Oh, I haven't had one of these things for a while…
Disclaimer: Your mom needs a disclaimer. Oooh, shut down. You got served, biznatch!
Anyways, without further ado, here is Chapter… uh, whatever number we're on.
"You lied to me," I grumbled as I adjusted the arrow. It slipped down again as soon as I tried to aim.
"How so?" Legolas asked, adjusting my arms.
"You said there would be hot guys here. I'm not seeing any."
"I never said that they were attractive, I merely said there were going to be many specimens of the male gender here."
I glanced around the archery range. All of the guys were either too old to function, or so young that their voices were still squeaky.
"You should have been more specific," I growled, centering the arrow on the bow.
Legolas sighed. "Stop bending your arms, Laura. Your arrow won't fly straight if you don't."
"Bite me," I hissed, but straightened my arms anyway.
"I think I'll pass. Changing the subject, I talked to Crystyna earlier today."
Crystyna was still angry at me, so I had started hanging around with Legolas and the twins. I had a feeling that their patience with me was wearing thin, though, seeing as they all felt inclined to roll their eyes every time I tried to talk to them.
"Yeah?" I said, looking at him over my shoulder. "What'd she say?"
"She said she would like to talk to you after we're done with your archery lesson."
I was surprised. Even though we still shared a room, she had ignored my existence for the last ten days. I had just been waiting until she cooled off.
"Oh, okay. Well, can we speed this up a bit then?" I asked.
"Very well. Once you actually hit the target in the center we will be finished." I glanced at the arrows that had hit everything but the middle of the target, including the one that had somehow been lodged in the brick wall surrounding the range.
"But that'll take ages!"
"I don't think so. Just do your best."
"Legolas, we've been out here since eight this morning, and it's now almost ten thirty. I've shot a total of eight arrows, none of which have even come close to hitting the target."
"The more time you take arguing with me, the longer we will be out here." I sniffed haughtily and closed one eye to aim. "There. Your form is nearly perfect. I just don't understand why you haven't hit the target yet…"
"Legolas, my arm is about to fall off. Just let me shoot the damn arrow."
"Fine, fine," he said impatiently. "Go ahead."
I let go of the arrow, and it left the string with a twang. It looked as though it might actually hit the target, until it veered towards the right. Three people hit the ground and covered their heads as it zoomed past them and stuck itself in some tall grass. Everyone else turned and glared.
"Sorry," I called weakly.
"That's the ninth time today!" a middle-aged bearded man roared.
Apparently Legolas also noticed the rather murderous gleam in everyone's eyes. "Um, I think that is enough archery for one day," he said quickly. "Come on, Laura."
"Get them!" a pre-pubescent boy screeched. We sprinted back towards the hall as everyone shouted angrily and aimed their arrows at our rear ends.
Safely back in my room (and with my butt in one piece), I sat down on the bed and waited for Crystyna. I was suddenly nervous. What if she was going to yell at me again? I didn't want to face her rather PMS-y wrath. I shuddered as I remembered all the times she had rather savagely beat up on her younger brother.
"Laura?" a woman's voice said. I screeched and fell off the bed as my train of thought came crashing into reality. "Whoa, a bit high-strung today, aren't we?" Crystyna asked as she peered over the side of the bed.
"No, just on an adrenaline rush. I barely made it back here with my ass in tact, you see."
"I don't even wanna know," she said, shaking her head. She patted the bed, indicating that I should sit next to her. I did, but on the other end so that I was out of her reach.
"So, uh, what's up?" I asked, keeping an eye on her hand.
"I just wanted to say… I'm sorry for what happened the other night," she said quietly. I sighed with relief. "I was kind of… you know…"
"Drunk?"
"Well, not piss-drunk, but tipsy."
"I understand." She gave me a doubtful glance. "No, really, I do. I've done some pretty retarded stuff too, you know."
"Yeah, I know. So, are we cool now?"
"Of course."
"Yay!" She leaned over and gave me a big hug, then stopped. "But, there is one thing that might make this a bit better…"
"What do you mean?"
"Well…" She hesitated. "Like… maybe next time you get kidnapped or almost raped…"
"Uh huh?"
"Um… could you try not to enjoy it so much?"
I gaped at her, my jaw hanging open. "Sorry, what?"
"Well, it's just that every time something bad happens to you, you always end up the center of attention." I continued to stare at her as she went on, "and I know you really like Elrohir, but that doesn't mean you have to put yourself in danger to get his attention, you know?"
