WELL HEY GUYS. SORRY IT HAS TAKEN ME SO LONG BUT I HAVE REALLY BEEN TRYING TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH MY FRIENDS. AS YOU ALL CAN TELL MY FANS ARE AS IMPORTANT TO ME AS ANY OTHER. YOU ARE ALL MY FRIENDS AS WELL. YOU ALL SEEM TO PAY ATTENTION TO ME AS MUCH AS THEY DO AND YOU GUYS ALWAYS GIVE ME COMPLIMENTS (ON MY STORY). SO YEAH, I HOPE YOU DON'T HATE ME IF I TAKE TO LONG TO WRITE.

Chapter 30 (FINALLY)

revealed

Pan's POV

I sat there in my room and the time passed by slowly. Since I got the food in me I was feeling energetic but I was also feeling a bit sickened. I felt really full even though I didn't eat all that much.

It was about 5 now and Bulma was home once again but in her lab working. I heard light but strong footsteps in the hallway and knew it was Vegeta and he was ready to take a shower. Then a thought came to me, I haven't been up and about for a few days so I would go to the gravity room. I heard the door to the restroom shut and I stood. My muscles weren't as stiff anymore so I wasn't in much pain. I walked to my closet and noticed the fighting gi was still there. I picked it up and threw it on my bed.

I rushed out of my cloths and grabbed the gi again and put it on. I walked to the door and opened it only a little bit. I could sense that everyone was off doing there own thing. Trunks was in the lab with Bulma and Bra had a friend over and was staying in her room. I walked from the room and went thru the hallway with stealth. I thanked Kami that the floor didn't creak as I went down the stairs.

I came upon the kitchen and looked out the window. It was smooth sailing. I walked to the door and opened it and then power walked to the Gravity room.

I hit the button to open the door and walked inside. It had some scorch marks on the floor and walls and I knew from that that Vegeta was training big time. Was something wrong with him? It was unlike him to train with such harshness. I was glad I wasn't here when he trained I thought as I began to stretch. I stretched out all my non used muscles. It felt good to be up again but still the memory pained me. I was working slowly to lock it all up, I created an even colder expression to hide it all behind. No more happiness, no more life, no more of anything was to be discovered in this face. Nothing could pierce it. Well I hoped not anyway.

I soon began to do army styled sit ups (were you put your hands under your head, it works more muscles that way, I learned that from the 5 day leadership training camp more like boot camp though) I did up to 70 and felt the strain and the little bit of sweat. I really was out of shape. In my non life I could have done hundreds and not even felt a burn. I quickly pushed the thought out of my head but it wasn't working. I stood now and closed my eyes and tried to force it from my mind.

But instead more flooded back to me. The sensations of guilt and freedom as I fought and killed others, as I stood by and watched the battle and watched my people kill the others and watched the others die. Every battle I ever fought was now flashing towards me. I watched myself help clear the dead and injured off the ground after the battle. I watched myself kill the surviving enemies who begged for their lives and said they would do anything to be forgiven. I felt the sensation of freedom as I cut down the men and felt how there blood stained my hands. I opened my eyes and began to stumble as I still saw it all.

I was painful now. Why was it so painful. I looked down at my hands and now saw the blood. I franticly whipped it on my sides trying to get ride of it but nothing. Soon the scenery went black and everything began to fill with blood. What was this. Why did it have to haunt me so.

I now saw trunks standing above my body I collapsed against something and he came closer and closer and laughed evilly at me. "You can't kill me, if you wish to bottle up me in your 'non life' as you wish to call it I will continue to haunt you and I promise you I will leave painful scars." As he said this I felt my head begin to pound and the vision in my left eye fad. Then I yelped out in pain as I felt pain shoot from my right arm. It wasn't there, it was gone but there was also no metallic arm, it was gushing and gory. The pain was unbelievable, I tried to scream but there was nothing. Finally Trunks came forward and tried to grab my shoulders and My left fist connected with his stomach.

As soon as I did that everything returned. The gravity room and its dim lights. But still my pain was still there. I cradled my right are with my left. And soon I spotted a body laying on the floor gasping for air and it was no other then Vegeta. Soon another memory which seemed to haunt me the most. I saw Vegeta bleeding to death in the infirmary and then die.

"Vegeta…… Vegeta….. VEGETA!" I yelled. I didn't even realize at the time that I had spoken but I rushed to him quickly as the memory faded into just that, a memory and I grabbed his shoulder.

He lifted himself off of the ground and to his hands and knees and gasped for air. "what the fuck did you do that for Brat!" he yelled and looked at me. His face was looking a bit shocked as he saw the mixture of pain and suppressed tears. I was happy that he was okay and for some reason I was happy he was angry. I wanted him to know and understand, I wanted everything for him to hold me again.

