A/N: EXAMS ARE OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HUZZAH!!!!!!!!! *does cartwheels around
the room while singing "Hallelujah!"* Now I can actually focus on this fic
instead of studying history. I mean this is so much more important, after
all when am I ever going to need to know about...*checks books* World War
Two? Or...*checks books again*...Confederation? Hmmmmm..bad example.
Lol, just kidding. I bet my american readers don't have a bloody clue what I'm talking about anyway, don't worry it's not important..well it..might be..for me...psh I can survive without history...can't I? *Shifty eyes*
Anyway here's the next chapter. I have soooooooo many ideas for this story *grins* I can't wait to write the later chapters! Well anyway I should be focusing on this one, it's going to be very funny. Ah, I love torturing my characters. On to the thanking of reviewers. I got so many this time! *Does little happy dance*
Dreamgirl21147: Mwahahaha don't I feel powerful now! *Laughs manically for a while then stops after noticing that everyone is staring at her funny* ahem.yes..Well thanx for the quick review and don't worry, there will be lots more.
Hummer: Hey! A new reviewer! *huggles* welcome to Storm on the High Seas! And in answer to your question...yes, Jack is drunk most of his life. Lol.
Anaknusan: Another new reviewer!!! *huggles again* Happiness in a bottle, eh? *strokes non-existent goatee* Lol, that's a new one! Oh and thanx for wishing me luck, it was nice to know that someone far away was rooting for me. Anyway, here's a deal, you keep reviewing my fic, and I keep reviewing yours. Do we have an accord?
Random Character: Oh stop your grumbling Random, if it'll make you feel better, I'll write an insane parody sometime and throw you in there. Then you can be a rabid Will fangirl. You might even get to kill Elizabeth if you really want to. Ugh exams. Well actually they were kinda fun, at least all the times we spent /not/ in the exam room...ah Kenzie and his crazy dancing...Hey you still have your french exam on Monday or Tuesday, good luck on that. I'm done! *sticks out tongue* Who's na na naing now? Lol, j/k you know that. Keep reviewing!
Perpetual Masquerade: Although disturbing wasn't exactly what I was going for, I'm glad you liked it *feels proud* Keep reviewing! I love hearing from you!
Jen/Draca: Hee hee hee, cliffies are fun! Plus they annoy you, so that's an added bonus! You and the lion king, I swear you're obsessed! Lol I'LL SAVE YOU SIMBA!! That photo's going to come back to haunt you later, I promise *evil grin*. Ah, memories...
Disclaimer:Grrrrr I hate you disclaimer! YOU KNOW WHAT??? I DO OWN POTC!!!!!!! DAMN STRAIGHT!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! *people in white coats carrying nets start chasing the crazed authoress*
Authoress: Oh cripes! *runs around in circles throwing pinecones at the people with nets* YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!! *runs off into the distance still screaming*
Yes..well on with the story.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jack stared at his ex-lover, hardly able to believe what his ears had told him. Storm, for her part, was chewing her bottom lip, her arms folded across her chest, apparently trying to look in any direction except his. The twins were completely entranced and flabbergasted. This was something they hadn't expected.
Will, Elizabeth and Anamaria, although surprised, could only look on in amusement. The entire situation just seemed entirely too absurd to be real.
It was obvious that Jack was desperately trying to work this new information through his brain. "I married you." He said at last, he didn't sound like he believed it.
"That is correct," replied Storm wearily, still not looking at him.
Jack seemed to be thinking this over, "so that makes you..."
"Yer wife." Storm finished for him.
"And that makes me.."The pirate pointed to himself.
"My husband."
"So that means that we're.." Jack began, pointing first to Storm and then to himself.
Storm sighed and finally looked at him, "A married couple."
Jack nodded thoughtfully for a moment, staring at the floor. After a minute he looked up, his tone was almost apologetic. "It's still not sinking in."
Will leaned towards Elizabeth, "Here's a sight I never thought I'd live to see." He commented.
"The great Jack Sparrow has finally settled down." Joked his wife, a wide grin on her face.
The couple were both shaking with mirth and had to lean on each other for a moment before they had calmed down.
Jack shot his friends a murderous glance. "Captain. It's /Captain/ Jack Sparrow..and I didn't mean to." He added sulkily.
"Oh thanks," said Storm, sarcasm dripping from her words, "I feel /ever/ so loved now."
The pirate whirled back on the female captain. "How did this happen?" His voice sounded pleading.
"If it's any consolation, Jacky, you were roarin' drunk at the time."
"When is he not?" Interjected Will. Elizabeth elbowed him in the ribs, playfully, but hard enough to quiet him.
Storm put a finger to her lips thoughtfully, musing over old half-forgotten memories, "I remember we were in a tavern...."
"That's no help," remarked Jack, "we were always in taverns."
It wasn't meant as a joke, but it caused Will, Elizabeth and Anamaria to snicker. They managed to stifle it before the two pirates noticed.
"Let me finish," snapped Storm. "We had both had a /lot/ of rum and out of the blue ye asked me to marry ye. Since I was almost as pie-eyed as ye were, I answered 'why not?'. We found a priest or an ex-priest..." Storm paused, "or perhaps it was just a drunk who thought he was a priest.." she shrugged, "Whichever it was, we somehow got married regardless. Ye even gave me one of yer rings."
