Well, that was a great vacation. After getting my first review, I, for some reason, decided to add Chapter 4!
An answerto your question:

Pyromaniac Idiot: No, I'm not sending Mario to Kakariko, as I couldn't think of anything funny there. Thanks anyway!

Here it is! also, I don't own Mario/Zelda, that's Nintendo, so suing me gets you 2 pennies. Ha.

The Moron… er, Goron Ruby

Mario then goes in the forest and enters the house where someone lives called… the mayor?

"Hi Mario! Come on in for our too-good-to-be-true model of the Lost Woods! Come on in and GET LOST!"

Mario goes in, goes a bunch of different ways, and ends up at a too-good-to-be-true model of the Sacred Meadow (or whatever it's called) and fights a whole bunch of dumb enemies (i.e. a flying peanut named Navy) and reaches Luigi playing in a Barbie doll house.

"I'm a Barbie girl! In a Barbie world! Life in plastic! It's fantastic!"

Mario starts rolling on the floor laughing. Unfortunately, Luigi hears him.

"Who are you and why are you here?"

"I'm Mario, and the mayor told me to come here. And why are you in a Barbie dress with a cardboard picture of Ken behind you having kiss marks on it?"

"AHHHHH! Here's a CD of the music you heard me sing."

"You see the weirdest people at the weirdest time of day: 12:00 PM!"

"LUNCH!"

Mario eats Navy and throws her up because she's that annoying. He then leaves. Mario goes to a mountain called Death Mountain and goes into a rock village.

"Man, this is better than the forest!"

He goes to a stone door and does some really bad opera. The door collapses and Mario goes to a room with a guy in it.

The guy says, "I'm Bob! Do some music that I like to get a really bad gift!"

Mario puts the Barbie CD into a stereo and covers his ears.

"OH YEAH! THIS IS THE LIFE!"

"Are you kidding me?"

"No! Anyway, here's a bracelet for girls. I thought you'd like it."

"Are you calling me a girl?"

"Yeah."

"Want a knuckle sandwich?"

"Sure! Never tried that kind before!"

Mario punches Bob and goes to a ditch. He sees a bomb, throws it, and kills some guy named Dan.

"HEY! I'm still alive!" Dan screams.

SHUT UP! So, Mario goes in the cavern called Dodongo Cavern and blows up walls until he reaches the evil purple freak named… Barney (gasp)!

"I love you! You love me!"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Mario screams.

Barney chases Mario around in circles until he breaks down because he isn't physically fit. Mario leaves and goes back in the rock village (called Goron Village) and goes to Bob.

Bob: Hi! Here's a ruby that's worth 1,000,000,000 coins! That's for getting rid of that evil Barney!

Again reading, Mario asked, "Made in Washington, D.C.?"

"Grr… YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT THAT!"

"I'm going now."

I like that one. Heh heh. Anyway, you do your thing (R&R) and I'll do my thing (update)!