Lchan: Wow! I can't believe you guys LIKED the last chapter!! You are SO cool!!! Maybe I WAS kind of beating myself up a little, ne? Well, I'll try not to do that in the future chapters.
Firm critics: please pretty PLEASE try not to be TOO firm? And "flame-throwers": if you plan on executing your little hobby on me—tell me at least three good reasons why (and not just "it sucks because it sucks, sucks and sucks" either)!!
Well, I'm wishing for the best reactions from you…
Counter Strike
-I Want You Back
Kaoru was drowning…
Cerulean waters pressed in on her. There were bubbles everywhere. The faint, hollow sound of sloshing as she thrashed about in hopes of reaching the surface filled her ears. Blurring glimmers of the sun's reflection on the far face of the water beckoned to her, but no matter how her hands tried to reach out, they couldn't…
The colors blotted and blurred.
Hands flailing out in front of her…on the verge of losing consciousness…she couldn't breathe…
Then a hand plunged through—pale…calluses from sword handling marking the curves of its palm…
Kenshin…
And as though she was just inches from the surface, easy to reach and needless of swimming, his hand reached her own. Strangely enough…his touch seemed hardly familiar…hollow…foreign…weird...
What happened…? Kenshin…what happened to you…?
Then her head broke through the surface. The waters were suddenly still…but murky…
The grip on her hand tightened as the swordsman eased her out of waters, and a rush of gratitude overcame her. Not for Kenshin…but for the person who pulled her out…her nameless rescuer…
And, too fast for her to begin to wonder why she was suddenly completely dry, he pulled her close in a tight hug, his arms encircling her body, tightly, as if eternally grateful she was okay. Unable to bring herself to gasp, Kaoru relented. A rush of familiarity and fondness touched her heart and almost stunned her as this proverbial feeling sank in.
Kenshin seemed so real now…
The hug they'd shared before he left for Edo felt exactly the same…exactly…every tiny detail…every degree of warmth…everything…even the hollow, empty space it seemed to leave in her…the feeling of goodbye that came with his package…
It scared her…how alike it seemed…
He was leaving…leaving her…
Kenshin…
"Farewell…"
His hair danced as he turned, exactly the way it had that fateful night. The sleeves of his kimono swirled with his movement, his head tilted downward in that exact way when his eyes would not be seen…
No!! Kenshin!!!
He stopped a few paces from where she stood, her hand to her chest. He turned again to face her, his familiar wild locks flowing messily with the wind, serving as background for his placid face.
Kenshin…don't go… The familiar prodding of tears nagged at her again. Please…
Then just as the first streaks slipped and fell, the surrounding area became coated with red and orange… The terrain became a painted scene from the Tokugawa era, and the dank smell of fear, blood, and death filled her nostrils.
Kenshin, what's happening? Kenshin…Kenshin, I'm scared…
"Then don't be…" Golden eyes, bared of emotions, glowed from beneath his bangs as he raised his head. No longer fiery red, his hair danced in all its dull, claret glory, matching the splashes of blood that stained his garments. Swinging by his hip, replacing the sakabatou, were his katana and wakizashi, half-hidden from view by the swaying of his dark blue kimono's sleeve.
Kenshin? Kenshin, is that you…?
"Kenshin…che…" Battousai glared at her, his voice colder than Kaoru could ever imagine Kenshin's could be, low and raspy with distinct syllables. With swiftness and speed that seemed almost instinctive, his hands reached for his swords, slipping into a battle stance in less than a second.
"I don't normally kill women nor children…but…"
Kaoru stared in paralyzed horror as the killer gave her a cold smirk.
"I'd like to save you a lifetime's worth of trauma…"
Fear rushed into her heart, numbed her brain, flowed through her veins as Battousai's katana zoomed into full view…
KENSHIN!!!!!!
Kaoru's eyes snapped open. The water was boiling, the kettle's noisy whistles bouncing off the walls.
She had fallen asleep in her own arms. Her tears had seeped out even in slumber, but she unconsciously just wiped them away, the fear still chugging through her veins like a train slowly running out of fuel.
It was just a dream. And thank goodness, it had been JUST that too.
Breathing hard, she steadied herself onto her feet, whisking by the kettle that was blowing off translucent smoke, instinctively turning it off as she did. She smoothed her kimono and double-checked the arrangement of the skirt and the security of it around her legs, doing the same for her collar moments later.
Bolting out into the cool, eight o'clock breeze, still yanking her hair into a messy ponytail and contemplating her dream, or rather, nightmare or evening-mare, she padded out of the gates and tried to clear her head.