She brandished one of the rings on her left hand. It was silver and on the surface was a beautiful engraving of a sparrow flying in front of a sunset. It matched Jack's tattoo perfectly.
The pirate leaned close and stared at it in amazement, "I wondered where that went."
Suddenly Anamaria burst into gales of laughter, "Ye got married in a tavern, Captain???"
"Well it is fitting," giggled Elizabeth.
Storm ignored the spectators, "Consequently," she mentioned, looking lazily at her nails, "this took place three nights before you left me."
Elizabeth stopped in mid-chuckle, "You abandoned your own wife?!?" she asked incredulously.
Jack held up his hands helplessly, "I didn't know she was my wife!"
For a long moment Storm, Elizabeth and Anamaria simply glared at the hapless pirate captain. Will was still sniggering in the background.
"If looks could kill," muttered Jack under his breath.
Finn spoke up from the sidelines, "Yer in trouble now, dad." She said casually.
Will glanced at the twins, "These are yours, Jack?"
All eyes turned to Finn and Sam, who grinned widely. Elizabeth's expression softened at the sight of the young girls.
"Hello there," she greeted softly, "my name's Elizabeth, what's yours?"
Finn stuck out a hand, "I'm Finndabhair O'Connor and 'ere's me sister and partner in crime Samantha O'Connor."
Elizabeth wasn't at all surprised by Finn's rough pirate accent but she did stare at the two girls in wonder, "Jack," she nearly whispered, "they have your eyes."
"And Storm's hair," said Jack wearily, "I know."
"It's a pleasure to meet you Finndabhair, Samantha," stated Will, "I wish I'd known sooner that our good friend Jack had two such beautiful daughters."
Sam's eyes twinkled, "I'm sure Jack does too."
Before Will and Elizabeth could let that comment sink in, Finn added, "Oh and please call us Finn and Sam. We're all friends now, after all."
"Well Jack," Storm wandered over to stand beside him, "It's unfortunate that ye don't recall yer weddin' day but..." she glanced slyly at him, "it's even more of a shame that ye don't remember the weddin' night." She nodded towards the twins.
Jack's eyes widened considerably and Finn and Sam refocused on their parents banter.
"Ye mean..."He whispered, his eyes flickered from his daughters and back to his newfound wife.
Storm nodded and leaned forward, "How do you think they were conceived?"
"Oh"
As Jack's brain ground to a complete halt at this latest bit of information (he was desperately trying to remember anything of this apparently incredible night), the twins stepped forward.
"So," breathed one-possibly Sam-hopefully, "We're legitimate?"
Storm was taken aback but smiled slowly after a moment, "Yes, I suppose ye are. I never thought of that before."
Finn and Sam were positively beaming. They linked arms and began twirling around the room, spinning insanely fast and singing "we're not bastards, we're not bastards" at the top of their lungs.
Their mother watched for a minute or two, one eyebrow raised in bemusement.
"And just when I thought I'd seen everythin'.." She said, trailing off.
Jack sighed, "I need a drink."
*
Later, when Will had kindly given Jack a bottle of rum to help him through his shock and Storm was given a tour of the house, Finn and Sam had been introduced to Will and Elizabeth's daughter Anna. Who, they had decided, was extraordinarily boring.
"You want us to play with..dolls?" Finn asked in disbelief, staring listlessly at the frilly pink object in her hand.
"Yes!" said Anna brightly, "aren't they simply precious?!"
"Adorable," replied Sam sarcastically. Anna didn't catch the tone.
"If you like," added the girl in that same syrupy-sweet voice, "we could play princess!"
Finn almost paled at this proclamation, she and her sister stared at each other in horror, this couldn't be happening!
Just at that moment, Elizabeth walked into the room, with Storm in tow. The female captain was listening to the other woman natter on about how she and Will had come by the house and the décor with half an ear. She looked incredibly bored.
At the sight of their mother, Finn and Sam scrambled to their feet and ran up to her, gazing at her beseechingly.
"Mumsy," gasped Finn, her voice seeming a little strained, Storm looked at her daughter in confusion "you know that that..thing..you wanted...us to do?"
Storm wrinkled her forehead; it seemed she was considering the possibility that her daughters had gone completely mad.
"In town," added Sam desperately, "You said, on the ship...you wanted us to go into...town to..."
"Get somethin'!" finished her twin, making the tiniest of nods towards Anna.
Their mother followed the indication to see the prissy girl surrounded by dolls, humming and dressing the toys in even more nauseating outfits. "Oooh," said Storm in sudden comprehension, "The thing.." Sam and Finn nodded vigourously, "Well," proclaimed the captain, "we can't have ye girls shirkin' yer responsabilities, so I want ye to march right out there into town and...do...what I told ye."
"Aye!" cried the twins in relief.
"Now, this...thing..is quite the task and it might take ye til sundown, if ye get my meaning.."said Storm pointedly.
Finn and Sam bobbed their heads and grinned. Moments later they were gone, off into town.
**
Jack was drowning himself in rum. At least, that's what it looked like and really, it wasn't that far from the truth.
He'd done some stupid things before while drunk, but never anything quite like this. Getting married??? How much rum had he had that night?!?
Jack took another swig.
***
Finn and Sam bounced along the road, immensely relieved to not be playing "princess" (A/N: I've had to play "princess" with my little cousin Kahlan before. It's a nightmare, trust me). It was a beautiful day and all the merchants were out with their stalls, just waiting to be stolen from.
