3am loneliness
Disclaimer: Don't own Draco or Pansy.
6pm
All over, out the window. I see your retreating back as you walk away. Walk away from everything that we had. Heartbreak and hardship. Not a single trace of remorse on your pale face. Of course not, you were never a man of feeling just a walking statue of stone. Cold, rough and imperfect. You lack compassion. You lack guilt. You lack remorse. You lack feeling. Just stone.
7pm
I do not want to think of you but I cannot help it. Across the room there you are your mask in place once more. Do you not remember what has happened just an hour ago? No, it's all been forgotten. You would never put aside a few moments just to remember. Never. Without you I am incomplete, without me…nothing, nothing has changed. It never happened. Nothing happened.
8pm
Retreat. I cannot stand here and put on this fake façade. Pretending it was mutual. Our relationship, one sided. I am no new player at this game. Just a pawn on a black and white checker board. You see things in black and white, it either is or isn't never a possibility that fate may have a doing in our lives. Was I the colour that you needed so much? No, you have retreated to your colour blind ways.
9pm
Lying in my bed. Shutting out the world, shutting my eyes. What more can I do? Thoughts of you are still heavy on my mind. Like a caged black bird. It can't escape, it's suffocating. Just like me. My oxygen has gone, my lifeline has been cut. One word escapes my lips, why? I feel pain like no other. The pain from heartbreak, from you. You are the cause of my pain.
10pm
Tears flow. Making their way down my white and cold cheek. My pillow is wet. They will never understand, you will never understand. How can this hurt be undone? Only if you come back into my arms, whisper in my ear. Sweet nothings. No need to speak, just hold me. Do not say a word, let me savour this moment, this dream. For it will be the closest I will ever get.
11pm
Time slips past. At a painfully slow rate. I will the night to end. I want tomorrow to come, maybe I will wake up and this will all be a horrible nightmare. When morning comes you will still be mine and I will still be yours. Wishful thinking. It is all that gets me through the night. Five hours, forty minutes, 12 seconds, will you remember now? 13 seconds, do you remember? 14 seconds, will you come begging for me back?
12am
Midnight. Darkness surrounds my tiny bed. Darkness surrounds my thoughts, my heart. I cannot turn the light on, you must do it for me, I cannot reach. A hole I have dug for myself. Cannot escape. I reach for the none existent hand, a hand I believe belongs to you. I fall deeper into my depression. Insomnia sets in. Will not sleep, darkness will come.
1am
Would you be sleeping? Would your eyes be closed? Would you be in a sweet slumber? Yes, never a spare thought for me, not enough time. I am at the bottom of your list. You are at the top. Never did I make my way up; never did I dominate the charts. You would never allow me. You never had the time to devote to me, always had something else more important.
2am
Nearing the end. Nearing the finish. I will never let you win. I won't dwell on those unworthy of my love, unworthy of my heart. It's too late. You ran away with my heart and my soul, you stole it from right from under my nose. When I was most vulnerable, when I was devoted to you. Tears fall like a waterfall, everlasting, never forestalling.
3am
Finished. The inevitable has happened. So lonely. Without you, I cannot function. I close myself to the world, I will not listen. Just a ghost of who I used to be. All because of you. I will not beg for my existence from you. I will just haunt you. Lonely for the rest of my walking days. 3am loneliness sets in. It's all your doing. It's all because of you.
(Pansy/Draco)