Lchan: Okay, I'm sorry Choco-san, for the last chapter. I guess you WERE kinda right. Okay, scratch the 'kinda'. You were right. It WAS kinda hard to believe, ne? Gomen, gomen. And I'll try to make the sentences less complicated—I just have this thing for really long sentences, see? Well, let's hope I'll be able to make up for that in this chapter, and maybe offer some explanations. Of course, this might also further your disappointment, so I'm saying sorry in advance.
You know, people, if you read slowly, then maybe you can understand better too—or read it twice. No one's forcing you to. This is just a bit of help from me, okay? I'm not just being defensive. And when it comes to the POV's there are still feelings there, you know. Like the last chapter, Kenshin was kinda shocked so his thoughts are a little jumbled—and in this chapter, Kaoru is humiliated, okay? So she's kinda panicked and angry.
Well, enjoy anyway, peeps!! I still love you.
Counter Strike
-Kicked Out
—Sano's—POV—
Who is she kidding!?!?
I mean I know she has feelings for Kenshin, but to just burst it out to him like this…it looks really pathetic! And crazy, too!!! Doesn't she even know we're watching all this!? It's not like it's just him and her right here right now and she can just spill everything and whatever bullshit she wants to say!!!
Real smooth, Jou-chan!
—Yahiko's—POV—
Ee-yuck!! I can't believe she's 'fessing up right in front of us! Doesn't she even have the decency to wait 'til later when it's just her and him in PRIVATE!?!? It's so disgusting!! The hag can't even carry her own weight!!
It's too hilarious to even consider if she CAN see us or not! Serves her right that Kenshin just told her that 'oro' thing! He can't have a hag for a wife, can he? And besides, she's way out of his league! I have feelings for Tsubame, but you don't see me choking her while professing like I'm some desperate bloke, do you!?
YUCK!!
—Megumi's—POV—
The raccoon is simply just ANNOYING!!!
Can't she even WAIT until after dinner before voicing her pathetic infatuations!? It'll save HER the embarrassment, surely!! It's so obvious when she tries to act cute in front of Ken-san sometimes, trying to play up to him so she can profess when the time's right and he's had enough of hints, but per-leez!! This is revolting!! I never thought the sweaty tomboy could stoop THIS low!
Poor Ken-san will have to turn her down without making her blow up. It's a difficult task. The tanuki is just too infatuated to realize that love just isn't in favor of her if she doesn't know how to handle its consequences!!
I tried to help by making her jealous and she can tell him while I'm gone, but what the heck did she do with my efforts!?!?
Ken-san doesn't deserve this stupidity!!
—Normal—POV—
"Ohohohohohohoho…" Megumi's voice sliced through the terrible silence. "NOW, you're proposing, tanuki? Well, isn't that hilarious!?!?! As if ANY man would ever respond to your pathetic infatuations! Ken-san doesn't deserve a mere tomboy like you! He needs a REAL woman who has the ability to handle a real man, not you! Kamiya Kaoru, you are speaking nonsense!! It's absolutely crazy!! Ken-san is a real man extremely talented with the sword and admirably generous…he cannot be stuck with an icky, sweaty, stick-beating, and temperamental tomboy like you!" And she yammered on and on and on and on and on…
But remained unheard.
Even Yahiko and Sano began to complain when Kaoru's words struck them. They even poked fun at her feelings, never considering that she might be dangerously close to bursting into tears, voicing and exaggerating their thoughts.
"Hey, like, isn't she that busu (hag) who always abuses her students!?"
"Yeah, what's she doin' flirting with an innocent wanderer-swordsman like Kenshin?"
"Desperate little hag, I think she's just too tired of being over shadowed and—"
"—Decided to force herself into the spotlight. I see what you mean. She just wants be at the top too."
"Kaoru…?"
"And Kenshin?"
"Ahahahahahahaha!!!"
"NO WAY!!!!"
