Authrix' Note: Written for Konrad's birthday. He gets to be the hero for once.
"Captain, I'm picking up a distress beacon," Helene announced one uneventful alpha shift. Brodie immediately straightened and turned to her Ops officer.
"Source?"
Helene frowned. "It's weak . . . there. I've got it. An escape pod, about six thousand kilometres away, bearing two-three-seven-mark-four. It looks like it's been hit by phaser fire. One life sign." She glanced up at the captain. "It's a Ferengi."
Brodie's brow creased as she briefly wondered what a Ferengi escape pod would be doing out here, but she pushed it out of her mind as she ordered the course change. "New heading, bearing two-three-seven-mark-four. Drop to impulse. Once we're in range, beam the survivor directly to sick bay and tractor the escape pod into shuttlebay three."
"Aye, Captain."
"Oh, for the love . . ." Konrad muttered as the lights again flickered and the readings he was watching fluctuated wildly.
"I'm sorry, sir, but I thought that . . ." the nervous young ensign beside him stuttered, and Konrad waved a hand dismissively.
"Don't worry about it, that conduit's been giving us hell for weeks now." He glared in the general direction of the warp core. "She's just throwing a snit fit, that's all," he said, more to the ship than to the ensign.
"Sorry, sir?
He blinked. "Sign of stress. Talking to inanimate objects. Not good." He sighed. "You hold down the fort. I'll take a look at it myself."
"Uh, yes sir!" the ensign piped up after him as the chief engineer grabbed a toolkit and headed out of engineering.
"We're in range of the escape pod, Captain," Caitlyn said.
"Main viewer," Brodie ordered. A badly damaged little escape pod appeared, phaser fire marring the sides. "Lt. Rostand?"
"The biosigns are very weak, Captain," she replied. "I don't know what kind of shape that one's in."
"Bridge to sickbay," Brodie opened a com channel without hesitating.
Sickbay here, the calm voice of Jahek came through.
"Prepare for an emergency medical transport. One Ferengi, badly wounded."
Aye, Captain. Ready here.
Brodie nodded at Helene. A moment later the Ops officer nodded in confirmation. "Transport complete. Locking on to pod with tractor beam . . . we have it."
Brodie nodded. "Excellent. M'Rdat, I want a security team to look it over. Get an engineering crew down there if needed. Helene, scan for ships, debris, anywhere our visitor could have come from. Caitlyn, resume course, warp 4." She stood and strode towards the door. "Number One, you have the bridge. I'm going to visit our Ferengi."
Jahek quickly ran a tricorder over the Ferengi. His gaudy green clothes were smudged and rumpled, but there were no visible signs of wounds. He was barely conscious, tossing his head and muttering incoherently. His fists were clenching and unclenching convulsively. The doctor frowned. The readings she was getting . . . they conflicted with each other, almost like he had been half-poisoned and half-suffocated.
A faint smell attracted her attention. She sniffed, but the source was not readily identified. "Do you smell that?" she asked her nurse, a young Bajoran woman.
She sniffed the air. "No, ma'am, I don't." She glanced down at the Ferengi, distaste curling her upper lip. "It's probably him."
Jahek lifted one of those expressive Vulcan eyebrows of hers. "Indeed." She shook off the faint feeling of unease, and returned to her examination, trying to reconcile the readings to any prognosis she could give.
Konrad continued muttering to himself as he wriggled his way into the Jeffries tube. His Freyja was a beautiful ship, almost straight out of the yard, but she had developed a personality-and quickly. This particular power conduit wasn't so important, per se, in that if it pooped out, the ship could still function almost normally, but important enough that when it blew, it was damned annoying, all 'round. Sometimes he was convinced the ship developed problem spots just to keep him on his toes.
