Lchan: Okay. I made you wait. I'm sorry. I was in a block—the one that makes writers draw blanks and clutch at their hair in frustration—writer's block. Sigh. I'm running out of plotlines, so your ideas can really help.
As for chappie chats…this one, in my opinion, sucks.
The Kenshin parts are…URGH…and the Kaoru parts are BORING!! Everything's boring!!! No mush, no action—just pure angst and lots of pretensions. NEVER exciting. I would like you to please not expect anything award-winning. Okay? Okay.
Now it's your choice whether you still want to read it or not. And TRY to have a little fun…please…?
Counter Strike
-Missing You...Not?
"Kenshin!! Oi, Kenshin!!!" Sano yelled, spotting the rurouni's unmistakable, trademark red hair while he weaved through the crowd.
Sad but seemingly innocent violet eyes revealed themselves from beneath unruly bangs, shifting to meet their owner's caller. And his voice rent the air, kind but strained, "Oh, hi, Sano!" And then his gaze shifted again, to the kid beside the tall ex-gangster, and he hurried to add: "And Yahiko!"
"Hi, Kenshin!!!" the former Kasshin student replied.
They ran to him together, zigzagging expertly through the throng with instinctive familiarity.
"Did Jou-chan kick ya out too, Kenshin?" Sano asked without hesitation, the moment they reached the waiting soon-to-be-wanderer-again.
"Yes, but I understand her, that I do," Kenshin replied, sheepishly, the tang of what he thought was well-deserved pain marking his words despite being untraceable. "Even I couldn't forgive myself."
"Oh, shut it, Kenshin, you didn't do anything to her...did ya?" Sano asked, suddenly curious.
Kenshin laughed, allowing the pain to ease a little. "Iie, de gozaru yo. At least...I hope I didn't."
"You didn't," Yahiko said, firmly, voice laced with anger. "I know it. But she'll find something!! Darn that old hag!!"
"Hey, don't call her that!" Kenshin said, defensively, before he could stop himself. He flushed twelve shades of red upon realizing his slip-up, but both Yahiko and Sano were too caught up in seething to notice. He immediately forced the pinkness off of his cheeks.
"I don't like her stupid dojo anyway!! I will NOT go over there and apologize."
"Yeah well, it's not like you know HOW…"
"WHAT!?!? You were SUPPOSED to be on MY side!!"
"No, I'm on Kenshin's side."
"But he's with Kaoru!!!!!!"
"I never said anything about Kaoru. I said KENSHIN, stupid brat."
"AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
"I...I think I better go," Kenshin piped up, sweat dropping when the two wouldn't stop grumbling. "It was great meeting you again, but I need to leave now, that I do," he said.
"Ken-san, chotto..." Megumi's sly voice suddenly purred, slicing through the silence.
"Huh?" Kenshin turned back. "Megumi-dono…"
"Ken-san where are you going?" she asked, sidling up to him, pressing one hand to his chest while the other held a small bag of herbs. She pouted, prettily, and Sano couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy.
"Oi, fox, lay off him!" he cried out.
Megumi smiled a secret smile—happy that her flirting always gets the reaction she wants. Digging deeper, she advanced on Kenshin more, getting closer and closer, until he had full view of her maximum seductiveness. The rurouni backed away slightly, suppressing profuse blushing.
Sano was turning green. Baka tori-atama…
Just before Megumi's thick, curled lashes brushed Kenshin's cheek, he raised his pale hand and touched hers on his chest, exerting a little tug. "Megumi-dono…stop it…"
She smiled. "Whatever you want, Kenshin…"
"I'm leaving, Megumi-dono," he said, softly. "I'm a wanderer."
"WHAT!?!?!? NO!!!" she screamed. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!!!!! WHERE WILL YOU GO!?!?"
He just smiled, softly. "Any place a wanderer would be." And he tore his eyes away from hers, wisps of his hair dancing in the air as he turned. "Farewell."
And with one step forward, he was lost in the mass of bodies.
* * *
Kenshin walked harmlessly through the crowd—lips shut and armed the most neutral expression.
Deep thinking does that to him, and right now, every thought he had about Kaoru invaded the tiniest corners, the subtlest slopes and even the almost unreachable crevices of his brain.
He had stayed on top of a tree outside the Kamiya dojo to sleep last night. Something had made him stay for a little while more before leaving, and he had been stupid enough to miss his last chance of professing his love in the extra duration.
He just sat on top of one securely shadowed leafy branch and tried to rest with his sakabatou against his shoulder, not even realizing he was sighing more than he had ever done so before. The rain sifted through his hair and trickled down the trunk after soaking his back, drenching every part of him and later making him shiver in the coldness of dawn.
But he survived.
He just wanted to see Kaoru—just a glimpse—just one glimpse...and whatever part or inch of her he'll see, he'll take it as his last.
Hours passed and still not a sign of her. The rain that had soaked him had dampened to mere moisture while gusts of winds swept past and the sun forced its rays through the leaves to reach him.
