Disclaimer: OMGAWSHfook...I don't own any Jhonen created characters because, well, Jhonen created them, so they would be his. I only own the characters that no one has ever heard of...so yay for me!
A/N: This is my first fan fic...and my sad attempt at making a funny one as well, so, go easy. No, better yet, don't go easy, yell and scream at me at how much I suck, because I find that funny.
Ps. Violet's unhealthy fangirl obsession with Jhonen does not, in anyway, reflect what I think about him...I do not stalk him or wear "I heart Jhonen" t-shirts...the would be as almost creepy as this first chapter of my story.
Violet Darkness™ (ha, what a funny name), was skipping gloomfully through the woods one day when she suddenly came across a sad cold wet kitten.
"Aww, you poor little thing. Would you like some food?" Violet asked, feeling sorry for the poor creature. The kitten let out a despair filled 'mew' as Violet reached into her newly bought, overpriced bag™ (safety pins™ not included) and pulled out some breath mints.
"Here you go!" she said as she put the mints on the ground. The kitten sniffed them curiously and ate them all up, but instead of meowing a thanks and walking away quietly, the kitty began hacking and coughing like kitties do when they get hairballs. Violet got worried that she had poisoned the little kitty and tried to comfort it, but instead was greeted by chunks of kitty food and stomach fluid being blown in her face.
"What the fuck you stupid ass! Trying to feed a cat breath mints, like a cat eats breath mints?" The kitten yelled back at her as Violet was disgustingly wiping off her "I heart Jhonen™" shirt.
"God, you fucking goth™ chicks are idiots!" the kitty cursed her as it walked away back into the bushes, tail in the air.
"What the hell? Did that kitty just talk? Oh dear, this makes me feel like writing some poetry and cutting myself." Violet sat down and leaned against a tree, pulling out her also brand new Hot Topic™ Goth People Kit ™, including safety pins ™, razors, a black diary with the picture of a dead dried up rose on it, and a pen with a little bat on the end (black lipstick™ not included). As she began to painfully write poetry and cut herself at the same time (a gift that only crazy goth™ people have) a ray of sparkling white fell upon her.
"Oh dear lord! The light! The light is burning into me! Noooooo!" Violet screamed in pain. She shielded her eyes from the light, looked up, and made a face of pure disgust. An old over weight man was descending down upon her. He was wearing a brown trench coat and a weird hat hiding his half bald head.
"Who are you!" Violet screamed.
"I'm Turkey Neck™ and they're always after me lucky neck meats™ don't you know. I'm here to grant you three wishes for no apparent reason!" The man bellowed in a thick Irish accent, while taking off his trench coat and exposing five layers of grotesque rolling skin coming from underneath his neck.
"Three wishes? Of anything I want?" she asked excitedly.
"Yes, all you to do is stick your hands into my layers of magical lucky neck meat™ and make your wish, but it will only last for 24 hours." Violet had no clue what she would wish for, for the whole world to be filled with goth ™ people? To finally have her dream of being Jhonen's™ sex slave come true? She had always wondered what went through Jhonen's™ mind and how he came up with all of those ideas, especially JTHM™, oh man, she would totally bang Johnny™, him and all of his outcasty, misunderstood, maniac-ness.
"Oh my God™! I know what I want to wish for!" Violet carefully slid her hands between Turkey Neck's™ squishy neck meat™ and said,
"I wish that I could switch places with Jhonen Vasquez™!"
A/N: The "™" jokes are getting old aren't they? They are annoying you aren't they? If they are annoying you then good, I'm glad I could be an annoyance to you, but I promise there won't that much after this. Ok, back to the story.
Ps. Anyone catch the small JTHM reference up there? If you did I'll give you a cookie.
Suddenly, Violet felt extremely light headed as a strange buzzing noise filled her ears. She began babbling incoherently and drooling profusely from her mouth as her brain was swept from her and teleported hundreds of miles away, were Jhonen was hunched over his drawing board trying to get those damned squiggly lines to be just perfect.
"What the heeeellll..." Jhonen looked up from the inside of his hands as his voice trailed off. He felt as if he had been shot with a tranquilizer gun, and his head™ slumped over to the side while drool leaked from his mouth. Suddenly, he sat up right, or more like she, but then it's a girl in a guys body, man this is creepy, a teenage girl in a censored because I feel like it year old mans body, what's wrong with me? Anyways...Violet/Jhonen sat upright in his(?) swivel chair and looked around the room
"Oh man, I'm in Jhonen's room! There are so many things I can go through! I can take his shirts to sell on eBay! And I can steal his underwear to add to my shrine! This is so cool!" she thought to her(?)self as she looked excitedly around the room. Violet looked down at Jhonen's drawing board and suddenly felt like drawing a huge smiley face over his perfected squiggly lines that had took him so long to make. She picked up a pencil and suddenly stared at his hands. (This is confusing, no?)
"Oh my gawd, Jhonen's hands are hot!" she thought to herself as she continued to draw a profoundly demented smiley face all over Jhonen's hard work. The face that she had drawn looked nothing like what she would've drawn if she were stuck in her normal body, no, instead it was one of those crazy wicked looking smiley faces (you know, the ones that Jhonen likes to plaster all over his comics).
"Dear lord! I have Jhonen's talent!" she could hardly contain herself, as she began to spin around in his desk chair, when suddenly the phone rang. Violet hesitantly answered it.
"He...hello?" she said softly into the receiver, and she immediately slapped her(his?) hand to her mouth. The sound of someone else's voice coming from her mouth surprised her, even if it was Jhonen's.
"Hey Jhonen," a ladies voice answered Violets.
"Erm, who's this?" she asked more loudly, still not used to the voice change.
"This is Rachael your girlfriend you idiot, who do you think I am?" the girl said on the other side of the line.
"What! He, I mean, I have a girlfriend! I'm am so freakin' jealous! I'm gonna go find that bitch and kill her! Jhonen is mine!" (This story is disturbing me greatly.)
"What the fuck? Jhonen, are you on something?"
"I dunno, am I? Do I do drugs?"
"Umm, no?" Rachael replied, confused.
"Oh, do I smoke?"
"Noo..."
"Drink?"
"Uhh, sometimes."
"Okay, good."
"Jhonen, do you want me to come over? I think you've been working to hard."
"Come over? There's no reason to, heh! I'm perfectly fine!" answered Violet, hoping that Rachael wouldn't come.
"You don't even sound like yourself. I'm coming over Jhonen, we can go out to get something to eat, you need to get out of the house." And with those final words, she hung up the phone, leaving the now Jhonen-fied fangirl very worried, while miles away, her newly occupied body woke up in an unfamiliar bed.
A/N: HA! This second chapter is gonna be fun to write. I hope that this first one didn't freak you out to much, but then, what good would my story do if it didn't? Please review this, and tell me how much you hated it and how much I shouldn't be able to live due to the fact that my writing skills are grotesquely inept. Happy something people!
Your friend, Spanky McPuffpuff.