He pried open the control hatch, and as he did, there was a brief power surge that shut down all the lights in the tube. He sighed and, after only minimal amounts of spinal contortions, managed to reach his flashlight, when, as soon as he angled it up to shine on the panel, the lights came back on. "Freyja . . ." he growled. "I love you like a sister, but you're a bit of a bitch to me . . ." He dropped the flashlight, and began tinkering with the controls, hoping it wouldn't short out on him and make Blackened Engineer the next meal on the sickbay menu.
Jahek didn't look up when the sickbay doors whooshed open to admit the captain, who strode immediately over to the biobed where her patient lay.
"Is he conscious?" Brodie demanded.
"Yes," Jahek replied shortly. "Beyond that, I can't tell you much."
Brodie bit her lip briefly before bending to look the Ferengi in the eye. "You're aboard the Federation starship Frejya. I'm Captain Brodie. Can you tell me who you are? What happened to your ship?"
The Ferengi didn't reply, simply rolled his head sideways and smiled at the captain. A very large, feral smile, full of pointy teeth and so many bad, bad implications. Brodie felt her spine stiffening and she almost leapt away from the bed. But as she did, her head began to swim and her vision blurred. She blinked once, twice, thrice, trying to bring the Ferengi into focus, but failed. She frowned, wavering as she tried to make her mind focus on anything, but a low chuckle was the only coherent thing left to her, and that chuckle followed her down into dark oblivion . . .
Tali sighed blissfully as she sunk into the one chair in her quarters not covered with cages or animals, as Hammurabi unwound herself from a potted tree and draped herself around the pixie-like scientist's neck, kneading the tense shoulders. "Mmm, my lovely, you're too good to me . . ." Tali murmured drowsily. Some problem with ship's systems had sent one of her experiments into a decline, so she had spent all of her free time over the last three days nursing the poor little shrubs back to health. Now that they were, again, at normal levels, she was having the first true "me-time" for a long stretch.
She opened one eye lazily, gazing in the general direction of the replicator. She could really have used a cup of tea, but lacked the willpower to actually get up and make it. She tried a half-hearted attempt at telekinesis, but gave up and simply sank further into the chair. Tea could wait . . .
"Gah!" Konrad gave a strangled yelp as the conduit he had been patiently fixing decided to vomit on him. Literally. Konrad swiped at the goop on his uniform disgustedly. It was going to take a long while to get used to this bio-neural circuitry . . . He sighed. He had managed to fix the power flow through the conduit, at least temporarily. A connection had been fried, and the ad-hoc job he put together made good use of some copper wiring and the handyman's best friend, what was called on old Earth "duct tape". But even with the conduit fixed, he would have to get a new gel pack, or there was a sizable gap in their information network - not too sizable, considering it slowed computation speed by a fraction of a nanosecond, but on a starship, that could be too slow.
He began the slow backwards crawl to get to the main Jeffries tube he had come in. He knew where there was a storage locker for the gel packs, only a couple decks up . . . it would be faster to get there by tube than take the turbolift. His feet thumped onto level ground and he stood up, taking a second to roll his shoulders and work a kink out of his back. He covered a yawn and began climbing.
Kitty leaned on the back of the helmsman's chair, staring at the starry vista, as if sheer optical scans could reveal the location of that Ferengi's ship. She turned swiftly when Helene's voice rang out. "Commander!"
Kitty turned, expecting to see the lieutenant punching in a command to display whatever it was that she had found. But instead, she saw the lieutenant's knees buckling and her leaning heavily on the console. Kitty glanced around. The security crewman near the door had already collapsed, and M'Rdat was getting close. She opened her mouth to shout something -anything - but she couldn't. Her head began to throb, and she began to sway on her feet. Before she lost consciousness, she managed to gasp out, "Computer . . . lock . . . command codes . . . authorization . . . Burnham . . . omega . . . baker . . ." Then she, too, joined her captain in that all-encompassing blackness.