"Wait, hold on a second," I said, putting up my hand to shush her. "Are you saying that you think I try to get myself in trouble?"
"Well, not that you try, per se, but that you maybe provoke a bad situation into a worse one, hence getting yourself into trouble, which leads to you being fawned over. You see what I mean?"
I tried to hide my outrage behind a sarcastic smile. "Yes, I see," I said through gritted teeth. She smiled, obviously not catching on to my anger.
"You're not mad, are you?"
"Of course not. Why would I be mad?" I replied, laughing loudly.
"Good, I knew you'd understand." She looked at the clock on the table. "Oops, I gotta run. Elladan wanted to show me around the third level. He says there are some great shops down there. See ya!" she called with a girlish grin. I smiled stiffly back as she dashed out of the room.
"What the hell!" I yelled, viciously stabbing some meat with my fork. Elrohir stared at me and dodged a piece of rogue potato that flew off my plate. "She thinks its fun to be kidnapped? Oh yeah, it's such a treat to be carried off by some smelly orcs!" I stuffed the meat in my mouth and waved my knife at Elrohir. "Have you been taken as a hostage or something before?"
"Uh, I don't believe I have," he replied. "Laura, you should really calm down-"
"Calm down? Calm down? How can I calm down when everyone thinks that my life being in danger is just a big act to attract attention?" I slammed my fork onto the table to emphasize my anger. Not that it really needed to be emphasized.
"People are staring, Laura."
"Well, let them stare. I don't care. They all think I'm insane anyway."
"I'm sure they think more than that," he said under his breath.
"What'd you say?"
"Nothing. I didn't say a word."
I glared at him. "I didn't even try to explain to Crystyna how serious it is when someone gets kidnapped. She wouldn't understand."
"I am sure she wouldn't. The only time she has been in a situation like that was the last time you two were here, when the orcs took you outside of the Black Gate. And that doesn't even really count, considering you were only in danger for a few minutes."
I pushed some potato around my plate absentmindedly. "Yeah, those orcs were wimps anyway." I sighed. "I want to make her understand how I feel, but I don't know how."
"I don't believe there is anyway you can make her understand, Laura. Unless, of course, she somehow was kidnapped."
I stopped playing with my food and looked at him. "Say that again?"
"Well, unless Crystyna was kidnapped herself, I don't know if- why are you grinning like that?"
"I just had a most wonderful idea."
"Oh no…"
"Once your brother gets back, the two of you need to go find Legolas, then come find me. I'll be in my room." I stood up with a flourish.
"What are you scheming about now, Laura?"
I smirked at him. "Elrohir, my pet: I…have a plan!"
"Now wait a moment, Laura. I'm not sure if I understand this. You want me to act as bait?" Elladan asked.
"Not bait, exactly, but…" I stopped. "No, wait. 'Bait' pretty much sums it up." He looked unsure. "All I want you to do is set up a date with Crystyna at a certain location. Then, when you don't show up, Legolas, Elrohir and I will all show up in disguise and 'kidnap' her, you see? It's really quite simple."
"That seems rather hurtful," Elladan said.
"Aw, c'mon. After she stops being mad, she'll see what a brilliant idea it was and everyone will have a great laugh."
"Laura, remember that conversation we had about being mature?" Legolas said, giving me "the look".
"I am being mature, Legolas. I'm trying to help Crystyna learn. That's a mature thing to do. I'm just doing it in an immature way, that's all."
"Well that makes it a lot better," he said dryly.
"Come on. Pleeeease?" I gave them all the puppy look, complete with the shaky bottom lip thing.
"Oh, not the face," Legolas said, looking away. I whimpered a bit, and he gave in. "Fine, we will help you. But when Crystyna tries to kill you afterwards, I'm not coming to rescue you."
"YAY! I love you, Legolas. You are my best pal."
"I'm sure."
"Okay, Elladan, now you need to go find Crystyna and set up your little rendezvous. Tell her to meet you behind Aelis' inn at nine thirty tomorrow night. You'll be wearing a black cloak with your hood up."
"Why would I need my hood up?"
"Tell her you don't want anyone to recognize you and get suspicious. Say it would be 'improper' or something. I don't know! Lie!"
"Why don't you just tell her yourself, seeing as you know all about it?" he said, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Because then it'll be obvious. Duh. Plus, she practically evaporates every time you talk to her. So go. Now." We all split up and went back to what we had been doing before. I, however, went back to my room to plot some more.
At nine o'clock the next evening, Elrohir, Legolas and I met in the stables and got ready.
