Disclaimer:Don't own Outsiders.

I stiffle a yawn as Darry carries me inside the house easily and up to my room. The bed groans beneath my weight and I open my eyes long enough to watch Darry ruffle Johnny's hair and Soda bound off to his own room after hugging the smallest member of our group. Johnny crawls onto the bed puposly falling ontop of me and knocking the wind out of me. He rolls off of me and onto his stomach saying "You had all of us scared, Ponyboy. They kept telling us that you may never wake up. One docter said you were in your own made up world while your body rested and anouther said that you were insane, Dally socked both. Do you hate me, is that why you thought I was dead?"

I turn to face him gasping silently at the sight of Johnny crying and quickly I brush his tears away as I say "Johnnycake, I couldn't hate you. I despised thinking that you were dead. We all love you, and I'm no exception." He nods eventhough his eyes are sad and defeated like a puppy that has been kicked one to many times and lied to even more times than that. "Please Johnny, you got to believe me," I beg as I trail disigns on his back and he says flatly "I believe you." I force him onto his stomach and straddle him saying "No you don't. I need you to believe me Johnny." He stares up at me with a look that says he'll accept whatever I say or do to him even if he doesn't like it. "Why," he asks and I tug his hands over his head knowing that he wont protest as I lower my lips to his. "You wanted me back at the hospital," I say pouting as I pin his wrist to the bed using one hand and tug my shirt off with the other . He weakly smiles but says nothing as I pull off his own shirt. "Do something," I order angrily and he closes his eyes tightly saying "No."

I turn away from him and prepare to fall asleep when the door opens revealing Sodapop. "Hey, you two got school tomorow. So Darry wants ya all to get some shut eye," he says and I groan sinking against my pillow. The door closes and I shiver with the sudden cold that fills the room and turning to face Johnny I mummer "I did miss you." He only pulls the covers over us and wraps me protectivly in his arms as I snuggle closer to him. I fight sleep off as long as I can not wanting this sweet moment to end at all, but I am too exhausted for the fight to last long and all too soon do I slip into a dreamless sleep where no nightmares will intrude.

:Johnny's Pov:

I watch him sleep acting like his guardian angel and notice the way the moonlight captures the red tones in his hair and how innocent he looks, it strikes me as funny that even the toughest hood like Dally can look innocent while they sleep. I can't stop myself from staring at his pale face and nearly moan aloud when he slips one leg between my own and the other ontop. His arms snake around my neck and his lips briefly make contact with my skin, as I shiver with desire I can't help but glance at the door. "Pony,wake up," I say shaking him and his greens peer up at me sleepily as he mutters "Can't I sleep?" I sigh wanting to give him to his pouty lips, but his position is driving me insane and if Darry chetches us there'll be hell to pay. "You were the one that had to hold me," he says pulling me ontop of him and as I desperatly wish for a cigarette I say "You were cold. If Darry finds us like this he'll make us for breakfast." His eyes dance wildly as he laces his fingers behind his head and teases playfully "No one's stopping you from getting off." I slip soundlessly to the floor finanly sick of his games, and to worried about getting skinned to stay here listening to his excuses, as I say "I'll be downstairs." Before I even reach the door he has me pinned to the wall and he licks his soft lips before saying quietly "Don't go,please, I want you to stay here." He leans down to press his lips against my own but fear stops me from responding. I know it's a stupid reason to be afraid but I couldn't help thinking that I may not be a good kisser. His eyes are blazing with what looks like anger and I fearfully sink to the floor cowering before him. Too many memories of the old man hitting me when he's angry, too many black eyes, too many pain filled nights, too many tears cried out after I'm left alone. He kneels before me calming instantly and silently I tell myself that this is Ponyboy and he'd never hurt me. "I ain't gonna hit you," he says softly gathering me into his arms like someone else use to do until I would calm down enough to stop shaking. So similar, yet so different, and I can't choose nor can I say who it is that makes me feel so guilty. He claims my lips begging for entrance with his tongue which I gladly give to him figuring that he has to be just as inexperienced as I am.

I moan into his mouth as he kneads my cock and with his free hand he places my hand onto his own package. "That's it Johnny," he mummers tickeling my ear before he nibbles on my earlobe and I stroke him even harder yet at the same steady pace as before. "Ponyboy, I really need to tell you something," I say but his lips stop me from explaining then he says "You do know that I love you." I nod lowering my gaze as I try to tell him again but pain for the other person involved and his mouth playing ruthlessly with my nipples stops me. I hold his head against my chest as I carress his hair and say "I love you,too." How often have I told my other lover that? Their hair is of similar texture, soft and silky. He locks the door and tugs me to the bed. We lay there tangled in eachothers arms and I know that he fears that I'll vanish from his arms during the night. "I'm not going to leave you, I promise to take care of you. I'll be by your side even if you do end up hating me," I say as his breathing steadies. Why do I want him still, I have Ponyboy now and that's what I always wanted? Why does his smile still send chills down my spine and fill me with warmth.