—Kaoru's—POV—
I can't believe this…
Sano, Yahiko and Megumi…their voices are in the background…and they're…they're…they're laughing at me, and…and…I never even realized that they were there!!! I just tend to forget everything when I'm looking at him, and I just forgot that they're here with us and it's dinnertime, and it's…and…I thought Kenshin…Kenshin and I…we were alone…and…and…and…
"Why…why are you here…why are you people…here…?" I find myself muttering those meaningless words to myself while trying to make sense out of it—when there really isn't any. They're here. Ever since the beginning, they were here! I was just too dumb and blind…and stupid!!
Why did I have to go and say it!? Why? Why!?!? Why did I have to go and humiliate myself so badly!? Why can't I control myself!?
And Kenshin…Kenshin…why did he…?
How could he…?
Couldn't he have said anything better than…than…
It's revolting how hard I've fallen for you
Oro!?
It's too embarrassing to repeat! I can't take this! I can't take this anymore!!! This isn't happening to me!!!!
Kenshin, how could you!? Sanosuke, Yahiko!?!? Why do you have to do this to me!? Megumi, why are you doing that!? Doing THIS!?!? Why can't any of you leave me alone when I need it the most!?!?
KENSHIN!!!!! Please, tell me anything other than that!! Tell me a clear answer, please!!! Yahiko…Sano…Megumi…please STOP IT!!!! Stop laughing!!! Yamete onegai (stop it, please)!!!!
I gulp. My heart is numb. No, wait. It's throbbing. It's aching. It hurts so much!!
I can't stand this!!!
And suddenly, I'm crying. The tears are spilling down my cheeks and I can't stop them! I might just be staring at him, wide-eyed, hurt, or whatever, but I'm betting now one could guess I'm feeling all this turmoil. If they did, then why are they still laughing!?
HECK, WHY DO THEY HAVE TO LAUGH!?!?!?
I'm taking this harder than anyone ever could, and that's all they could do to make it "easier" for me!? This isn't a joke anymore!! I love Kenshin too much to keep it to myself, and that's not a joke at all!!! It used to be okay. If just for a little while, but that was when Kenshin didn't know yet, and now that he does, it hurts more than anyone could ever imagine.
I find myself standing up, my anger rising as the aching fuelled it. I'm opening my mouth, looking down at the three laughing dumdums and at wide-eyed, now irritatingly speechless Kenshin.
"I…I can't take this anymore…I can't…"
Their eyes turn to me once more, just like they did when I first started to emote. There are tears of laughter in all three pairs of eyes, save Kenshin whose purple ones were still quite unfathomable.
"You people…get…get the hell out of here…" I murmured, softly, not finding the strength to make it rise.
Then all of a sudden, I'm wild with emotions. My tears are like waterfalls, cascading down my cheeks and my voice is at its most strained pitch and all I can do is hear myself scream the things I would never have dared to say in my entire life.
"GET OUT OF HERE NOW!!!!! IF THOSE ARE YOUR PATHETIC ATTEMPTS TO TRY AND CONSIDER MY FEELINGS AS WHAT I USED TO CALL MY FRIENDS, THEN YOU CAN FORGET THAT YOU EVER MET ME, BECAUSE YOU WOULD HAVE ANYWAY IF ONLY I WASN'T SUCH A SLAVE TO YOU, MEGUMI, OR A HAG FOR YOU, YAHIKO, OR A ROOF OVER KENSHIN'S HEAD!!! THOSE WORDS WEREN'T MEANT FOR ALL OF YOU! YOU ALL KNOW IT WAS FOR KENSHIN AND KENSHIN ONLY, SO YOU CAN STOP PRETENDING THAT YOU'RE AFFECTED AS WELL!! IMAGINE THAT I USED TO THINK THAT YOU PEOPLE WERE MY…"
And I'm all out of energy again, the pain growing too much to bear. "That you people were my friends…" I continued. "And now I know that it was all just my stupid fantasy, and I liked it so much at the beginning that I stayed for far too long…and now I want to forget it…because no one ever actually cared for me in there… It's so selfish…but I actually hoped you would notice how close I was to crying so many times through that dream…how I struggled through every single day with people with no consideration for my feelings… I don't know if you have noticed…but I do have emotions…lots of them…I have a heart too…but I bet you didn't know…
"And you were my 'friends' through that dream…can you believe that? YOU. You people were my 'friends' through that nightmare of a dream…and now I don't want you as friends anymore. So you can just get the hell out of my life, and I'll consider it a pretty damn good riddance."