Tali was carefully filling the water bowl of one of her more aggressive little pets - a particularity devious rat named Hitler - when she heard the door chime. She opened her mouth to answer when she heard muffled voices and someone forcing the door. Instead, she dropped silently to her stomach and army-crawled backwards under a broad-leafed creeper. She could see up to knee level through a variety of cages and furniture. The door slid open irregularly, as whoever it was pushed their way in. She couldn't see their faces, but their clothes (what she could see of them) and their voices screamed at her, "Ferengi!"
"This is a waste of time!" one of the Ferengi snarled, then panted. "No human would live in this room . . . it's far too hot . . ."
"Shut up," the other said. "We were told to check all the rooms to make sure no one was left awake."
A flash of movement in front of the prone lieutenant told her that Hitler had realized his cage was still open and had taken advantage of the situation. She gritted her teeth. I'll get him later . . .
"I know, I know," the first replied. "So hurry it up."
She saw the legs move forward into the room. "These little patrols don't have to be completely unprofitable . . ." she heard one say after a moment, and then heard the unmistakable sound of something being tossed and caught in one hand, and she clenched her fists. Paws off my stuff, you money-grubbing little vermin . . . she thought with an apology to all little vermin for the unfavourable comparison.
They both laughed, and moved further into the room. She tried to inch back further, but realized that it they came even a foot closer, there was a very good chance they'd see her . . . then, almost lazily, Hammurabi slithered onto centre stage, curling before the two Ferengi and raising almost two feet of her thick body into the air. Tali was gratified when they both jumped backwards.
"There's no one here," the first one said hurriedly.
"Of course not," the other one replied. "We've checked thoroughly."
"Yeah-huh."
They both fled.
Konrad swung out of the Jeffries tube, gel pack replaced and ready to go. He straightened, then paused as something hit him. He had come out on one of the upper levels of Engineering which, if not exactly deserted, was certainly less populated than the main level. Still, he should have heard voices carrying from below - and all he could hear was the low throb of the warp engines. Puzzled, he moved to the railing and looked down. Now he could see his engineers - unmoving, sprawled where they had been working. He couldn't tell if they were dead or unconscious, but he didn't see any blood - a definite good sign. Well, as good as could be expected when the entire engineering crew was lying on the ground and not showing any signs of life.
Konrad was about to move towards the lift, when he heard the main engineering doors open. He quickly crouched and scuttled sideways so he could see into the space below but anyone looking up wouldn't be able to see him.
Three figures appeared, and his eyes widened as he realized what they were. Ferengi. Then his eyes narrowed as he ran through possibilities - why they were here, why the crew had been knocked out - and came to the conclusion that it was unlikely they would be responding to any distress call made by the captain. Therefore, they had done something to render the crew unconscious - and hopefully still alive.
One thing Engineering had was good acoustics. Konrad had no problem hearing every word they said.
"This place reeks of human," one of them sneered. "That bitch of a first officer locked the command codes, so we can't get this boat moving. Pile these humans somewhere and see if you can get the warp drive online."
"But we don't-" one of them began, and the first - obviously a leader of some kind - cut him off scornfully.
"I don't care. Just do it. And keep an eye out. We can't be sure the gas got everyone." He growled, and glared at the other two. "Get to work. I'll be on the bridge." He turned on his heel and strode out of the room.
The Ferengi who had protested turned to the other and snapped, "Well, you heard him! Get to it! Check those upper floors for any Starfleet still left."
Konrad silently scrambled backward into the tube he had come out of. He pulled the hatch shut behind him and, using a laser tool, welded the lock shut from the inside. He knew from experience that this particular hatch looked like a circuit panel, so the Ferengi wouldn't try too hard to open it. Even so, he retreated back down the Jeffries tube to a safe distance. He leant back against a bulkhead and tapped his combadge. "Davies to bridge," he waited a moment, and got no reply. "Davies to sickbay." Still no reply. He decided to try individual people. "Davies to Brodie. Davies to Rostand. Davies to M'Rdat. Davies to deLaki."
Konrad!
