Disclaimer: I still don't own these characters. Anyone who thinks I do...well, thank you for the vote of confidence and then go buy a TV :)

A/N: Thanks once again to stoney321 for the beta...love ya hun!

Also, I'm not a Riley fan. I really am not a Riley fan. But I've tried, hard, not to allow that to colour my writing too much. Believe me, if I had my way Riley would spontaniously implode, but it's been pointed out that that's a very biased way of looking at the character... ;)

Also, I am following a specific interpretation of the events of As You Were (that actually makes sense to me, as the episode does not). You can find it here: www(dot)livejournal(dot)com(backslash)users(backslash)theohara(backslash)162286(dot)html(numbersign)cutid1

(the things in brackets are symbols...links don't seem to work for some reason...)


Chapter 12

Everyone sat uncomfortably in the kitchen again, this time with the addition of Buffy. There was no yelling from the other room. Hank knew that the near silence was worse.

When Sam had asked her question Riley had, to his credit, given a straight answer. Yes, he had been keeping tabs on Buffy. Yes, he had grown especially interested when he found out about Spike.

"Even if he's not the Doctor he's into something! He's evil, Sam!"

Sam had looked reflective for a moment and then turned to everyone in the room. "Is there someplace private? I need to have a word with my husband."

Hank had stepped in. "I need some help in the kitchen…why don't you two just stay here." Everyone had followed him.

The silence was growing unbearable.

Willow broke it. "What did they mean about Spike?"

Buffy looked down. She focused on the hole in the table. "How'd that get there?"

Silence.

Willow tried again. "Buf—"

Buffy looked up, slightly desperate. "Wil…not now, okay?"

Willow tightened her lips. "I have homework." She headed for the stairs, going through the dining room so as to avoid Mr. and Mrs. America and their marital issues. Buffy caught up to her at the top of the stairs.

"Look, Wil, I—"

Willow turned. "Buffy, don't bother, okay. I don't want more excuses or walls or attempts to get me sidetracked. You don't trust me anymore. Fine. I guess I earned that." Willow tried to smile.

Buffy's eyes watered. "No! That's not it I—"

Willow turned towards her room. She turned back suddenly. "You know, I don't know why I expected anything different! I mean, this is just like with Angel, and now we're talking about a possible dead boyfriend number two and you still won't tell me anything! All you do is say things like 'not now' and 'you wouldn't understand' and of course I don't understand because you won't tell me and…I really have to do my homework now." Willow turned back towards her door. She was stopped by what Buffy said next.

"I'm sleeping with Spike."

Beat.

"I—well, I was. I don't know what's happening now. I…I hurt him, Wil. I hurt him and Dawn and…" She stopped talking. Willow could hear her trying not to cry.

She turned back to her friend. "Oh, Buf, I—"

"Don't tell me it's okay! Don't tell me you forgive me or that it's momentary insanity or some result of being back from the dead. It's not any of those things!"

Willow paused, smiling sadly. "I wasn't going to say any of those things. All I wanted to say is…I'm glad you told me."

Buffy stared for a moment. Willow stood, just out of reach, smiling sadly back at her best friend. Buffy lunged into a hug.

"Oh, god, Wil!" She clenched her friend tightly. "I was so afraid to tell you and…I've missed you! Not talking to you! But after the spell and the accident and…"

Willow clenched her eyes closed, hugging her friend back. "Buf, you don't have to explain. I lost your trust. But I'm going to get it back."

They stood at the top of the stairs for a moment longer before breaking their embrace. Buffy wiped tears away. Willow decided to broach the subject.

"When did it start? You and…you and Spike?"

Buffy took a deep breath, steeling herself. "Right after all the singing. I…I wanted to die and he helped me. Made me feel…something." She looked down at her hands. "I used him."

Willow decided to go for a supportive and non-judgmental hand squeeze.

"Now…I have no idea where we stand. We haven't talked since I…and I couldn't tell anyone but she found out and she forgave me, even though I asked her not to and…"

Willow squeezed again. Buffy smiled at her. "I'm skipping parts, aren't I?"

"I'm missing some proper nouns."

"I—I beat him up."

Willow smiled. "Anything else?"

Buffy shook her head. "You don't understand, Wil. This was different. I beat him so he couldn't, wouldn't, get up again. I left him there in that alley and when I walked away I didn't care if the sun came up on him lying there. How do you come back from that?"

"Well…do you want a relationship again? Do you want to try and…" Willow stopped, frowning. "You're right, Buffy. How do you come back from that?"

"I don't even know if I want to." She stuttered for a second. "Not that I don't want to make it better…if I can, but I don't know about our relationship. It…" Buffy stopped and thought. "He told me once that if he couldn't have all of me then he didn't want to keep seeing me."

Willow tried to wrap her mind around the idea of Spike telling Buffy he didn't want her.

"I don't think he can have all of me. I don't know if there's an all of me to have. I have a hard time trusting. I mean…they keep leaving, you know?"

Willow put an arm around her friend. She didn't understand a lot of what Buffy was going through because, hey, still looking forward to death number one, but she did know what to say.

"But Buffy…sometimes they come back."

Buffy looked up at her friend and smiled.


Hank watched Spike carefully. The man…pire was staring forlornly at the hole he had made in the table.

"She din' even blame it on me," he said.

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Spike, don't start the mopey puppy thing again, okay? It was damaging enough to your image the first time round."