The twins stopped at one stall, or actually Finn did, Sam hid in a nearby alley and stood watch.
Finn casually looked over the various pieces of jewellery for sale, eyeing several pairs of earrings. One pair was wrought from silver and had been shaped to look like two snakes hanging down, with open jaws showing tiny fangs and minute sapphires for eyes. The price was astronomical.
Forget that, thought Finn to herself. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched the vendor carefully, waiting for the opportune moment. It came when a plump haughty woman began arguing heatedly over the price of a gold necklace. The merchant was completely distracted as he tried to reason with the impatient aristocrat.
In one quick movement, Finn scooped up the earrings-and several rings she fancied-slipped them into a hidden pocket on the back of her waist-sash and sauntered nonchalantly back to her waiting sister.
Once Finn was in the alley, Sam wandered over to where she had been standing at the stall and commenced looking thoughtful. After a moment she pretended to have changed her mind and walked away.
The fuming merchant soon noticed that some of his wares were missing, and seeing Sam ambling down the street, gave chase.
Although she could hear the man running behind her, Sam pretended not to notice. Seconds later she felt a hand descend upon her shoulder, stopping her in her tracks.
"Alright, lass, turn out your pockets."
Sam put on her best "innocent and scared face" turned around and obediently turned her pockets inside-out. (At least the obvious ones, like Finn, Sam had many many secret pockets all over her clothes, all completely hidden.)
Her assailant seemed shocked to see that the only things her pockets held were a few pennies and some morsels of bread. Turning red he bellowed, "Where are they?! Where are the things you stole??!!"
Now it was time for Sam to truly shine. On cue she burst into tears and sobbed, in her best cockney accent "Please sir, (sob) Oi didn't steal nuffink. Don't (sob) tell moi parents! With mumsy (sob) on 'er deathbed, (sob) Oi don't think she could (sob) take it. It would break 'er blessed 'eart!! (sob) Oh please..."
With that Sam completely broke down. She was a good actress and soon the vendor was withering under the glares of the townspeople who thought he was molesting a poor innocent girl.
As this was taking place, Finn-taking advantage of the diversion-snuck back to the stall and stole a number of gold chains. She didn't really like wearing gold but she knew that they would fetch a very nice price later on.
"My mistake," muttered their unfortunate mark, "on your way girl, my apologies."
"Oh thank ye, sir," gasped Sam, inwardly congragulating herself. It was all she could do to keep from laughing. She turned the mirth into more fake sobs.
The merchant made his way back to his stall, leaving Sam to push through the crowd to another backstreet to meet up with her twin.
"Amazing performance, Sam!" cried Finn, once they were together again.
Just when Finn was about to show her sister the spoils of their little adventure, a figure appeared from the shadows, clapping sofly.
It was a boy. A boy with reddish-brown hair and green eyes, dressed in badly patched breeches and shirt. On his head was a strange swept-back cap with a long red feather in it, jauntily tilted to one side. His mouth was upturned in a roguish, grin. He couldn't have been much older than Finn and Sam.
"Tha' was impressive," he commented, his accent was just as rough as theirs. "I can see why ye dress alike."
"And 'oo would ye be, mate?" questioned Finn, always the bolder of the two.
"Oh sorry," apologized the boy, "Me name's Thomas MacGregor, or Tom if ye like." He swept off his hat, "And what would ye lovely lasses be called?"
The twins smiled and glanced at each other, they liked being called lovely lasses.
"Finndabhair (A/N: remember the pronunciation? It's Finn-ah-veer) O'Connor, but ye may call me Finn."
Sam stepped forward, "Samantha O'Connor, but call me Sam."
Finn pushed a lock of black hair out of her face and studied the boy in front of her, "So Thomas MacGregor," she asked, "what is it that ye want?"
Tom bowed low and when he rose his eyes were twinkling. "Well, miladies, I was just talkin' to me friend Gabriel the other day about the quality of our business partners. We know lots of thieves but none with any of the finesse or beauty that you girls possess..."
Sam smiled and crossed her arms, "get to the point MacGregor."
He nodded and grinned, "Ye're straightforward, I like that. Well, I was wondering if you two would like to join me mate and I for a day's fun. We'd share the profits equally and Gabe and meself could even give you a tour of the port. What do ye say?"
For a brief moment Finn and Sam consulted each other while Tom waited patiently.
At last Finn looked up at him with a wide, lopsided grin, "Throw in dinner and it's a date."
****
Storm wandered into the small dining room of the Turner's house. There was Jack, seated at the table, bottles strewn haphazardly around him. She leaned in the doorway, watching him drink himself into oblivion.
When he caught sight of her, she smirked, "Trying to recreate your wedding day?" She jibed.
The pirate sighed, "I still can't believe it."
Storm padded up to him and leaned her elbows on the table, leveling her gaze with Jack's, "What's to believe?"
"Well for one thing," blurted Jack, "I can't really keep livin' the way I'm used to, can I?"
Storm burst out laughing, "Jack," she said once she'd calmed down, "ye've been married to me for twelve years! Has it really affected the way ye behave?"
"No.."Jack admitted, "but I didn't know I was married!"
"I knew, do you think it changed my behaviour at all? You know me well enough, Jack."
