Author's Note:

The original title has become self-fulfilling. Au revoir old title; I'm changing it from 'The Title is Subject to Change' to simply 'Subject to Change,' which rolls much better off the tongue, in my humble opinion.

Seadragon68: What, you mean a new fur coat isn't reason enough to enjoy the curse? Heh.

Nikoru Sanzo: Burst spleens...then my job here is done. Glad you're enjoying it.

Runts Gal: Welcome! You've made my very happy by saying I've gotten the flavor of the relationship from the movie...I didn't want to stray too far from that, so it's great to know it's working.

eris: It'd certainly make the ride much more interesting, eh?

HughJackmanFan: Poor map, it never gets any respect.

'It smells like wet dog.'

'It smells like wet friar.'

'It smells like wet dog more.'

'A human would say that.'

'A pity you're stuck with one, then.'

'Huh. Beats being stuck with two, I guess.'

'Ha! Van Helsing, just wait until we get to Rome. It's full of civilisation, don't you know.'

'Stop making it sound so appealing.'

'A roof over our heads...running water...'

'Roofs block out the sky.'

'That's rather the point.'

'And we had plenty of running water not twenty minutes ago. All the running water you could ever want.'

'I don't mean pouring down from above!'

'Don't be picky, Carl.'

'We couldn't have found this overhang sooner? Such as when it was actually still raining?'

'Carl, after the first fifteen minutes, you couldn't have gotten any wetter.'

'That doesn't mean I had to stand out in it for another fifty.'

'You're still shivering, aren't you.'

'A little.'

'A lot.'

'Aaaagghh!'

'Bloody hell! Your ear's like ice!'

'So's your nose, you lumbering great beast!'

'My nose is supposed to be cold. Pull up the collar...there's buckles. Do them up.'

'I'm doing them.'

'And you're sitting in a draft. Move over there.'

'All right, all right...You know, if I had a horse, it wouldn't fit in here with us.'

'Horses can and often do stand out in the rain, you know. I don't think they dissolve in water.'

'Yes, but then it might not dry off. Have you ever sat a wet horse?'

'Many times.'

'Oh.'

'Uusually whilst running after something very fast.'

'Sorry.'

'Or whilst running away from something very fast. Don't worry about it.'

'Van Helsing?'

'Yes?'

'What...what do you think the Cardinal will say when he sees you?'

'"That Van Helsing, whatta nice-a young man, he deserves a raise-a."'

'Van Helsing, be serious.'

'You'll come up with something. You'll break it to him scientifically and diplomatically, and he'll agree.'

'Agree to what?'

'To not have me terminated.'

'Maybe you should stay outside Rome.'

'And then what?'

'I'll tell them you went missing in action. You come back after the full moon...tell them you, I don't know, hit your head and had amnesia...'

'That's the oldest excuse in the world, Carl.'

'It doesn't mean it's not sometimes true.'

'You'd lie to Jinette's face?'

'It could be true. You couldn't, perhaps, actually hit your head with a rock or something? For verisimilitude?'

'I think you need to work on your strategy.'

'That's gratitude for you.'

'I think you need some sleep, Carl.'

'You aren't going to snore all night, are you?'

'I do not snore.'

'It's just that it'll echo quite loudly in here.'

'Good night, wet friar.'

'Good night, wet dog.'