Howdy doo, everyone! Well, here is the chapter! Special thanks go to Tuna for helping me A LOT with it. Half of these ideas are hers. Love ya, hun!

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"Laura?"

"Mmph."

"Laura…"

"Pfgh."

"Laura, stop ignoring us!" Legolas yelled exasperatedly.

We were currently riding through wide-open plains between the White Mountains and the city of Minas Tirith. It had taken two full days of hard cantering to get as far as we had from the foothills. For the last four days I had been ignoring everyone, minus Haldamir, the boring elf I had talked to at the beginning of the trip. Haldamir seemed to be getting quite tired of me as well. But that was his problem.

Later that evening we stopped at the top of a small hill to rest for the night. Elladan built a fire, which everyone sat around. I, on the other hand, sat pouting on the edge of the small camp, hugging my knees and glaring at the elves.

"Oh, stop acting so childish and come have something to eat," Legolas said boredly. "You cannot ignore us forever."

"Wanna bet?" I mumbled under my breath. But I gratefully took the piece of lembas he offered to me. I ate it, then curled up in my blanket and frowned.

"Do you realize how completely horrible it was to be captured by orcs?" I growled angrily. The elves all turned to look at me with their eyebrows raised.

"I'm sure it was not a pleasant experience, Laura," Elladan said sympathetically. I ignored him and continued ranting on.

"Plus, I haven't bathed in days! I smell like a horse's butt!" Duke gave an angry snort from somewhere nearby. "I'm positively sick of eating lembas, too! And, I'm going to have to cut my hair to cover up this bald spot!" I pointed angrily at my scalp. There wasn't that much damage, really, just a little bit, but the orc had pulled so hard that it bled terribly. And it hurt like a mo. Fortunately, Haldamir had put some sort of ointment on it to make it heal more quickly.

"Well, there is really nothing we can do about the lembas-" Legolas began. I interrupted him again.

"I'm not done, elf boy. You all could have come to my rescue sooner! God, you made me stay with them for, what, two days? It was pure hell! And I'm still pissed with you, Legolas, so don't you dare try to be all cute." With that final word I laid back down and rolled over so my back was to them.

"Laura." Legolas had a sort of whiney tone of voice that I had never heard before. Excellent. "Laura, listen to me! I am sorry, but…" I pretended to snore. He made a growling noise. "Laura, will at least hear me out?" I didn't answer. Two seconds later I felt something heavy hit my back. I sat up and glared.

"Ow! What the hell?" A small rock came flying at me, and I put my arms up just in time to prevent it from hitting my face. I frowned at Legolas, who glared right back.

"What is your problem!?" I screeched. "God, you stupid elf! Are you trying to blind me!?" He casually tossed a stone in the air and caught it. I hunkered back down under the blanket and felt a stone hit my back again a couple seconds later. I growled and covered my head with the hood on my cloak. "Asshole," I muttered. Slowly I closed my eyes and tried to sleep.

For a few minutes there was a pleasant silence, except for the crackling of the fire. Then Legolas spoke.

"Elladan, Elrohir, did I ever tell you what condition Laura was in when I found her?" My eyes popped open. Oh my god, he'd better be talking about my hair…

"…No? How do you mean?"

"What I mean is that she was stark nake-"

"LEGOLAS!!!" I screamed, causing them all to jump. The twins were both laughing hysterically. Most of the other elves were either blushing or looking quite scared. "I will KILL YOU!"

Legolas shrugged. "I'm just stating a fact that it was… interesting finding wearing naught but your skin out in the middle of the woods. It makes one wonder what you were doing out there…" He winked at the twins, who were trying to prevent themselves from falling off the rocks they were sitting on.

My jaw dropped. I quickly snapped it shut and looked at him casually. "Actually, I was out there making the best love ever with a handsome stranger who came across me only moments before." Legolas stared. "However, he was not an elf, because…well, I doubt elves have great sex anyway." All of them looked cross, but the dear son of Thranduil looked shocked.