"You can never remember… you can' never know. You must stay now with this memory." I said but as I did I realized I wished only to think it. But I realized my voice had returned. I soon scrambled to my feet and headed to the door but was stopped as Vegeta caught my still slightly painful shoulder.

"Brat" he said and held his hand there firmly. "What are you talking about." I guess he was really getting curious now. I really couldn't blame him. But I shook his hand off.

"It's just as I said, you can never remember, I won't let you." I said and hit the button and walked from the door. As soon as I got to the kitchen door I heard everyone's voices. It seems that my grandfather picked the right time to visit. But Chi-Chi wasn't with him this time, she was probably at home dieing already. It was a horrid thought but what else would it be. Bulma was cooking and Trunks, Bra and Bra's friend was sitting there and they were all talking. I couldn't avoid them so I just walked in.

I heard them all stop talking as I opened the door and I just looked straight ahead. "Oh Pan, your just in time. Were about to eat supper." I heard Bulma say from the stove. "Go ahead and sit down." She said and I nodded my head.

I walked to the table and found a safe spot beside my grandfather and away from Trunks. I decided to speak up. To let everyone know that I could speak again. I cleared "I guess I've gained my voice back." I said and I saw Bulma look around at me seeming a bit shocked.

"Oh Pan that's great. Now it will be a lot easier to communicate with you." She said but that was an obvious point and she began to laugh.

"That's Great Pan." my grandfather said slapping his hand on my shoulder and flashed me a large smile.

Soon Bra's friend spoke up "Hey aren't you that girl who kicked the crap out of the Infamous 'school bully'." she said and smiled at me.

"Yeah." I said plainly as I looked at her with a plain expression.

"Well, I'm not sure if Bra told you, but me and a lot of the other girls in school would like to thank you." She said with a big smile. "He hasn't been bothering anyone, he doesn't even seem to talk anymore at school. He was such a pain but now that you put him in his place. Everything has been great." she said enthusiastically. I flashed a fake smile at her and began to look down at my hands. The blood I had once seen was now gone but the sensation seemed to still be there.

As I looked at my hand I heard the kitchen door open and Bulma greet Vegeta. I was frightened to look at him, I just couldn't stand it, It was so nerve raking and it hurt. So I continued to stare at my hand. "Dinners served." I heard Bulma say and everyone passed down the plates. It wasn't anything big that she had made. I was a type of gumbo and she served me a small serving cause she knew that I wouldn't eat much.

I picked up my silverware and picked at it and slowly took small bits of it. I felt sick once more and I knew that I had to stop eating. I pushed the plate away from me. "Are you okay Pan?" I heard my grandfather say. And then I stood.

"I'm full." I said and pushed the chair away. "I'm just going to go outside for some fresh air." I said.

I walked to the kitchen door. I heard my grandfather stand. "I think I need a breather as well." he said and I just walked thru the door. I walked onto the grass a good few yards from the house and I let my self collapse on the ground. I thought of what he might be planning, now that I had my voice is back he may feel the need to ask me about everything. Did king Kai tell him everything. What did he want from me. Could I bring myself to tell him. Could I keep the pain inside.

"Pan, we really need to talk." I heard him say and he sat next to me on the grass. I looked into the sky and my mind began to ease a bit as I stared at the sun as it began to set. "Now that you have your voice back. I need to know what you did." as he said this I looked at him with a painful and surprised look in my eyes. "Please, calm down. King Kai didn't tell me anything. He said that I should get my answer from you. All I know is that you wished the dragon balls." he said and my heart began to pound.

I didn't know what to say to him so I just sat there and thought. The memory passed thru me lightly this time. It flooded every crevice of my soul but it didn't hurt as much. Was I somehow comforted to know that there would be one person here that I could tell. Someone who would know me, someone who I could finally trust with my non life. I let the words come out, they seemed to have no meaning but they made sense to me and it seemed that they were me. That these words formed a new me, someone that no one could have guessed. "It was all for him… everything was to bring him back… to bring everyone back. To right all the wrongs and bring back the ones I killed. It brought back the one person that I killed. I caused his death by bringing him into this. It was my fault and now I alone bear his death from my non life." I said and Goku only showed a confused expression.

My face was very sad now. I didn't hide my hurt or confusion but I still refused to cry. "Pan who are you talking about… who is 'him'?" he asked and just stared at me. I looked away and back at my hands, I felt the warm blood begin to go cold but felt like more was rushing over my hands. Then I began to see the blood form again.

"Can you see it?" I asked him in fear of my own question. I knew the memories were eating me away. I knew he couldn't see it but still I asked. "CAN YOU!" I yelled at him and shoved my hands in front of him.