Spike looked sharply at her and then sighed. "My image is damaged beyond repair, Bit. Here I sit, William the Bloody, waiting in the kitchen politely for a bloke I hate to have it out with the wifey. I should be in there watching the fun." He looked wistfully at the door.

Hank watched his daughter and her friend banter. He didn't quite know what to make of the man sitting at the table. Spike clearly cared for the girls, but…a vampire? Didn't they…kill young women in pale, flowing nightdresses as they posed romantically on balconies?…and other vampirey things. Hank decided that after he learned more about vampires then what he had seen in Dracula, he needed to spend some time with Spike. Have some heart to hearts. Find out what made the guy tick…spend some time.

Xander and Anya's wedding was in a week…perhaps they could get drinks after the rehearsal dinner? He'd have to run his idea by Dawn. This dinner thing, which she'd thought was a fantastic idea, had not quite turned out as planned.

The kitchen door opened and Riley walked in, looking a little shamed.

"Sam and I are going to take off. We still have to bag this doctor guy."

Hank put on his best smile and tried not to let his overwhelming dislike for the man colour his feelings. In all fairness he probably wasn't a bad guy…they hadn't met under the best of circumstances.

Hank stuck out his hand and Riley shook it. "Thanks for stopping by."

Riley half-smiled. "Well, I had a great time. We'll have to do it again real soon."

"You going to be okay in the car?" Hank asked.

Riley blushed. "Yeah. Sam and I are okay. After a little corporal punishment things'll be fine…"

Dawn made a choking noise as Hank raised his eyebrows.

Riley looked more embarrassed. "That didn't quite come out right." He looked around the kitchen. "Buffy here? I wanted to say goodbye."

Spike looked up from where he had been paying very close attention to his fingernails. "She went upstairs with Red. Now be about your merry way, Crew Cut." Spike made a flicking gesture with his fingers.

Riley's jaw tightened. "Remember what I said the day I left? It still stands."

Spike raised an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah?" He stood up. "Then get to it, Cardboard. Right here, in front of the Bit and her dad. Make sure it's a real stake this time."

Riley clenched his jaw and Spike took a step forward. He lowered his voice. "And what I said still stands. This chip? Once it's gone—"

"You guys are so lame." Dawn gave both of them a disgusted look. "I know you're both manly men, or whatever, but could you cut the macho act? I just ate. Besides, it looks from this angle like there's some unresolved sexual tension."

Spike and Riley both looked horrified.

Hank tried hard not to grin. Dawn shrugged. "What?"

Riley took control of his facial expression and turned to Hank. "Tell Buffy I said 'bye." He left the room without looking at Spike.

Dawn giggled. "Did you see how fast he left? Guys are all the same."

Spike turned to her, still horrified. "I wouldn't touch Cardboard with a ten-foot pole!"

Dawn stifled her smile. Spike was such an easy mark. "Of course."


Buffy sat in the kitchen, finishing off the remains of the paella. She looked up as her father came in.

"I didn't get to enjoy much at dinner," she said, in response to his questioning look.

Hank quirked his lip. "I wonder why."

Buffy looked down at her food. "Sometimes I think that the men in my life are actively trying to make me crazy. It's almost like they meet in some big room and plan this stuff." She looked up at her father. "I mean, Riley and Spike at the same table after I've slept with both of them? Throw in Angel and Parker and you've got a full set."

Hank didn't know what to say. At least she can name them all, he thought before chastising himself. He wanted full disclosure. He was getting it. Lucky me.

"And Riley left. Again." She pushed some paella across the plate. "At least he said goodbye this time."

"He did," said Hank. "After he and Spike has some kind of pissing contest."

Buffy looked up with a half-smile. "I'll bet they did."

After a moment of reflective silence Buffy suddenly growled. "What is it with them! Is it me? Is there something about me that makes men leave? And then once they've gone they come back and do things 'for my own good.' I mean, Angel and I pretty much couldn't be together, but we were trying and then, ' 'Bye, Buffy!' he's gone to LA. But that doesn't stop him from poking his nose in from time to time to 'check up on me.' At least Parker just left. Of course, it was of the 'wam, bam, thanks Buffy…see you around' variety of leaving.

"And then there's Riley. He was supposed to be the normal one. But he fights demons too, starts to like them too much and leaves after getting sucked on by some vampy prostitutes, only to come back and decide I shouldn't be with guy number four, who is the only one who hasn't left, only his idea of a romantic evening is getting punched in the nose over a shot of Jack Daniels and blood and then having some fun on the balcony at the Bronze…"

Buffy looked up at her father's briefly horrified face and quickly covered, "…with dancing." The look didn't go away, so Buffy decided to continue. "So, the question I have is…do they always leave? Can I expect Spike to take off in the near future? Because so far that's the pattern. It's like Sunnydale is a stop for all meddling, drifter boyfriends." Buffy resumed pushing food around her plate.

Hank wasn't quite sure what to say. His little girl…she'd gone through so much, and…all the men in her life left? Well, they'd already had a path laid out for them.

Hank didn't know what to think about her various boyfriends. They were a mixed bag, to be sure. And now he wasn't sure he liked any of them. Drinks with Spike was happening sooner rather than later.

He wondered if she thought he was meddling? And he knew he was wondering because he didn't want to think about the other thing. All the men in her life left. All of them. Beginning with him.