"I…you…he? WHAT!?" he shouted. I smirked and laid back down.

"He was quite… vigorous…" I said as an afterthought. "Very… energetic, if you get my meaning." Legolas was just sitting there uttering unintelligent syllables. "He had a very large pe-"

"Be quiet!" Legolas groaned. "I shall be scarred for life…"

"It was like he had an endless source of energy… we were at it for hours." I relished the sight of Legolas' already pale face turning chalk white. "I was quite surprised I could walk after that."

"W-well…" he stuttered defiantly, "you didn't look that tired to me." I stood up and stretched luxuriously.

"Legolas, darling, you will never be lucky to know the amount of endurance I have," I said airily, a big satisfied grin plastered on my face.

"Perhaps you have forgotten, Laura, that last we met you were smitten with me," Legolas shot back. I shrugged.

"I've moved on to bigger and better se-, I mean things. Men are so much more fulfilling. Besides, elves are pansies, especially elf princelings." As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I stopped. I was happy to see that Legolas was pissed, but so were the twins. After all, they were the sons of Elrond. Crapola.

"Of course, I have heard that the elves of Rivendell are much more feisty," I said with a wink in their direction. I was feeling oddly… slutty at the moment. The twins' honor was restored and they smirked at Legolas simultaneously. Legolas narrowed his eyes at them, then turned back to me. The other elves were watching with avid interest.

"Face it, Legolas. You're jealous. You know you want me."

"Laura, if I wanted you, I could have you without the least bit of resistance on your part." I stalked over and glared at him.

"Is that so?" I said icily. He stood up.

"Yes, it is." He scowled at me. We were nose to nose- well, nose to chin, because he was taller than me.

"Try me, pansy boy."

"Is that a threat?" he hissed.

"I suppose it is," I retorted. Suddenly his expression went from cold and hard to warm and lustful.

"Laura…forgive me for all that I have said. It was very dishonorable of me." He took my hand and kissed it. I stared at him, dazed. "I was foolish and rude. Will you accept my apologies?" He took his hand and tilted my chin upward, his face mere centimeters from mine. My eyes got wide and my knees became weak.

"…Whoa."

He smirked. "I knew it." He turned and sat back down on the ground.

"Wait… what!? You cheated!" I argued half-heartedly. "It still doesn't mean you're good in bed, y'know!" He just smiled sneakily up at me and turned to everyone and started to speak in Elvish. They all burst out laughing. I groaned angrily and stomped back to my little nest. I laid down for the fourth time and covered my head.

Losing a bet… to Legolas!

How embarrassing.

:::

I did not speak to Legolas all the way to Minas Tirith. I was way too pissed at him for winning me over the other night. Instead, I kept Duke as far away from him as possible and rode in between Elladan and Elrohir, who would throw each other mischievous glances once in a while. I spent the whole time with a sneaky smile on my face.

Finally, after nearly two weeks of traveling, we arrived at Minas Tirith. It was a horrible, overcast, rainy day. Minutes after the shower had started, I was soaked to the skin and shivering, even with my elven cloak. But it was worth it to see the White City again. It was a beautiful place.

As we approached the gate, a guard on top of the battlements yelled, "Open the doors!" The heavy wooden gates swung open and we trotted through, in lines of three. I, of course, was in the first line, being the important VIP, and the twins were on either side. As soon as we were inside the guards closed the doors again, and one walked up to Elladan.

"Greetings, visitors," he said, sounding interested. "What business do elves have in the White City?"

"We are here to see King Elessar. The lady is a friend." Elladan gestured to me. The guard looked up in surprise.

"My lady," he said with a sweeping bow. I blushed, then threw an evil smirk over my shoulder at Legolas, who narrowed his eyes at me from under his hood.

"Also," he said, speaking for the first time, "tell him that Legolas, son of Thranduil of Greenwood is present." The guard nodded and turned to a messenger boy, who then sprinted away to deliver the news.