The female captain slid into a chair beside him, "Our marriage is meaningless, it was a stupid thing we did while sozzled out of our minds."
Jack thought this over, "but it still happened." He said at last.
Storm raised one eyebrow, "Let's go over this shall we. There are two parts to marriage," she held up two fingers, "The religious and the legal. One: yer an athiest and I'm an agnostic, I doubt very highly that God-if he exists-gives a damn about our lives. This takes care of the religious aspect. Two: we never bought a marriage licence or had our wedding recorded so I don't think the law is a factor. Besides, when have you cared about the legal aspect in anything?"
Jack chuckled, "ye've got a point O'Connor."
He stared absently at the bottle of rum in his hand. After a moment he gave Storm a sly, sidelong glance, "I bet I can still drink ye under the table."
Eyes narrowed, Storm picked up one of the bottles, opened it and drained half of it in one gulp. With a wink she replied, "Yer on."
*****
It turned out that Thomas MacGregor had once been the son of a powerful- though now deceased-pirate captain, and Gabriel was the son of one of Captain MacGregor's crew.
"What 'appened to them?" asked Sam as she, Finn, Tom and Tom's friend Gabriel walked along the crowded street, occasionally picking pockets or robbing unattended stalls.
"Got 'anged," answered Tom, deftly stealing a few coins out of an aristocrat's purse and throwing them into a blind beggar's cup. "In this port actually."
Finn was shocked, "then why do ye stay 'ere?"
He shrugged, "got nowhere else to go."
" 'E and I have tried getting' jobs as cabin-boys," added Gabriel, "but no one wants to 'ire some pirate's brats, as they call us."
"Ugh, those navy bastards!" Growled Finn.
"So 'ow long 'ave ye been on the streets?" asked Tom.
Finn and Sam looked at each other, "We 'aven't," they replied in unison.
They proceeded to tell the boys about their parents, their uncle and their whole adventure. Tom and Gabe looked impressed to hear about their heritage.
"Yer parents are Captain Jack Sparrow and Storm O'Connor?" Tom whistled, "Not bad."
The twins smiled proudly as they stole a few apples off a sleeping vendor's cart.
"Yer lucky, ye know," added Gabriel, "To 'ave two such powerful parents /and/ that they're both still free and alive."
"We know," said Sam, glancing at her sister, "we know."
****
Two hours later Jack and Storm were completely hammered. However, despite the loss of brain cells or perhaps because of the loss of brain cells, neither would admit defeat. Although the conversation was becoming increasingly bizarre.
"Why is it," slurred Storm, "that we call potatos, potatos? I mean, do they even have toes?"
Jack was having a hard time focusing, forcing him to squint at the female pirate sitting beside him, "What about tomatos?"
Storm scowled and slammed a fist down on the table surface, "Don't even get me started on the tomatos." Her eyes crossed, "Stop that Jack, there's two of ye.
Jack smirked triumphantly and pointed a finger at Storm, "You, yer yer...yer drunk, love." He stuttered.
Storm winked at pointed at her head, "Drunk like a fox!"
As Jack was trying to work this peculiar statement through his mind he abruptly and unceremoniously slid off his chair and under the table.
"Ha!" cried Storm victoriously, "I knew I could outdrink ye, ye pretentious bastard!"
"Do ye even know what pretentious means?" came Jack's voice from somewhere around Storm's feet.
"I did once," replied Storm thoughtfully. Out of nowhere she burst into giggles, "Heh heh, pretentious. Whooooo!" This last exclamation came as Storm slipped off her own chair.
After that everything became a blur.
**
It was long past sundown when Finn and Sam returned. They were a bit giddy from their day. After Thomas and Gabriel had shown them a buyer for their spoils of the day they had built a fire and celebrated with a tasty stolen dinner of bread, cheese, apples and a bottle of rum.
Thomas had played the fiddle and Finn and Sam had accompanied him with their voices, singing many irish ditties that their mother had taught them.
/Cause it's no nay never,
No nay never no more!
I will be a wild rover,
Nay never no mooooore!/
The four sang as they walked back, Tom and Gabe had insisted on escorting them.
When they reached the Turner's house, they felt a little saddened, this could be the last time that they ever saw each other. Who knew when Finn and Sam would be in Port Royal again.
One by one they embraced each other, whispering "Good luck!"
"Don't worry," said Finn as she hugged Tom, "We'll be back someday."
"I know ye will be."
*
The next morning Storm woke in a strange bed, half-dressed with a completely blank memory of the night before. Not a strange occurrence for her, really. Neither was the sensation of an arm draped possessively over her hips.
Just another day in the life of Captain Storm O'Connor.
She stretched luxuriously and rolled over to meet her latest bedmate. Her jaw nearly dropped when she saw the kohl-lined eyes, dreadlocks and sparrow tattoo.
"Good morning, love." Greeted Jack with a wink.
"Oh, shit."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: Heh heh heh, bet you didn't see that coming..or maybe you did. Meh. Oh and just for the record Storm isn't a whore, she's just...liberated. She doesn't sleep with every guy she meets just when she gets drunk...things..you know, happen.
Anyway, I was kind of hoping to write a more detailed version of Finn and Sam's day but this chapter was getting seriously long so I decided against it. Maybe I'll add something in later.
