Chapter Twenty-Four: Tom vs. Harry...again

"You were wrong to think that it would have been that easy. Do you really think I would just show off my buttocks and let you get away?" said Tom Riddle behind them.

"Pretty much yeah," replied Ron.

"Why don't you just go back to snogging Goyle?" Harry shouted.

"You little show-off brat--" Voldemort began. He was interrupted by Draco Malfoy who suddenly entered the room.

"I was thinking the same thing Voldie…" Draco said, but looking at Voldemort's death glare (his death glare wasn't very impressive, as he looked as though he ate some bad tacos) he added, "Oh don't mind me! Pansy and I were just looking for a place to cuddle."

"Hey! I thought you liked me!" Hermione yelled. "Is everyone in this story cheating on someone?"

"Okay fine. I admit I have been cheating on Goyle for Bellatrix. I am bisexual you know."

They all stared at him.

"Oh, and by the by, how did you find out about me and Goyle anyway?"

"Wormtail told us," Cho said. "He is one heck of a dude. He has such interesting thoughts. He even sang 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte for us. Even the high chorus part. He sounded kind of girly, though. Well, Joel sings that part girly too."

"THE JOEL MADDEN? THE SEXY JOEL MADDEN?"Voldemort screeched.

"No, the other Joel Madden who sells deli meats by day and becomes a prostitute by night," Hermione said sarcastically.

"Oh. Well, I am talking about another Joel Madden," said Voldemort not hinting the sarcasm. "Oh and I should probably brutally torture Wormtail."

"By what? Giving him the world's worst blow job?" Harry asked.

"No. By making him watch me try on lingerie," Voldemort replied.

"Ewwwww! Now I have an image of you in a bra and a thong!" Dumbledore shouted.

"Right then. We got a bit off topic. Let's get back to business, shall we?" Voldemort said.

"Ooooooh…what are we selling?" asked Ron eagerly.

"Ron! It is a figure of speech! No, we are not selling lemonade, if that is what you are thinking. We are going to beat each other up. Well actually, Harry and Voldemort will beat each other up and we will just stand here and look cool," Hermione said.

Suddenly, Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day magically poofs into the room.

"Hey! This isn't McDonalds! I don't see that crazy clown guy," said Billy. "Hey, are you the clown guy?" Billie asked Voldemort.

"Muggle! I shall slaughter you for that cheeky remark!" yelled Voldemort.

"Huh? Dude…you need to like chill. Hey, does anyone know where I can get a cheeseburger around here?"

"I am not familiar with this 'dude' you speak of. Is this your imaginary friend?" asked Ron. "Don't worry. It is perfectly normal (A/N: I got this line from the Sex Ed book called "It's perfectly normal", if you don't already know. I decided to use the title for this line just for my amusement.)."

"Imaginary friend? Dude, you need to go back to the doctor for a check up," said Billie.

"Are you talking to Dude? Tell Dude I said hello. Is Dude sick? Does Dude need a doctor? Oh, poor baby."

"I am so outta here!" yelled Billie. "Which way is out?"

"Oh, I don't know…" said Draco. "But Pansy, you, and I would make a great threesome. You are gay, I am gay, and Pansy would give any guy a blow job despite his sexual status. It's all good."

Billie stared at Draco for a long time, but Harry finally spoke.

"Let's just get this over with. Voldemort, get out your wand. We are going to have a duel. And as usual, you are going to lose, because if you win, then there is no point of the author writing a sequel. You probably won't die either. You might just sort of disappear by poofing away."

So, Voldemort and Harry fought for several minutes. Billie was singing 'Holiday' in the background. Hermione, Ron, and Dumbledore were dancing to the song. Only, when Billie sang that part about 'killing all the fags that disagree', Ron did a little jig and let out a whoop of joy. Draco and Pansy continued to snog. Harry managed to break a nail and Voldemort's contacts fell out to reveal his true eye color-purple. They seemed very emotional about that. They got down to their knees and started sobbing.

"Oh, for goodness sakes! Voldie, you may leave to fix your eyes andHarry, your nail will grow back. Until then, stick a fake nail in there. And oh, Voldie, please don't come back until the author writes the next story. Your appearance is rather bothersome," said Hermione. "And Billie, I will send you back home. The Ministry of Magic will make you forget your whole experience here when you get home. I don't know how you got here and I don't think I want to know. Now I must send an owl to the Ministry."

Hermione recited a spell to send Billie back home, Voldie left, Harry stopped crying, and all was well.

End of Chapter Twenty Four

Author Notes: Errrr no…it isn't over yet.