believe it or not, it didn't help.
Batman threw a batarang at it. It sunk to the inside of the creature and popped one of the suspended air bubbles. No ill effects could be seen except that the batarang dissolved.
J'onn appeared at the end of the hallway.
'Bongo, no,' J'onn reprimanded mentally.
Bongo squealed at J'onn with a sound somewhere between a whale and a dump truck.
'You know you're not fed today,' J'onn reminded.
Bongo whinnied and flung his tentacles around in wild gestures, thrashing Flash all over the place. Then he shook Flash toward J'onn with a pleading, "Sque-e-eak."
'Stop that.'
Bongo dropped Flash, cried, and scuttled back to his room. Flash stayed where he was, not exactly sure was just happened.
"J'onn," Batman asked, "is there something you forgot to tell us?"
"Uh . . . " J'onn pondered, "no." J'onn became translucent and went through the floor.
Meanwhile, Green Lantern was attending to Flash. He made sure everything was where it should be and helped him up.
"That's it," Batman said, pointing a finger at Flash. "You get on the brig and you stay there."
Flash blinked.
"Ouch!"
"What is it now?" Lantern asked.
Batman pulled down his eyelid. "He somehow got an eye infection that could potentially threaten his life and/or his sight. (21) Now brig. March. Lant-"
Before Green Lantern could be roped into baby sitting, he said, "I'm gonna find J'onn and tell him to put his voodoo monster outside."
"B-" Batman started, but Lantern was already running down the corridor. Batman sucked some air through his teeth and looked at Flash.
"Well, let's go."
"'Scuse me? Listen, Bats, I'm not going to be locked up in the brig like some common super villain.
Batman nodded, said "Okay" without a voice, and turned away slightly. Before Flash knew what was happening, he was wrapped in a net and found a taser pressed into his tummy. That way, Batman was able to drag Flash and his crutches to the brig as one convenient package that didn't get too mouthy.
"You'll be better off up here," he said, then went to the adjoining room and watched the security feed from the brig.
Batman was a little surprised to see Flash was able to wriggle out of the net, but it was at superspeed. (22) Then he saw Flash attempting to speed up his molecules to get out of the brig. He opened a comm and said, "None of that, now." Flash stopped, not because of Batman, but because of the discomfort on his face.
Batman kept an eye on Flash's vitals. He noticed his heart rate become increasingly erratic. He shook his head.
"I'm not falling for it, Flash," he said onto the brig.
Flash continued to clutch at the offending muscle as his heart monitor continued to beep wildly.
"Give it a rest. I've seen you do this; maybe next time you should try fooling someone who doesn't know this trick."
The EKG was now all over the map. Batman sighed and waited to Flash to stop it. He knew there was no way at Flash's age his heart would be doing this. Of course, how old did Flash's heart think he was? That kinda stuff can be corrupted by his metabolism and super speed. That's a lot of strain to put on anything. Don't forget either that too much epinephrine can damage the heart and its vessels, and Batman figured Flash had more than enough on his own, never mind the shot he had for his anaphylaxis. Then there was the date . . .
Flash and his heart monitor went still just as Batman had mostly convinced himself that it was an all-too-probable possibility.
"Foot," Batman said, still half-suspecting it to be another hoax, but that half wasn't driving his legs. He ran to the brig, opened the door, and received a crutch to the face.
On his way out, Flash spied the hat rack. He snagged J'onn's John-Jones hat and trench coat, threw them across his back, and ran for the airlock.
"Better off up here my butt," he muttered.
For the second time that day, Flash secreted to the Javelin, but this time chose to drive himself rather than stow away.
'It didn't work out ideally last time,' he remembered uncomfortably, waving the fingers on the scathed hand.
But then there was the problem of him not being sure exactly how to work the damn thing. Flash wiggled in the seat, rubbed his hands together, and decided to have a go at it. Time was not an issue. He was assured by the fact that Batman was the only one aware of his being trapped in the brig, and he was confident in the workmanship of it. It was, after all, designed to hold people with super powers, especially safeguarded against the members of the Justice League if they should ever turn. Batman was considerably less super than the others. (23)
"Sweet," he said as he felt the Javelin hum to life. He shot out of the Watch Tower, saw, tethered to a protrusion, Bongo squealing piteously to be let back inside, did a few loop-de-loops, and said with a grin, "I think I'm getting the hang of this." He finally headed toward Earth and wondered if anyone had found Batman yet.
Speaking of, Batman came to and saw the metal walls of the brig. He touched the panel by the door. Instead of its cheerful beep, it made a sullen buzz. He didn't seem to understand that meant it wasn't working (they never do) and tried a few more times to open the door.
"Double foot," Batman said. He then tried prying open the door, bypassing the door's lock in the panel, and blowing up the door with a bat-grenade.
Nothing was working. He sat down, propped his chin in his hands, stared at the camera watching the brig, and waited to be rescued.
We now rejoin Flash who has busied himself with finding the cause of the blaring hoots and red lights and why exactly the Javelin won't respond to the GO UP AND QUIT CRASHING command.
The Javelin spun helplessly toward the upcoming ground. Flash covered his eyes.
· ¤§¤ ·
(21) That's good, Alba. I hadn't thought of that.
(22) I'm not sure what to call superspeed wriggling. Is that dancing?
(23) But that's why he's way awesome.
· ¤§¤ ·
Methinks we're nearing the end. Are you excited?