Pirates of the Caribbean: Homestar Runner Style!
Disclaimer: I'm only saying this once: I do not own Homestar Runner or Pirates of the Caribean: Curse of the Black Pearl. (Sighs loudly)
Many years ago, the ancient peoples of the Unutecks were invaded by foreigners who took their gold and slew the Unutecks.
The Unutek gods were so cheesed off they cursed all of the stolen gold pieces. This curse was so terrible; the foreigners had to seal it away on the island of Mortos.
And there they remained, until hundreds of years later when they were discovered by the crew of the pirate ship known as the Black Diamond. All were cursed, except the captain, Strong Bad, who was overthrown by his own crew shortly after they stole the gold, thus, he was never cursed. However, the pirates weren't the only ones to get their hands on the cursed treasure...
Prologue: Beginnings
In the middle of an enormous cloud of fog, a single ship sat, waiting patiently for the fog to lift so it could be on its way.
At the bow of the ship, stood a young girl about ten years old, singing softly, "Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me..." a hand on her shoulder caused he to spin around in fear.
"Now listen here, Missy," a deep voice rasped, "if you sing that song, then pirates just may come and…"
"That's enough!" Another voice shouted loudly.
The two of them turned to see a white-skinned man dressed in the finery of a high-ranking Navy officer walk towards them. Behind them was the girl's father, James Swann, often call the King of Town due to the fact that he was the richest man in Free Port, where he and his daughter Marzipan lived.
"I will not have you scaring the young lass!" The first man continued in a rather annoyed tone. He was known as Lieutenant Homeschool Winner
"But she was singing about pirates-!"
"I said that's enough. Get back to work, Mr. Bubs!"
Grumbling, the man gave the Lieutenant a dark look before picking up a mop and bucket to swab the deck.
"Its bad luck to have a woman on board, even a small one-!" he muttered under his breath.
"I think it would be pretty exciting to meet a real pirate!" exclaimed the young girl cheerfully.
"Well, think again." Lieutenant Homeschool said sternly. "Pirates are immoral beings who deserve nothing more than a short drop and a sudden stop"
Behind him, Bubs illustrated this by miming a person being hanged.
"I don't think you should scare her," the KOT said, coming up next to him. "She is only ten."
Homeschool nodded. "Indeed. My apologies Miss Swann." Turning to her father, he said, "Now, about that deal…"
While the two adults were talking, Marzipan contented herself by watching the water lap against the side of the boat. To her surprise, a brightly colored parasol floated past, spinning in the water. Marzipan watched this in surprise.
Where did that come from? She thought. Suddenly, something else caught her eye. Something else was floating past the boat, but this was a large piece of wood. Lying on top of it was a young boy about her age.
"Hey! There's someone in the water!"
Instantly, the crew sprang into action.
"Man overboard!"
"Quickly, get a hook to pull him in!"
Marzipan watched as they lifted the boy aboard, and Bubs checked his pulse.
"He's still breathin'" Bubs announced, and the crew breathed a sigh of relief. The man looked up, and his eyes widened. "Look at that!"
Every one spun around and stared at the terrible sight in front of them.
There, floating in the water was the burning remains of what looked like a merchant's ship. Debris, bodies, and other objects surrounded the wreck.
"Looks like an explosion," the Lieutenant said, "Apparently, a powder keg or something was somehow set of fire and exploded. These ships are heavily stocked you know."
"I dunno. I betcha pirates did this!" said Bubs. The Lieutenant gave him a stern look.
"We don't know that for sure," he said. "But we need to check for survivors." The men quickly ran off to get the longboats ready. Lieutenant Homeschool turned to Marzipan and said, "Miss Swann, could you be as kind as to watch over the boy?"
The girl nodded, and the Lieutenant walked off. Marzipan sat down next to the boy and stroked his head. Suddenly, the boy sat up, coughing. He turned to look at her, and blinked.
"Uh, who awe you?" He asked, pronouncing the 'R' as a 'W'.
"My name's Marzipan Swann" the girl said softly. "What's yours?"
"I'm Homestaw Wunner!" the boy exclaimed. "Some folks say I'm a tewwific athlete!" Marzipan smiled.
"Ok, Homestar, just relax. Everything's going to be okay."
As the boy laid his head back on the deck, Marzipan noticed something shining. She reached into the boy's shirt and pulled out a gold medallion attached to a chain. The medallion itself had a skull embossed on it, and it seemed to stare at you with an evil expression.
"Are you…a pirate?" she whispered to no one in particular.
"Miss Swann!"
Marzipan jumped at the sound of the Lieutenant's voice. She yanked off the chain and stuck it behind her back, then turned to face the Lieutenant, saying, "Y-yes?"
"Did you find anything about him?"
"He says his name's Homestar Runner, but that's all." Marzipan said, praying the Lieutenant would not ask what she had behind her back. Seemingly satisfied, Lieutenant Homeschool walked off, leaving Marizpan alone with the boy and her new prize. As she stared at it, she could have sworn there was a faint beating noise coming from it, almost like a heartbeat…
Well, what do you think? I know the title's kinda lame, but it was the only thing I could think off.
Oh, and just for the record, we'll just say that some characters have invisible arms and hands, okay?