"I don't see why this is necessary," Elrohir said, looking at the dirt I had rubbed on his hands and arms.
"Your hands are too feminine," I said, doing the same to Legolas.
"I resent that," he muttered.
"It's true. Besides, you smell too good. I highly doubt that men who go around kidnapping innocent women smell as clean as you do."
"If you say so. Can we please get going? I would like to be in bed before midnight."
"Okay, okay. Hold on." I rubbed some manure on myself, then mounted the horse I had borrowed. Duke snorted angrily from his stall. "Sorry, Duke," I called to him. "We don't want Tuna to recognize you. I still love you!" I turned to the others. "You guys ready? Well, then let's get goin'."
Legolas and Elrohir kicked their horses into a smooth canter and rode out of the stable. I kicked my own horse to follow them. It did absolutely nothing. "Ahem? Excuse me… horse? I said let's go." The horse shook his head snorted. "Please?" No response. "Look, I really don't see what's so hard about this. All I want you to do is go!" He didn't budge. "You fat cow! I said go!"
By now the elves had realized that I wasn't following them, and had come back to the entrance of the stable. They both laughed as I futilely kicked the horse in its ribs.
"I have a defective horse," I told them as Legolas brought his horse next to mine. He barely held the reins and tugged, and the horse leapt into a canter, nearly knocking me off.
"You gave me a sucky animal on purpose!" I snapped as we rode down the narrow streets.
"I wish I could say that we did, but I can promise you that it was not planned," Elrohir said with a grin.
Ten minutes later we were down at the inn. We quietly walked the horses around to the back, so Crystyna wouldn't hear us. It was rather pointless though. There was no sign of her.
"That is strange," Legolas whispered. "Perhaps she is in front?"
But there was no sign of her in front either. It was like she hadn't even shown up.
"Maybe she's inside. I'll go see. You guys can stay here." I dismounted and handed my reins to Elrohir. I doubt anyone really needed to hold on to the old nag, though: I probably could have lit a firecracker under its ass and it wouldn't have budged.
As I opened the door to the inn, the familiar stench of beer and ale hit my nose. I coughed and ducked my head, avoiding eye contact with anyone around me. Everyone stared; you'd think they'd be more used to seeing strange people wearing a black hood, but I guess not.
There was no sign of Crystyna in the pub, either. I was starting to get a bit peeved. Had Elladan revealed the plan to her? I'd kill him if he did.
I spotted Aelis through a crowd of rowdy men and shoved up to her. "Aelis!" I shouted over the men's' laughter. She turned around, her eyes narrowed. I saw her hand move towards a small knife that was tucked into her belt.
"May I help you?" she asked icily.
"It's me, Laura," I said, taking the hood off for a split second to show her.
"Laura!" she said, her expression immediately changing. "It's wonderful to see you! I thought you weren't allowed to come here anymore. Why are you dressed all in black?" She wrinkled her nose and took a step back. "And why do you reek of manure?"
"Long story," I told her. "Listen, have you seen Crystyna at all tonight?"
"Oh yes, she arrived here about an hour ago. She came in and had a drink, and we talked. She said she was meeting someone here," she added with a smile. "Then she went out to the back of the building. The last time I looked out the window, I saw her getting on a horse with someone dressed in a black cloak similar to yours. There were a few other people there, too."
So Elladan had told her! "Was this person an elf?" I said dryly. Aelis frowned and shook her head.
"Oh no, he was much too short to be an elf. That band of men comes here often. They're rather notorious, you see. Rumor has it they are wanted for robbing a family and then murdering all of them."
It felt like my insides had turned to ice. "Why didn't you stop her?" I said hoarsely.
"Well, I didn't want to bother her…"
I wanted to scream at Aelis for being so stupid and so polite. "Which way did they go?" I said quickly.
"They rode down towards the entrance of the city. Wait- where are you going?" she shouted as I sprinted back towards the door.
"Can't explain!" I yelled back. When I got back outside I practically threw myself onto the borrowed horse. The elves looked perplexed.
"Laura, what's the hurry?" Legolas said.
I looked guiltily at him. "We have a bit of a problem…"
Okay, so right now you're all probably like, "What the crap man? Who would ever go that far out of their way to play a prank on someone?" Ooh, believe me, I would. Haha. For seriously. If I had all the proper equipment (black cloaks, three horses and three sexy elves) I would so kidnap one of my friends. But anyways. Review, please! Grazie!
!Laura!