Well, I'm out for another week, don't forget to REVIEW or I send Jack the monkey after you! Mwahahahaha *spots men in white coats* OH CRAP!!! I thought I got rid of those guys!!!! *runs off into the next chapter*
Lol, just kidding. I bet my american readers don't have a bloody clue what I'm talking about anyway, don't worry it's not important..well it..might be..for me...psh I can survive without history...can't I? *Shifty eyes*
Anyway here's the next chapter. I have soooooooo many ideas for this story *grins* I can't wait to write the later chapters! Well anyway I should be focusing on this one, it's going to be very funny. Ah, I love torturing my characters. On to the thanking of reviewers. I got so many this time! *Does little happy dance*
Dreamgirl21147: Mwahahaha don't I feel powerful now! *Laughs manically for a while then stops after noticing that everyone is staring at her funny* ahem.yes..Well thanx for the quick review and don't worry, there will be lots more.
Hummer: Hey! A new reviewer! *huggles* welcome to Storm on the High Seas! And in answer to your question...yes, Jack is drunk most of his life. Lol.
Anaknusan: Another new reviewer!!! *huggles again* Happiness in a bottle, eh? *strokes non-existent goatee* Lol, that's a new one! Oh and thanx for wishing me luck, it was nice to know that someone far away was rooting for me. Anyway, here's a deal, you keep reviewing my fic, and I keep reviewing yours. Do we have an accord?
Random Character: Oh stop your grumbling Random, if it'll make you feel better, I'll write an insane parody sometime and throw you in there. Then you can be a rabid Will fangirl. You might even get to kill Elizabeth if you really want to. Ugh exams. Well actually they were kinda fun, at least all the times we spent /not/ in the exam room...ah Kenzie and his crazy dancing...Hey you still have your french exam on Monday or Tuesday, good luck on that. I'm done! *sticks out tongue* Who's na na naing now? Lol, j/k you know that. Keep reviewing!
Perpetual Masquerade: Although disturbing wasn't exactly what I was going for, I'm glad you liked it *feels proud* Keep reviewing! I love hearing from you!
Jen/Draca: Hee hee hee, cliffies are fun! Plus they annoy you, so that's an added bonus! You and the lion king, I swear you're obsessed! Lol I'LL SAVE YOU SIMBA!! That photo's going to come back to haunt you later, I promise *evil grin*. Ah, memories...
Disclaimer:Grrrrr I hate you disclaimer! YOU KNOW WHAT??? I DO OWN POTC!!!!!!! DAMN STRAIGHT!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! *people in white coats carrying nets start chasing the crazed authoress*
Authoress: Oh cripes! *runs around in circles throwing pinecones at the people with nets* YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!! *runs off into the distance still screaming*
Yes..well on with the story.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jack stared at his ex-lover, hardly able to believe what his ears had told him. Storm, for her part, was chewing her bottom lip, her arms folded across her chest, apparently trying to look in any direction except his. The twins were completely entranced and flabbergasted. This was something they hadn't expected.
Will, Elizabeth and Anamaria, although surprised, could only look on in amusement. The entire situation just seemed entirely too absurd to be real.
It was obvious that Jack was desperately trying to work this new information through his brain. "I married you." He said at last, he didn't sound like he believed it.
"That is correct," replied Storm wearily, still not looking at him.
Jack seemed to be thinking this over, "so that makes you..."
"Yer wife." Storm finished for him.
"And that makes me.."The pirate pointed to himself.
"My husband."
"So that means that we're.." Jack began, pointing first to Storm and then to himself.
Storm sighed and finally looked at him, "A married couple."
Jack nodded thoughtfully for a moment, staring at the floor. After a minute he looked up, his tone was almost apologetic. "It's still not sinking in."
Will leaned towards Elizabeth, "Here's a sight I never thought I'd live to see." He commented.
"The great Jack Sparrow has finally settled down." Joked his wife, a wide grin on her face.
The couple were both shaking with mirth and had to lean on each other for a moment before they had calmed down.
Jack shot his friends a murderous glance. "Captain. It's /Captain/ Jack Sparrow..and I didn't mean to." He added sulkily.
"Oh thanks," said Storm, sarcasm dripping from her words, "I feel /ever/ so loved now."
The pirate whirled back on the female captain. "How did this happen?" His voice sounded pleading.
"If it's any consolation, Jacky, you were roarin' drunk at the time."
"When is he not?" Interjected Will. Elizabeth elbowed him in the ribs, playfully, but hard enough to quiet him.
Storm put a finger to her lips thoughtfully, musing over old half-forgotten memories, "I remember we were in a tavern...."
"That's no help," remarked Jack, "we were always in taverns."
It wasn't meant as a joke, but it caused Will, Elizabeth and Anamaria to snicker. They managed to stifle it before the two pirates noticed.
"Let me finish," snapped Storm. "We had both had a /lot/ of rum and out of the blue ye asked me to marry ye. Since I was almost as pie-eyed as ye were, I answered 'why not?'. We found a priest or an ex-priest..." Storm paused, "or perhaps it was just a drunk who thought he was a priest.." she shrugged, "Whichever it was, we somehow got married regardless. Ye even gave me one of yer rings."
She brandished one of the rings on her left hand. It was silver and on the surface was a beautiful engraving of a sparrow flying in front of a sunset. It matched Jack's tattoo perfectly.