No. She won't come out. Not even when Dr. Genzai and his grandchildren called out from the gates, she didn't. His guts crumbling and sifting away, he shrank in defeat and frustration, knowing he'd never be able to talk his way back into her heart.
And so, despite his brutal exposure to the rain, the cold, and the winds as they sliced through him the night before, he smoothly leaped from the branch and slung his knapsack over one shoulder.
With a last, longing glance, he gave the Kamiya Dojo a silent valediction and worked his legs to go forward.
Not that he knew where to go...
Or where he would be welcome...
Somehow, Kyoto has become his home...and leaving it had become more painful than anything he could have ever imagined.
But, understanding his position as a hated and despised visitor, he walked on anyway. Facing consequences had become almost second nature to him, and rejection came with that package. Rejection and hatred.
And yet he never really liked them. He accepted and faced them, but never liked them. Battousai had killed and murdered a thousand men, caused millions grief, trauma, and fear…but it would always be Kenshin who pays the price. He had thought forward to as far as that, and he had expected everything that was happening to him now—save the friends who accepted him.
Right now, in this particular rejection with the one person he had learned to love as much as he had Tomoe, he only very much wanted to die…
Seriously.
* * *
"They think I can't live on my own!? Well, I'll show them!! I'll show all of you!!" Kaoru's savage words echoed throughout the whole empty dojo, ringing with an equally savage voice.
She had just succeeded in convincing herself she was better off without the people she had begun to call 'pesky users'. She sat up in bed after hours of misery after a sleepless night, contemplating and reliving the still-fresh pain and her actions, their biting words and Kenshin...Kenshin...always Kenshin...
Ayame, Suzume and Dr. Genzai had knocked on her gate for more than a few minutes so that the old man might leave the kids for the day, but they had remained unheard. She hadn't had any breakfast or lunch, and her hair was all tousled and messy from thrashing about in her bed. Her eyes were swollen from crying, and her brain crammed with all sorts of impossible and hopeful crap.
What could have happened if the feeling WAS mutual? Would they have embraced? Kissed? Cried happy tears? Or what if he just told her he loved her as a sister? Or a friend? Would she have kicked them out? Or would she have snapped out of her obsession and realize he wasn't The One? But wasn't he really The One?
And lots of other unanswerable questions... All because Kaoru had been thinking of Kenshin, Sano, Yahiko, Kenshin, Megumi, Kenshin, and Kenshin, and of course, Kenshin.
But snapping her clouded eyes open and valiantly resisting tears, she shot out of bed and clenched her fists. "Well, now they're history!!!! I SAID I HATE THEM AND I DO!!!!!!" With words she'd conjured to spite her three used-to-be friends, she jolted out of her dismal state and buried inner regrets as deeply as Kenshin had buried the Battousai.
Pasting on a smile and putting on a different aura, she bathed her face in cold water, later soaking for almost an hour in the bath, whish she had "happily" made herself. And after concealing her body with the most memory-barred kimono she could find, she marched off for a shopping spree in celebration of her "freedom", her hair rebelliously flowing loose around her shoulders.
Every store she passed she bought from, and everything she found she liked she hunted for reasons to buy.
"You look beautiful!" a saleslady raved, while watching Kaoru model an intricately designed blue-and-white kimono in front of the mirror in a clothes store.
The material was soft, and the skirt swirled whenever she turned.
"You think so?" Kaoru asked, studying herself with genuine delight.
The saleswoman nodded. "Positive."
"Then I'll take it!"
It doesn't matter if it's worth two hundred yen or more, does it? I bet even Kenshin would spare me a glance with THIS one when I get home…
Oh…
Wait…
There is no more Kenshin...
She raised her head into the ceiling, and for a moment, her eyes clouded…
Kenshin…do I miss you…?
Then she shook her head.
Nah…
* * *
Kaoru-dono...I'm missing you already...
Kenshin bit his lip as hard as he could to stop tears from falling. The last time he cried was as Shinta, or did Battousai...? There was a slight slackening in his pace as this thought registered.
He couldn't remember whether Battousai had shed tears for Tomoe or not.
Only her beautiful face, peaceful even after a, well, bloody death...her body limp in his arms...only those details remained vivid even after years without her...
Did he really cry?
He tried to remeber.
Yes...he must have...
It was strange, really. Battousai had cried, cold-blooded murderer though he was, for his beloved. And now Himura Kenshin, the sweet-tempered wanderer, afraid to shed tears for losing what he thought was rare and undeserved but nevertheless treasured love...
It was a loss he'd weighed to be greater than losing the person you love that still loves you back in death... Living and loving a person whose love for you had faded into nothing hurts even more than loving someone who has never loved you from the beginning...
Continuing life without your loved one's support, care, or love…sucks…
He was well out of the boundaries of Kyoto, and strangers, kind and mean, fat and slim, dismissive and jovial, passed him. He was well out of Kaoru's reach.