He grabbed my hands with his and it seemed the feeling of blood was covered with the sensation of his soft skin. His grip was firm. "Pan. Please who are you talking about?" He asked again and I pulled my hands out of his quickly and the feeling of his hands stayed with mine. I was relived.

"Who else." I said, I looked away and back into the sky. The sun was almost all gone. "The only one who could have known me then, the only one who killed as I had, the only one who hurts as I had." my voice trailed off and as I looked up at my grandfather. He looked confused and concerned. "Vegeta…" I stated and once more let the words trail off but they seemed to stick in my mouth so I spoke his name. "Vegeta." I said very silently.

"What about me." I heard a voice and knew it instantly. No matter how far away or how distorted, I knew his voice. It was Vegeta. I refused to look so I curled my legs to my chest and covered my face. I didn't want this. He couldn't know. Why was he here, he should leave, I must tell my grandfather, the pain was bearable for him. But wait, what about Chi-Chi. I stood and kept my face staring at the horizon.

The Pain returned and so did the blood. Goku stood as well afraid that I would leave grabed both of my shoulders. The blood returned, so did the death. So did the pain so did everything from my non life. "Pan please, what is going on, what did you do. I have to know."

I couldn't stand it. "What… WHY DO YOU HAVE TO KNOW!" I yelled at him and he looked shocked to hear me raise my voice. "Do you want the pain that badly? Do you want to know the ones closest to you and there treachery and their deaths? Do you want to know of my sins that only I can burden? Are you that willing to share the burden? If you want to know that badly then go home to your wife." I said and looked up at him and now he had a painful expression. "You know just as well as I do. So why did you come here. She needs you more then I do." I said, I felt the piercing eyes of Vegeta on me now. He had no clue of what was going on. But why was he still standing there? Did he really feel the urge to hear my pain?

"Pan how do you know that. What is going on? ANSWER ME!"" He said now raising his voice. I realized I struck a nerve and that he was upset and urgent for me to respond.

What was I supposed to do now. Just blow him off and run for dear life. Go back to some life I was yet to discover. Go and run until I couldn't' run anymore and die in a lonely existence were I knew no one and die of the memory and insanity of the blood which now stained my hands. "Kakkarot, what is going on." I heard Vegeta and as I looked down I saw his feet next to Goku's.

"Do you really want to know?" I asked and looked up at my Grandfather. "Could you actually say that you could handle it." I said and then pushed away from him and collapsed back onto the ground not caring how hard I hit it. "Its very unbearable. You never know what I might say but you may not even believe it if I tell you." I said and Goku kneeled down beside me.

"Pan please." He said and once more I heard Vegeta speak.

"Kakkarot What is going on?" he sounded very annoyed now.

I spoke up for my grandfather "I made a wish on the dragon balls." I said plainly. "All for the sake of saving you all and selfishly to save myself." I said as I curled my legs up.

"Pan… What did you wish." my grandfather asked as he applied pressure to my shoulder. My heart was beating stronger and My stomach twisted tightly.

"I wished for everything to return to what it was 5 years ago." I said and I felt like I would be sick. I felt my grandfathers hand jerk and knew he was surprised.

"What happened Pan?" he asked and I looked at him growing an evil expression on my face.

"I could sum it all up so it could take 5 minutes but I won't. If you really want to know everything then I will tell you everything. If you truly want to suffer even a ½ of what I have suffered I will tell you everything." I said and my face went placid again.

I started from that same morning with the fight, with bra talking about me and moved to the rape and explain only slightly how I felt during it all. I hide how I felt. That was one thing I wouldn't reveal One thing that scared me the most. It also wounded me the most.

WELL THAT IS IT FOR THIS CHAPY SO HAVE FUN. I MAY CONTINUE TO WRIT TODAY BUT I;M NOT SURE. I JUST GOT DONE STEALING ABOUT 6 BOOKS FROM A BOOK STORE… LOL IT IS A BAD HABBIT I PICKED UP ABOUT A MONTH AGO. NO I DON'T STEAL FROM PEOPLE BUT I DO STEAL FROM STORES THAT HAVE NO ALARM SYTEMS. I LEARNED HOW TO STEAL BOOKS VERY EASILY. IT IS FUN. I ALSO STOLE SOME FOOD FROM THE DOLLAR TREE CAUSE MY MOM IS BROKE AND WE HAVE NO FOOD IN THE HOUSE. MY LIFE SUCKS SO I HOPE I CAN LEAVE AS SOON AS I CAN.

I HOPE THIS A GOOD CHAPTER I HOPE THE NEXT CHAPPY IS GOOD AS WELL SO YEAH YOU GUYS HAVE FUN.