Konrad's heart almost stopped as Tali's voice came over the com. "Tali! Are you all right?"
I'm fine. Where are you?"
"In a Jeffries tube on deck 16," he replied. "What about you?"
I'm in my quarters, she answered. Do you have any idea what's going on?
He sighed. "It seems that the Ferengi have taken over the ship.
I know. Two of them came into my quarters, looking for anyone 'still awake'. My pets scared them off.
He nodded. "I overheard three of them talking in Engineering. It seems they used some sort of gas to knock everyone out. The Jeffries tubes are on a separate circulation ventilation, that's why I wasn't affected." He frowned. "Your quarters are on the same system as the rest of the ship. You should have been knocked out along with everyone else."
Guess I'm just lucky, she replied. Are there any other parts of the ship that are on a different ventilation system?
Konrad thought for a moment. "The Jeffries tubes, your lab, and the holodecks. I think that's everywhere."
So whoever was in those areas would still be conscious?
"Well, if there wasn't an open door and the Ferengi haven't found them, then yes." He glanced up as he heard a hatch thump open somewhere behind him. "They're starting to check the Jeffries tubes. I'll have to keep moving. They can't get at the computers, and we're dead in the water."
Command codes?
"Yup." He glanced up again. "Look, try and find out who was in the holodecks and the labs. I know none of my people were in the Jeffries tubes when the Ferengi attacked. Use the computer in your quarters. They probably won't be back there for a while. I'll try and meet you there."
What are you going to do?
He started back down the tube. "There was only two of them in Engineering. I'm going to see if I can rig the warp core to eject or sufficiently screw the systems up. There's also a weapons locker, see if I can grab some phasers."
All right, but com me again in ten minutes, even if nothing's gone wrong.
"Will do. Davies out."
Will do. Davies out.
Tali sighed. The Ferengi had captured the ship . . . the captain, Kitty, Helene, probably all unconscious . . .
She moved over to her desk and sat down at the terminal. "Computer, list crew members currently in holodeck one, two, or three."
Riley, Logan. Follett, William. Moore, Roberta. Helon, Kea. Rybok. Gernet, Jacques.
Tali mentally noted their names and continued her query. "Computer, list crew members currently in science labs.
No crew members currently in any of the science labs.
"Computer, what is Lieutenant-Commander Davies' present location?"
Deck 17, maintenance accessway 259.
Tali sighed in relief. He hadn't been dragged into the open yet. "Computer, what is Captain Brodie's present location?"
Captain Brodie is in sickbay.
Tali bit her lip. "Computer, how many Ferengi are currently on board?"
There are twenty-seven Ferengi on board the Frejya.
That many? Tali realized they may have more than a bit of difficulty in reclaiming the ship. "Computer, show me an interior schematic of the Frejya." She pored over it. The armoury was three decks below her, but it was close to holodeck one. Holodecks two and three were two and one deck away from her, respectively. She scrunched up her nose, thinking. Then she shook her head and tapped her combadge. "deLaki to Riley . . ."
Brodie woke slowly. Her head was throbbing and her mouth felt like she'd had a mouthful of something particularly foul before falling asleep. She didn't open her eyes as she fought waves of dizziness. When she did open her eyes, she shut them again out of sheer disgust. A Ferengi was not the sight of choice for those waking up from what was quickly becoming the hangover from hell. Except she couldn't remember the fun that generally came before the hangover. A hand shook her shoulder roughly and she opened her eyes again, squinting against the sudden brightness of the lights. She recognized where she was - sickbay, on one of the biobeds. With an incredibly foul little Ferengi scowling down at her.
"Give us the command codes," he demanded.
"What?" she croaked.
"The command codes!" he bellowed. "Give them to me!"
"I don't respond well to threats," she replied, struggling upright, her voice a dry rasp. "I will give you nothing until you tell me who you are and what you've done to my crew and my ship!"