The loud knocking on the door wakes me from the sweet, guilt filled dreams but Ponyboy stops me from moving to answear the person on the other side. "Come on Pony, get up," I urge softly praying that Darry wont hear me. Ponyboy glares at me, turns over and shoves his head into his pillow, and says "No, don't want to get up yet." Darry pounds on the door causing me to jump a good foot in the air as I am trying to tug on some pants. "Ponyboy Micheal Curtis, if you don't get up right now I'll skin you and take away your chocolate for a week." I open the door and with a slight smile say "I'll gladly eat his cake for him." Darry tussles my hair and gives me that look that practicly screams I've already got a great plan. I know that plan and quite frankly it's funny if you ain't on the recieving end. I enter the kitchen counting down slowly from five until the loud thud echos through the house and a long stream of curse words is issued from the youngest Curtis's mouth.

"Darry pulled me off the bed because of you," Pony states with the coldest glare I've ever seen him issue to someone and I shrug saying " He pulled me and Soda off at the same time and when Steve was pulled off the couch he couldn't sit comfotably for a week. Twobit's back is still sporting that bruise from two weeks ago. Dally is either to smart or to dangerous for Darry. Just then Steve waltzes into the room only to drop into the chair next to Soda and ask "Where is Superdope,anyway?" Pony grabs a piece of cake as he tosses himself onto the counter and stares at me in confusion. "Do I have two heads or something," I ask genuinly curious by his behaviour and Steve says "Better get use to it. Soda here gave him the 411 on being happy and sometimes even I have a hard time telling them apart." Soda grins and pulls me onto his lap saying "We could be twins if you had lighter hair and I had darker skin. Still our little puppy. Being twins though would ruin all the fun." I look into his livily eyes and say "Yeah sure, what fun do we ever get to have. Superman is strickter than anyone else I know." Soda places me onto my feet again and says " I really love you two, you forget all about me and lock me. Didn't you think that I could get lonely too." His sarcastic tone only distracts everyone else from the pain in his eyes but I know him too well. "You slept with Johnny?" Pony's question doesn't suprise me, it's the tone he used, like he's accusing us of betraying him. "Not like that, gee Pony, he ain't much older than you," Soda says as he stops me from cowering against the wall.

"Pony, stop it right now. Can't you tell that your scaring him," Soda says releasing me from his iron hold and I say "The silence bothered me." Ponyboy nods with a smile as he skims me over with his green eyes before roughly kissing me infront of Steve and both his brothers. Soda's smile wavers slightly but it is hardly noticable and Steve's shocked expression is laughable. Darry looks furious as he pulls us apart and orders me to go get dressed. "Johnny, wait up," Soda says and follows me towards the bedroom. He gently carreses my cheek and kisses me as I sink into his arms. Soda, my guilty pleasure. My lover, my angel. He slips one of his shirts over my head and says "Don't forget about me."

:Pony's POV:

"Don't play with his emotions, he's been through too much. I love you, you are my brother, but there are too many that will hurt you because of him." I smirk and say coldly "Unlike you, I mean it when I tell someone that I love them." He's counting to three softly barely making any noise at all and I expect him to hit me like he did in my dream, but he doesn't. I wave of sadness and guilt washes over me causing me to say "Darry, I didn't mean what I said. I'm really sorry, I'm just confused." He hugs me saying "Go get ready, little buddy." I bound off to my room and watch in awe as Soda holds Johnny's book in the air forcing him to jump. I begin laughing as I enter and say "I'll be down in a sec, k?" They nod and walk away with Johnny muttering "Dumb blond, give me my damn book."

I plop down next to Johnny who's listening to Twobit. "Well, you'd think those Socs would know how to turn on a t.v. long enough to check the weather, but no, they still think a flood's gonna hit," he jokes flipping open his prized blade and I nearly ask how's he got it back then remember that those events were just my imagination, my own way of dealing with my guilt and pain. " Did you guys hear about the new girl? I guess she's from L.A. but I saw her before around here." Twobit grins looking at the youngest looking of us with interest as he asks "She a blonde?" Johnny nods fidgetting ing his seat as Soda plops down on his other side and asks "You okay,Johnny?" Johnny looks up at my older brother and releases a shaky breath before saying "She just gives me this uneasy feeling." Darry enters and says "You four better get going. Soda, you got work today so you better get ready."

I race Twobit to his car not caring why Soda asked Johnny to stay for a little while after us and Steve slowly walks to the car saying "So, Twobit, how many girls you dating already?" Twobit shrugs and says" Don't know, I'll check my little black book when I find it." I roll my eyes saying "You'd find it if you knew how to clean your room." He raises his eyebrow and says "Now why would I do that?" I chuckle and glance at the front door wondering what is taking Soda so long. Yeah, Johnny looked paler than usual but he needs to hurry up. Soda can't have anything too important to tell him.

:Johnny's POV:

I lower my gaze as Soda's hand brushes mine and he says softly "Keep quiet till I say so, I want to be there to help him or you if I can." He kisses me possiesvly and I say "Whatever you want, Soda." He grins and runs his fingers down my shirt saying "Whatever I want, hmmm, right now it would be you." I lean into his touch and kiss him one last time before heading out the door calling "Have fun." I can feel his eyes following me until I get into Twobit's car and I fight the blush his words keep wanting to color my cheeks with. He means it when he says he wants me, but does he really love me. He says he does, but I don't know if he's telling me the truth. I'll ask him if he does love me when we see him at lunch. I glance at Ponyboy and notice that him and Steve are engaged in a game of rock,paper,scissors. I smile at the sight and close my eyes as thoughts of blonde haired, brown eyed boy takes over my senses.

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