"He's carrying a sword!"
"Wow! That is SO cool!"
"Keep away!"
"Another lawbreaker...$#!+..."
Whispers like these were left in his wake, but he never uttered a single word. His mind was a jumble of thoughts, but his lips remained shut and never voiced a single emotion...
Kaoru-dono...I'm sorry…so sorry…I love you…
* * *
Stepping into the desolate interior of the Kamiya Dojo after a whole afternoon of shopping, Kaoru fell to her knees then rolled onto her back on the floor, the hunger and exhaustion catching up on her.
She had forgotten to stop by the Akabeko and buy food...darn...
A whole afternoon of pretense...whew! She had survived!! Barely, yes, but at least she did.
She sighed.
I admit, I was hoping to see Kenshin downtown...but...where is he...?
Sano might have dragged Yahiko with him and they can live the Sano-Sagara-life together—or it could be Sano just dropped Yahiko off at Katsu's. Megumi can definitely hold her own in life so Kaoru was confident that the lady doctor was…really just holding her own in life again…
Or…maybe she was getting help from with Kenshin!!
After all, she might have managed to purr her way into making him stay with her—or most probably, if he WERE staying with Megumi, she dragged him…or drugged him THEN dragged him…and he could cook breakfast for her and say good morning to her…and…do all the things he used to do for Kaoru…
Kaoru sighed and stood up, aware she was about to start bawling again, dropping her paper bags all over the floor and dismissing thoughts that were beginning to crave for Kenshin's company.
Exasperatedly raising her messed-up locks into a temporary bun, she paused in that pose, eyes downcast and thoughtful, mind swirling with memories—memories of Kenshin…
Himura…my name is Kenshin Himura…She sniffed softly after a while of reminiscing, and dropped her hand to wipe away an escaped tear, her hair tumbling down again without support.
Rushing into the kitchen for solace, she plopped down onto a chair after half-filling the kettle with water and positioning it to boil, planning to serve herself tea.
With nothing else to do but wait, she folded her hands on the table and just let her thoughts wander. Again. Even though they may lead to Kenshin...
...Wander...
...
I'm a wanderer...
Jou-chan!
Kaoru-dono...
Ohohohohoho...
I wanna be like Kenshin!
Ken-san!!
Ohayo, Kaoru-dono!
Fox lady!
Sumanai, for making you worry...
After you win, you and I are going to Kyoto...
I'd like that.
Ohayo, Kaoru-dono...
Thank you for everything...
TAKE CARE OF MISS KAORU!!
"STOP IT!!!" Kaoru yelled, slamming her fists down on the table, shutting her eyes to keep fresh tears from falling. She shook her head and tried to compose herself, trying and failing to divert her thoughts from her friends.
And the pain came back in huge, endless waves again, as inconsiderate as Yahiko, Sano, Kenshin, and Megumi had been. Small trickles of tears that hadn't been released the whole afternoon came rushing down in waterfalls, and the tiny twinges of emotion she'd been ignoring came out in a wild turmoil.
Yamete (stop it), Kaoru!! Damare (shut up)! Dame, dame, dame (stop)!!! Anta baka na (you idiot)!!
She buried her face against her hands again and tried her best to muffle the sound of crying. Tears fell from her eyes the way they had been falling that morning, splashing onto the surface of the table and rapidly creating a small pool. Her breathing sounded strangled as she tried vainly to choke down endless batches of tears.
"Dammit, this is crap!!!" she screamed, banging her fist against the table again, shutting her eyes tightly to discontinue her bawling.
You just have to hate them!!!! It's SO simple!! THAT simple!!! Hate Yahiko for being a jerk!! How many times has he called you 'hag' after knowing you hate that nickname!?!? Can he even BE more inconsiderate!?!?
And Sano!!! He used you to pay off his tab at the Akabeko and to get free meals!! Megumi's did but flirt with Kenshin when she knew you were head over heels for the guy! Like a sluttish prostitute or something!!
You have every reason to hate them, so why can't you!?!? ESPECIALLY that user!!! That killer! That manslayer!!
"Why can't I bring myself to do it when it's easiest to hate KENSHIN!?!?!?" She raised her hands to her head and clutched at her hair, letting her forehead fall to the table in defeat. Salty liquid seeped out of her midnight eyes and splashed onto the wood.
Her afternoon spree, high spirits, good mood, and pretend smiles vanished into nowhere.
Infatuations get you nowhere...love never existed, Kaoru...feelings are fake...nothing's real about emotions...nothing...nothing at all...
Slowly, she loosened her grip and allowed her arms to envelop her head for a softer support, her shoulders shaking uncontrollably.
"It's as simple as that..."
Then her knuckles whitened as she clenched her fists again...
"So why can't you..?"
* * *
tbc
Lchan: Uh…well…was that good? Probably not. Flames expected dfor this chapter. But if you can refrain from flaming, you are one cool writer…thanks. RnR anyway…
