Disclaimer: Don't own, never will.
Sorry for such a long wait. Writer's block, the prison the adults foolishly call school, and lack of time is at fault for the wait.
: Johnny's POV:
I watch his slender form pace up and down the loft in his jeans that fall upon his hips. His hair slips in front of his face and his greens franticly flash from me to Dally while Soda lays lazily against the wall holding me despite the occasional confused, yet icy glare he receives from Dally. "I want to see the cemetery," Pony finally says and I shake my head responding, "It won't help to answer your questions." It's not that I don't want Pony to know why he had that dream while he was sorta unconscious, but cemeteries tend to bother me. Probably because they symbolize finality and I'm way to young to die yet. "I have to go, Johnny," he states stubbornly and I shrug casually. "Johnny, do I actually make you happy?" I look up at him startled; I didn't want to answer his question. I lean forward to think this through and struggle with what my mind was telling me was right and what my heart felt.
I know when we get home, we'll be back to pretending that we don't like each other like we believe we do. They wouldn't understand. We'd probably get the crap beat out of us and called names, but either way we'd be on the losing side. "I don't know, Pony," I finally respond to his question and lower my head so they wouldn't see the fear in my eyes. Soda pulls me back against him and lovingly strokes my hair while his lips ghost across my neck. This feels right this is perfect. I don't think I could live without this. Sometimes the truth can scare someone, but for me it only made me relax even more in my lover's arms. The fact that I had tried to hold onto Ponyboy in order to protect him only made me feel slightly guilty. "Pony, you make me happy as a friend, and I'm sorry for misleading you. I'm not sorry for what we did earlier, though. I don't want to make you feel dirty or used; it wasn't like that at all. I just wont let you get hurt for something that you shouldn't be involved in anyways. Where there's no true love, there's only pain. I don't want my best friend to be beaten for my own actions," I whisper and glance up to see understanding in his eyes.
As we walked towards the car abandoning any hope of having a decent camping trip, I realize that we were heading to the one place I had been trying to avoid. If Soda was worried about Steve killing him, then I was just as good as dead. Will Darry kick me out? What will Twobit say? Will my parents find out, what will they think? How will everyone at school act if they find out? Will Soda get fired because of me? I stop thinking when I feel a hand press against the small of my back and Soda ask, "You gonna stay outside the car all day?" I shake my head before climbing into the back with him. Fearfully I watch as we pull away from the place that had become a sanctuary for us even if it was only for a short while. "What you going to do when we get back?" Dallas glances in the rearview mirror at me then states, "Shower and pick up girls." The look in his eyes clearly says that it's our problem to deal with, not his.
: Pony's POV:
I can barely watch Johnny sit so close to my brother, but I know he's happier. I'm so stupid, he's in love with Soda and I was a fool to fall in love with him. Soda holds his heart in the palm of his hand and it's breaking my in two, but I can't help myself. In time I won't love you anymore and we'll be happy. "I still want to stop at the cemetery." Dallas nods while rolling his eyes as he speeds down the street almost daring the car to crash.
We made it home in record time. I watched as Soda and Johnny separated shortly before we even entered the city. I sit in the car as they unload our bags and say, "I'll be back soon." I get out and walk towards the cemetery where I hope to get some answers. The tombs stick out of the ground taunting me with their coldness. The wind blows roughly causing me to shiver, but I move forward and stop in front of the spot where my friends would have been buried. Maybe it's the shock that their names weren't on the tombs or the cold that caused me to pass out, but I awaken in the hospital once again. Not everyone is gathered around my bed this time. Only Darry and Soda stand there.
"What happened?" My question startles them and Darry says, "You passed out in the cemetery. Steve and Twobit were walking by that way and saw you. They had to go, though." I tilt my head and demand, "Where's Johnny?" Soda shakes his head then says "He had to go to his house for something and his dad beat him. He's at home sleeping off the effects. Dallas is out on that date he said he was gonna get." I nod then ask, "Why am I in the hospital if I only passed out?" Darry nods at Soda then leaves the room. "I'm sorry. The past few days you've been here. You hit your head when you fell." I can tell that's not the only thing bothering him and tell him so. Sighing deeply, Soda admits, "You've been living a lie. You haven't even woken up from the coma yet. After the fire you were left alone for a little while, but then the feud started up once again. They picked you to jump and got you in the cemetery." I glare at him and yell, "If I made this up then why was Johnny with you and not me?" Soda shakes his head once again as tears fill his eyes and says, "You needed a reason as to why Johnny wasn't here with you. No one really knows that you loved him, not even Johnny. Johnny did know that I loved him and I let this slip one day after their deaths. That's probably why you placed him with me. As terrified as he was, he needed someone to love him and I decided to be that person, then you two ran away." His words sank into me and I shake my head in disbelief. "No, you're lying."
Two months later I actually wake up and I see the worry that was in everyone's eyes. Darry looks the worst and he glances nervously at Soda. "You woke up for a little while about two months ago and thought that Dallas and Johnny were here, Ponyboy. Do you know where you are now?" I nod and stare at Soda as he looks down at his shoes. Stay gold, must stay gold for Johnny. Even if Johnny did love Soda and not me, I must obey his final wish. It's my own fault for not telling him how I felt. "The fire killed them," I say calmly though my heart clenches. Darry nods and sits down beside me hugging me. Hesitantly Soda approaches and states, "You said you hated me when you woke up briefly just last month." I shake my head and hug him.
I stand before Johnny's grave with a white rose in my hand and say, "Goodbye, Johnny. I love you. I'm sorry for not letting you know sooner. I don't know what to say exactly. Maybe now I'll stop escaping into my own world while in a coma to preserve your life. I now understand that you are truly gone and that we never went camping. I don't know if you and Soda actually had a relationship, but I like to believe you did. I'd rather think that you were happy with someone even if I wasn't that person. I guess this is the end. See ya later Johnnycake." I walk away feeling happier then I had in ages.