"You may continue on your way, my lords. Milady," he said once again, bowing. He stepped aside and let us pass. The twins kicked their horses into a smart trot, and I followed suit. However, things would not go as planned.

As soon as we reached the bustling business part of the city, Duke went berserk. He had never been in such a busy place before. You'd think that after going through several battles, he would be fine. Well, you thought wrong. Duke is just like that: unpredictable. He bucked and reared up, nearly crushing a toddler. I screamed and reined him the other way just in time. Finally Duke got to be such a handful that we had to start cantering, which sounds dangerous. It was. But it was less dangerous than him bucking and shying away from everything. Apparently he didn't like people brushing up against his sides.

As we cantered down the streets, people would move to the side and watch us pass with interest. By this time the rain had stopped and the elves took off their hoods, but I wanted to go for the mysterious look, so I left mine on.

Finally, after ten minutes of riding up to the top of the city, we arrived at the courtyard in front "his great halls," "his" being Arago- oh, my bad. I mean King Elessar's halls. We dismounted, and some younger men took the horses away. I grinned and batted my lashes at one of them, who was particularly good looking. He blushed and smiled boldly. Legolas came up on my left side and rolled his eyes.

"Stop acting like a child and come along." He offered out his arm. I raised an eyebrow.

"Um…no?" I said, glancing at his arm. He rolled his eyes.

"A lady that enters the halls is to have an escort," he growled under his breath.

"Can I have Elrohir instead?"

"No. Come." He forcefully took my hand and placed it in the crook of his arm. I sighed disgustedly and allowed him to lead me up the stairs. Two young men opened the doors and bowed us through.

As we walked down the long hall towards the throne, I got goose bumps. It was so big and pretty and… shiny. Yes, it was shiny. The floor was particularly reflective. Anyway.

"Bow your head," Legolas hissed out of the corner of his mouth. I rolled my eyes and looked at the floor, feeling like a prat.

"This is stupid," I muttered back. He tugged on my arm sternly, silently telling me to shut up. I looked up as the man who had been sitting on the throne stood up and walked towards us.

"Legolas, my old friend!" he said. I looked up and jumped. This was Aragorn? My GOD, he got OLD! His hair and beard had streaks of gray, although it wasn't dust because he had taken a shower (for once in his life). He was wearing a thin circlet of gold, and long, wine-colored robes. He and Legolas were currently talking in Elvish rapidly and quietly, having just exchanged an Elvish greeting.

"Forgive me, I have forgotten my manners," Aragorn said suddenly. I was surprised; he didn't seem to have changed much since I last met him. Well his personality hadn't changed. His physical changes… now that was another story… "Who is this maiden? Your wife, perhaps?" he questioned, grinning playfully at Legolas. The elf and I shared identical looks of disgust.

"Ugh," I said out loud. Aragorn raised his eyebrows.

"So, it is not your wife…" he said, trailing off and glancing at Legolas questioningly. Legolas rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"Uh, well, no, she is not. But she is an old friend of ours…"

"I was until you tried to seduce me, you bag of hot air," I growled. Aragorn furrowed his brows, which then shot up quickly as he opened his mouth in surprise.

"Laura?" he said incredulously. I smiled.

"One and the same."

"Laura!" He took my hand in his and beamed. "I can hardly believe it is you. Look at you, blah blah blah…" I'd heard the same speech three times before, so I tuned out and smiled and nodded. "You are all grown up, I can hardly believe it! Why, you are no child anymore!"

I gritted my teeth together. "No… no I'm not," I said as calmly as possible.

"My lord, who is it?" said a soft female voice. I looked past Aragorn, and there was Arwen, looking as pretty as she had always been in a forest green with gold trim. She hadn't aged a day. Well, duh, I thought to myself. She is an elf…

"Arwen, do you remember Laura?" Aragorn said, beckoning her to come over.

"The child that accompanied you to Mordor!?" I growled unintentionally, and everyone stared.