The Ferengi smiled that horrible, sly smile that all Ferengi seemed born with. "How I do despise a woman who doesn't know you her place. Your crew is safe, merely unconscious, and your ship-" he grinned again "-isn't your ship anymore." He leaned in closer to her, making her lean back slightly. "It's mine." He turned away, and gestured expansively at the sickbay. "And such a fine ship it is, too. Almost brand-new, Akira-class, heavily armed, the latest in Starfleet technology - yes, this will fetch a fine price on the Romulan black market." He suddenly whirled and thrust his face in close to the captain's. "That is, if you give me the command codes."
Brodie tried to smile, but her face wouldn't cooperate. "Money. Of course it's for money. What isn't, with the Ferengi?" Now she was the one to lean in. "I will never give you the command codes. I will die before I see this ship fall into the hands of the Romulans. Or the Cardassians. Or yours, Ferengi."
His face contorted in anger. "We'll see how you'll be singing in a short while. I had planned to hire your crew to the dilithium mines on Daneb IV as labour, but there are so many aboard, I may just have to . . . liquidate some of my holdings."
"Bastard!" Brodie lunged at him, but two other Ferengi grabbed her arms and wrestled her back down onto the bed.
"Sweet dreams, Captain," the boss-man said mockingly, as a hypospray was pressed to her neck and she knew no more.
Konrad poked his head out of a small maintenance hatch and glanced around cautiously. No Ferengi in sight. He wormed his way out of the hatch and dropped (almost) noiselessly to the ground. He stole over to the main reactor control and quickly dropped behind it to get at the wiring. He removed a panel and began switching wires. He rerouted two wires, detached three more, and attached one that hadn't been attached before. That wouldn't have deterred even the most inept of engineers - but he also removed several key matrices from the control panel, without which the warp drive could never be brought online. Oh, they could get the warp core online, but no power from it would ever reach the nacelles. He quickly replaced the panel and slipped the matrices into a pocket of his uniform. He had another idea . . .
Konrad popped his head over the console and gave the area another sweep. No Ferengi in sight . . . he climbed carefully out from the warp core chamber and moved over to one of the engineering consoles. He quickly keyed in a few commands, and hooked up an abandoned tricorder to the computer system. It would only take a minute to make the necessary connection . . .
He heard footsteps. Heavy footsteps, above him. Konrad pressed against the wall and looked up. He could see one of the Ferengi on the level above them. The Ferengi hadn't seen him. Konrad glanced at the tricorder. Almost done . . . He sidled over to the nondescript weapons locker that the Ferengi hadn't opened yet - it looked just like any other storage locker. He quickly flipped the lid open, and grabbed a phaser and a phase rifle. The phaser he tucked into his uniform, but he kept a grip on the rifle as he sidled back towards the tricorder. A quiet beep informed him that it was done. He glanced up at the Ferengi, who was now moving towards the lift. He grabbed the tricorder and backed away slowly-
and ran straight into the other Ferengi.
"Hey!"
Konrad swung the rifle around and shot at point-blank range. The phase rifle, set on the lowest setting when in storage, was still enough to knock the Ferengi back at that close range, sending him flying into the opposite wall. That single cry had alerted the other, who ducked sideways when Konrad fired, managing to avoid the blast. Konrad swore and backed off. He couldn't get a clear shot, and by the time he did, the invader would have raised the alarm.
The chief engineer simply turned, and ran.
Tali was still poring over the information she had requested from the computer when Konrad's voice over the com startled her.
deLaki!
"Konrad? What's wrong?"
I was discovered. I stunned one, couldn't get the other. What's the word?
"Two crewmen were in holodeck two, but the door was open. There were also three in holodeck one, three security officers doing a training exercise. They're on their way to the armoury to try and hold it down. The last was in holodeck three, one of my science staff. He's on his way to the science lab, like I told him."
Get to the armoury. I'll meet you there.
"Yes, sir. Be careful. You, too."
Davies, out.