The pirate leaned close and stared at it in amazement, "I wondered where that went."
Suddenly Anamaria burst into gales of laughter, "Ye got married in a tavern, Captain???"
"Well it is fitting," giggled Elizabeth.
Storm ignored the spectators, "Consequently," she mentioned, looking lazily at her nails, "this took place three nights before you left me."
Elizabeth stopped in mid-chuckle, "You abandoned your own wife?!?" she asked incredulously.
Jack held up his hands helplessly, "I didn't know she was my wife!"
For a long moment Storm, Elizabeth and Anamaria simply glared at the hapless pirate captain. Will was still sniggering in the background.
"If looks could kill," muttered Jack under his breath.
Finn spoke up from the sidelines, "Yer in trouble now, dad." She said casually.
Will glanced at the twins, "These are yours, Jack?"
All eyes turned to Finn and Sam, who grinned widely. Elizabeth's expression softened at the sight of the young girls.
"Hello there," she greeted softly, "my name's Elizabeth, what's yours?"
Finn stuck out a hand, "I'm Finndabhair O'Connor and 'ere's me sister and partner in crime Samantha O'Connor."
Elizabeth wasn't at all surprised by Finn's rough pirate accent but she did stare at the two girls in wonder, "Jack," she nearly whispered, "they have your eyes."
"And Storm's hair," said Jack wearily, "I know."
"It's a pleasure to meet you Finndabhair, Samantha," stated Will, "I wish I'd known sooner that our good friend Jack had two such beautiful daughters."
Sam's eyes twinkled, "I'm sure Jack does too."
Before Will and Elizabeth could let that comment sink in, Finn added, "Oh and please call us Finn and Sam. We're all friends now, after all."
"Well Jack," Storm wandered over to stand beside him, "It's unfortunate that ye don't recall yer weddin' day but..." she glanced slyly at him, "it's even more of a shame that ye don't remember the weddin' night." She nodded towards the twins.
Jack's eyes widened considerably and Finn and Sam refocused on their parents banter.
"Ye mean..."He whispered, his eyes flickered from his daughters and back to his newfound wife.
Storm nodded and leaned forward, "How do you think they were conceived?"
"Oh"
As Jack's brain ground to a complete halt at this latest bit of information (he was desperately trying to remember anything of this apparently incredible night), the twins stepped forward.
"So," breathed one-possibly Sam-hopefully, "We're legitimate?"
Storm was taken aback but smiled slowly after a moment, "Yes, I suppose ye are. I never thought of that before."
Finn and Sam were positively beaming. They linked arms and began twirling around the room, spinning insanely fast and singing "we're not bastards, we're not bastards" at the top of their lungs.
Their mother watched for a minute or two, one eyebrow raised in bemusement.
"And just when I thought I'd seen everythin'.." She said, trailing off.
Jack sighed, "I need a drink."
*
Later, when Will had kindly given Jack a bottle of rum to help him through his shock and Storm was given a tour of the house, Finn and Sam had been introduced to Will and Elizabeth's daughter Anna. Who, they had decided, was extraordinarily boring.
"You want us to play with..dolls?" Finn asked in disbelief, staring listlessly at the frilly pink object in her hand.
"Yes!" said Anna brightly, "aren't they simply precious?!"
"Adorable," replied Sam sarcastically. Anna didn't catch the tone.
"If you like," added the girl in that same syrupy-sweet voice, "we could play princess!"
Finn almost paled at this proclamation, she and her sister stared at each other in horror, this couldn't be happening!
Just at that moment, Elizabeth walked into the room, with Storm in tow. The female captain was listening to the other woman natter on about how she and Will had come by the house and the décor with half an ear. She looked incredibly bored.
At the sight of their mother, Finn and Sam scrambled to their feet and ran up to her, gazing at her beseechingly.
"Mumsy," gasped Finn, her voice seeming a little strained, Storm looked at her daughter in confusion "you know that that..thing..you wanted...us to do?"
Storm wrinkled her forehead; it seemed she was considering the possibility that her daughters had gone completely mad.
"In town," added Sam desperately, "You said, on the ship...you wanted us to go into...town to..."
"Get somethin'!" finished her twin, making the tiniest of nods towards Anna.
Their mother followed the indication to see the prissy girl surrounded by dolls, humming and dressing the toys in even more nauseating outfits. "Oooh," said Storm in sudden comprehension, "The thing.." Sam and Finn nodded vigourously, "Well," proclaimed the captain, "we can't have ye girls shirkin' yer responsabilities, so I want ye to march right out there into town and...do...what I told ye."
"Aye!" cried the twins in relief.
"Now, this...thing..is quite the task and it might take ye til sundown, if ye get my meaning.."said Storm pointedly.
Finn and Sam bobbed their heads and grinned. Moments later they were gone, off into town.
**
Jack was drowning himself in rum. At least, that's what it looked like and really, it wasn't that far from the truth.
He'd done some stupid things before while drunk, but never anything quite like this. Getting married??? How much rum had he had that night?!?
Jack took another swig.
***
Finn and Sam bounced along the road, immensely relieved to not be playing "princess" (A/N: I've had to play "princess" with my little cousin Kahlan before. It's a nightmare, trust me). It was a beautiful day and all the merchants were out with their stalls, just waiting to be stolen from.
The twins stopped at one stall, or actually Finn did, Sam hid in a nearby alley and stood watch.