—Normal-POV—
Megumi stared at the hysterical girl while she emoted and spilled out more craziness. She can't live without us, she raged inside, feeling the tugging at the corners of her mouth that tempted her to laugh. She can't even bear her own weight and now she wants to be rid of us? Foolish idiot.
"Oi, Jou-chan, sit down and relax," Sano said, chewing on a fishbone that remained from their first course.
"Yeah, hag, you're talking bullshit!" Yahiko jeered.
Kenshin still couldn't speak. And when Kaoru turned to glower at Yahiko and Sano, only he had realized before it got too far that she was dead serious and absolutely blazing.
"I WILL NOT CALM DOWN FOR YOU, YOU STUPID LITTLE GIT!!!! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF ALL OF YOU! You know, I thought I was quite clear, or are you people deaf? Then read my lips—I HATE YOU!!!!!!"
And she leaned over, grabbed Yahiko by the back part of his collar and took long steps to slide the door of the dojo open. She put him down despite angry cries and protests, and, with an incredibly hard and painful slap on his back, shoved him out to stumble on the porch and drop onto the pavement.
With a momentary split-second reluctant and even regretful glance, she shut the door, her anger and humiliation taking over her practical, sweet-tempered side. She faced a dumbstruck Sano, disgusted Megumi, and a rather flushed Kenshin, still blinded by fury.
"Miss Kaoru…" Kenshin finally uttered, his voice stunned.
"Hey, what did you do that for, Jou-chan!? Where'll the kid sleep!?" Sano burst out.
"I don't need to answer you!" Kaoru cried out, meeting his brown glare with angry tears. "Go home, Sano!! Get your own life!"
Sano glowered at her for several seconds, before he stood up from the table, grabbing Megumi's wrist in the process. She gave a little yelp and slapped his cheek with the other hand. "Let go of me, rooster head!" she raged.
Sano glared at her too. "Fine! Stay then! I don't care." He roughly let go of her and she stumbled onto the floor on her behind. He walked past Kaoru, who was breathing hard, with a barely audible swearword and slammed the door behind him when he got out.
"Yeah, that's right! And don't come back!!" Kaoru yelled, tears still flowing endlessly, the regret that was tugging on her heartstrings defiantly ignored.
Megumi, after her slight irritation at Sano's actions, immediately transferred her anger to her ex-girl bud. She walked over to her and narrowed her eyes. "You've got some nerve accusing us of not being considerate about your pathetic love life," she almost hissed, voice dripping with venom. She raised her hand and slapped the raging girl on the face, feeling the wetness of Kaoru's tears on her palm as she did. "Think as far back as you can then look me in the eyes and tell me that again. Maybe then I'll be able to believe you." She shouldered the Kamiya Kasshin master before exiting, the door shut with a loud bang.
Now only Kenshin was left.
—Kenshin's—POV—
I didn't realize it was raining. Only now do I notice—now that it's splattering against my face and soaking my clothes and the little knapsack that was flung out by Kaoru-dono after me, while I stare at the dojo that had sheltered me for so long.
But I'm used to it. As a wanderer, I'm used to rain. And I don't hate it either. But it holds some bad memories as well. It makes me see those bodies again…the slaughter…the bloodshed…because I remember what Tomoe told me…what she said when we first met…
…You really make it rain…a rain of blood…
That's the only reason I don't like rain, but besides that, it's really quite calming. But I bet Tomoe's very disappointed with me right now.
You know…
All I ever wanted was to tell Miss Kaoru how much I love her back. I didn't realize it before—but it was really just there all the time.
And I lost the chance to tell her. I lost my last and only chance.
Right after Miss Megumi left the dojo, Kaou-dono became really livid. Maybe I was just dreaming, but in her eyes, I thought I saw hints of regret at having thrown her friends away like that. I've learned a lot about reading Miss Kaoru's eyes during my stay. I watched her all the time, and not until today did I find the reason for that.