Tali sighed. She took a moment to transfer what she had been working on to a PADD, slipped it into her uniform, and headed for the door. She paused, though, backpedaled a few steps, and lifted Hammurabi from her treetop perch, draping the huge snake around her neck like a scarf. Then she quietly stole into the corridor and began to make her way through the ship.
Brodie had her second rude awakening.
"Your people fired on one of my men!" the boss-man screeched as she regained consciousness.
"Your men took over my ship!" she retorted.
He scowled at her. "Order your people to stand down or I will order my men to shoot first, ask questions later. And unlike Starfleet, we don't bother with the stun setting." He smiled that sly little smile. "Unless, of course, you would give me the command codes . . ."
She snorted derisively. "Do you think I'd give in that easily? Try a bit better next time, Ferengi."
He glared at her for a moment, then turned and snapped at two of his men. "Bind her. Bring her to the bridge."
Konrad met three more Ferengi, but he was moving so fast that they were the ones caught by surprise, and it was no big challenge to stun them. He made his way up to the armoury using the Jeffries tubes - with the command codes locked, the turbolift didn't work. He met Tali on the same deck, and she crouched by a turn in the corridor. He cleared his throat quietly to announce his presence, so while she whirled, she didn't attack him. She simply nodded and motioned him closer. When he approached her, he saw what she was crouching over - a four-and-a-half foot long, thick-bodied snake that undulated around the corner and out of sight.
While he wasn't a herpiphobe, he had to admit the sight gave him the heebies.
She waited a minute, then moved into the corridor, scooping up the snake as she went. "Ferengi can't stand 'em," she explained. "Haven't met a single one."
"Lucky." Konrad replied, gripping the phase rifle and keeping an eye out to both sides. They quickly reached the corridor where the armoury was, and when Tali poked her head around, she saw there were two armed Ferengi standing guard. She tapped her combadge. "deLaki to Follett."
Yes, Lieutenant.
"Where are you?"
Inside the armoury. Two Ferengi are outside. They tried to get in and failed.
"We're on our way, deLaki out." She risked another look. "Okay, I'll set Hammurabi to distract them, then you jump in, guns a-blazin', sound good?"
Konrad smirked. "I like the 'guns a-blazin'' bit."
"So do I," she murmured, setting the snake down and shooing her around the corner. "Come on, sweetums, do your thing . . ."
"You're a very strange woman," Konrad said as he moved into position.
"Why thank you," Tali replied, listening. She grinned as she heard Ferengi shouts of "Go! Shoo! Get away!" She smirked. "Hit it!" she ordered.
Konrad swung around and laid down a full spread of phaser fire. Both Ferengi dropped almost immediately. Konrad allowed himself a smug smirk as they hurried to the armoury door and banged on it. "It's Lt. deLaki!" Tali called when there was no reply. There was a brief pause, and the sound of bolts and other mechanisms being turned and drawn, and the armoury door swung open. Konrad slipped inside, but Tali hesitated.
"Tali?"
"Hammurabi . . ." she said, looking up and down the corridor.
"The snake'll be fine, now get in here."
"Hey, that snake just saved our lives," she grumbled, but she allowed herself to be drawn in and the door to be closed. One of the security officers took up a position by the door, and the other four found seats on crates and storage lockers.
"So what's the plan?" Follett asked.
"Plan, shman, let's mount up," Riley retorted.
"Men and their 'guns a-blazin''," Tali sighed.
"I believe it was you who came up with that term," Konrad responded.
"It was situation-appropriate," she sniffed. "I actually do have a plan," she said seriously as she pulled out the PADD. "I was thinking . . ."
As Brodie was hustled onto the bridge, she took a surreptitious look around. Her senior staff were crumpled at their stations, and no one was moving. Her guards shoved her roughly down into the centre of the bridge, where the boss-man was lounging in her chair.
"Now, my dear Captain," he drawled. "I will have those command codes."