Finn casually looked over the various pieces of jewellery for sale, eyeing several pairs of earrings. One pair was wrought from silver and had been shaped to look like two snakes hanging down, with open jaws showing tiny fangs and minute sapphires for eyes. The price was astronomical.
Forget that, thought Finn to herself. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched the vendor carefully, waiting for the opportune moment. It came when a plump haughty woman began arguing heatedly over the price of a gold necklace. The merchant was completely distracted as he tried to reason with the impatient aristocrat.
In one quick movement, Finn scooped up the earrings-and several rings she fancied-slipped them into a hidden pocket on the back of her waist-sash and sauntered nonchalantly back to her waiting sister.
Once Finn was in the alley, Sam wandered over to where she had been standing at the stall and commenced looking thoughtful. After a moment she pretended to have changed her mind and walked away.
The fuming merchant soon noticed that some of his wares were missing, and seeing Sam ambling down the street, gave chase.
Although she could hear the man running behind her, Sam pretended not to notice. Seconds later she felt a hand descend upon her shoulder, stopping her in her tracks.
"Alright, lass, turn out your pockets."
Sam put on her best "innocent and scared face" turned around and obediently turned her pockets inside-out. (At least the obvious ones, like Finn, Sam had many many secret pockets all over her clothes, all completely hidden.)
Her assailant seemed shocked to see that the only things her pockets held were a few pennies and some morsels of bread. Turning red he bellowed, "Where are they?! Where are the things you stole??!!"
Now it was time for Sam to truly shine. On cue she burst into tears and sobbed, in her best cockney accent "Please sir, (sob) Oi didn't steal nuffink. Don't (sob) tell moi parents! With mumsy (sob) on 'er deathbed, (sob) Oi don't think she could (sob) take it. It would break 'er blessed 'eart!! (sob) Oh please..."
With that Sam completely broke down. She was a good actress and soon the vendor was withering under the glares of the townspeople who thought he was molesting a poor innocent girl.
As this was taking place, Finn-taking advantage of the diversion-snuck back to the stall and stole a number of gold chains. She didn't really like wearing gold but she knew that they would fetch a very nice price later on.
"My mistake," muttered their unfortunate mark, "on your way girl, my apologies."
"Oh thank ye, sir," gasped Sam, inwardly congragulating herself. It was all she could do to keep from laughing. She turned the mirth into more fake sobs.
The merchant made his way back to his stall, leaving Sam to push through the crowd to another backstreet to meet up with her twin.
"Amazing performance, Sam!" cried Finn, once they were together again.
Just when Finn was about to show her sister the spoils of their little adventure, a figure appeared from the shadows, clapping sofly.
It was a boy. A boy with reddish-brown hair and green eyes, dressed in badly patched breeches and shirt. On his head was a strange swept-back cap with a long red feather in it, jauntily tilted to one side. His mouth was upturned in a roguish, grin. He couldn't have been much older than Finn and Sam.
"Tha' was impressive," he commented, his accent was just as rough as theirs. "I can see why ye dress alike."
"And 'oo would ye be, mate?" questioned Finn, always the bolder of the two.
"Oh sorry," apologized the boy, "Me name's Thomas MacGregor, or Tom if ye like." He swept off his hat, "And what would ye lovely lasses be called?"
The twins smiled and glanced at each other, they liked being called lovely lasses.
"Finndabhair (A/N: remember the pronunciation? It's Finn-ah-veer) O'Connor, but ye may call me Finn."
Sam stepped forward, "Samantha O'Connor, but call me Sam."
Finn pushed a lock of black hair out of her face and studied the boy in front of her, "So Thomas MacGregor," she asked, "what is it that ye want?"
Tom bowed low and when he rose his eyes were twinkling. "Well, miladies, I was just talkin' to me friend Gabriel the other day about the quality of our business partners. We know lots of thieves but none with any of the finesse or beauty that you girls possess..."
Sam smiled and crossed her arms, "get to the point MacGregor."
He nodded and grinned, "Ye're straightforward, I like that. Well, I was wondering if you two would like to join me mate and I for a day's fun. We'd share the profits equally and Gabe and meself could even give you a tour of the port. What do ye say?"
For a brief moment Finn and Sam consulted each other while Tom waited patiently.
At last Finn looked up at him with a wide, lopsided grin, "Throw in dinner and it's a date."
****
Storm wandered into the small dining room of the Turner's house. There was Jack, seated at the table, bottles strewn haphazardly around him. She leaned in the doorway, watching him drink himself into oblivion.
When he caught sight of her, she smirked, "Trying to recreate your wedding day?" She jibed.
The pirate sighed, "I still can't believe it."
Storm padded up to him and leaned her elbows on the table, leveling her gaze with Jack's, "What's to believe?"
"Well for one thing," blurted Jack, "I can't really keep livin' the way I'm used to, can I?"
Storm burst out laughing, "Jack," she said once she'd calmed down, "ye've been married to me for twelve years! Has it really affected the way ye behave?"
"No.."Jack admitted, "but I didn't know I was married!"
"I knew, do you think it changed my behaviour at all? You know me well enough, Jack."
The female captain slid into a chair beside him, "Our marriage is meaningless, it was a stupid thing we did while sozzled out of our minds."
Jack thought this over, "but it still happened." He said at last.