Love.
Kaoru-dono left the room to go into mine, and when she came back she had my knapsack with her, and she was gripping it so tightly—out of anger or regret, I don't know. But I wondered, and still do, why her tears fell when it came to kicking ME out. I've done nothing at all to repay her for all that she did for me. And I couldn't see how her love could have remained after my crappy reply.
But then she told me to go away despite her crying, too. I knew I deserved it—but what she last told me struck me right through my chest and bull's eye into the center of my rock of a heart.
Go join your stupid best friend in mocking my feelings, then!!! Get out!!! You're both the same anyway! Two LOST killers—only YOU have more blood on your hands than anybody else!
And that hurt me the most. It contrasted so much with what she FIRST told me—that my past didn't mean a cent to her… And you know what? What she just told me earlier seems more believable somehow. And, heck!! It hurts even more than Shishio's big bite off my shoulder!
It's the only thing that has affected me as much as Tomoe's death. And honestly—all I want to do now is cry. But I can't, because I've never cried before in my life. Yes, Shinta did, but never once did Kenshin cry. Or did I? I don't feel like searching my memory box right now, thanks.
When I was about to leave, I told Kaoru-dono I was sorry. I did it while I passed the door—sumanai, Kaoru-dono. It somehow brought tears streaming down her cheeks again—and I was even more sorry. But I can't voice it out anymore. I know she'd be too mad to forgive me—and I understand why.
When I got out, Kaoru-dono threw out my knapsack after me, and it hit me at the back. But, no, it didn't hurt. That was when she told me I was really nothing more than a killer for her. THAT was when the pain started.
…
Now, the door slides open again, and Miss Kaoru's graceful silhouette blocks part of the light. I raise my eyes, searching for hers, but she wouldn't reveal them from beneath her bangs. She throws something, and it slides across the pavement with barely audible clanks.
My sakabatou.
I look up once more—but the door was already closed. I pick up my things, slinging
my knapsack over my shoulder and inserting the sheathed sword into its proper
position after.
This is my fate, then. And I accept it.
With a last glance, I walk away, the puddles splashing beneath my footsteps.
Goodbye, Miss Kaoru.
I'll miss you.
Aishiteru.
—Kaoru's—POV—
I stared at the sakabatou.
I thought back to the numerous and countless times it saved me in the hands of its admirable owner—how it saved Japan in the hands of its admirable owner.
And I don't know why it's so hard for me to return it to him. I don't know why I'm crying so much over this reverse-blade. I don't know why I'm doing this…why I don't feel a thing anymore…why I don't feel anything but pain…pain and salty tears…
Go join your stupid best friend in mocking my feelings, then!!! Get out!!! You're both the same anyway! Two LOST killers—only YOU have more blood on your hands than anybody else!
Sano was a gangster, I know, and it probably wouldn't have hurt HIM if he HAD heard that remark…
But Kenshin…
Kenshin was a murderer. And I just don't know what things that line could do to him. It would probably scar him forever coming from me, who once said I didn't care at all.
And I shouldn't care now, should I? No! He can have his stupid sword back and redeem himself somewhere else!!
I slid the door open again and threw it blindly towards where Kenshin's silhouette was. And I'm crying. Again. I don't know for whom or for what—but I am. And I find that I can't help it.
He's soaking wet, but his eyes are the same—gleaming with innocence…and a touch of worry…
I shut the door so I wouldn't see them anymore, and I fell to my knees as I dropped my head into my hands, feeling warm tears wetting them, some others escaping and dropping onto my lap or splashing softly against the floor.
I'm crying the same way I did when he left for Edo. Back when I was still so much in love with him.
I'm a wanderer, Miss Kaoru…and it's time to wander again… Farewell…
Goodbye…Kenshin…
* * *
tbc
Lchan: Did it suck? Probably. Aishiteru means the ultimate trio: 'I love you'. Constructive criticism, comments and compliments always and forever welcome. I'm praying hard that you liked it. Review please.