"Er, I have something in my throat…"

"Laura, look how you have grown!" Arwen embraced me gently. I rolled my eyes at the twins, who were smiling and looking very amused.

Then another voice rang out. "Mama!" Arwen pulled away and turned around as a little boy came running up to her, his arms out, wanting to be picked up. I almost said "Awww!" out loud. Forgive me for sounding like Michael Jackson, but this little boy was beautiful. He obviously had elvish blood in him. His large brown eyes sparkled cutely, and he had long brown hair. Sort of like an Anime character… shut up, brain!

Arwen knelt down and picked the little boy up. He stared at us strangers, curious.

"Mama, who are they?"

"You remember Prince Legolas, and your uncles Elrohir and Elladan, don't you, darling?" Arwen asked quietly. The boy smiled shyly and looked at me.

"Who is the pretty lady with the yellow hair, mama?" he blurted out. I snorted and grinned. I'm a far cry from pretty.

"This is an old friend of ours, son," Aragorn said. "Tell her your name." The boy smiled and buried his face in Arwen's shoulder.

"Elderimmph," he mumbled. I laughed as Aragorn shook his head and smiled.

"He is not usually this shy. His name is Eldarion." Eldarion looked up and cocked his head to the side.

"What is your name?" he asked. I smiled and put my hands on my knees, bending over so I was eye-level with him.

"My name is Laura," I said kindly. Eldarion grinned.

"Hello, Lady Laura."

"Oh, you don't have to call me Lady," I told him. Arwen shook her head gracefully.

"No, he must mind his manners. He needs to know that one musn't introduce themselves by saying 'pretty lady'." I laughed. "But come, Laura, you look tired, and you smell of horse." I turned to Legolas.

"I told you I smelled like a horse's a-"

"So we must go get you cleaned up, and dress you in clean clothes," Arwen finished quickly. I blushed.

"Sorry," I murmured as she handed Eldarion to Aragorn.

"Darling, take your son while I help Laura," she said.

"He is your son, too," Aragorn said quietly. As we walked away, Arwen spoke over her shoulder with a broad smile.

"But he is your son while I attend to feminine duties." I laughed as we walked out of the hall.

:::

"There! You look lovely." I had just taken a bath, and Arwen had dressed me in a pretty sapphire blue dress.

"Oh. Nice," I said dumbly. Arwen smiled.

"You were a mess before."

"Okay, that was Legolas' fault! He wouldn't let me take a bath, AND he got me captured by orcs."

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll let mister High-and-Mighty Greenwood Elf explain. Then you can come to me and I'll tell you the real story."

Just as she was about to reply, the door swung open and in tumbled Eldarion.

"Mama!" he shouted, "Ada says I can take Lady Laura down to the city! May I, mama?" he asked, putting on big puppy eyes. Arwen looked unsure.

"Darling, I do not think that-"

"Oh, don't worry, I'll keep an eye on him at all times," I said. She glanced at her son, then smiled.

"Very well, but bring him back before dinner. It will be an hour or so."

"I will, I promise."

"Come on!" Eldarion said, tugging eagerly at my hand. "Come!"

"All right… all right.."

"Have fun, you two," his mother called. I waved back at her, quickly being dragged down the hall.

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"This is Ada's tree. It is white," Eldarion told me. I chuckled.

"It is indeed white…"

"It is a special tree," the boy informed me. I nodded.

"Why is it special?"

"Well, because…I don't know," he confessed. I smiled.

"Why don't you show me the city? We can ask your ada later what the tree is for." He nodded eagerly and pulled on my hand.

It was a two minute walk down to the next level of the city. Immediately I found myself in between people of all ages, from babies to old women selling cloth. As we walked down the narrow road, people bowed to the young boy, who took no notice of them. I just shrugged and continued walking. That is, until I heard a woman screaming from somewhere.