"I will never give you the command codes," she sighed. "You're incredibly dull for a Ferengi."
"Oh, no, my dear Captain. You will find I am not no dull." That horrible smile was back. "You see, I have almost your entire senior staff right here, and the rest are locked in your armoury. They'll never get out alive, and nor will you."
"This is useless!" she raged. "I won't give you the command codes, and killing me will do you no good! Why do you continue to delude yourself?"
"We shall see . . ." That smile. "We shall see."
"How long would it take to synthesize the pathogen?" Konrad asked.
"Once I'm in my lab, it won't take more than ten minutes to make enough of it to douse the whole ship." Tali replied. "My work's almost done for me. All I had to do was analyze samples of what was left in the air and rebuild parts of the code."
"We'll have to make sure we get the whole ship," Follett put in. "We can't let them have pockets saved by the Jeffries tubes, like we were."
"The holodeck doors are all open?" Konrad asked.
Tali nodded. "Yup."
Konrad grinned. "Good. If I can get to Engineering, I can set every Jeffries tube hatch to open, except for one section. We'll have to seal off a section for ourselves so we can retake the ship once the gas has been flushed." He gestured around the armoury. "We can get into the maintenance system here, and we'll have to make it to our posts by tube or corridor. Follett, you go with Tali. Riley, Moore, you go make some noise somewhere far away from Engineering and the labs. Got it?" Nods all around. "Okay, good. Let's go."
When Riley and Moore had headed off to wreak havoc with the Ferengi, Konrad handed Tali the tricorder as she was about to wriggle through. "With this tricorder, you can trigger either an ejection of the warp core or build up pressure in the plasma coils, triggering a core overload. If either one of them becomes necessary, do it."
Tali nodded. "I understand." Then she turned and was gone.
Fifteen minutes later, Brodie struggled weakly as the Ferengi big man gestured at the screen. "There we are, Captain. This is where your course is taking us," he drawled.
It was a star. A very large, very young, very hot star. It would vapourize them as soon as they entered the corona. When Kitty had locked down the command codes, she had locked down helm. They were drifting. And falling closer and closer towards that glowing ball of death.
"Sir!" one of the Ferengi said urgently.
"What is it?"
"One of the men has found one of the Starfleet crew that was resisting."
"Really?" How Brodie was coming to hate that smile. "How interesting. Bring him to me."
"Yes sir." The Ferengi frowned. "Uh, sir, he says that it's a woman."
The boss-man scoffed. "Women. Feh. Probably trying to plead for her life. Bring her anyway. I wish to see her."
Brodie started in surprise when, soon after, Tali was frog-marched onto the bridge. She had assumed that the slight officer would have easily been knocked out by the gas.
"Well, woman, what do you want?" The Ferengi boss-man said, facing her.
Tali twitched her arm out of the Ferengi goon's grip, and placed her hand on her hip. "I want to form an alliance."
Brodie blinked and stared at her, searching for some clue that she was joking, but found none. The Ferengi boss-man recovered quickly and replied, "Oh do you? And why would that be?"
"Rule of Acquisition 761," she replied with aplomb.
The Ferengi's generous brow lifted. "Really? What kind of alliance?"
"A financial arrangement." She stepped forward. "I get the codes, I get a cut."
"Ah, but recall Rule of Acquisition 942," he countered.
"Does that apply to all females, or just Ferengis?"
"How big of a cut?"
"Fifty percent."
"Fifty? You begar me. I have a family to feed," he said smoothly. "Ten."
"Rule of Acquisition 1713, my friend," Tali replied. "Forty-five."
"I find I must follow the wisdom of Rule of Acquisition 34. Fifteen."
"Forty."
"Surely you must feel some moral qualms about betraying your captain," the Ferengi said expansively. "You won't accept more than twenty."
"Thirty-five, but no lower." Tali grinned like - well, like a Ferengi. "Rule 1815"
The Ferengi laughed, a horrible sound. "Thirty-five it is. You are the reason Rule 2846 was written."