Storm raised one eyebrow, "Let's go over this shall we. There are two parts to marriage," she held up two fingers, "The religious and the legal. One: yer an athiest and I'm an agnostic, I doubt very highly that God-if he exists-gives a damn about our lives. This takes care of the religious aspect. Two: we never bought a marriage licence or had our wedding recorded so I don't think the law is a factor. Besides, when have you cared about the legal aspect in anything?"
Jack chuckled, "ye've got a point O'Connor."
He stared absently at the bottle of rum in his hand. After a moment he gave Storm a sly, sidelong glance, "I bet I can still drink ye under the table."
Eyes narrowed, Storm picked up one of the bottles, opened it and drained half of it in one gulp. With a wink she replied, "Yer on."
*****
It turned out that Thomas MacGregor had once been the son of a powerful- though now deceased-pirate captain, and Gabriel was the son of one of Captain MacGregor's crew.
"What 'appened to them?" asked Sam as she, Finn, Tom and Tom's friend Gabriel walked along the crowded street, occasionally picking pockets or robbing unattended stalls.
"Got 'anged," answered Tom, deftly stealing a few coins out of an aristocrat's purse and throwing them into a blind beggar's cup. "In this port actually."
Finn was shocked, "then why do ye stay 'ere?"
He shrugged, "got nowhere else to go."
" 'E and I have tried getting' jobs as cabin-boys," added Gabriel, "but no one wants to 'ire some pirate's brats, as they call us."
"Ugh, those navy bastards!" Growled Finn.
"So 'ow long 'ave ye been on the streets?" asked Tom.
Finn and Sam looked at each other, "We 'aven't," they replied in unison.
They proceeded to tell the boys about their parents, their uncle and their whole adventure. Tom and Gabe looked impressed to hear about their heritage.
"Yer parents are Captain Jack Sparrow and Storm O'Connor?" Tom whistled, "Not bad."
The twins smiled proudly as they stole a few apples off a sleeping vendor's cart.
"Yer lucky, ye know," added Gabriel, "To 'ave two such powerful parents /and/ that they're both still free and alive."
"We know," said Sam, glancing at her sister, "we know."
****
Two hours later Jack and Storm were completely hammered. However, despite the loss of brain cells or perhaps because of the loss of brain cells, neither would admit defeat. Although the conversation was becoming increasingly bizarre.
"Why is it," slurred Storm, "that we call potatos, potatos? I mean, do they even have toes?"
Jack was having a hard time focusing, forcing him to squint at the female pirate sitting beside him, "What about tomatos?"
Storm scowled and slammed a fist down on the table surface, "Don't even get me started on the tomatos." Her eyes crossed, "Stop that Jack, there's two of ye.
Jack smirked triumphantly and pointed a finger at Storm, "You, yer yer...yer drunk, love." He stuttered.
Storm winked at pointed at her head, "Drunk like a fox!"
As Jack was trying to work this peculiar statement through his mind he abruptly and unceremoniously slid off his chair and under the table.
"Ha!" cried Storm victoriously, "I knew I could outdrink ye, ye pretentious bastard!"
"Do ye even know what pretentious means?" came Jack's voice from somewhere around Storm's feet.
"I did once," replied Storm thoughtfully. Out of nowhere she burst into giggles, "Heh heh, pretentious. Whooooo!" This last exclamation came as Storm slipped off her own chair.
After that everything became a blur.
**
It was long past sundown when Finn and Sam returned. They were a bit giddy from their day. After Thomas and Gabriel had shown them a buyer for their spoils of the day they had built a fire and celebrated with a tasty stolen dinner of bread, cheese, apples and a bottle of rum.
Thomas had played the fiddle and Finn and Sam had accompanied him with their voices, singing many irish ditties that their mother had taught them.
/Cause it's no nay never,
No nay never no more!
I will be a wild rover,
Nay never no mooooore!/
The four sang as they walked back, Tom and Gabe had insisted on escorting them.
When they reached the Turner's house, they felt a little saddened, this could be the last time that they ever saw each other. Who knew when Finn and Sam would be in Port Royal again.
One by one they embraced each other, whispering "Good luck!"
"Don't worry," said Finn as she hugged Tom, "We'll be back someday."
"I know ye will be."
*
The next morning Storm woke in a strange bed, half-dressed with a completely blank memory of the night before. Not a strange occurrence for her, really. Neither was the sensation of an arm draped possessively over her hips.
Just another day in the life of Captain Storm O'Connor.
She stretched luxuriously and rolled over to meet her latest bedmate. Her jaw nearly dropped when she saw the kohl-lined eyes, dreadlocks and sparrow tattoo.
"Good morning, love." Greeted Jack with a wink.
"Oh, shit."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: Heh heh heh, bet you didn't see that coming..or maybe you did. Meh. Oh and just for the record Storm isn't a whore, she's just...liberated. She doesn't sleep with every guy she meets just when she gets drunk...things..you know, happen.
Anyway, I was kind of hoping to write a more detailed version of Finn and Sam's day but this chapter was getting seriously long so I decided against it. Maybe I'll add something in later.
Well, I'm out for another week, don't forget to REVIEW or I send Jack the monkey after you! Mwahahahaha *spots men in white coats* OH CRAP!!! I thought I got rid of those guys!!!! *runs off into the next chapter*