Everyone turned to look for the owner of the voice, but there was no one around. Suddenly, a tremendous crunch filled the air, and I spun around. Ten yards behind me, a woman had fallen onto a vegetable stand and landed in a barrel of tomatoes. I stared, as did everyone else. The young woman looked around, then groaned.

"Aw, fudge monkeys! I'm in Minas Tirith!" she wailed mournfully. My jaw dropped and I dragged Eldarion over as fast as I could.

"Crystyna!?" I squawked. She looked up, narrowed her eyes, and stared.

"Laura?!"

"Tuna!"

"Luna!" I pulled her out of the barrel (her butt had gotten stuck), and then realized that she had no clothes on. I grimaced.

"Erlack," I muttered, covering Eldarion's eyes with one hand. I then turned around and took my cloak off. "Tuna, put some damn clothes on." I heard her yelp and she snatched the cloak out of my hand.

"Okay, I'm good." I turned around and watched as her eyes slowly grow wide.

"My GOD, what happened to your head!?" she exclaimed.

"I was captured-" She gasped and pointed at Eldarion.

"Who is THAT!?" she yelled, surprised.

"This is Eldar-"

"OH MY GOD, DID YOU AND LEGOLAS GET IT ON!?" she shouted. Her voice echoed through the dead silent street. Everyone stared.

"Nooo!" I groaned, slapping my forehead. Then I grabbed her wrist and dragged her away from the stand. "Come on!"

So I dragged the two of them back up to the hall, with Crystyna waving and blowing kisses to any good-looking man we passed, and Eldarion looking quite perplexed.

The guards that had opened the doors before were gone, so I shoved one open myself. I peeked inside, then turned to Crystyna.

"Okay, coast clear," I whispered. She and Eldarion snuck in behind me, and I closed the door. "Crystyna, we need to get you some clothes before someone sees y-"

"Laura? What is going on?" someone behind me said. I groaned.

"Shit." I looked and saw Legolas staring at Crystyna, looking thoroughly confused. She got a huge smile.

"LEGOLAS!" she crowed, pouncing on him and giving him a huge hug. He got a disgusted look on his face.

"Ugh! Laura, who is this half-clothed woman you brought back, some sort of prostitute!?" he yelled. Crystyna backed away, and her eyes filled with tears.

"Don't you remember me, Legsie-poo?" she whispered, her voice sounding squeaky. He gazed at her, then beamed.

"Crystyna!" he said happily. She squealed and ran to hug him again. "You're..naked, like Laura was…"

"You were naked too?" she asked, looking at me. I nodded and told her about the whole Suga Daddy experience. Then I launched into the story about the…interesting discussion Legolas and I had had. When I was through, Crystyna turned on him.

"So, you think you're good in bed?" she asked, one eyebrow raised. Legolas shrugged, looking uncomfortable.

"Well…I suppose…"

"PROVE IT TO ME!!!" Crystyna roared. "Baby, I wanna get in yo pants!!" Legolas backed away a few steps.

"Uh, Laura? Why don't you get Crystyna some clothes? I'll… uh, go tell everyone the situation…" With one final, scared glance at my best friend, he turned and walked away quickly, Eldarion with him.

"Gee, he sure was in a rush…" she muttered. I took a sidelong glance at her.

"So…we're back now."

"Yeah." She smirked.

"Middle Earth is doomed."

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(falls down panting and gasping) 7…freaking…PAGES! GAA! (passes out)

Man, usually my chapters are really short, but THIS…damn. Very long, eh?

Hahaha, that conversation with Legolas cracks me up. Crystyna thought up the idea. She's so smart. :D Go check out her stories, "The Young Order" and "The Goddesses of Orlyism" and "How to Snag a Hottie". Look for me in the first two ;). She's an amazing writer!

Also, check out The Solitary Rose's story, "Girl in the Gardens". I love it! Such an awesome plot, and really well written! :) One of my favorite stories.

Well, kids, you know the routine! (points to review button) Go for it!

Much lurve and dirty conversations with Leggy,

.:!Laura!:.