Kenshin…Kenshin isn't here…Kenshin isn't here…he's gonna turn into Battousai again, and…and…I'll never see the real Kenshin again…Battousai will take over…Battousai will resurface and I…I…no!! No, no, no!! No, he CAN'T have gone wandering again!! Her blind running had no direction, but somehow, she knew exactly where she was going and what she was doing. Her footsteps clacked loudly and crunchily against the asphalt, the rhythm only vaguely heard and doing nothing but breaking the silence."Tae-san! Tae-san!!" she screamed, bursting through the doors of the Akabeko—the first familiar building she saw.
Tsubame's head jerked up in surprise, and a twinge of fear ran through her eyes. She relaxed when she saw Kaoru, but couldn't help but gape at the older girl's less-than-fine condition. Jerking her attention back to him, the man she was taking orders from cleared his throat.
"And I'd like a few mugs of beer to go with that…"
Tae's head rose at the sound of her name being called, and, at the sight of her caller's panicked face, she rushed over, dropping her duties for a scant few seconds.
"Kaoru!!" she said. "What's wrong?"
"Ke…Ken…Kenshin…Kenshin…where is he?" Kaoru asked, between gasps for air.
"I haven't seen him." Tae's head tilted to the side in worry, her expression matching her tone of voice perfectly. "Maybe Sano knows…why don't you try him…?"
"Well," Kaoru gasped. "Where's Sano!?!?"
"Over there." Tae pointed to a table in the corner, where Sano's glum face could be seen. Beside him sat a hungry Yahiko, pigging out on rice balls and sushi, while Megumi watched and occasionally heaved sighs.
Longing gushing into her heart at the view, Kaoru was more than happy to approach them, ignoring the hints of doubt of acceptance that tugged at her heartstrings.
"Sano!" she called.
The ex-gangster met her gaze with less than pleasure, but nevertheless, he let her come close. "Yeah?" he grunted out, the curt question followed by sounds of teeth against fishbone.
"Have you seen Kenshin?" she asked, her eyes filling with hope. "Please, tell me you—"
"You don't want to talk to me," Sano said, blatantly. "You know you don't."
"YES, I do!!!!" Kaoru cried. "Please, just tell me you know
where he is!!"
"I can't."
"Why?"
"BECAUSE!!"
Kaoru's midnight eyes filled with tears. "But…but…" He can't have gone wandering again…no…inasmuch as I hate him for humiliating me like he did, I can't bear the thought of him reverting back to Battousai… Kenshin…no…
"Megumi? Please…you HAVE seen him…?"
Megumi snorted, and chose to ignore the question. "I'm not supposed to be considerate," she said. "You told me so, and as a doctor, I do my best to play up to other people's expectations…"
"But, Megumi…!" Kaoru cried. Another trickle streaked out. "I'm sorry, okay!?!? I made a mistake. You people are the only friends I have left and I'd be lying again if I told you anything otherwise. I know now that I can't ever look you in the eye and tell you you've been anything but considerate the way you asked me to because it's not the truth… I'm tired of crying…I have been ever since I made you leave me…and that proves that I miss you more than I want to admit to myself…"
"And what am I supposed to do about that?"
Kaoru held a hand under her eye to dry the thin, salty stream, but dropped her hand in defeat as more tears fell. "Forgive me. Forgive me and be my friend again."
She took a step back at the reply that came the next second. "Forgive you?" Megumi's narrowed eyes glimmered spitefully at her, strangely hinted by hurt. But then she stopped and looked away, her eyes softening and turning moist. "Gomen, tanuki…I don't know if that's possible…"
Facing Kaoru and biting back her own tears, she met the other girl's wide, frightened, deeply offended eyes with her own.
"Now that the truth of what you think of us has come out, I'm not sure if I can trust you to be my friend again, or if I can trust that you would accept me as yours—truly—without shame nor reproach… It wouldn't be the same. You and I both know that…"
"But—"
"I haven't seen Ken-san since this morning. I can't help you."
Kaoru chewed on her lower lip. "Well, where was he then…?" she asked, timidly, fearing the answer.
"Still in Kyoto," Yahiko answered for Megumi, putting down his chopsticks beside consumed piles of food in varying sizes of bowls and plates. Megumi and Sano's eating places, however, were spotless and completely empty. The kid faced her after wiping his face clean, a serious look in his eyes that was only occasionally witnessed. "Alive. Roaming around."
"Then…then he's still here?" Kaoru asked, feeling hope rise and start to bubble inside her. She bit her lip and hoped for the best answer.