Tali inclined her head graciously. "Kind words. Now I'll get you your command codes." She strode over to the Captain. "Captain, I do hope you'll excuse me," she said with aplomb, and placed her fingertips on Brodie's brow.
"What the hell are you doing?" Brodie hissed. "You're no empath."
"He doesn't know that," Tali replied. Over her shoulder, she called. "If we're going to be in business together, my friend, you would do well to remember Rule 2167"
"That I will," he murmured appreciatively.
Tali closed her eyes and pretended to concentrate. "Tucked into my belt is a large capsule. Can you see it?" she murmured.
Brodie cast her eyes downward, flicking them back up again quickly. "Yes."
"Try and fight me off. Press it as hard as you can for as long as you can. Got it?"
Instead of replying, Brodie suddenly violently pushed against the lieutenant, who staggered backward. Brodie rushed forward and pinned her to a console with her body weight. "I trusted you!" she yelled. "I gave you chances, I believed in you! How could you betray me like this? How?" She made a further show of trying to attack the other woman, but the job was done. The capsule was empty. Tali nodded, and Brodie stepped back. Already she was beginning to feel woozy. The Ferengi would feel it, too. Tali slapped her combadge.
"deLaki . . . to Davies . . . mission . . . complete."
Understood.
"You really are a true Ferengi . . ." the boss-man slurred. "We could have gone far together."
Tali grinned. "Rule 78, my friend. 788"
And then she collapsed.
Konrad waited until the ad-hoc computer system he had rigged to work inside a Jeffries tube told him the gas had been cycled out of the computer system. Then he, Follett, and Garnet began sweeping the ship for the Ferengi. They tied them up, sent them back to their ship, and threatened to fire if the Ferengis didn't beat feet far away from the Frejya. With the help of the Emergency Medical Hologram ("please state the nature of the medical emergency"), they had roused the captain and put the Frejya on a safe course out of harm's way, while they woke the rest of the crew. M'Rdat was pouty (well, as pouty as a Klingon could be) at having missed all the fun, and Helene had just cracked up when Brodie had related Tali's bargaining technique.
Brodie had also given Konrad and Tali, and the other four who had avoided the gas, an official leave of duty for two days to recover. Which is why she was surprised the next day to see Konrad climbing out of maintenance hatch.
"I thought I told you to get some rest," she said, giving him a hand up.
"I know, I know," he said defensively. "But Freyja was whispering to me . . . do this, fix that, find that ruddy snake . . ."
"Snake?"
Konrad blinked. "Oh. I didn't tell you about Hammurabi?"
"Hammurabi?"
"Tali's slithering little friend. She drove off the Ferengi."
"And where is she now?"
Konrad shrugged. "No clue. She slithered off somewhere after we got into the armoury."
Brodie suppressed a shudder. "I echo my ship's sentiments. Find that snake. Before it finds me."
Konrad grinned. "Yes, ma'am." He paused. "Wait, there's something off behind this panel . . ." He crouched down, and put an ear to the wall. After a moment he straightened. "Yes, Freyja, I'll get to it. I have to find Hammurabi first," he muttered to the ship, then flushed when he realized that Brodie was gazing at him with one lifted eyebrow.
"You do realize that talking to inanimate objects is a sign of insanity?"
"Uh, yes, Captain. I do."
"Just so we're all clear. Now, about finding this snake . . ."
FIN
Notes:
Ferengi Rules of Acquisition:
1 "Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the
hell out of your enemies."
2 "Females and finances don't mix."
3 "Blood is thicker than water, and latinum is thicker
than both."
4 "Never spend more for an acquisition than you have
to."
5 "Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit."
6 "Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi."
7 "Never gamble with an empath."
8 "When the going gets tough, the tough changes the
Rules."
The reason Tali didn't get knocked out is that the gas disappated in the higher heat of her room. Couldn't figure out a way to work this in.