A/N: This is my first ToS fanfic; well actually, the first fiction I've written since I was in school. I was very much intrigued as to Zelos's attitude towards Kratos in the game and figured there must be something we're missing! So here's one of my interpretations of their "relationship". Please read and review!
Spoiler warning: If you haven't played the game or are still playing and haven't been inside the Tower of Salvation three times, then this story will contain major spoilers! Also, if you are not aware of the "Flanoir scene" that can lead to alternative(ish) endings then, technically, the first scene in this story could also be considered a spoiler.
Pairing warning: If you are offended by the mere suggestion of shonen-ai relationships then don't read this and please don't flame needlessly!
Disclaimer: Namco, not I, owns all rights to "Tales of Symphonia" and the characters portrayed in this work of fiction. The dialogue in the first part of this work is taken from the game. I own the copyright to this work, which is not to be reproduced without my permission.
Two figures stood alone in the quiet evening. The younger man leaned against the balcony in front of him, staring up through the falling flakes of snow, his face awash with an array of emotions. His companion stood silently with his arms folded across his chest. He studied the changing expressions on the teenager's face, a face so like his own, yet so like that of another that it made his heart ache to look at him. He allowed the boy some time to absorb and try to come to terms with the revelations of the last few moments.
Deep within his broken soul he felt a small amount of peace; he was finally able to answer some of his long lost son's questions without putting his life in any further danger. Although it hadn't been his choice to reveal their relationship to the boy, he was relieved that he hadn't been entirely rejected for his earlier betrayal and glad that they could have at least this moment together. If his son had grown as strong as he hoped then very soon he would be but a memory to the boy, another obstacle defeated in his son's quest to unite the two worlds.
"I still have something I must do. Until I am able to entrust it to you, I cannot fight alongside you."
The young man stirred from his own thoughts and looked at his father, confusion in his eyes. "Something you have to do?"
"The Eternal Sword. Until I am able to entrust it to you...do not die, Lloyd." He turned and started to walk away.
"Kratos! Where are you going?"
Kratos paused in his stride, turning back to look Lloyd in the eyes. "Do not allow Yggdrasill to continue as he pleases. He is capable of sacrificing any number of lives. Stop Yggdrasill...stop Mithos...before Colette is taken from you again." With that he strode down the steps away from his son.
Zelos lay awake in the moonlit room, fully clothed. Troubled by his dilemma, he could not sleep. An hour earlier he had attempted to talk with Lloyd, hoping that the teenager's honesty, his forthright manner, would help to sway his decision. But Lloyd had seemed preoccupied and wasn't up for a late-night stroll. Sure, the guy had been through a lot in the last couple of days, but the fact that Lloyd wasn't willing to open up to him at this time saddened Zelos. Despite his numerously divided loyalties, Zelos had begun to feel a closeness to Lloyd that he had never before experienced. Maybe it had been his imagination playing tricks on him.
Was there someone at the door? Soundlessly he sat up straight and reached for his blade, which was propped against his bed.
"Chosen, are you awake?" a low voice asked, from the other side of the door.
Zelos sighed. "No," he answered sullenly, returning his sword to its upright position. He watched as the door opened and a tall figure with spiky hair entered the small room, silhouetted by the light in the hallway. "But come in anyway, Kratos," he sneered.
"Have you given any thought to my request?" Kratos asked, remaining near the closed door.
"I thought you'd at least give me the night."
"Well I was passing and--"
"You've been to see Lloyd."
Kratos faltered at Zelos's resentful tone. "Yes, I--"
"Have a nice chat?" Zelos asked, tersely.
Kratos frowned and folded his arms across his chest.
Zelos sighed and laid back down, closing his eyes. After a few moments it became clear that Kratos wasn't going to take the hint and leave. "What?" he asked, churlishly.
"You are angry because Lloyd wished to speak with his father?" Kratos surmised.
"Well, it stands to reason he wouldn't wanna confide in an insensitive jerk like me."
"Lloyd values your friendship." Kratos continued, ignoring Zelos's snort of disagreement, "That's why I've asked you to help me, to help him." He studied Zelos attempting to feign indifference. He had glimpsed this side of Zelos on a few occasions, moments when the Chosen of Tethe'alla believed he was alone, and allowed his abject desolation to overcome his arrogant playboy facade.
From his position as observer of the Chosen, he had seen all that life had doled out to this one. Becoming a ward of the state after his mother's murder, Zelos had lacked both parents and close friends throughout most of his life. He sought attention from those who resembled that which he missed most of all, even though he would never allow any of the women who adored him close enough to understand the void they barely began to fill. Kratos didn't believe that Zelos had any interest in those women, emotionally or physically. He took a step closer to the bed. "I know why Lloyd means so much to you."
"Do you now?"
"He's like the brother you never had. More than that, he represents everything you have lost -- hope, trust in people, belief in justice--"
"He's just a naive kid."
"Yet you admire him. You wouldn't agonise over making this decision if you didn't care for him at all."
Zelos sat up and looked at Kratos, incredulous. "Did you agonise over your decision, Kratos? Just whose side are you on, now?"
Kratos looked Zelos directly in the eyes. "I have faith in Lloyd. He has the strength to do the right thing as well as to acknowledge that doing the right thing isn't always the easiest option. He'll admit to his mistakes...unlike Mithos. Lloyd represents the strongest side. Isn't that the side you said you'd probably choose?"