'Yes, he was planning the perfect way to say he's sorry before you could get a chance to kick him out again.' That, in that moment, was her greatest dream…
"Why do you wanna know anyway? Are you gonna kick him out of Japan too?" came Yahiko's demand.
"No, but it never hurts to care, does it?"
"The problem is—you DON'T care," Sano interjected, lazily. "You told us…"
Kaoru signed in frustration, resisting the resurfacing hatred. "Give me a break, you guys! If I were Tae, you'd tell me, right!? Yes? Then pretend I'm Tae!! Please, I'm desperate!!"
"Okay…TAE-san…" Yahiko said, sarcastically, before sobering and returning his voice to his recently used, more favorable undertones. "Kenshin isn't in Kyoto anymore."
"But you said—"
"I know what I said. But that was before."
"What…do you mean…?"
Megumi muffled her sobs and sniffles into a huge sigh. "Ken-san left. Only luck gave us the chance to talk to him. Our last."
"Where is he then? Is he headed for Edo?"
Sano shrugged, taking the fishbone from his mouth by its tail and swished it a little. "No, not Edo—to Anyplaceaandererwouldbe City."
Kaoru blinked. "I…I don't understand…"
"Then I'll rephrase it for you. Do you have any idea at all where 'any place a wanderer would be' is? 'Coz that's where he said he'd be going. If you locate it on a map, you know where to find me."
—Kaoru's—POV—
I don't believe this!! And I was so sure he's still in Kyoto!! HERE!!! Having dinner with Sano and/or Megumi!! But he's…not…and all of a sudden my heart is aching…
Why is that? Aren't I mad at him still? Haven't I been crying out of hatred for him and this…this BUNCH since yesterday? What happened? Why does that incident seem so far away NOW?
The dream comes rushing back to me, and then I know all the answers again, save one—why do I feel so incomplete? It's like there's this huge hole in me that I can't locate, and I can't fill or seal it with anything because I can't find it anywhere—and somehow I know that I really have to…soon…
"Kaoru-dono…"
That voice…a voice filled with compassion and innocence, accompanied by a clear spirited lilt…the only voice that can satiate this invisible, bottomless hole…that voice…the one I never ever listened to…nor even tried…
Oh, Kenshin…a day without you seems like an eternity to me now, I realize. I may sound corny to anyone who can read my thoughts, but if I say it, or think it, in anything otherwise, it wouldn't sound the same—nobody can then fathom the real depth of my words.
Kenshin…
I want you back as you…please…hold on and keep Battousai hidden…
I still love you…I always have, and the feeling never died…not for one second…I've been fooling myself…and you…and everyone else…when I said I hated you… Please…come back and give me another chance…or if you can't…
Let me come to you…and tell you again…
I love you…
—Normal—POV—
"I'm going to go look for him," Kaoru announced. "I'll leave tomorrow."
"Are you crazy?" Megumi asked, incredulously. "I know you're all for kendo, tanuki—everyone does—but going off alone to look for a WANDERER is absurd!"
"You could die of hunger, cold, sickness, or murder," Sano added, ticking off the more likely consequences if Kaoru carried on. "If you had just the tiniest HINT of where he's going then you might have the chance, but to go off carrying 'any place a wanderer would be' for a 'clue' is…"
"Crazy! Megumi's right, and so is Sano, and so am I, and all of us are but you!!" Yahiko piped up. "Just stay here and get on with your life. Alone. The way you used to."
"Are you three being concerned?" Kaoru asked, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. Somehow the last phrase seemed a little forced for her, unless her brain had misinterpreted that slight pause after 'life', that is…
"No," Megumi quickly said. "We're just telling you that that idea is crazy."
Serene and calm, Kaoru allowed her lips to curve into a smile. "You told me to go and get on with my life—so I will." She raised herself to her fullest height and faced them with the most determined face she could muster. "I'm leaving tomorrow."
Then she stalked off, leaving three incredulous people in her wake, exiting through the Akabeko's entrance. Moments after she disappeared through the door, as Sano, Yahiko and Megumi were about to start jabbing, she poked her head in again, still wearing the same grin.
"Your encouragements made me feel obliged to promise that I will bring him back." Her smile widened. "You don't have to worry about that anymore."
Then she was gone.
* * *
tbc
Lchan: YES, I ended it just like that. And as of now, 7:34 PM Tuesday January 28, 2003, I have a cute, totally ALIVE scarab beetle on my shirt! No kidding! I do! Well, I hope you liked this chapter! With all my heart, I do, really! I'm sorry if it's boring or if it's lacking emotions or what, but…well…I just hope you liked it…