"You seem to think you know me, but you've hardly played a central role in my life, have you?" Zelos spoke with derision.
"It wasn't my place to do so."
"No, your job was to stand right at the edge and make sure I didn't make too much of a mess of my life."
Kratos was taken aback by the sudden change of focus. "This isn't about me."
Zelos swung his feet to the floor and looked away from Kratos. His voice softened. "I could always tell when you were near. I knew you were watching me. I guess when I was a kid I thought you were my guardian angel, but not once did you ever tell me I was doing the wrong thing, making the wrong decisions." He looked back at Kratos. "Maybe I would have turned out as a decent person if anyone had been interested in my beliefs."
Kratos opened his mouth to speak, but failed to find the right words. He had never considered the effect that his peripheral presence might have on the Chosen's life.
"So just run along and play daddy to Lloyd, okay? I'll continue to watch out for myself." Zelos stood up and strode in front of Kratos, towards the window. He stood with his arms folded, staring out at the snow-covered town.
Kratos was still shocked at Zelos's emotional accusations. "You really hate me this much?"
"Hate you?" Zelos turned towards Kratos and lowered his arms. His face registered confusion. "I don't hate you."
Kratos shook his head sadly. "I wasn't supposed to have any part to play in your life, Zelos."
"So it's just been twenty-three years of voyeurism, then?" Zelos started to move towards Kratos, his eyes filling with tears of anger.
"No, I--"
"Why couldn't you have been there for me? Why couldn't you have been my friend?" Zelos cried, raising his gloved arms as if to beat them on Kratos's chest.
Instinctively, Kratos caught Zelos's balled fists, at which point the younger man broke down in tears. Kratos pulled him into an awkward embrace in an attempt to calm him. "I'm sorry Zelos," he whispered into the mane of fiery red hair. Zelos wrapped his arms tightly around Kratos's waist and cried harder into his shoulder. "I'm sorry no one was there for you, that I couldn't take more of an interest. I'm here now."
After a few moments, Zelos's sobs subsided and he pulled away from Kratos slightly, staring searchingly into his inscrutable dark eyes. Slowly he brought his face closer to Kratos's and kissed him on the mouth with tear-moistened lips.
Kratos was too shocked to respond immediately. After a few seconds he pulled away sharply, nearly stumbling. He looked anywhere but at Zelos as he brought one hand up to brush his dark fringe out of his eyes.
Zelos watched as the man recoiled from him and felt bile rising from his stomach. What am I doing? he asked himself, as he turned again towards the window and closed his eyes, resting his head on his palms, flat against the pane of glass. "Just leave," he said.
As Kratos regained his composure he licked his lips, tasting the salty tears the Chosen had wept. This man, almost still a boy in Kratos's ancient eyes, needed him. Perhaps it was time he stopped preaching and starting doing the right thing, no matter how difficult that path might be to follow. He moved quietly towards the Chosen, stopping behind him. "What do you need from me, Zelos?"
Hearing the kindness in his words Zelos opened his mouth and sighed. What did he need? A father figure? It was a little late for that. A friend? He thought he had found that in Lloyd. He squeezed his eyes more tightly closed to try to block out the memories of the fantasies that had plagued him since childhood. This angel filled those fantasies, fantasies Zelos had been unwilling to entertain.
"Zelos," Kratos began, resting his hand on the young man's shoulder. "Hmph," he sighed as Zelos flinched from his touch. "I can't help you if you won't talk to me."
I don't know what I need from you. You don't know what I need from you. So how can you help me? With these thoughts Zelos's mind cleared. He stood straight and turned round to face Kratos. "There's nothing I need from you now. It's too late."
Kratos felt unnerved by the sudden coldness in Zelos's eyes. It was the same detachment he had seen develop in the eyes of his leader and old friend, Mithos Yggdrasill, all those centuries ago.
"I have my own path to follow, Kratos. I need to do what's best for me."
"You shouldn't trust Yggdrasill--"
"I can look after myself. You were right. I am choosing the strongest side."
"What about Lloyd?"
"Lloyd will...understand." Zelos's eyes clouded slightly as he hesitated.
"He will kill you if he has to."
"Huh..." Zelos folded his arms, a decidedly arrogant sneer forming on his face. "I'll be fine."
Kratos had had enough. His eyes flashed with anger at Zelos's ultimate betrayal of his son. "You will die, Chosen."
"If that's the price of my freedom..."
In danger of violently displaying his anger, Kratos stalked out of the room, not looking back.
Outside the inn, Kratos paused for a moment and closed his eyes, trying to calm himself. He heard a familiar bark as his old companion, Noishe, bounded up to him. He sat in front of Kratos and cocked his head.
# Whine #
"You don't want to know."
# Woof #
"Be a good friend to Lloyd, Noishe. Especially when I cannot." Kratos reached behind his neck and unfastened the chain that held his one remaining memento of Lloyd's mother. "Please give this to him for me."
Noishe allowed Kratos to drape the chain across his open jaw and received a brief scratch behind his left ear before Kratos turned and began walking towards the snowy fields outside Flanoir.
Forgive me, Lloyd. I tried.
A/N:I hope you enjoyed this in some way. Constructive feedback is always welcomed. An adult-themed alternative version of this exists at adultfan(dot)nexcess(dot)net, under the title Need to Feel (for adults only).